Question..................

[ga_peach]

I am a bicurious female. I'm young, petite, and very attractive. Why am I not getting any interested vibes from ladies? Do I give off some kind of "straight" woman radar or something??? Please enlighten me and help me get some pussy!

 

[BitterIchor]

You are either looking in the wrong places or yes, you could be giving off a certain kind of blip on the radar. Dykes at least often avoid what they suspect is bicurious women on the road of sexual discovery. It's not something they do out of spite or malice, but out of fear. Fear of the emotional complications that sometimes can arise when dealing with women in their bicurious explorative stages. It's not fair to the bicurious ladies, but that's the way it is.

And dykes are the only ones I can "speak for".

 

[24bigirly]

right there too.....

I feel like I am doing the same thing....can't figure out the bi-curious/sexual women. I have kissed, even a little groping here and there, but thats with friends. I want more! I want to take that next step and have sex with a woman, but I can't seem to find a willing body.

Peach.....i know half the reason I will not approach some women is the fear of rejection and labeling in a small town/city. Same for you?

 

[revolution724]

... but I can't seem to find a willing body.

I think using that word has hit on a bit of the point, right there. There are all kinds of women in the world, who are willing to interact with people on all kinds of levels with all kinds of expectations.

That said, as an openly lesbian woman not given to one-night stands or physically-based encounters, I'd have to say I'd be very hesitant to date anyone so newly out that she wasn't sure what she wanted or where she was going with things. This is because I would want to be in a stable, ongoing relationship, and I would not want to get dumped because the other person was not yet ready to have a stable, ongoing, "out" relationship. And for the same reasons, I sure as heck wouldn't go out with someone who was primarily looking for a body on which to experiment.

So... what do you want? Do you know? Are you looking in the right places? Are you sending out interested vibes yourself?

I don't get so awfully many interested vibes, either, but I blame it more on being reserved and weird than anything else.

 

[dizzylia]

Perhaps you might find another curious explorer and discuss taking things step by step to find out what feels comfortable. As to how you might find such a person, there are always ways. Urban areas are generally easier, but it's not impossible in the smaller or quieter areas. Just keep a good deal of common sense in your back pocket and don't do anything that feels uncomfortable.

Good luck.

 

[SweetErika]

My experience (and that of my bi friends) is that personals, groups, and places that bi women congregate are the easiest way to go. I've met all of my friends and love interests through personals or other friends because it's much easier when you know their sexuality, what they're looking for, and that they ARE looking up front. So, I'd suggest going that route.

I agree with some of the other ladies on the bicurious front. I never really labeled myself as bicurious because I was sure I was bi, knew what I wanted (a good friendship with sex), and definitely saw and felt the discrimination against the "bicurious" crowd. The woman I had my first experience with was truly bicurious, and while she was open to being with women in the future, her curiosity was pretty much satisfied after we had sex. Plus, I've seen a lot of self-labeled bicurious women who just want to receive pleasure (they're "not sure if they can reciprocate), and aren't sure if they can initiate or go through with it. All of those things would be problems for me.

So, while I don't eliminate people who lack experience, I am careful to make sure they're close to positive they're bi, and don't have any of the aforementioned hang-ups. I've never looked for lesbians either because I have yet to hear from one who's interested in anything but a friendship with a bi woman who is married to a man.

Therefore, my advice is to look for women who are similar to yourselves via groups and personals. Shoot for those who are at about the same place and have the same goals. Figure out exactly what you want, and be very specific and honest (e.g. if you want no-strings-attached sex with a bi or bicurious woman, say so). It can be difficult to find someone with the same goals who you click with, but if you put some effort into looking, it shouldn't be that difficult.

 

[human_male]

Well, maybe you shouldn't assume women will just come on to you like men would. Maybe you have to make an effort.

 

[ga_peach]

You are either looking in the wrong places or yes, you could be giving off a certain kind of blip on the radar. Dykes at least often avoid what they suspect is bicurious women on the road of sexual discovery. It's not something they do out of spite or malice, but out of fear. Fear of the emotional complications that sometimes can arise when dealing with women in their bicurious explorative stages. It's not fair to the bicurious ladies, but that's the way it is.

And dykes are the only ones I can "speak for".

