Question......

[sexyblonde21]

Okay. Here I go...I'm 21 years old & I've only slept with my present boyfriend, so I'm really tight. Now. When we have sex, it HURTS like all hell. Even if we have sex more than once a day, it still hurts, kinda burns. I went to the doctor & got checked for STDs. I have NONE, totally clean. Why does it hurs so much?! I also forgot to mention that I'm not always wet when he goes inside. {doesn't believe in foreplay} I'm assuming that's the problem. Any suggestions, answers?! Thanx a million.

 

[forgetunome]

Foreplay...

...is a MUST if he isn't getting you ready then all the sex is...is just pleasure for him. If he cared he would take the time to warm you up. That's what foreplay is about is getting you feeling warm, it gets the juices flowing which is what you need to make insertion easier, also you need to be warmed up in lets see how do I say this delicately....outer lips and inner lips fill with blood and swell and open making insertion easier, you know he needs to play with the breasts, butterfly kisses down the tummy, tease and play with the clitoris, etc. etc. If you want to enjoy sex you have to have a partner that takes the time to make sure you are also going to get pleasure not just him.

If you are wanting to maintain a relationship with him which if he doesn't believe in foreplay I can't see why...a couple of suggestions, K-Y Jelly to help lubricate yourself, you can apply it to his penis or yourself. Or if you can get alone just before intercourse try a little masturbation before letting him at you and warm yourself up. But I hope he sees the value of foreplay or I hope you wake up and find someone who cares as much about your enjoyment as well as his.

[Edited by forgetunome on 10-16-2000 at 11:20 PM]

 

[Ezzy]

well if he doesn't believe in foreplay, I would be tempted not to believe in sex.

Unless you enjoy the pain, I would either try using lube, go for a water based one,(the oil based ones eat condoms).

Though I must say I feel sorry for you in this situation, and I pity him, (as he should also enjoy making love to you, rather than just having sex).

Thanks for the ladies who follow me on the thread, for saying out loud what I was attempting to say my self, a considerate lover is considerate, he should take the time to become a lover rather than a user.

Try the lube and if it doesn't work, try a new lover.

EZ http://smilecwm.tripod.com/cwm2/sleep.gif

[Edited by Ezzy on 10-17-2000 at 07:22 PM]

 

[Never Again]

I find just sticking in the index and middle of both hands and puuuuulling outward helps. Fun too, like arm wrestling with yourself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
No, I'm not serious.

 

[shit4brains]

Yeah, I think foreplay would be the ideal answer. You and your boyfriend would both derive more pleasure from your sexual experience. If you could get him interested in eating you, I would pretty much guarantee you would be wet and ready. But, if he positively won't participate, then you can use a lubricating jelly, such as K-Y.

Good luck and good fucking!

 

[forgetunome]

I know I have already posted once....but....it is bothering me that you aren't experiencing how wonderful "sex" can be.

You said you are 21 so I don't know if you are going to college or have been but here's a formula for you:

sex + with a partner /foreplay = pleasure x 2 (4 both)

He needs to understand that there is more than just him in the lovemaking act.

 

[CW]

Yeah, what those two said,,,

forgetunome and Ezzy have it pegged young lady. Listen to them and heed the advice.

Perhaps a long talk with the boyfriend is in order right about now,,, and IF you can't talk about it, then you have some serious problems in the relatinship. I know, I know, talking about sex is not easy,,, but talk you must.

Good luck.

 

[TN_Vixen]

Thanks, NeverAgain, enjoyed the visual.

 

[KillerMuffin]

It hurts because you aren't ready for penetration. Now it's even worse because you expect it to hurt when he penetrates you. So when he just hops on and starts industriously fucking, you are neither emotionally nor physically prepared for it. Your body needs foreplay, whether he wants to or not. You have to have it to relax you emotionally as well as physically.

I would tell him that no more sex until he manages to make you orgasm. If you aren't enjoying sex and it does nothing but hurt you when he does it, then things will only get worse as time goes on. Sex is a wonderful, beautiful experience if it's done right.

The inadequacy isn't you at all. The inadequacy is that you have a bad lover. Yes, you may love him and he may be just wonderful outside of bed, but what kind of man is he that he doesn't mind hurting you for some instant gratification?

