Question for the guys

[graceanne]

Ok, I've got a friend. She's in her 20's and single. She's got a friend in the San Juan Islands. He's been flying to the states once a month, just to take her out. They are not sleeping together, and she thinks that he 'just wants to be friends'. I think that's bull, but she doesn't believe me, so guys?

Would another guy spend all that time and money if he wasn't looking for a . . . relationship?

 

[Raeth]

Not very likely unless he isn't attracted to women...

I guess it's possible that he doesn't have any other motives. I just don't buy it. Does she have any interest in it becoming more than friends?

All you would have to do is find out how he would react if he thought she were dating someone else...

 

[graceanne]

He's not interested in men.

Nothing against anyone, but people rarely do anything if they aren't expecting something in return. I asked my husband, by brother in law (aka dipwad), and an online guy friend. They all agree with me, but she still doesn't think so. She's interested, but she doesn't think he is. lol Talk about the last person in the world I expected to be this naive.

 

[Raeth]

Wow... I just assumed she must not want it to be more than friends. Sad thing is he may eventually give up if she doesn't come around... he may think he is being pretty obvious with what he wants.

 

[Xelebes]

Drug running is a possibility. CONTACT THE FBI!

Er.... that's the only thing that comes to mind other than him being a closet homo or got the hots for him.

Maybe all three. 8O

 

[m wisdom]

Boy likes girl.
Girl likes boy.

If your friend is interested she should tell him, because he probably won't.

(And I do mean tell him, don't leave hints as you girls always do, we don't get them and we never will.)

 

[RavenSpirit2k4]

Boy likes girl.
Girl likes boy.

If your friend is interested she should tell him, because he probably won't.

(And I do mean tell him, don't leave hints as you girls always do, we don't get them and we never will.)

Good advice. I also doubt he's going through so much effort just to spend time with her as a friend.

 

[Miss Diva]

She should read a new book called "He's Just Not That Into You : The No-Excuses Truth to Understanding Guys -- by Greg Behrendt, Liz Tuccillo".

Excerpts available at http://www.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/200409/tows_past_20040922.jhtml.

This is a must book for all dating women, whether you are 16 or 66.

It is a funny book and hopefully we women will stop taking the crap the guys put us through.

 

[graceanne]

Boy likes girl.
Girl likes boy.

If your friend is interested she should tell him, because he probably won't.

(And I do mean tell him, don't leave hints as you girls always do, we don't get them and we never will.)

Well, I told her to out and out ask him. But she won't, cause she really thinks he's spending all that time and money onf a 'friend'. So we'll see what happens, but I also know that he's been asking her questions on everything from marriage, to childrearing, to lifestyle.

 

[m wisdom]

Well, I told her to out and out ask him. But she won't, cause she really thinks he's spending all that time and money onf a 'friend'. So we'll see what happens, but I also know that he's been asking her questions on everything from marriage, to childrearing, to lifestyle.

I can honestly say that I don't know a single guy that would spend that kind of money and time if he wasn't in love (or very rich and horny). If you are sure she is interested talk to the guy if you can, tell him that she doesn't know if he is interested and that he should be a bit more forward if he is.

I don't know the two but it sounds to me he doesn't want to push it because that's not what nice guys is supposed to do.

Wow... I just assumed she must not want it to be more than friends. Sad thing is he may eventually give up if she doesn't come around... he may think he is being pretty obvious with what he wants.

I agree

 

[Quint]

How long has he known her, how did they meet, how often do they talk?

What sort of income does he have?

Does he travel to the States frequently on business anyway? Does he conduct any business on his visits here?

Does he have any other friends, here or elsewhere, that he visits in a similar manner?

Does he have a criminal background?

My ex-fiancee takes trips to visit me whenever his funds and time permits and we BOTH know the sex ain't ever coming back; it's not out of the question that the guy just feels a deep connection with your friend. He may just have money and time to blow.

 

[TNRkitect2b]

Well, I told her to out and out ask him. But she won't, cause she really thinks he's spending all that time and money onf a 'friend'. So we'll see what happens, but I also know that he's been asking her questions on everything from marriage, to childrearing, to lifestyle.

