Quid Pro Quo Mutual Read & Comment

[PierceDe]

Hello literotica authors,

I notice that like my own stories, many other authors are left with few comments. I, for one, fiend for comments on my works... nice fat comments dripping with feedback.

I'm HAPPY to read literotica stories linked to me in this thread or sent to me in messages, and leave comments, for anybody also ready to click the literotica links in my signature, have a read, and leave a comment.

(Now I might get like one author taking me up on this offer, but if I get a million please be patient, I'll take them first come first read. If I don't like or reply to your post/message don't assume I'm set to read & comment on your literotica story.)

I just think this is a nice way for us to boost engagement and get more of what we come for here at literotica.

Thanks!

-Pierce

 

[Gamblnluck]

Okay, I'll bite. First of all, your "The Type" is just too damn long for a single story. Nobody is going to commit to read that kind of story. Especially for an author they do not know. If you'd broken it into suitable bites with chapter lengths of say, 10k words, you'd have a better readership. That depends of course how you start out.
I did read the DIC. or rather most of it. It read like an essay. It did not really have a plot, but was a description of a tyrannical regime that in some ways was a little hard to follow.
Your tag of cuckold was also wrong. In your story, you wrote that men simply accepted their wife could be called to report and the offspring produced and he'd be forced to raise would not be his. You might change minds in 4 decades. Of course if only hot super studs were called to provide semen then that would change the gene pool.
You went into all kinds of statistics of women being called over and over. Maybe I missed it but what happens if she does not conceive during her day at the clinic? She stays there getting screwed until she finally conceives and then returns to her waiting hubby?
If you'd incorporated some of your world into a plot, it would be better received. You have to make the reader accept the world you create as part of the story you are telling. Portions of this could be a prologue for a longer story perhaps. Like following the story of 3 or 4 wives as they RELUCTANTLY go through the system.

As an example of what I mean, read the first chapter or 2 of my Slave Camp story. It has many faults, but I began with a story of a woman, and as the story goes, it introduces the society in which they live. A society not so far from our own in some ways but vastly different in others.

 

[dirk2024]

Okay, I'll bite. First of all, your "The Type" is just too damn long for a single story. Nobody is going to commit to read that kind of story. Especially for an author they do not know. If you'd broken it into suitable bites with chapter lengths of say, 10k words, you'd have a better readership. That depends of course how you start out.

Just a quick agreement here. There is no way I'm going to read a 107k story. At most, I'll read a 20k story, but even then, I have to be in the right mood to do so. I much prefer to read 10-12k stories. So if this was broken down into a series of 8 to 10 chapters, I might take it on depending on the category/title/tagline/tags.

As a comparison, I am reading a series now, where the chapters are 15-20k words long. But then, its an author I'm following and have read before.


I didn't attempt the DIC story as I don't enjoy cuckold stories.

 

[Gamblnluck]

I didn't attempt the DIC story as I don't enjoy cuckold stories.

To be honest DIC was not really a cuckold story as such despite the tag. It was an essay on a new society set in the future where wives were expected to submit to impregnation by government -selected 'studs' acting as sperm donors to propagate society. Of course men were supposed to have accepted this condition and raise the children their wives bear.

 

[dirk2024]

To be honest DIC was not really a cuckold story as such despite the tag. It was an essay on a new society set in the future where wives were expected to submit to impregnation by government -selected 'studs' acting as sperm donors to propagate society. Of course men were supposed to have accepted this condition and raise the children their wives bear.

That doesn't sound sexy.

 

[Gamblnluck]

That doesn't sound sexy.

well, take a read and decide for yourself. I made a comment how he could improve it. Or at least integrate his imagined society into a story. But like others here will say, everybody has an opinion and an asshole. They both stink.

 

[dirk2024]

I finished it, though it wasn't easy. As @Gamblnluck said, it's an essay. It's neither hot nor sexy nor a turn-on, so not really what I come here to read. So I'll stick to the technical stuff.

On the positive side, it was well written. Spelling, grammar and word choice were fine. There was one place where I felt a word was missing. "an unsustainable crushing grey weight on the working." Perhaps working class?


I don't know who was telling the story. It starts with a mystery narrator, then apparently two college professors? Then maybe back to the narrator? I'd like to know who was providing this information.

Several aspects were repeated, particulary the "1 in 10" thing and the "beauty standards" concept. It started to feel like two versions of the same story cobbled together

 

[PierceDe]

Okay, I'll bite. First of all, your "The Type" is just too damn long for a single story. Nobody is going to commit to read that kind of story. Especially for an author they do not know. If you'd broken it into suitable bites with chapter lengths of say, 10k words, you'd have a better readership. That depends of course how you start out.
I did read the DIC. or rather most of it. It read like an essay. It did not really have a plot, but was a description of a tyrannical regime that in some ways was a little hard to follow.
Your tag of cuckold was also wrong. In your story, you wrote that men simply accepted their wife could be called to report and the offspring produced and he'd be forced to raise would not be his. You might change minds in 4 decades. Of course if only hot super studs were called to provide semen then that would change the gene pool.
You went into all kinds of statistics of women being called over and over. Maybe I missed it but what happens if she does not conceive during her day at the clinic? She stays there getting screwed until she finally conceives and then returns to her waiting hubby?
If you'd incorporated some of your world into a plot, it would be better received. You have to make the reader accept the world you create as part of the story you are telling. Portions of this could be a prologue for a longer story perhaps. Like following the story of 3 or 4 wives as they RELUCTANTLY go through the system.

