Questions

[Dyslexicea]

What man gives a shit about mental intimacy? You have to drag them, kicking and screaming, into this. Your sexual allure, whatever it might be, is the bait, then it's up to you to tie them down, like Gulliver in Lilliput. Most women do this with babies, you don't have that option. Find out their little weaknesses, their little foibles, and play to them. Most men are lazy. You keep them happy in the small things, they'll stay with you in the big things.

Perhaps I'd better not comment, it's only going to get me into trouble.

Of course, you might meet that extra-special person who defies all these rules, but then you are a woman, and you will just melt. No hope for you I'm afraid. But at least you will experience something the rest of us dream about.

And HER name is?

 

[purpleruff]

MentalMouse,

First off, I am a trans man. My situation is different from yours in many respects, but I will offer my own experiences and let you decide for yourself if they are relevant.

I can think of absolutely no reason one cannot be trans and lesbian (or trans and bisexual, or trans and pansexual, or trans and asexual, or...you get the idea). I know many trans women who have female partners. A perception persists, in certain circles, that trans women who love women are actually "transvestic fetishists" who get off on the idea of engaging in lesbian sex. I am not touching that with a ten-meter phallic pole, except to say that such views are on the decline.

Actually, I recommend that you take anyone's idea about what it means "to be a women" with a huge grain of salt. We grow up hearing all kinds of messages (frequently contradicting ones from different sources) about what men and women "should" be. We hear such messages even in LBGT circles, although they might be different messages. In the end, every person has to live hir own life; what works for one person may not work for another, not matter how similar their circumstances.

If you persistently question your gender presentation or identity, I recommend you find a good therapist to guide you in exploring it. This may help you make peace with yourself even if you are NOT trans! If you cannot find a trans specialist, at least find an LGBT-friendly provider. Most large cities in the developed world have LGBT community centers/clinics that can help you find one.

Transitioning is tough. At best, it makes your life a confusing mess of pronouns and paperwork. You might lose your job, be ostracized by friends and family, be denied the use of public facilities, endure vitriol from complete strangers, or even suffer violence to your person as a result of transitioning. I was very lucky, personally. Only one of my siblings stopped talking to me outright. My partner(s) and friends supported me, and I live in a relatively progressive municipality with easy access to trans-friendly health care that I can afford.

In the US, health insurance rarely covers transition-related expenses, and trans people are sometimes denied coverage for even non-transition related care. Current standards of care (which many trans specialists have come to find lacking) recommend a year of therapy and "real life experience" (i.e. presenting in your target gender 24/7) before even considering HRT or surgery.

If you have already gone through male puberty, HRT alone will not be able reverse many of the testosterone-induced changes, but there are other procedures available, if you have the money to spend on it. Surgery is traumatic; it costs an arm and a leg and hurts like hell. For me, it was worth it; for others, not so much. Do not listen to anyone who says you "must" have one procedure or another to be a "real" woman/man/whatever; what you have or do not have under your clothes is between you and your partner(s).

 

[Dyslexicea]

-- instead of considering any sexual act to be one of penetration

But...But... I don't! Not that I don't adore her lovely fingers f**king me silly but her fingers don't go squirt, squirt and than soft. Nor does she have a desire to stop, roll over and go to sleep!

No Cock Centered world at my house. No cock(yucky) there either.

PS. MEN I said, "Fucking me silly" , not finger banging like you dudes do.

I have such naughty fingers they really need to stay away from the keyboard.

 

[theDragnet]

It's very expensive and not recommended as a lifestyle, unless you want a career as a She-Male. Mostly, I would say look around you and see how real men interact with real women. As a sexual fantasy it's best kept on the sidelines - a man pretending to be a woman. If you really want to be a woman then you need to accept a lot of shit goes with that. A guy who wants to be a woman who likes women. That sets a lot of alarm bells ringing for me. As a guy I like women, as sexual objects, as a woman I like women, as friends. If you adopt the female mindset, everything changes. You don't want to screw around, you want one partner, you want physical and mental intimacy. What man gives a shit about mental intimacy? You have to drag them, kicking and screaming, into this. Your sexual allure, whatever it might be, is the bait, then it's up to you to tie them down, like Gulliver in Lilliput. Most women do this with babies, you don't have that option. Find out their little weaknesses, their little foibles, and play to them. Most men are lazy. You keep them happy in the small things, they'll stay with you in the big things. Of course, you might meet that extra-special person who defies all these rules, but then you are a woman, and you will just melt. No hope for you I'm afraid. But at least you will experience something the rest of us dream about.

I'm sorry but this is just sexist horseshit.

EDIT: Actually, not sorry at all

 

[Safe_Bet]

I have such naughty fingers they really need to stay away from the keyboard.

Find your woman and put those damn things to USE! Naughty fingers should never be wasted!

I'm sorry but this is just sexist horseshit.

EXACTLY! I don't know if somebody has "woman hate issues" or not or give a rat's ass what their gender is, THAT doesn't fly.

 

[Dyslexicea]

MentalMouse,
I can think of absolutely no reason one cannot be trans and lesbian (or trans and bisexual, or trans and pansexual, or trans and asexual, or...you get the idea). I know many trans women who have female partners.

I don't think you'll find many of us, at least those who come here for more than just sexual fantasy, who disagrees with you. If you took from what I wrote I believe MtF trans should not or could not be lesbian, you are sadly mistaken. To me it was just a red flag, one I felt needed to be pointed out to him.

I have no idea where you are from but here in the U.S., very few states have therapy requirements in regard to transgender issues. If he has the money he can find a physician willing to take his money with or without counseling.

I think most of us stressed he needed therapy, even if he came to the conclusion he wasn't transgender. He has low self esteem, transgender or no, and it is an issue that he needs help with.

I did find what you wrote interesting and I'm sure it should be of some help to MentalMouse.

 

[Dyslexicea]

I'm sorry but this is just sexist horseshit.

EDIT: Actually, not sorry at all

I just loved your EDIT:

 

[purpleruff]

I don't think you'll find many of us, at least those who come here for more than just sexual fantasy, who disagrees with you. If you took from what I wrote I believe MtF trans should not or could not be lesbian, you are sadly mistaken. To me it was just a red flag, one I felt needed to be pointed out to him.

I have no idea where you are from but here in the U.S., very few states have therapy requirements in regard to transgender issues. If he has the money he can find a physician willing to take his money with or without counseling.

I apologize if I seemed combative somehow. I actually only skimmed most of the previous responses because I am using a mobile device. A very small mobile device. It was not my intention to criticize/duplicate your advice or invalidate your experiences, only to present my own for consideration. I encountered a great deal of nasty gender essentialism when I transitioned, and I thought it appropriate to warn MentalMouse about it.

I did not mean to imply that the standards of care were legally codified, but the medical community does practice its own gatekeeping. As I understand it, most physicians and surgeons will not perform transition-related procedures without a therapist's letter (mine required this, even if they acknowledged it was largely a formality). A part of the reason for this is most physicians are not very knowledgeable about transsexualism, and rely heavily on the Harry Benjamin standards of care, which recommend lengthy therapy and a real life test.

As far as documentation change goes, my own fairly liberal state required both therapist and physician validation to the effect that I had met the requirements (which were lifted directly from the HB standards of care). The US Federal requirements (for passports and such) were similar, the last time I checked. I have noticed that most legislation regarding trans issues were written from a place of shocking social and medical ignorance; sometimes this makes things easier, sometimes harder. It is remarkably confusing, in any case.