Question: How (of Whether) To Initiate FMF Threesome With Wife & Friend

[rounder03]

Question: How (or Whether) To Initiate FMF Threesome With Wife & Friend

My wife and I have a divorced female friend who is a couple of years older than us. We often do things together and have similar tastes in music, movies, etc. She is very affectionate and often hugs me, while I sometimes give her back and neck rubs and put my arm around her. She seems very comfortable with sitting close between us on the couch and is not bashful about deliberately displaying glimpses of her body. We are all in the same shape...a few pounds overweight but all reasonably attractive. She and I have both told each other that we would be interested in the other if we were both single, and my wife has often commented on how pretty our friend is.
Now that you know the facts, what are the chances that a threesome might develop? How does one broach the subject without shocking or offending someone? My wife has never shown any overt signs of being bicurious, and I don't know if she would be into sharing even if the friend was interested. Like most males, a threesome is a favorite fantasy, especially if it went all the way including woman to woman lovemaking (even restricted to kissing and touching). My inclinations are to let the women take the lead and not bring it up. I would hate to damage a good relationship with either wife or friend. I care about both very much.
Any advice? Particularly interested in hearing from those who have had this experience (whether positive or negative). Should this just remain a fantasy?

 

[Bent]

Having 'been there'...

What you probably don't know, is the women might have already discussed it together, but don't know how to bring it up either. That was my situation anyway. It then went to us both, approaching our husband's separately, and then one day, it was my husband (who is now my ex, but not because of that) who just blurted it out like "I know we all have the same thing on our minds, and we all have the same response, so lets just lay it on the table and discuss this like adults"...we all laughed at his nervousness of course, but still, it was all up and downhill from there

For us we set down ground rules, what was allowed and what wasn't no matter how we felt when we were in the moment, we were not to let the other cross the line, and we didn't...we kept everything in perspective and had a great time.

You might want to start off by allowing them to do it together alone, and you watch, so you don't feel left out, and if they want you to join, then have fun with it!

 

[Feistyred16]