As an example of what I mean, read the first chapter or 2 of my Slave Camp story. It has many faults, but I began with a story of a woman, and as the story goes, it introduces the society in which they live. A society not so far from our own in some ways but vastly different in others.

I read your chapter 2 of Slave Camp. I see precisely what you did there, and left a comment.

I considered going into the what if she doesn't conceive question, but then I would feel obliged to detail a dozen others that seemed to distract from the main point; all moms are subject to state mandated copulation. I left it to the reader to imagine if conception was prerequisite not to be called back in for more, but my reading was... no. The true point of the program was never the fertility rate and that was merely a thin justification to impose this psycho-sexual domination on the public.

I have considered using this short story as the foundation of a series that follows male paramours, husbands, the women summoned, and even the director of the ministry herself.

As for The Type... I will take your advice and break up it's prequel "Cheater's Anthology" into digestible chapters. I hadn't considered people would be afraid to begin a large novel if I put it in the novel section. Lesson learned and thanks.

Again, thanks for your input. It's sincerely ruminated on.

 

[PierceDe]

I finished it, though it wasn't easy. As @Gamblnluck said, it's an essay. It's neither hot nor sexy nor a turn-on, so not really what I come here to read. So I'll stick to the technical stuff.

On the positive side, it was well written. Spelling, grammar and word choice were fine. There was one place where I felt a word was missing. "an unsustainable crushing grey weight on the working." Perhaps working class?


I don't know who was telling the story. It starts with a mystery narrator, then apparently two college professors? Then maybe back to the narrator? I'd like to know who was providing this information.

Several aspects were repeated, particulary the "1 in 10" thing and the "beauty standards" concept. It started to feel like two versions of the same story cobbled together

I read and commented on your fun story The Train Ride.

I noticed 2 spelling errors in DIC... I once forget the I in DIC, and I said higher waist-to-hip ratio when I meant lower.
In the instance you quote I meant working as in the noun, "the working", a grammatical nominalization; the dying, the living, the missing for example.

I hear you on narrator-identity clarity, and will remember it in future writing.

Thanks for reading it despite it not being your favorite genre.

 

[dirk2024]

I read and commented on your fun story The Train Ride.

I noticed 2 spelling errors in DIC... I once forget the I in DIC, and I said higher waist-to-hip ratio when I meant lower.
In the instance you quote I meant working as in the noun, "the working", a grammatical nominalization; the dying, the living, the missing for example.

I hear you on narrator-identity clarity, and will remember it in future writing.

Thanks for reading it despite it not being your favorite genre.

Self editing can be a drag. In my first story, I misspelled a word in the first sentence. I haven't been able to get over it, so I'm working on an edited version to upload and fix it, plus a few other things.

Thanks for the read and comment on train ride. Another author here had thrown out a "mind control" challenge, so that was my attempt at it.

 

[Gamblnluck]

I read your chapter 2 of Slave Camp. I see precisely what you did there, and left a comment.

Looked and never saw the comment. Will look again.

 

[PierceDe]

It takes days for comments to get approved, and I just posted it yesterday. I was positive with a note of constructive suggestion.

Cheers!

And on that I invite more authors to link me to their stories!

 

[inka]

I'll bite as well.
On initial inspection, I agree with Gamblnluck. "The Type" is 31 Lit style pages long.
That is a really long story to post in a single chunk.
Before I say anything more: Congrats! Writing anything novel-length is a huge feat! I'll give it a read! But it will likely take me a few days to get through.
I'll comment on the story and provide feedback here once I finish reading it.

With hesitation (since the category isn't exactly a popular one), I would like to invite you to read a story of mine - (S)He Who Brings the Rain .
It's a 26k-word erotic horror piece, set in Pre-Columbian Mesoamerica, about a virgin who is taken into the service of an Aztec god to save her people from famine and drought. Filled with lots of Lesbian Sex, Mind Control, and Reluctance/NonConsent.

 

[PierceDe]

I'll bite as well.
On initial inspection, I agree with Gamblnluck. "The Type" is 31 Lit style pages long.
That is a really long story to post in a single chunk.
Before I say anything more: Congrats! Writing anything novel-length is a huge feat! I'll give it a read! But it will likely take me a few days to get through.
I'll comment on the story and provide feedback here once I finish reading it.

With hesitation (since the category isn't exactly a popular one), I would like to invite you to read a story of mine - (S)He Who Brings the Rain .
It's a 26k-word erotic horror piece, set in Pre-Columbian Mesoamerica, about a virgin who is taken into the service of an Aztec god to save her people from famine and drought. Filled with lots of Lesbian Sex, Mind Control, and Reluctance/NonConsent.

If you read even a good 6 pages into The Type and comment I'll be made. If you take the whole thing, BETTER!

