Question for subs and Dom/mes. Do poly relationships work?

[Mr. Bootie]

For those that are in a poly relationship. How is it working out? Let's discuss poly's. I'm interested in hearing what others have to say on this subject.



Thank you.


kgboot
aka "Mr. Bootie"

 

[MissTaken]

Poly relationships are always worth some discussion.

First, I will say it before anyone else, communication is key. If everyone is mutually interested in one another's happiness and best interest and everyone communicates, that is a good start.

Then, having clearly set roles and responsibilities. Who really has the final word? Who serves whom and when? *giggles* All those sorts of things need to be considered.

Recognizing one another time, space and freedom to be[/b] human is necessary. We all deserve love, patience and trust. We all make mistakes. Trying to communicate and act before reacting is another must.

There are many perspectives on poly and as many different means by which to accomplish poly as there are individuals involved. I look forward to hearing more from others.

 

[MissTaken]

BTW, hi there darlin' KG!

 

[sub princess]

Yes, poly relationships can and do work, though not for everyone. i am in a polyamorous relationship, Master has three girls that He is training to become His slaves.

i didn't specifically set out to find a poly relationship, it just worked out that the best, and most wonderful Master i have ever met was already training two other girls. i thought long and hard before i started training to become His slave, and although i am not, nor have i ever been the jealous type (at least in real life), i knew that it was not the easiest situation in the world, but i also knew that the more i got to know Him, the more i wanted to know.

my training was for the most part 'online' in the beginning, with a few real life visits here and there. He would often speak of His girls, and though i never felt jealous of them, i did, and still do at times, feel jealous when they are with Him and i am not. It was just recently, in the last month in fact, that i met my slave sisters for the first time. Both of them are very sweet, and welcoming to me, i felt at ease immediately. As a few weeks have past since our first meeting, and we have had a few opportunities to better get to know each other, i have come to really enjoy the time i get to spend with each of them, and i look forward to us becoming close like real sisters.

i am very grateful for the relationship that i have found, and am blessed to be a part of. i am not only thankful to have found a Master that is perfect for me, and one that i have learned so much from and love so entirely, but i too am thankful for the two beautiful and caring girls, my sisters, that i now have the privilege of having in my life as well.

There will be bumps in the road along the way i am sure, but as Miss T pointed out, communication is key. Honesty, open mindedness, and the ability to listen and understand the joys, sorrows, hopes and fears that we as a family share are what, i believe, will make all the difference, and keep this family growing strong.

 

[Mr. Bootie]

Thank You Miss T!! I've missed you also Hon'.

Thank You for replying to my thead Miss T and Sub Princess.


Yes, I do think communication is the key. No, I didn't start out with wanting a poly relationship, but I think it is not too far away.


kgboot
aka "Mr. Bootie"

 

[Mastersprincess]

i thought long and hard before i started training to become His slave, and although i am not, nor have i ever been the jealous type (at least in real life), i knew that it was not the easiest situation in the world, but i also knew that the more i got to know Him, the more i wanted to know.

my training was for the most part 'online' in the beginning, with a few real life visits here and there. He would often speak of His girls, and though i never felt jealous of them, i did, and still do at times, feel jealous when they are with Him and i am not.

Very nicely put princess. You put so much thought and feeling into your posts and i enjoy them very much.

I can relate to much of what you post......when you speak of jealousy, i think i understand your feelings....but perhaps the word yearning would be better suited. Jealousy is such a negative emotion, but yearning and a bit of sadness are to be expected. How could you not want to be a part of their daily lives?

And i agree with MissTaken, communication is the key. Without communication, no relationship will last, whether it be poly or not, vanilla or kinky.

mastersprincess

 

[FungiUg]

Work, yes. Work! So much work! Work work work!

But if that's what rocks your boat, then that makes the work all worthwhile.

I'm only in a variant of an "open relationship", and that's been an incredible amount of work! (Mostly communication, as MissT pointed out.) We have discussed going poly with a live-in slut, but that will wait until the kids have moved on.

 

[Desdemona]

Originally posted by Mastersprincess < SNIP>
.....when you speak of jealousy, i think i understand your feelings....but perhaps the word yearning would be better suited. Jealousy is such a negative emotion, but yearning and a bit of sadness are to be expected.

mastersprincess

Yearning and sadness is a good way to describe how it feels when you aren't with the others for some reason. I believe poly can be successful, but it is more work than you can imagine. As many of you know, I'm in a poly relationship right now. We are busy working to learn and accept each other's idiosyncracies. Like any relationship, you have that... its just multiplied when there are more than 2 people involved.

 

[Rubyfruit]

i wanna be a live-in slut, but that will have to wait until the kids have moved out...

 

[sub princess]

Very nicely put princess. You put so much thought and feeling into your posts and i enjoy them very much.