I don't exactly know that curious is the way that I should describe myself. Maybe "inexperienced" is better. I know that I want to be with a woman. I know that I want to kiss and caress a soft body and explore it all night. And of course, I want to be kissed and caressed in the same manner. I do understand about the fear part, because it's happened to me. I had a best friend who "outed" herself to me and professed her interest in me. And although, we kissed we never got to second base. She dropped out of my life not too long afterwards and I heard that she was "ashamed" of her feelings. So not only did I lose a chance to explore that side of love with her, but I also lost one of the best friends that I had. But, even at gay clubs I am construed as a "hag" and am totally and completely ignored. Hmmmmm.......maybe it's the way I dress..............

 

[ga_peach]

Well, maybe you shouldn't assume women will just come on to you like men would. Maybe you have to make an effort.

Easier said than done! I am way too shy to make the first approach.

 

[ga_peach]

[

So... what do you want? Do you know? Are you looking in the right places? Are you sending out interested vibes yourself?

I don't get so awfully many interested vibes, either, but I blame it more on being reserved and weird than anything else.[/QUOTE]
I won't say that I'm weird (others probably would though!), but I will acknowledge that I am reserved and shy around people that I don't know. What do I want? Not just sex. I want friendship as well.
Am I looking in the right places? Hell if I know. I've gone to clubs but that's not really my cup of tea. Kinda hard to try to get to know someone when people are bumping and grinding against you!
Am I sending out interested vibes myself? As I stated before, hell iif I know! I thought I did, but maybe not!

 

[ga_peach]

I feel like I am doing the same thing....can't figure out the bi-curious/sexual women. I have kissed, even a little groping here and there, but thats with friends. I want more! I want to take that next step and have sex with a woman, but I can't seem to find a willing body.

Peach.....i know half the reason I will not approach some women is the fear of rejection and labeling in a small town/city. Same for you?

Well, where I am the population is under 2000. Since I am new here, nobody knows so I couldn't care less. Even in my home state I wouldn't have cared.

 

[24bigirly]

agreed.....

I am starting to truly believe that the personals are really the best way to go......they are a reality check for someone like me who can not, in reality, tell if another woman is bisexual. So I will likely turn my search towards those women that have posted a personal.

Revolution.....thank you for pointing out my poor choice of words. "Willing body"??????????????....not quite sure what I was thinking. My intentions with exploring my bisexuality are real. They are not purely physical. Although I have very close female friends, I would really enjoy a more intimate relationship with a female, and obviously the physical aspects would follow. Is my curiousity more driven on an intimate or physical relationship? I would argue that I do want both, but the truth is, being with a woman sexually is my ultimate curiosity. Touching on what SweetErika said, I am sure I am bi. I am also sure that I would definetly go through with it. As far as some women not reciprocating, I can't wait for the day when I am able to satisfy a woman orally.

 

[lastingpassion]

well said

Your words are well spoken Bigurly. I'm sure that your the type of truely evolved woman who will come full circle in seeking desires that you have.
As a married bisexual male, I once was at the same circle you describe. I have since crossed into many other aspects of my sexuality which I had never considered before. It seems for many friends also, we can't slow the lust that is a beautiful part of our nature.

 

[dizzylia]

At which stage does the "curious" label no longer apply?

 

[24bigirly]

my guess.....

my guess is that the curious "label" (and I hate that word) is for anyone not certain whether or not they are or are not bisexual. If I was bicurious, and I am not, I would feel as though I may in fact like both male and female in an intimate relationship. In my search for another woman, I have concluded that I am truly bisexual, regardless of what happens when I do find her and we have sex. I know that I can be and hope to be intimate with a woman, so I have dropped any doubt that I may just be curious, I am bisexual. So I guess when you know whether or not you want/could be with a member of the same sex indefinetly, drop the "curious".

to hell with labels......everyone is bicurious........if you are actively seeking a member of the same sex or have been with a member of the same sex then you are lucky.......how's that for a label?

I am lucky................anyone else?

 

[BitterIchor]

to hell with labels......everyone is bicurious

No, everyone is not bicurious.

 

[M-Y-Erotica]

No, everyone is not bicurious.

I agree with BitterIchor, though I think this could be taken a couple ways. Bitter, did you mean that not everyone is bicurious because some have no desire so be in a sexual relationship with someone of the same sex? If so, then, I agree. Did you mean we aren't all bicurious because some of us are actually lesbian or bisexual, and thus no longer curious? If so, I still agree.

Please don't get me started on labels. Human desire is all so complicated that labels are always meaningless. On the one hand, you can come up with some stat that, say, 5% of people are gay. OK. But then you can come up with another stat that some 30-40% (anyone remember the real numbers? I remember they are much higher than you would guess. I'm thinking the old Kinsey report here.) of people have had some sort of sexual encounter in their life with someone of the same sex. Then you can come up with an even higher percentage of people who have had a dream or recurring fantasy with someone of the same sex.