FmF 3somes

Maybe this won't help, but this is what happened to me...
For a long time, hubby & I had "talked" about a 3some with another woman, mostly during the heat of the moment so I decided that I would try to do something about it if the chance presented itself. I mean fmf is most mens fantasy right?
One evening, my best friend, hubby & I were meeting some other friends at a bar for aparty for another friend. We decided long before we got there, who was the designated driver and hubby was to be our"babysitter" for the evening. He actually didn't pay much attention to us except did not let us drive. I mean dammit, he let me fall in a hole in the parking lot on the way out...lol Anyway, I tend to take my clothes off when I get a little tipsy. So on our ride home(which was about an hour) I took all of my clothes off. My friend who was in the back seat, took hers off too. We were laughing, joking & having a great time on the way home. I was feeling rather frisky and couldn't wait to get home anf get my man in the bed. Anyway, as we got closer to our house, I started putting my clothes back on as I didn't want to walk in naked and let any neighbors that may be up see me and start those tongues to wagging. My friend & I walked hand in hand to the house, hubby trailing behind, hearding us in like cattle. Going up the steps, I expected my best friend to go to the room she was sleeping in and I couldn't wait to get in bed with my husband. Jen walked into our bedroom & flopped in our bed and started to fall asleep. I told her to get up, and go in the room she was sleeping in. She said she didn't want to sleep alone, I laughed & said she HAD to sleep alone as I had plans for hubby. She still didn't move so I told her if she was sleeping with us, she had to take her shoes & clothes off. She still didn't move so I started removing her shoes, thinking she would just get up . Well, she just laid there. Hubby is looking at me & rolling his eyes. He isn't wanting to deal with a passed out drunk. I shake her & tell her again to get up & take her clothes off...This time she finally gets. I figure since she is up, she will now go to the room she was too sleep in. She takes her clothes off, and crawels in my bed. By this time, the drinking I had done was catching up to me and I just didn't feel like dealing with her. i just undressed and crawled in the bed, in the middle. Hubby climbs in after me. I rolled over to kiss him goodnight. My friend says I want a kiss goodnight too. So I lean over & kiss her goodnight. We have always been very close & really thought nothing about kissing her goodnight. I just didn't expect her to try to stick her tongue in my mouth. she is running her tongue over my lips and trying to get it in my mouth. I am getting excited by the thought of feeling her tongue, so I open my mouth. I'm also thinking about the 3some thing that hubby & I have talked about before. I'm wondering if tonight might be the night. After kissing her for a time, she whispers to me that was nice. I get bold and tell her yes it was and I wanted her to join us...not just for sleeping, I wanted her to join us in bed. She answered me by kissing me again. While hubby has figued out we are still kissing & rolls over , starts rubbing my ass...I whisper to my friend I want her watch her suck my husband...All of this has gone on without us really saying a thing to him about it. I move down to the end of the bed & she rolls over & starts giving him a BJ. Its kinda dark and I can't really see the look on his face, but I'm sure he is enjoying. Anyway, to make this short, a good time was had by all(or so I thought)
The next morning, I got up, started some coffee & breakfast. We all sat around joked, kidded, nothing out of the normal except no one mentioned a thing about what happened the night before. Later that day after my friend left, I was laying out in the sun on our deck, hubby was mowing the grass. When he walked up on the deck, I told him to come give me a kiss. When he did, I asked him how he like last night. He got the strangest look on his face. He told me I made him cheat. He said in all the years we had been together(I was 15 when we met and we got married when I was 19... We had been married almost 20 years) he had never been with another woman. I thought he was kidding. I laughed & said I wanted to do it again. I'd even like to maybe have a mfm 3some. He looked at me & said again, "you made me cheat."I don't want to hear anything about it again. If I ever decide I want to do this again, I'll let you know. I am so blown away by this I just sit there with my mouth open. I mean hell it looked to me as if he had a good time. We all did. We all participated witheach other. I always though that every mans dream was to watch 2 woman together and be able to join in. I was so turned on by watching the 2 of them together. And he appeared to be very turned on by watching the 2 of us together. I just couldn't figure this out. To this day, he has never said a thing about wanting to have another 3some. Jen & I are still very "close" and actually tease him at times about all of us sleeping together that night.
I'm sure I missed something here, but would you not be in 7th heaven if your wife brought her best friend into your bed?
Anyway, my suggestion would be to talk a great deal so there are no hard feelings. He was clearly uncomfortable the next day.
I have had several 3some since that night and enjoyed each one. No, he doesn't know about them and I'll never tell. I'm just sorry that he has such a "vanilla" outlook to sex. He has no clue what he's missing.

 

[Lust Engine]

Kudos to you rounder! At least you seem relatively content with the notion that it could very well stay a fantasy. You seem tohave thought this out very thoroughly and most impressive is that you actually & genuinely care about the dynamics of the relationships already established! Bravo!

So many folks here just seem to be in search of getting a threesome going without thinking completely through the consequences. You seem just the opposite and could very well content to leave it as a wonderful fantasy. Your statements lead me to believe you value both of these people not just physically but emotionally. What a selfless person you seem to be here.

Hats off to you & may you remain satisfied in one form or another. Good luck.

 

[Bent]

Feistyred16

You 'made' him cheat? LOL Sorry, that's pretty damned funny...did you 'make' him cum too? It's funny how you have control over all his faculties, ya know? Next time, he takes a piss, make sure he holds it til you 'make' him go...then I'd wait for his eyes to start bulging.

 

[Lust Engine]

Re: Feistyred16

You 'made' him cheat? LOL Sorry, that's pretty damned funny...did you 'make' him cum too? It's funny how you have control over all his faculties, ya know? Next time, he takes a piss, make sure he holds it til you 'make' him go...then I'd wait for his eyes to start bulging.

