Questions

[kaijahania]

I have always been drawn to this lifestyle but never had the opportunity to live it until now.
Is it too late now I'm set in my ways?
Can this lifestyle work when I have children?
I wonder if I'm to set in my ways now to submit to a Dom, can we really change our lifestyles?

 

[Softouch911]

I know many folk who only discovered, or allowed themselves to experience, or permitted themselves to express, their interest in BDSM once they were in their 40s, or 50s, or -- in one case I know of -- late 60s.

No way to know your specifics. There is incredible diversity. But ...

Take it slow, be safe and sane, enjoy.

Oh ... and welcome ... to "the life" and to Literotica.

ST

 

[graceanne]

I've got kids. Works fine as long as you're discreet.

*edited for spelling*

 

[@}-}rebecca----]

I have always been drawn to this lifestyle but never had the opportunity to live it until now.
Is it too late now I'm set in my ways?
Can this lifestyle work when I have children?
I wonder if I'm to set in my ways now to submit to a Dom, can we really change our lifestyles?

Is it too late now I'm set in my ways?

I don't think age should be a barrier kaijahania ," set in your ways " hmmmmn. 'Your ways" often become 'his ways' do you feel you have the ability to change/adapt in sincerity ? In 'service' no matter how cherished you are ( or not as the case may be) its about the Dom/mes contentment in what ever unique variety it presents itself.

Can this lifestyle work when I have children?

Many people do ( including grandchildren , adopted , de facto) . BDSM 'families' are made up much the same as any other. All depends on age , personality , previous experience/comfort levels as well as your own personal preference. Some living well are very 'out there' as far as their families and children are concerned, others more seclusive. There are thousands of variables on this theme. I do however think is very wise to be cautious with small children about for obvious reasons .

I wonder if I'm to set in my ways now to submit to a Dom, can we really change our lifestyles?

I would concern myself with the big question first. "Am I a submissive". I don't know what level of education you have availed yourself to , the Library here in Lit is an excellent resource. That question may sound slightly affronting. Its not my intention. Best to really 'know' in as much as you are able. One more comment in the 'set in my ways ' context. You are who you are , you need to be true to that. Hypothetically a Dominant is best interested in the real you no matter how he considers your future training to his own requirements. Just remember however the word is 'submit' ............wink

Good Luck and welcome to Lit

 

[femsub]

I've been married for almost 20 years--and we just experienced our first s/m act. It's been my fantasy (my ONLY fantasy) since before i even knew what a fantasy was. I've always wanted my husband to be dominant and spank/whip/tie me up, etc---and i was finally able to convince him that he could enjoy it too---which, thankfully, he did very much.

We have kids and i agree that it should be very discreet---as any part of a parent's sex life should (in my opinion). But just because someone is a "mom" during the day---it doesn't mean she can't be a "slave" during her own time.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I have always been drawn to this lifestyle but never had the opportunity to live it until now.
Is it too late now I'm set in my ways?
Can this lifestyle work when I have children?
I wonder if I'm to set in my ways now to submit to a Dom, can we really change our lifestyles?

It is never too late to grow and change. The only people incapable of change are the dead, the unborn, and the unwilling. It is all up to you.

I have children and now a grandchild who lives with me. My submissives are fathers and/or grandfathers also. Would you subject your children to your dating habits? No I bet. Discretion and good locks are wise things to have.

As your iquestion about if you are too set in your ways to submit, well only you can answer that. All of my submissives are set in their ways about something. So am I. You do not have to change, you have the power to negotiate a relationship that works for you. And baby steps are always the best way to start.

Eb

 

[pandoravampire]

Am i too old to change my ways?
Well yes you are. But you'll learn to put your way down, and be doing it his way. And if your encouraged correctly, motivated correctly, then the reward of doing it his way, has you repeating it again. And so life as a submissive goes on.

Im in my 40's, ive been a single mother, im assertive, articulate, and control freak at times. Im learning, its difficult at times. But soooooo rewarding, to finally be able to do this.


If your not one of those automatums, that can say and feel 'oh yes Sir!' everytime. Then id say they'll be plenty of takers too. There arent too many Dom's that like a doormat. Most people wish to share time with a real person, with a real personality. All of you will be welcome, not just the docile part. Pick wisely. eVen more wisely than the 22 yr old. Use your worldly knowlege to chose a suitable partner for you. Take your time. Educate yourself on what being a submissive is actually like. And good luck, its fun, rewarding and fulfilling like nothing else.

I have children. Just means discretion is called for. And noise is a problem!

pandoravampire

 

[Ebonyfire]

I've got kids. Works fine as long as you're discreet.

*edited for spelling*

Piggybacking...
Discretion is good. I am reminded of some friends who were not outed by their own kids, but by their kids' friends who told their parents.

Remember kids talk to their friends so that really makes the need for discretion important!

Eb

 

[Pure]

hi kaijahania

welcome,
you said,

I have always been drawn to this lifestyle but never had the opportunity to live it until now.

keep an open mind. i'm note sure DS or SM are lifestyles, for everyone. OR, to put it differently, is it any more a 'lifestyle' than 'gay' or 'lesbian.' even if one decides one is lesbian, there are thousand ways to live that sexuality. it's not like there's a book on how to be a genuine lesbian. or how to be a dom/me.

well, maybe there are books pretending such, but they are only one way. don't believe everything you read.

there are also a thousand ways of doing SM without being either dom or sub. those are added to the thousand ways of being a dom or sub.

i don't think finding 'sub' tendencies is like finding you're diabetic; i.e., the answer for how to live and deal with it known--take insulin, watch your sugar intake. i'd say it's more like finding you love the ocean--it may be explored so many ways--from scuba diving to boating. it exists in so many forms, in so many places; the life of an 'ocean loving person' is not set down in some book.

whatever the destination, i hope your journey is fine from here on--though no sex preference choice is a guarantee of a life that is all sunshine and no cloudy weather. the choice of casual playmates and lifelong partners is not suddenly an easy task; the 'bad choosers' and the 'good choosers' as far as relationships, tend to remain so.

i might add that the question what to do with one's life, be a painter, poet, carpenter, construction worker or bar singer, is still there. one can NOT spend one's life 'being gay'; neither is it a life 'being a dom or sub'.