Question on Weight

[Night_Jasmine]

I'm a part of a lesbian date site and found this one profile that was close to my area and sounded really great to get to know. However, there was one issue that stopped me from saying hi. She's emphatic on non-heavy girls.

Since middle school, I have battled with weight issues and self esteem problems since then. I do the best I can but can't seem to get to where I'd like to be.

My questions are...has anyone else seen this issue? Is this an issue for you guys? If you had your preference, what would it be?

To be honest, it's kinda got me down.

 

[FuckinRedneck]

Don't let it get you down Jasmine...

You are who you are and you do what you can. Some people simply don't find big girls attractive. If you don't meet the add requirements then look for another one that you do meet. As to preferences, I like brunettes. Would I go out with a gal that was 50 pounds overweight? Maybe. 150 pounds? Probably not.

 

[amBIguous]

Maybe its because of my bisexual nature, but physical attributes aren't high on my priority list. Beautiful people come in all shapes and sizes. Honestly, I've been just as turned on by a heavy lady as I have by a skinny. In fact, I'd prefer someone too heavy to someone too thin. Anorexia ain't pretty.

Besides, if you don't take the chances, then you'll never get anywhere or anyone. Worst thing that happens in this situation is she says no. At that point, you're no worse off than had you never tried.

 

[Night_Jasmine]

A lot of it stems from being rejected so much in high school. Even now, I know I'm not the one that draws attention.

Whatever happened to personality being the main draw?

 

[Never]

I disagree that you ought to contact her anyways. If she feels it's important enough to add to her profile then you should respect that.


I wouldn't say that I've "struggled" with my weight. However, at this beginning of this year, I cut out a great deal of junk food from my diet, switched to 'diet' soda, and started a light exercise routine. In spite of this, I've lost maybe ten pounds so far.

Now, that's means I'm ten pounds less likely to have a heart disease, high blood pressure, or to develop diabetes, so I'm not knocking it. If I had lost another fifteen pounds, however, I'd look much better.

Looks count as much to queers as they do to straights. Being conventionally attractive (though not necessarily feminine) does help when it comes to hooking up with people.

 

[Never]

Night_Jasmine:
"Whatever happened to personality being the main draw?"

You are talking about someone you've never met. There's no way she could be drawn to your personality at this point. She can, however, look at your photo and think you're cute.

 

[Missouribiguy]

I'm a little chubby. I think it matters if that person is in poor health, but if they are fit, then I think it be ok.

i do like my guys with a little hairy belly. As for women, I like those who are curvy, not skinny.

 

[Starbuck69]

AS long as the weight is not a health issue, then it really doesn't matter what others think, it only matters what you think, and if they cant deal with it then tell them to take a hike.

Myself it doesn't bother me if some one is over weight, untill it gets into a unhealthy point and then the first this I think is if they have a health issue that has gotten them the way that they are at, it is more of a health concerne.

I always look deeper, what are they like, ie.. funny, nice smile etc...

 

[Xectxny19X]

As much as I'd like a girl who gets to know & like me deeply for who I am, I'd also get to know her for who she is too. So physical appearances are not a big deal for me, although I do have a preference for girls. That's it really.

 

[Tymeless]

my preferance is xect.

i don't care as long as your not overweight to the point thats its very unhealthy!

 

[sweetjain]

Most of my girlfriends have been healthy, but on the stocky side. I'd say probably they were average weight or maybe 10-30 pounds overweight. I certainly never peeked over anyone's shoulder as she was on the scale, so I can only guess. One thing they had in common is that they were almost always significantly larger than me.

I like curves on women I date, but not so much on me. While I wish I had bigger breasts sometimes, whenever I can feel my thighs starting to touch, I confess I diet. Maybe that makes me shallow. Something about my own thighs touching when I stand or walk just freaks me out a little. I like meaty thighs on others, though. I guess it all comes down to the quirks of preference.