I agree totally with Bent here. Not unless you didn't mention that you have some telepathic powers over him, I don't see how you "made" him cheat. How selfish of him to blame you and not be brave enough to accept the responsibilities for his own actions (hell, it sounds as though he had fun!). Even if he didn't like it the next day, why spread the blame to you?? He should've just been upfront with you & say "Honey... what happened last night just wasn't my cup of tea afterall" and been done with. He seriously needs to grow up & accept some responsibility for HIS actions.

Guys like him give us guys a bad image!

 

[Feistyred16]

re:LUST Engine

No, no telepathic ablities here...but as you can tell by the end of my post..I didn't let his guilt hold me back. Although I hate sneaking around, a girls gotta do what a girls gotta do...anyway, as I said "vanilla" is him to a "T" I found out after that night, that "vanilla" isn't my cup of tea. As to our marriage, its only so-so now..all because of that night...wait maybe not because of that night, maybe it has always been so-so....anyway, I'm tired of just having to "settle" and for the new year, I think I just may do something about it. Life is way to short to be unhappy...
Anyway, thanks for listening to me this morning....

 

[Feistyred16]

LUSTY???

By the way I so LOOOOOVE your name!

 

[Lust Engine]

Re: LUSTY???

By the way I so LOOOOOVE your name!

Thanks, I appreciate the sentiment.

 

[rounder03]

Thanks, Feistyred, Bent, and LustEngine! Your responses are helpful, encouraging, and eye-opening. Thank you for being so honest and upfront with your responses, including the downsides of your experiences. At this point I'm leaning toward waiting for my wife and our friend to make the first move, rather than risk messing up our relationship. I love them both very much, and although I have been attracted to our female friend for years...have known her since the 80's....I wouldn't want to have any sexual relationship with her that didn't include my wonderful wife. Unless something unexpected happens, I can enjoy the fantasy of seeing them together...or my wife and I both making love to our friend simultaneously.
Rather than see the thread closed, I'd welcome hearing about anyone else's threesome experiences with a close friend
(I love to read about swapping foursomes, too, but I don't even remotely know any interested couples and I'm not sure how I would react...in the right situation with the right friends, it might be very exciting, but it might also lead to some guilt, jealousy, and downright ugliness afterward. More people= more potential for problems). I think I'll stick with the threesome possibility (which at present is the only option).
Again, many thanks. Anyone who wants to share, please post. I confess to getting aroused while reading both Bent's and Feistygirl's messages. If anything does happen, I'll try to give an account.

 

[Hexiegirl]

Hi Rounder! Hexie here again...

Well, you've gotten some really good advice on here. Not sure if I have much to add. I've done several threesomes, and some "kinda" foursomes (just oral sex really). It seems that there are two requirments needed to make this work.
First,you and your spouse need to talk THOROUGHLY about this first. Don't even mention that you have someone in mind. Maybe get some erotica and read it (even to her maybe) and use this as a starter point for a conversation so that you can see what her thoughts about it are. If she thinks its a good idea, you need to made absolutely sure that she is not just saying that to make you happy...or there is the potential for her holding a grudge later (as the poster above stated about her husband saying she MADE him do it). Then you need to discuss ALL possiblities of what could happen, down to even the wildest thing. And decide what actions are acceptable in each situation. For example, my husband and I have never just "come upon" a threesome situation. We have always discussed it before hand first. For instance, I had my birthday pool party a while back (and these always end up nekkid by the end of the night). I told hubby that I was inviting a couple of girlfriends that he hadn't met yet, but they were young cuties. We discussed if anything happened with them (or anyone else) would it be ok with each other. The answer was yes. That way if something happens, you'll know how your partner feels ahead of time, and if nothing happens, well, no biggie, maybe next time!
It also seems that the relationship of you and your mate needs to be very stable to begin with. If a couple has any underlying issues, situations like this always seem to bring them out eventually. And being not a very jealous person helps a lot!!!
My husband has very simple rules. I can be with any woman I want, preferably allowing him to watch or participate, but that isn't totally necessary. I feel comfortable allowing him to be with women (even without me) as well. After long discussions, we came to the conclusion that he is not able to let me be with other men, so they are off limits. This applies to the penis! Kissing and hugging is fine with our friends. He has occasionally made exceptions. For instance, if he goes down on a friend and gives her oral pleasure, he figures, its probably fair to let her husband/boyfriend do the same to me. But generally speaking, I have not been too attracted to the male mates of my girlfriends. And I admit that since I do like men as well, this has not always been easy for me. On the rare occasion that I have been very attracted to another man, I know that that is a dangerous situation because my husband can be a very jealous man (when it comes to other men). Is this a totally fair situation? no. But fairness has nothing to do with real life. You gotta find what works and stick with it. Gotta figure out your boundaries before you even try to push them.