Now throw in what I think BitterIchor was hinting at, which is that it is actually a current male fantasy that in fact all women want to have sex with their girlfriends, which is plainly false, but is entirely plausible to straight men who wouldn't mind having sex with their girlfriend and their girlfriend's girlfriends. I mean, if you are attracted sexually to women, it makes sense that everyone else is too. Finally throw in that we all change over time, and what do you end up with?

No idea. Labels are meaningless.

OK, I guess I got started on labels. Sorry.
M-Y

 

[SweetErika]

I am starting to truly believe that the personals are really the best way to go......they are a reality check for someone like me who can not, in reality, tell if another woman is bisexual. So I will likely turn my search towards those women that have posted a personal.

It sounds like you're on the right track in terms of personals and self-knowledge (great explanation of bi vs. bicurious...that's exactly how I felt). I've found it nearly impossible to tell because most women, myself included, are very friendly and affectionate to others anyway, regardless of their sexuality. I've come in contact in public with a few who have been a little more overt and flirted openly (I think ). When I think about it, I don't know how anyone else would determine I'm bi.

I'd encourage you to post your own ads as well, as I've had a lot of luck meeting women who have responded to my ads. At least it never hurts to do both.

Best of luck in your search...it may take time, but if nothing else, you'll likely gain some great friends as well!

 

[BitterIchor]

I agree with BitterIchor, though I think this could be taken a couple ways. Bitter, did you mean that not everyone is bicurious because some have no desire so be in a sexual relationship with someone of the same sex? If so, then, I agree. Did you mean we aren't all bicurious because some of us are actually lesbian or bisexual, and thus no longer curious? If so, I still agree.

Please don't get me started on labels. Human desire is all so complicated that labels are always meaningless. On the one hand, you can come up with some stat that, say, 5% of people are gay. OK. But then you can come up with another stat that some 30-40% (anyone remember the real numbers? I remember they are much higher than you would guess. I'm thinking the old Kinsey report here.) of people have had some sort of sexual encounter in their life with someone of the same sex. Then you can come up with an even higher percentage of people who have had a dream or recurring fantasy with someone of the same sex.

Now throw in what I think BitterIchor was hinting at, which is that it is actually a current male fantasy that in fact all women want to have sex with their girlfriends, which is plainly false, but is entirely plausible to straight men who wouldn't mind having sex with their girlfriend and their girlfriend's girlfriends. I mean, if you are attracted sexually to women, it makes sense that everyone else is too. Finally throw in that we all change over time, and what do you end up with?

No idea. Labels are meaningless.

OK, I guess I got started on labels. Sorry.
M-Y

I don't think every straight or gay person is in fact bicurious, no. I know I'm not. I've been with men and established that they are not interesting in that way.

Since there is no scientific facts that indicates that everyone is bisexual or bicurious, I see no reason for it to be that way. I think some bisexuals (please not that I said some bisexuals and not all) can't quite understand that straight and gay people are only attracted to one gender, and somehow seem to think that "oh, they don't know themselves at all, since I feel this way, EVERYONE must feel this way!". This annoys me. It implies arrogance.
I know lesbians who were lesbians for their whole life to the day they died. I know straight people who say they have had no significant attractions to the same sex ever, and I believe them. I believe it is possible to discover a part of your sexuality that you didn't know existed until the right conditions presented themselves to trigger it. And I think sure, some people could probably change when it comes to their sexuality. But not all people.

I have no problem with labels. Maybe that's because I fit into one, I don't know. But humans label everything. We have blondes, brunettes, blacks, whites, country western music, american, swedish, etc. I don't see a problem. If you are attracted to both sexes, you are bisexual. Why isn't that satisfactory? If you are a little more attracted to men than women, alright, but would that still place you within the sphere of "bisexual"? It isn't set in stone how you should feel, but having a word for it isn't bad or restricting. Not if you don't let it be. It's not the labels that cause trouble, it's the way people use them.

 

[24bigirly]

well....

Bitter....I completely understand what you are saying and obviously we are all entitled to our own opinions.....without them, we wouldn't be having this discussion or forum for that matter. My problem with labels is not the label itself. Yes, you are a lesbian. I have gay friends. I would consider myself bisexual. And I am sure at least one person reading this considers themselves bi-curious. Point taken that each of us is and fulfills the role of their attached label. I have a problem with the connotation that is implied by anyone who hears about a labeled person. Just like their is still (unfortunately) some negative connotaion when referring to skin color or race or whatever. Who cares??? Black or white gay or straight, its the person that matters and arrogant is the person judging based on those labels.