 

[none2_none2]

I was one of those who could eat and eat for years and it wasn't a real big deal -- not skinny, but ok. It doesn't work that way now. I have to loose the weightI got up to 50 lbs over weight. Though I am only now 35 pounds over weight (lost 10), I have to loose more. I am pre-diabetic and have a bit elevated on the cholestrol. (My Dad is VERY diabetic and my mother just discovered she had a little bit -- only has to watch what she eats now...

Unless you are really big boned or have a glandular disorder, don't let youself be lulled into thinking the answer is to just accept the weight you are at. The longer someone has a lot of extra pounds the bigger the risk for diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholestral, etc. You can always find exceptions of people who are overweight who are ok, just like you can find smokers who don't have lung cancer. However, do you want to role the dice and hope you are one of those people?

A fair amount of people deal with self-esteme issues. For a lot of us, we eventually get past it -- age tends to have that affect (something has to be positive about aging!).

FYI, I think a bigger deal for the guys is cock size and for that there isn't much you can do.

I am currently on a very low carb died -- I cannot bring myself to cut down portions a whole lot, but the low carbs did take off about 10 pounds. I dislike it in many ways -- mainly I love animals and feel kind of hyprocritical that I now eat a lot of meat. I also so much miss pasta, breads, fruits, lots of veggies, and last but not least an occasional chocolate malt. I did try the exercise route, but the bottom line for me was even if I ran between 45 to 90 minutes, it still didn't do squat to loose the weight. It is my intake -- both how much and what I eat.

I don't take it personal if someone judged me these last few years for being a bit out of shape. Rather, I'm self-motivated to do something about it not for my body image, but for my health. After seeing the shape my dad is in now, I don't want to go down his path. Both my grandmothers died in their late ninenties -- I doubt my Dad makes it much longer, and it isn't because it is "his time". It is because for years he didn't exercise, over ate, over drank, and even to this day doesn't do what the doctor recommends. He is skinny now, but because at a certain point of uncontrolled diabetes you can end up loosing weight as a result of the desease.

 

[LoboBoy]

They list their preferences and those who match, answer the ads. It's simple and there's no point in taking it personally.

I am early 30's. If I had one of those ads online, mine would stipulate a preference for younger guys.

If someone outside of my age range got upset because they liked ME, that's their problem. Why should the person placing the profile have to have anon sex with people they are not into just to avoid offending them? Thats bullshit. YOU wouldn't do it!

 

[Etoile]

I think it's incredibly shallow to put "no fat chicks" on your profile. I mean, it's great that she knows what she likes and is willing to be honest about it...but I still think it's shallow.

My preference? I don't care, really. I am a bit overweight - I've lost 30 pounds since January, but I'm still a few pounds heavy - but it doesn't affect my relationship or anything. My wife is very overweight, but I think she's the hottest woman on the planet. Unfortunately she is very uncomfortable with her body, so I don't get to see it as often as I would like - but I do tell her she's gorgeous every chance I get.

 

[Night_Jasmine]

I think it's incredibly shallow to put "no fat chicks" on your profile. I mean, it's great that she knows what she likes and is willing to be honest about it...but I still think it's shallow.

My preference? I don't care, really. I am a bit overweight - I've lost 30 pounds since January, but I'm still a few pounds heavy - but it doesn't affect my relationship or anything. My wife is very overweight, but I think she's the hottest woman on the planet. Unfortunately she is very uncomfortable with her body, so I don't get to see it as often as I would like - but I do tell her she's gorgeous every chance I get.

That's what I mean right there! It's not just date sites or whatever but Etiole just proved my point. She loves her spouse and still sees her as gorgeous even though she's overweight.

What bothers me is that most people tend overlook the heavier people because they are heavy. That's one of the things that just makes dating difficult. If you're heavy, you're going to have a heck of a time finding someone to talk to so they can see the real you and not the body you're housed in.

 

[Etoile]

That's what I mean right there! It's not just date sites or whatever but Etiole just proved my point. She loves her spouse and still sees her as gorgeous even though she's overweight.