 

[thegreatone]

foreplay

Yes i agree with everyone else that foreplay is a must. I've been with a handful of girls and have come to the forgone conclusion that foreplay is a must before insertion otherwise the sex is never enjoyable just painful.

 

[sexyblonde21]

Thanx a million guys & gals

I'm definitly going to talk to him. It won't be easy but communication is important in a realtionship.
I appreciate all the great advice I got. Thank you all so much!! You're the best!!

 

[Latina]

Why do young men resist foreplay so much? Is it just ignorance fed by inexperience? Don't they know it can be as enjoyable for him as for you? Is that why lots of women find older men sexier? A mature lover KNOWS that he can enjoy the taste and feel of her, watching her writhe in pleasure. I've heard various men tell me there is no sexier view than up their loved one's pussy as he licks and she oozes (or squirts? Sorry, that's another thread). But how do you get him interestd in pleasuring you when there's "nothing in it for him"? Telling him it will lead to better sex is no help if he only wants to get in you fast and doesn't want to wait.

One more reason I LOVE to 69! He doesn't have to feel he's doing ALL the work pleasuring you, you are working him over and adding to HIS excitement at the same time that he's preparing you. When you finally do couple up, you are BOTH horny as hell! And maybe don't let him in, just end it with the 69, coming in each other's mouth can be very pleasurable in and of itself.

JMHO.

-- Latina

 

[Whispersecret]

Even though everyone has offered great advice so far, I'm going to add my fifty cents.

I know where you're coming from, sexyblonde21. I had the same situation, except I was married to the guy. (Still am.) I had no idea why I was so sore after sex. I seriously thought it was because he was too big. Then, I had a brief affair. (Not proud of it, but there it is.) That is when I learned that I could easily have sex six times in one day and not be sore at all. That is when I learned that for the sixteen years I'd been having sex with my husband, I hadn't been primed enough.

Now, my husband is much better, and so am I. Part of the problem was that I felt bad...sort of guilty, that I wasn't getting aroused quickly enough. My eye would be on the clock and I would be very aware of how long he was "working" to get me wet. Often, I was barely moist, but I would urge him to get inside me. So I can't put all the blame on him. The other part of my arousal problem has to do with the dynamics of our relationship, which I won't go into right now.

Suffice to say, if you two make some effort to find out what turns you on (oral sex is an excellent idea...it always works for me), then I bet you'll find that you're no longer sore. You need to be slippery, not just moist. Don't settle for a little stickiness. Demand slick and pulsing and hot.

Best of luck, sweetie. Welcome to the world of great sex!

Oh, one more thing (after reading Cheri's post)...It's hard to tell if your boyfriend is truly a jerk from your post. He might honestly have no idea that you're in pain. I was pretty good at hiding it myself. But you should take a long look at who this man is. I don't think anyone should have to invest in lubricant for vaginal sex unless there is a medical problem with your natural lubrication. Again, good luck.

[Edited by whispersecret on 10-17-2000 at 05:57 PM]

 

[Cheri]

stepping up on the soap box and clearing my throat...

{doesn't believe in foreplay} I'm assuming that's the problem. Any suggestions, answers?! Thanx a million.

Hello people, why hasn't anybody said that a guy who wants to stick his dick in a woman without touching her, kissing her or talking to her, all of which would make her relax and become aroused enough to enjoy sex, is a JERK. I slept with enough guys in high school who thought the only sex organ a woman has is the hole between her legs to know that such a guy is not in the least concerned with you and your feelings to give a flying fuck whether sex hurts you or not. And the think is you yourself know that, as the above quote proves. Also you seem to be the only person interested in "fixing" this little problem cause I'd bet large sums of money he hasn't gone to any doctors asking why his dick hurts his girlfriend! Miss Blonde, perhaps you need to take a moment and consider your feelings for this guy and if this relationship is in your best interests. Otherwise lay in a big stockpile of lubricant, I prefer Astroglide.
I hope I didn't hurt your feelings by saying this. I just feel dishonest if I didn't tell what I see.

 

[CW]

Re: stepping up on the soap box and clearing my throat...