I'm starting your erotic horror tomorrow after I get out of my morning work. The Aztec angle is appealing already.

 

[PierceDe]

I'll bite as well.
On initial inspection, I agree with Gamblnluck. "The Type" is 31 Lit style pages long.
That is a really long story to post in a single chunk.
Before I say anything more: Congrats! Writing anything novel-length is a huge feat! I'll give it a read! But it will likely take me a few days to get through.
I'll comment on the story and provide feedback here once I finish reading it.

With hesitation (since the category isn't exactly a popular one), I would like to invite you to read a story of mine - (S)He Who Brings the Rain .
It's a 26k-word erotic horror piece, set in Pre-Columbian Mesoamerica, about a virgin who is taken into the service of an Aztec god to save her people from famine and drought. Filled with lots of Lesbian Sex, Mind Control, and Reluctance/NonConsent.

I read your Aztec short story you linked us to. I left a long comment saying everything I could think to, positives and opinions, what I liked and what I wish there was even more of. As I noted with another author above, literotica takes days to approve comments, so... oh and also do take your time reading The Type, like your own fantastic slowburn style it is a big meal made for sitting and chewing, not a quick fap.

Cheers Inka!

 

[inka]

I'm 5 pages in to The Type.
I'm enjoying it overall, and you have set your hook for this reader!

The forced confession on the Fourth of July was worthy of more than fireworks!
I'm invested in seeing what roads you take me down as the story continues.

I do have some initial feedback that I took while reading, which, I believe, is negatively affecting your readership and, subsequently, your comments and ratings.

You need a solid hook at the beginning. Most readers will read a few lines of the first paragraph and decide whether or not to take the plunge. If you haven't at least piqued their interest, they'll be gone.
Suggestion: Rearrange the first paragraph to lead with “She was a cheater,” and adjust that paragraph's flow from there. It took about 10 paragraphs before the story wrapped me in its embrace, fine for most printed books, but the rules of engagement on LE are different.

The paragraph length is…lengthy.
Break up the paragraphs into bite-sized pieces. Despite claiming to love all things long and thick, the readers here tend to shy away from too many girthy paragraphs.

This is a solid, well-written story. There aren't any noticeable spelling or grammatical errors (I wish we could all be so skilled there). Though the sentence structure occasionally strays from the general story standard to something more akin to a college essay, it will disrupt the reading flow for some.
Following that thought, I love the vocabulary you chose to use. I appreciate someone with a solid grasp of the English language. But it's too intellectual, here. In a novel marketed correctly, it would be golden. But on LE, it will hurt you if you want large numbers of readers, not just a loyal few.
Run a portion of your work through a Flesch Kincaid calculator; if it’s higher than 9th grade, you're losing readers.

I'll post my synopsis of the story itself once I've finished.

 

[inka]

Also, thank you for the read! It was a really fun story to write! I look forward to reading the comment you left!

 

[PierceDe]

Also, thank you for the read! It was a really fun story to write! I look forward to reading the comment you left!

Considering you're going for the long read with The Type, AND I liked your first story you linked me to... link me to another one of your works and I'll rate/comment on it also, please.

-Pierce

 

[inka]

Considering you're going for the long read with The Type, AND I liked your first story you linked me to... link me to another one of your works and I'll rate/comment on it also, please.

Aww!
My only other story here is a series.
Tales in Slavery Ch. 01 starts the rollercoaster.
Old and unfinished.
The unfinished part should be remedied by the end of October. With edits to the existing chapters that help the overall storyline, fix some plot holes, and improve the flow coming....soon, I hope. The next 3 chapters currently have a queued publish date, 'cause I'm impatient and couldn't wait until the edits went through the process.
Another erotic horror/dark non-human. A devastation and redemption story. Vampire, blood slavery. As a whole series, you'll find content that falls into the categories of BDSM, Gay Male, Lesbian Sex, Group Sex, Mind Control, and Reluctance/NonConsent.
I think there might be a theme to my storytelling

 

[PierceDe]

Aww!
My only other story here is a series.
Tales in Slavery Ch. 01 starts the rollercoaster.
Old and unfinished.
The unfinished part should be remedied by the end of October. With edits to the existing chapters that help the overall storyline, fix some plot holes, and improve the flow coming....soon, I hope. The next 3 chapters currently have a queued publish date, 'cause I'm impatient and couldn't wait until the edits went through the process.
Another erotic horror/dark non-human. A devastation and redemption story. Vampire, blood slavery. As a whole series, you'll find content that falls into the categories of BDSM, Gay Male, Lesbian Sex, Group Sex, Mind Control, and Reluctance/NonConsent.
I think there might be a theme to my storytelling

So I read chapter 1 and left a chunky comment & rating. I'll enjoy another chapter tomorrow (or they're pending?). You see, I thought from your Aztec story you would be a vampire author too and I was right.

The editing process here is fine by me, it just reminds me to be extra careful. But I do doh hard when I find a missing letter. The Type has 2 I've seen, dad being spelt dash and wind being spelt wing.... I'll submit a fix request if I find 10 total.
I also put in a request for a short description and tags fix on The Type. Should help.