What bothers me is that most people tend overlook the heavier people because they are heavy. That's one of the things that just makes dating difficult. If you're heavy, you're going to have a heck of a time finding someone to talk to so they can see the real you and not the body you're housed in.

Exactly! If you say "I don't want to date fat people" you might miss out on meeting your soulmate - the person who will make you happier than anyone else in the world. You might find a thin person you can enjoy living with, but to me that's settling for less for yourself. You could have found true joy and happiness with someone, but because you said "no fat people" you just might be missing out on that. Maybe your soulmate is thin - but what if they're not?

And for myself, I've tried to think about whether I would want my wife to be less overweight. But I just don't care: I love every inch of her, no matter how many there are!

 

[Etoile]

(double post)

 

[Night_Jasmine]

Etoile, your wife is one lucky woman. I really hope that I'll find someone as open minded as you one day.

How about the rest of you? Would you be willing to give a heavier person a chance so you can learn about his/her personality?

Oh, Etoile, what did you do to drop the weight, if you don't mind me asking?

 

[Etoile]

I am on a program called Diet to Go. They prepare all your meals, in specific portions. It's fresh food, so it's much better than Nutrisystem - I tried that and it was just gross! You don't eat anything that they don't give you except for two glasses of milk a day. (I usually substitute a small fat-free yogurt for one of those.) I personally find it easier than counting calories or WW because you never have to wonder "can I have that (cake, candy, whatever) on my diet?" If DTG didn't give it to you, then you don't eat it!

They have pickup locations throughout the Baltimore/DC and San Francisco metro areas, and if you live outside those areas you get one shipment a week. The food is actually really good, but I have to admit it is expensive. I spend something like $425/month on this plan (1200 cal/day, vegetarian, 3 meals/day) although I don't ever have to go grocery shopping either. I think I spent about $250/month at the grocery store before, so it's a lot more expensive - but it works!

I have developed a philosophy about food and money. Losing weight would make me happy if I was successful at it. Therefore, it's okay to spend money on something that will make me happy. I didn't do well on WW, so I wouldn't spend my money on that...but DTG actually works for me, so I'm willing to spend the money for it. They have a pickup location - actually it's their HQ - about a mile from where I work, and it's very convenient for me. And I never have to worry about what's for dinner!

 

[playwithlezli]

I am on a program called Diet to Go. They prepare all your meals, in specific portions. It's fresh food, so it's much better than Nutrisystem - I tried that and it was just gross! You don't eat anything that they don't give you except for two glasses of milk a day. (I usually substitute a small fat-free yogurt for one of those.) I personally find it easier than counting calories or WW because you never have to wonder "can I have that (cake, candy, whatever) on my diet?" If DTG didn't give it to you, then you don't eat it!

They have pickup locations throughout the Baltimore/DC and San Francisco metro areas, and if you live outside those areas you get one shipment a week. The food is actually really good, but I have to admit it is expensive. I spend something like $425/month on this plan (1200 cal/day, vegetarian, 3 meals/day) although I don't ever have to go grocery shopping either. I think I spent about $250/month at the grocery store before, so it's a lot more expensive - but it works!

I have developed a philosophy about food and money. Losing weight would make me happy if I was successful at it. Therefore, it's okay to spend money on something that will make me happy. I didn't do well on WW, so I wouldn't spend my money on that...but DTG actually works for me, so I'm willing to spend the money for it. They have a pickup location - actually it's their HQ - about a mile from where I work, and it's very convenient for me. And I never have to worry about what's for dinner!

I am glad this is working for you Etoile, I did use Weight Watchers to lose 40lbs, it was a fair bit of work at the beginning with all the thinking but what I like is that after you lose the weight there is a system for keeping it off. I still bounce around a little weight wise but I know why I eat so then I can deal with that and drop the few that snuck back on.