Hello people, why hasn't anybody said that a guy who wants to stick his dick in a woman without touching her, kissing her or talking to her, all of which would make her relax and become aroused enough to enjoy sex, is a JERK. [/B][/QUOTE]

Well Cheri,,, I assumed that was a given!

 

[forgetunome]

What CW said...

I thought it was a given also...but...didn't want to come down on her to hard besides maybe if she talks to him and he listens things may improve if they don't then I would certainly suggest moving on as that would prove he doesn't care one flitter.

 

[Cheri]

Thanks guys, I thought it was obvious to but didn't know if anyone else did. I was afraid she would end up thinking sex was supposed to be like that and, ugh what a horrible thought that is!

 

[Docgtvt]

i have to agree...lube and a new lover would definately be the answer.







"i went home with a waitress, the way i always do. how was i to know, she was with the russians too"?
---warren zevon

 

[angie girl]

more serious than foreplay

I'll tell you what concerns me Sexy? and no one else seems to have mentioned it. You said you had yourself checked for STD's. Since he has been your only lover, you obviously think he may have transmitted an STD without letting you know he was at risk. Now maybe he just doesn't understand the risks of his past behavior, but what I wonder is...why are you hooking up with a guy who you apparently believe has been involved in risky behavior in the past, and who you don't trust to tell you about it?

This issue is a lot more serous than foreplay Sexy? You're 21 sweetie, and there are always a lot more and better ones out there. Don't forget it.

 

[Jeff726]

here we go again with the "if he doesnt do right in bed, leave him" schtick.....*yawn*

 

[Curious Guy]

Just my opinion

If he is not willing to kiss "it", he should not be allowed to fuck "it".

 

[Latina]

Jeff726 says:

here we go again with the "if he doesnt do right in bed, leave him" schtick.....*yawn*

----------------------

It's more like, if the sex is no good AND everything else is ALSO no good, then leave his sorry ass. Why stay if there's NO pluses and LOTS of minuses in it for you? You CAN find better!

Tina Turner left Ike's sorry ass, and look how great things have turned-out for HER since then!

-- Latina

 

[Whispersecret]

Jeff, you're missing the point. The fact that the guy is unwilling to consider her feelings in bed are only the tip of the iceberg. If he's not considerate in this arena, it's likely that he's selfish in others.

Personally, I'd much rather have a partner who was thoughtful, kind, funny, intelligent, etc. but was only adequate in bed, than vice versa.

 

[CreamyLady]

here we go again with the "if he doesnt do right in bed, leave him" schtick.....*yawn*

Stop yawning right now and pay attention, Jeff.

This is not about mere technique, or lack thereof. This is about consideration and caring. The man obviously doesn't have either; if she's in pain, so what?

His lack of care is what everyone is responding to -- not his lack of technique. If you care about someone, you try and make it the best experience possible. Good grief. Half the fun of a relationship is trying new things, learning each other's bodies, and how to make it better.

Now -- you can resume yawning.

 

[Jeff726]

It just seemed like the sex part was the only thing to it. That's all I am saying.

Yes if there is more to it like that if he doesnt care about her needs then yeah they need to either talk or break up. We won't know the whole story of course not, nor will we. But I agree if this is just an inkling of an even bigger problem then we have an issue here. He may just be scared or naive you never know. Personally I myself enjoy foreplay (me and my ex gf did that stuff.....no sex but close), and if I had a moment alone with the lad I would set him straight.

From my experience (twice), I know giving a woman oral sex is a very high expression of love and complete trust in her. It also seemed that I somehow did a pretty good job. This helped me to realize that foreplay in any form can be the most wonderful part of a good sexual experience, or in my case a close encounter. And it was with the right person at the time.

If he doesn't believe in foreplay at all, it may be for a number of different reasons, it doesn't always have to mean it's her that he isn't interested in or that he doesnt care for her. There is simply too much to consider here.

I guess there is more to the issue, but we only know so much. Don't get on my back for trying to see both sides of this. And to Sexyblonde21, if you would like someone to talk to about it, I would be more than happy to anytime. Look me up sweet stuff!



Jeff
gets picked on alot here