I admire you for being a woman and loving a woman as much as I admire a man and woman loving each other. It's a choice, and that choice is for each individual to make.......and they are entitled to call themselves or not call themselves whatever they want.

I myself fall into the bisexual category......I'll be filed there.

 

[amBIguous]

I almost agree...

Point taken that each of us is and fulfills the role of their attached label. I have a problem with the connotation that is implied by anyone who hears about a labeled person.

I have to agree that we all can be labelled in one way or another, and that in and of itself is not a bad thing. I think it becomes a problem when we cease to define our own labels and instead become defined by our labels. I myself am currently a married, bisexual man with transgender tendancies. However, just a few short years ago (god I feel old), I was a single gay male and was perfectly happy (relatively speaking). Tomorrow I could be something else entirely (personally I can't wait to find out what ) When society dictates that our labels are all encompassing and unchangeable, we begin to have problems. People change, why cant labels?

We also seem to have gotten off-topic for Ms. Peach, although it is a very interesting off-topic. My personal advice for how to find the right someone is honestly to stop looking so hard. There is some truth to the old addage that "you can't see the forest for the trees". I find (and this is how I met my wonderful wife), that in matters of the heart the head is very little help. Stop looking so hard for what you think you want and let your heart have a go at it. And really, isn't that what is at the heart of being bisexual? We can take pride in the fact that we can find beauty, love and lust in all manner of people. In a lot of ways that lets us experience a lot more than either straight or gay people. Hurrah for us.

 

[ga_peach]

I have to agree that we all can be labelled in one way or another, and that in and of itself is not a bad thing. I think it becomes a problem when we cease to define our own labels and instead become defined by our labels. I myself am currently a married, bisexual man with transgender tendancies. However, just a few short years ago (god I feel old), I was a single gay male and was perfectly happy (relatively speaking). Tomorrow I could be something else entirely (personally I can't wait to find out what ) When society dictates that our labels are all encompassing and unchangeable, we begin to have problems. People change, why cant labels?

We also seem to have gotten off-topic for Ms. Peach, although it is a very interesting off-topic. My personal advice for how to find the right someone is honestly to stop looking so hard. There is some truth to the old addage that "you can't see the forest for the trees". I find (and this is how I met my wonderful wife), that in matters of the heart the head is very little help. Stop looking so hard for what you think you want and let your heart have a go at it. And really, isn't that what is at the heart of being bisexual? We can take pride in the fact that we can find beauty, love and lust in all manner of people. In a lot of ways that lets us experience a lot more than either straight or gay people. Hurrah for us.

I think that it was a very interesting off topic and very informative, too. Thank all of you so much for the advice and all. And while it seems that the label "bi-curious" seems to carry an ominous tone for some women (and men!), I have to say that that is what I am. While I know that I DEFINITELY want to give and receive pleasure from another woman, I've never done it before and want to know what it is like. Therein lies the curious part. But, I also know that I don't want a "wham, bam, thank you ma'am". I want all the other trappings that come with a relationship.
The personals is a great idea, but it hasn't worked for me yet. The deal is that my husband works for a large corporation in a high level position and I can NOT afford to have a pic online and chance being recognized by one of his coworkers. (Although you'd have to wonder what they were looking for in the first place.........) Anyway, I know that physical attraction is the first thing we all look for. And most people will not even look at a profile without a pic on it. Ai-yi-yi!

 

[M-Y-Erotica]

<deleted by author>

 

[John Doe]

I don't get so awfully many interested vibes, either, but I blame it more on being reserved and weird than anything else.

It hadn't occured to me, but maybe that's my problem too.

 

[Etoile]

Labels suck because they tend to pigeonhole and be too strict and/or too undefinable. I know a butch woman who has a strong masculine side but is still female, and she has had sexual encounters with just about everybody (trans included). What is she? She's not straight, hell no. But she's not a dyke either - she has had sexual encounters with straight guys. She's queer, but further labeling is difficult. And what about Susie Bright? Did she not get to be a lesbian because she was sleeping with a guy? (I think they're married now, not sure how she self-identifies, but this was before.)

Life is too complex for labels. People are too complex for labels. Sexuality and identity are fluid for many people.