But that is why there are different programs, whatever works is good as long as it is healthy. Must admit the idea of having someone prepare 3 veg meals for me a day sounds tempting-the veg options on any other diet thing are always so limited, especially now that I have found out I am lactose intolerant.

 

[playwithlezli]

I'm a part of a lesbian date site and found this one profile that was close to my area and sounded really great to get to know. However, there was one issue that stopped me from saying hi. She's emphatic on non-heavy girls.

Since middle school, I have battled with weight issues and self esteem problems since then. I do the best I can but can't seem to get to where I'd like to be.

My questions are...has anyone else seen this issue? Is this an issue for you guys? If you had your preference, what would it be?

To be honest, it's kinda got me down.

Hi Jasmine, I have been thinking about this since you first posted it, I have to admit I likely would not date someone who is signifigantly overweight as I like to ski, paddle, hike, cycle, you name it. A partner who is moderately overweight could do these things if they were so inclined, but at some point there is less likliehood of having my partner participate if they were too heavy. For all that I like to party on occasion, I have to say that my lifestyle is basically a healthy one, so food preferences would likely be significantly different too.

I like to think I am open to potential partners of all types, ages, sizes but I have to admit I am a little bit prejudiced on this matter. Sorry :-(

 

[Etoile]

I am glad this is working for you Etoile, I did use Weight Watchers to lose 40lbs, it was a fair bit of work at the beginning with all the thinking but what I like is that after you lose the weight there is a system for keeping it off. I still bounce around a little weight wise but I know why I eat so then I can deal with that and drop the few that snuck back on.

But that is why there are different programs, whatever works is good as long as it is healthy. Must admit the idea of having someone prepare 3 veg meals for me a day sounds tempting-the veg options on any other diet thing are always so limited, especially now that I have found out I am lactose intolerant.

I actually lost about 30 pounds on WW too, but I gained it back and couldn't lose anything again! In fact I even gained a little past where I had started. So I switched to counting calories and ended up gaining a little more, and then on Jan 3rd 2006 I started Diet to Go and it's been very effective.

The vegetarian plan is quite good; there's not nearly as much tofu or TVP as I would like but it's still good!

 

[playwithlezli]

I actually lost about 30 pounds on WW too, but I gained it back and couldn't lose anything again! In fact I even gained a little past where I had started. So I switched to counting calories and ended up gaining a little more, and then on Jan 3rd 2006 I started Diet to Go and it's been very effective.

The vegetarian plan is quite good; there's not nearly as much tofu or TVP as I would like but it's still good!

Bummer! I am glad that you have got something you like then, I don't know about you but losing all that weight just made it so much easier to get active and get back to my old life, I kinda lost myself there for a few years.

 

[BetweenHerLegs]

Hmmm...

You have to realize too, hun, that high school and internet dating both have one thing in common: a ton of shallow, snobby, superficial people. It takes a lot of work to find a soulmate, and I'm sorry you haven't found the right situation yet.

Exactly! If you say "I don't want to date fat people" you might miss out on meeting your soulmate - the person who will make you happier than anyone else in the world.

This part I actually feel divided about. On the hand, I want to agree very badly. And I had one very long, very loving relationship with a girl who was certainly overweight, but I found that her weight suited her well, and we were very happy together for a couple of years until other things changed in our lives.

But, at the same time, I can't deny the importance of physical chemisty in my relationships, and most of the time I find that chemistry with folks who are in really good shape. Partly that's because I lead an active lifestyle with a lot of skiing and hiking and other backcountry activities, and that's a lot easier with someone in great shape, but... (shrug) I suppose there's no escaping personal taste, too.

 

[Wolfman1982]

You are talking about pounds, I am talking about kilos, and I have a serious weight problem. I am weighing about 135 kilos (give or take) and I am 185 centimetres tall . And well I eat healthy and all that, and I will fight with tooth, and claw to get down in weight, instead of the opposite.

But I don´t really care about weight, since to me what makes the person worth it , is the inside of the person that counts. Not their weight.