 

[rounder03]

I don't think this will ever happen, but this is what I would wish for:
[Sorry...I have deleted this for reasons posted below. The real experiences posted by others make better anyway. This one was rather bad fiction]

 

[Hexiegirl]

Rounder, that's a very realistic expectation of a threesome experience. That's pretty much the way mine have happened. So, there's still hope! And good luck!~~~

 

[Gilly Bean]

A threesome is something that will completely change any relationship you have with this friend, especially if any one of you is even the slightest bit uncomfortable with the idea.

It's something that should be talked about until everyone feels comfortable.

And by all means, DON'T make a 'drinking' thing. Something your wife does while under the influence, may just make it harder for her to fathom in the harsh light of day.

Something like this needs to be 100% consensual, or feelings will be hurt. It's not hard at all for a person's feelings to come into play, even if they shouldn't.

I'd even suggest maybe finding a different person, not a friend, to try first. It's better to feel hurt or angry at someone you don't see much, or don't talk to all the time.

Just feel it out, and let it happen naturally, don't force the issue into happening before it should.

 

[rounder03]

Well, I said I wouldn't post any more about this topic, but I see that this thread is still alive (if not exactly "kicking"...it seems that it's still being read). I am going to delete my "fantasy post" because it seems so ...well...contrived compared to your real experiences, which are very hot to read.
Also wanted to thank all of you again for the thoughtful advice and for treating my question seriously. The consensus was to approach this very carefully with all parties understanding the consequences beforehand. I am taking your advice, and will wait to see if anything develops on its own (meaning if wife and friend initiate the action). Even then, I will now know better what to do about talking about it before going past the point of no return, since this would change our relationships forever.
Thanks again for your carefully considered words, and for your honesty in describing both the good and the bad parts of your threesome experiences. They have helped me a lot in reaching my own conclusions (letting the big head rule the little head), and I think they are well worth reading by others. If anyone else wants to add their experiences, I will certainly be reading. And I still promise to give a full description of any personal encounter in the unlikely event that it does happen. You never know.

P.S. This may be worth adding. Gilly Bean's advice about not involving a close friend made perfect sense...that could be very awkward and uncomfortable, especially since I see her at work every day. On the other hand, I don't know if I could be with anyone except my wife unless I cared deeply for the person (and I'm pretty sure my wife would feel the same). So it's sort of a Catch-22 situation. As I told BlueDaisy, it's damned if you screw and damned if you don't.

 

[Bent]

rounder03

I think you should talk to them about it. I don't think you should 'wait and see'. This is something you have been thinking about, something that you want to do, and you really should communicate openly with your wife about this. Even if she says no, at least you talked about it, and won't go on with that feeling of 'maybe I should have said something'.

Not that it will happen, or that it won't, but communication is your only hope in a solid sexual relationship...however, as I have found, even being completely honest has its drawbacks, so be prepared in the even she decides to throw it in your face at a later date.

Just try to reassure her, either way, whatever her response is, that she, your wife is the only one for you, and that you respect your relationship enough and her, to discuss even your most secret of desires.