I can relate to much of what you post......when you speak of jealousy, i think i understand your feelings....but perhaps the word yearning would be better suited. Jealousy is such a negative emotion, but yearning and a bit of sadness are to be expected. How could you not want to be a part of their daily lives?

And i agree with MissTaken, communication is the key. Without communication, no relationship will last, whether it be poly or not, vanilla or kinky.

mastersprincess

Thank you mastersprincess, i am glad that you like my posts... i may have to try to word them better now that i know someone is actually reading them. lol

you are exactly right, yearning is a much better word, i yearn to be there with them, and feel sadness when i cannot be. i actually do not like the word jealous at all, or the emotion for that matter. It is a terribly limiting feeling that is truly negative. When one is feeling jealous, they are focusing on what they do not have, rather than being happy for the person that they are jealous of, and in turn not seeing the joy in what they do have.

This is the exact reasoning that prevents me from feeling the effects of the 'green eyed monster.' Master's happiness is mine, and when i cannot be there to please Him, or take care of His wants and needs, i am overjoyed to know that my sister(s) are.

Hi Des...how are you? i was checking out the gloves online last night. i think i may just have to splurge and buy them for a very special Master i know.

 

[Etoile]

Hoo-boy. Well. I guess my current relationship would be termed poly, though I didn't mean for it to end up that way.

My girlfriend and I broke up. I started seeing my Daddy, and we considered living together but it didn't happen - Daddy felt our 20-year age difference was too great. My girlfriend and I got back together, and I tried to stop seeing Daddy but (and maybe some of you understand this) craved the submission. My girlfriend tried to fill in, but she could tell I wasn't happy without Daddy. Now the three of us are in a triangle relationship, but my girlfriend and I still have a lot of issues with jealousy - I'm jealous of each of them when they're with each other, whether I'm there or not. My girlfriend isn't much for subbing, but she knows that's what Daddy likes, so she's trying to like it so their relationship won't fall apart, because she believes that would cause our relationship to fall apart too. Were it not for my girlfriend, I would be living with my Daddy by now.

I am unbelievably happy in both relationships, it's where they intersect that it's hard. I've been with my girlfriend for more than 5 years and with Daddy for just over 3 years.

 

[lark sparrow]

A cautionary tale - or, what not to do.

While I have nothing against poly relationships and agree that communication is vital and actually admire those who manage them successfully, I am going to put in another view.

I was in a 'poly' relationship that was not successful. I came in as the second submissive.

As the relationship grew between Mistress and I, the bad feelings all around also grew - it was okay in theory and as a casual relationship, but it started to hurt everyone once deeper feelings were involved. There had been past partners within their relationship, but none had gotten serious. Going into the relationship, I did not necessarily think it would get serious and it was acceptable at that level.

As much as I can accept a poly relationship for others, for me personally, having my partner being poly while I was disallowed the same was nearly intolerable. It was a horrible internal situation at times as I felt terribly guilty and 'unsubmissive' in not being able to accept this. I could 'accept' it but I was not happy and it caused a great deal of conflict and hurt. I would like to say I was above these feelings but they really ate at me.

Had I the same freedom to be poly, I think it would have eased some of these feelings to a great degree, but the relationship may have taken a much more casual tone for me... and I also believe I probably would have found a more personally suitable and monogamous relationship eventually and moved on.

Mistress and I are still together, the first submissive left the relationship of her own accord because she could no longer bear it, though they remain friends. We are now exclusive, which was Mistress' choice, and were She to take another submissive in the future that would also be Her choice and right, but no one is considering it at this time. It was a truly difficult situation and hard on everyone, and ended the original relationship.

In this particular relationship with the timing and the individuals involved and situations therein, it did not work. But I think much would have been different if all parties were truly interested in a poly relationship.

So, really consider your motives and desires and what kind of a relationship you are aiming for. I think there is a difference between trying to be okay with and actually wanting, as well as difference between having a primary relationship with lesser relationships on the side, and having a triad as the primary relationship.

 

[serijules]

My first real relationship was poly, and it was a disaster to say the least. I did learn a lot about myself through it though, so I don't regret it.

I wasn't (and am not) a jealous person, but I wasn't getting the attention that I deserved...and everyone in a poly relationship SHOULD have expectations of getting their needs met, withen reason. At first it was all very good, but when his attention started falling mostly on one of the girls, insecurities formed and it all started going downhill. I think most of the problem was that he had taken on way too much (his wife/slave and 4 other collared submissives, one of which was an ageplayer boi and demanded a lot more attention than the rest of us because of her childish nature).

I finally decided that I just could not be in a poly relationship. I have absolutely no problem with my partner playing with another person (in fact, I need that to be a part of our relationship on both ends), but I have this need to be the only "one" in their lives as a submissive, or my own insecurities take over my common sense. I admire those that are in poly relationships, but simply not for me. Apparently it was not for his other subs either....none of them are in a poly relationship any more and I doubt they ever will be again.

