Question from a new sub

[wannaBsub4u]

I have been lurking here for a bit and find the information extremely enjoyable.

I have been fantasizing about becoming a sub for many years now, but I only recently confessed it to my Sir (husband of 10 years). He is very excited about this new side of me, except one major problem. He dosn't like to "hurt" me. He has admitted to "Domming"( Is that an actual phrase here?) in the past and had no problem with those women, but with me it's different. I don't like oodooles of pain, but a little spanking, and hardness would be appreciated. How do I help him get over his "love" for me so that we can get to the good stuff!

I have fantasies of Sir blind-folding me, me tied up and Sir spanking me. But I am afraid that it will never happen as long as he is scared of hurting me.


Any suggestions for us in this new endeavor to get out of the vanilla world?

Thanks,
wannaB

 

[dirtylittleslut]

I don't know how much help I can be, as my husband and I are exploring more into this at the time too, but I thought I would let you know that your not the only one dealing with this.

My husband and I have been with each other 7 years as of today and while we have always been kinky, I recently threw in wanting to be spanked and nipple play and a few other things. lol My husband was a bit taken back by it at first and I found that a lot of it was due to him just not knowing exactly what I wanted and not knowing what to do.

While we are both aggressive and passive at times in bed, depending on our mood, we had never specifically said..I want you to flip me over and spank me until I beg you to stop..or things of that nature.
So it is something very new and with anything new, comes excitement and nervousness. But with starting slow and building up, that nervousness wears off.
You will both learn your limits going that way because it isn't too hard at first. You can and should, communicate when you can handle more or less. For my husband it has helped him with realizing just how high my tolerance for pain is and keeps him from feeling like I am going to fall apart if he slaps a bit too hard, or bites a little too much. Plus he knows I am not going to hold it against him if we are playing and it gets too painful. I can use our safe word and it tones down, or quits..depending on which one I use. And we can move onto other things and all is fine in our relationship. Afterwards we always talk about what happened and what we enjoyed and didn't, and why.
My husband personally doesn't like doing the spanking part, but does it for me because he knows how much I enjoy it..and he does love when I enjoy things. Now if I could only get him to let me spank him..lol..never going to happen. lol

Good luck, I am sure with communication and time exploreing you two will be having lots of fun.

 

[wannaBsub4u]

Glad to see I'm not alone.

Thank you for the encouragment and advice, as well as a big happy anniversary!!~

This is still pretty new to our relationship as far as me actually admitting that I like this kind of play, but when we first started dating Sir was alot more open to adventures like this with me, at one point early in our first year Sir actually did tie me up a few times (I secretly loved it then! ). It just seems as the years has gone by Sir has mellowed in his free-wheeling pre-married ways. I would just love to get some of that back (along with some new tricks!). I guess I should be saying this to Sir as well, huh?


Again thank you for the reply!

wannaB

P.S. Sir wanted me to post a few picture of us, I just don't have then straightened out yet, but here is a "clean" one of me......if anyone is interested.

 

[dirtylittleslut]

Your very welcome. Thank you for the anniversary wish. It isn't a wedding anniversary, so it won't get the same type of attention, but it has been wonderful so we still keep track. lol

I think it is very common for a relationship to get into a rut and to taper off in the "energy level" after awhile. It is very easy to get to the point of just doing what works, and forgetting to find other things. But with the wonderful internet, we can spice things up rather quickly. I'm surprised my husband hasn't banned me from the computer, some of the ideas I go to him with lately. LOL

I think it is wonderful that you have become open with who you are, and that you have a supportive partner to grow with.

 

[TxBelle]

I'm new to all of this too. I just came clean with my hubby about what I wanted this past weekend and things were great. However, he has the same fears as your husband. Huummm....We have some work to do woman!

 

[wannaBsub4u]

Yes, plenty of work to do! LOL

Sir knows when I have been online just as soon as he walks in the door. Just the looks I give, he knows if I have been reading or not online. Sir used to incourage me reading these stories, but I think after this past week, he is ready to un-plug the computer, and throw it out the window on a rainy day! LOL

I feel so much better knowing that I have a place to go with my "perversions" now. This is something I have not even told my bestest-best friend about (the fantisies that is). So to know that I can come here and not be looked down on is really something cool.

wannaB

 

[justgem]

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[wannaBsub4u]

Thank you gem for the really good advice. I havve been checking a little online for different articles, and have found a few that interest me. I will certainly take your advice to heart.

wannaB

 

[sheath]

Wanna know what strikes me as a good idea right now?

Print out these posts. Staple them all together and put a big lipstick kiss on each page and put them under his dinner plate tonight.

He will definitely get the picture.

S.

 

[dirtylittleslut]

Gem has a great point. There is a lot of difference between reading an erotic story and actually learning how to go about making that erotic story part of your reality.
A wonderful site that I went to recently, thanks to Willow posting it in a previous thread about introducing bondage, is www.castlerealm.com
They have excellent articles and also have the checklist that Gem mentioned. I was very happy to see that they offered a dictionary to use while filling it out, since some of the terms I did not know. I found out that my husband and I are about even when it comes to the things that were on there. It helped that my husband already knows my fears and what will put me in a panic attack, but I found that the list really makes you address things that you may have assumed that the other person already knew. Plus it brought up things that neither one of us had thought of before.

But I have learned so much from reading here and going to sites that have been posted for more information. My husband was very happy that I found Lit, since I was able to research anal and find out how to make it enjoyable for both of us. Through all the reading and information, I found myself not only more willing to try it, but actually Wanting to try it. lol
And at castlerealm, my husband was able to read some very good articles about spanking and dominance, which gave him ideas and knowledge that we both needed. (I have yet to go through the whole site, so I am only referring to the articles that we read).

One of my friends is very interested in trying the candle wax thing, unfortunally at this time her husband is not interested in playing too. I sent her to a site with the candles and told her to order one and try it on her own..since she isn't sure if she would like it or not, but she didn't think that would be the same.

Ok, I think I rambled and lost my point somewhere..sorry. Hopefully somewhere in all those words is the point of, I agree with gem and believe that stories definitly have thier place, but researching after finding a story that gets the mind going..is very important.