quick question

[localmotion]

just out of curiosity; i'm just wondering, how does one go from 'friend zone' to 'date-able'??

sorry if this is in the wrong place, but i had to start somewhere right?

 

[zhelp]

just out of curiosity; i'm just wondering, how does one go from 'friend zone' to 'date-able'??

sorry if this is in the wrong place, but i had to start somewhere right?

I'm not sure if that is ever a quick question... there is often so very much more behind the scenes...

if she/he single
are you single?

does he/she find you attractive?
- if you don't know try finding out..

try starting out by talking about past relationships/ romantic endeavors with him/her (but keep it light heart-ed ..... don't start talking about your crazy ex's a bunch)

 

[silverwhisper]

localmotion queried:
how does one go from 'friend zone' to 'date-able'?

zhelp is right: that isn't a quick question. :>

look: here's the thing, localmotion. i don't know you but you're probably a nice guy. that's why you're in a zone at all.

but the truth is, guys who wind up in the friend zone generally wind up there b/c the women he wants to impress pick up on the fact that your chief defining trait as far as they're concerned...is your niceness. not that you're a good dancer, probably a generous lover, whatever: no, it's that you're nice.

the only way to do so is to make her see you differently. and i don't know what that's going to take--which is why this isn't a quick question.

if she sees you as a friend--or worse, brother--there really isn't a lot you can do. IMX, situations like this do not end in a way that leaves the guy happy in the majority of cases.

because the range of resolutions involve: dating someone she sees as being like her, not being as nice, going away for an extended period of time (always being available makes you less interesting) or something else you probably would not be interested in doing.

ed

 

[SweetErika]

I'll second the above and add that sometimes it just takes time. Some women (like me) put everyone in the friend zone first to get to know them and see how dateable they really are. I don't want to be involved with anyone without a good foundation of friendship because I need to see how they are without the extra layers of sex and romance and build real trust and intimacy with them first.

 

[sunandshadow]

Most common cause of a guy being in the friend zone is that he's never said he thinks the woman is attractive. Second most common cause is that the woman is not attracted to him.

 

[coastal-boy]

I've always thought it odd that many "friends" don't have dates. For example, there is a cool exhibit at the art gallery. Hey, I really don't want to go by myself...would you like to go with me? Opportunity starts conversation.

 

[sunandshadow]

I've always thought it odd that many "friends" don't have dates. For example, there is a cool exhibit at the art gallery. Hey, I really don't want to go by myself...would you like to go with me? Opportunity starts conversation.

Of course friends do that, it's just not a date.

 

[dollface007]

I recently had a friend of a few years ask me if I wanted to start dating. The answer was no (despite the fact that I used to have a crush on him), for several reasons, but here are some of them:

-He always treated me as a buddy and rarely flirted. (the dating thing came as a complete shock)
-He never told me I looked nice/beautiful/pretty.
-He never picked up a check (not that I expect that, but it's a gentlemanly thing to do occasionally).
-His hugs were always a little hesitant and weak (I go for strong and lingering).
-He seemed a little unstable - not mentally unstable, but he seemed to dive into things really quickly, and lose interest in them equally fast. I knew that I would just be the next interest he dove into, and that I wouldn't be able to count on him in the long run (this may not apply if you're just looking for a hook-up)

I don't know if any of these things apply to your situation. Just letting you know why my friendship didn't go to the next level.

 

[localmotion]

thanks

thanks everyone. would have checked back a little sooner but i posted this up in the wrong place at first lol. but once again thanks

 

[silverwhisper]

you're welcome! but what are you going to do about this?

ed

 

[mynameisben]

just out of curiosity; i'm just wondering, how does one go from 'friend zone' to 'date-able'??

sorry if this is in the wrong place, but i had to start somewhere right?

How can we really know how quickly you asked your question?

 

[Nasty_Deeds]

just out of curiosity; i'm just wondering, how does one go from 'friend zone' to 'date-able'??

sorry if this is in the wrong place, but i had to start somewhere right?

Often you don’t, but if you want to date someone who is a friend now, ask her out. You will soon find out if you were meant to be friends or lovers.

 

[bailadora]

I'm a little late to the game and this IS a complex question. That said: at some point in time, you're going to have to declare your feelings and let the chips fall where they may. Sometimes there's a negative outcome, sometimes a neutral one and sometimes a positive one.

FWIW, when I met my husband, I was already in a long term relationship with someone else which meant he was automatically delegated to the friend category. Later, when my then boyfriend and I split, my "friend" let it be known that he was interested in more than friendship, when I was ready to start dating again. That was 22 years ago and we are still together.