 

[snoozebutton]

I have to say being in a poly relationship is the hardest thing I've ever done. That being said it is also the happiest I've ever been. There are times when I feel like I'm streched paper thin but then a strange thing comes over me. I see all of us in the future just relaxing and being a family. I can't explain how wonderful it feels to have all that love pour into your body. Though it's not all roses and I have many fires to put out now and again it is so worth it to be surronded by all this love.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Poly relationships .... i've had interesting experiences with them. Both of them were somewhat outside of the D/s framework though. One of them worked, because i was the "girlfriend" of a married couple. I knew what my place was, there was absolutely NO doubt about the rules, we communicated every single step of the way, and they had a rock-solid, long-term marriage. I knew the boundaries, and was dear, dear friends with both of them. We remain so today.

The other one, well. That one blew my life apart. And left me bitter and extremely wary of poly relationships. What went wrong? I suborned my own feelings/needs for his needs. We didn't communicate at all about where it was going. Our relationship was on the skids when he decided to bring her into the relationship. What a recipe for disaster.

The nice thing is, time heals all things. And i'm a far different person now, than i was then.

~anelize

 

[SierraMoon]

i've never been in a poly relationship, but it's something i'm definitely interested in!!

Thanks to all who have shared your stories, good and bad.

Anyone else want to share??

 

[MissTaken]

Hmmmm

A quick hijack to tell Mr Bootie that I have the same paddle that the dude in his av is using.

Only mine has little angels and hands on it. One side is for the good girl, the other is for the naughty girl!

 

[emer]

I've been thinking about this for months now. Round and round in my head, questioning, arguing with myself, doubting myself.

Discovered a few things:

I'm jealous and possessive. Live with it! (one thing that SOOO pisses me off about one LDR is that I can hear his fingers on the keyboard while we talk "intimately" on the phone ... bastard ... i want/need all of his attention!)

I don't care if he plays with others ... but I want to be the One.

I want the freedom to play with others but I want/need someone to be The One.

I want someone who is with me 24/7 ... not in MY HOUSE ... but close enough to be there whenever either feels the need.

Some days I feel like this is an impossible dream but in the meantime I'm having fun.

emer

 

[Netzach]

I have an open relationship. Both of us have strong interest in same sex (and/or gender) folks. Some opposite-sex pairings are ok, too, especially with people radically different enough that there's no sense of competition. (Some girls might as well be another species compared to me, some men might as well be another species compared to M, such as G, my ongoing 3rd.)

Sometimes we manage interesting 3 ways, sometimes we go off on our own.

The rules:

Safe sex.

Complete transparency within the relationship.

Complete honesty with the 3d party about this relationship and what they are and are not getting into.

I maintain the right to veto a contact that M pursues, where he does not maintain that right with me. He can tell me and should tell me his opinion and feelings about the whole thing, what I decide about it is what I decide.

No "order" of a Top can conflict with, outweigh, or override my orders, rules, and parameters for allowing the contact or scene.

However, I would only veto his choice if I really honestly in my heart of hearts thought they were *truly* bad for him or our relationship.

I would hold myself to the same standard.

 

[FungiUg]

i wanna be a live-in slut, but that will have to wait until the kids have moved out...

Send me your C.V., fill out the application forms, and we shall consider you for the role.

 

[A Desert Rose]

For those that are in a poly relationship. How is it working out? Let's discuss poly's. I'm interested in hearing what others have to say on this subject.



Thank you.


kgboot
aka "Mr. Bootie"

No. I could NOT deal with it and it is the major reason I no longer have a Dom.

 

[Arden]

I know some folks that are involved in a poly relationship, and they have my utmost respect. It takes some very special people to be able to make it work.

For myself, I'm not cut out of the right cloth for a poly relationship. It's not jealousy alone, it's a mindset. I don't think I could thrive in a relationship where I couldn't give 100% all of the time. I'm not an attention hound, so I don't require constant attention to make me whole. But I need to see a return on what I give to a relationship. If I percieved the balance to not be 50/50, I couldn't continue in that relationship. But you know what? That's ok. All that matters is what works for our relationship.

 

[SierraMoon]

i hope kgboot doesn't mind me asking questions in his thread...

In your poly relationships, is there an alpha sub? And, if so.. what does that mean? Do they have more responsibilities than the others? Are they just the first ones brought to the relationship? What is so different about them?

Sorry for all the questions, but i have been wanting to know about this for awhile, and couldn't get any answers to these questions.

Thanks for the help!!!

 

[Desdemona]

Sierra, like everything else, I think there is more than one definition for the term "alpha" in a poly relationship. For some, the alpha has the primary relationshp with the Dominant. For others, the alpha was the first one. For some, the alpha has more responsibilities. Some relationships have more than one alpha, I believe.

In terms of our relationship, I must defer to Snooze for the answer about whether or not we have an alpha. That really hasn't been something we've discussed.

 

[SierraMoon]

Thank you Des!!

You can see why i'm so confused about the whole thing!!