I agree he is interested. And his questioning of marriage, childrearing and lifestyle are further proof that he's thinking about it. He would not be discussing these items with her, if he was not interested in her views on them specificaly. Unless he's stinging anothr woman along her in the states that he is visiting as well, he is interested in her. Period.

 

[Kajira Callista]

maybe he wants her to feel comfy in a friendship first, so they can get to know each other well before all the other stuff like romance and those rose colored glasses take over.

 

[graceanne]

How long has he known her, how did they meet, how often do they talk?

Long enough that she can say he comes to see her every month.

What sort of income does he have?

He's doing ok for himself. He's a graphic designer. Believe me, he's all she talked about last night. *sigh* infatuation.

Does he travel to the States frequently on business anyway? Does he conduct any business on his visits here?

Does he have any other friends, here or elsewhere, that he visits in a similar manner?

No, I asked. He's coming specifically to see her.

Does he have a criminal background?

Dunno

My ex-fiancee takes trips to visit me whenever his funds and time permits and we BOTH know the sex ain't ever coming back; it's not out of the question that the guy just feels a deep connection with your friend. He may just have money and time to blow.

I just don't see it. Either he's in love, or he's wanting to get her in bed.

 

[graceanne]

maybe he wants her to feel comfy in a friendship first, so they can get to know each other well before all the other stuff like romance and those rose colored glasses take over.

See, i can see that. But I think that in the long term he wants a relationship. I don't see him putting this much work into a relationship with a friend. You can be friends just fine over the computer. It doesn't require trips to see eachother, and dates.

 

[Kajira Callista]

See, i can see that. But I think that in the long term he wants a relationship. I don't see him putting this much work into a relationship with a friend. You can be friends just fine over the computer. It doesn't require trips to see each other, and dates.

let her think that friends is all its about and take the steps with him slowly...you can sit back and watch with a big grin on your face just... knowing

 

[rabblerouser]

Hmm. The guy appears to be having a two brained discussion with himself. His 'higher brain', the homo sapien one, probably thinks he is just a friend. A friend with an agenda; I think he's looking for a wife because of the questions he's asking. He thinks your friend may be the one.

His 'lower' brain, the reptilian one, is doing cartwheels yelling "We're gonna get luck-EEEEEE" and reminiding him to pack the speedo and the Binaca and the Sexy Aftershave. But the two brains don't communicate well; so he may not have a clue.


M Wisdom is right. She needs to come out and tell him how she feels and simply ask him what is intentions are. Guys just don't get the girly hint language. It's like playing Jeapardy with your heart or your guy parts at stake.

"Alex, I'll take 'What the hell did I do now' for World Series Tickets "

"Okay daniel, but that's a daily double! If you get it, you get to go the game with the guys. If you lose, though, you've got to go the ballet or lose both balls.."

But anyway, I'm digressing here. Please tell her to sit the guy down and talk to him. It'll make both their lives a lot easier.

 

[m wisdom]

I think he wants a serious relationship but he dosen't want to push to hard, he wants to be the nice guy that you are supposed to be these days

One of them will have to take the next step or they are both going to regret it. If she dosen't want to take the next step get him to do it.

 

[m wisdom]

--

 

[graceanne]

I think he wants a serious relationship but he dosen't want to push to hard, he wants to be the nice guy that you are supposed to be these days

One of them will have to take the next step or they are both going to regret it. If she dosen't want to take the next step get him to do it.

I agree. Hopefully me pointing this out to her will get her thinking, and maybe moving in that direction. Either that or he's gonna think she's not interested, and nothing will happen.

 

[MastrJ]

I'll go a long way for a friend, but this is farther than I would ever go unless I was independently wealthy. I vote with everyone else. He's really into her and for some reason is afraid to come right out and say so.

 

[graceanne]

Well, as to why he's going slow, that I can kinda see. She's a single mother of an 11 month old. Her ex is in jail for shaking the baby when she was a few weeks old. (The baby is fine.)So he might be wanting to let her get over her ex before anything else. But I also think he wants to marry her. If he was just looking to get laid, he would be content with superficial conversation.

 

[Raeth]

Yeah, all of the talk about marriage and children just screams that he wants a serious relationship... he probably sees something that he really wants and is scared of forcing it.

I kind of felt that way when I was trying to decide when to ask my wife to marry me... even though I was pretty certain of the outcome, it still worried me to put it all on the line.