question for gay men in long term relationships

[Robs98SS]

My question is how often do you have sex (oral or anal?) I am wondering because I have a very strong sex drive. I was wondering if the average gay man also has a strong sex drive and being in a long term relationship, sex happens frequently.

I can imagine if I was in a long term relationship I would love to give and recieve a blowjob in the morning before leaving for work, have anal sex after work and have another blowjob before going to sleep. At a minimum I would like to have sex twice a day. Id like to know how often you have sex and if you are satisfied.

 

[blklthrjkt]

Well for me having sex twice a day would really cut into my time for other things, but more power to you. My partner and I have been together over 12 years and we still have an active sex life, though not twice a day.

 

[none2_none2]

It will be 5 years this coming Labor Day for my relationship with my partner, so that may not sound that long as some...

We don't have sex that frequently. It is probably my fault. I think probably with age, I just don't have the drive I used to. Sometimes I even skip a day masturbating. That didn't used to be my nature. My record was masturbation 17 times in 24 hours (when 17) -- that one time was my extreme. Over the years, I also to have to get off several times a day. Masturbation would only go so far, I couldn't go many days before I just had to mount some guy -- otherwise I would be climbing the walls, and masturbation and/or lollipop sex (oral) just couldn't curb that "need".

I'd like to say what was missing in earlier relationships was love, and once you experience a deeper love the drive isn't that urgent. However, although with my current partner we love each other very much, I think the lowered frequency of sex has more to do with aging. I should also add that we are exclusive. So there is no hanky panky on the side. We both look at porn on our own, but we are happy being monogamous.

Assuming that you are young, I suggest that you find someone with a high sex drive -- someone who wouldn't eventually find your high drive as an imposing "duty". Also find someone who you know will most likely be compatible for the long term. (In my case, by my nature, I am a top. In my early years I bottomed because I though I had to. I enjoyed bottoming as much as a 100% gay man would enjoy sex with a woman.) Some people's sexuality is very fluid. Others are fairly hardwired as to their sexuality. Thus, know yourself, and do the best you can to know the person you want to settle down with. All the love in the world won't change your nature any more than the love of a good woman would make a gay man straight.

(Side thought: What amazes me is that in past relationships, I always desired monogamy. I was always the one with the higher sex drive, yet the other guys were always the ones who wanted to be unfaithful. Sometimes they wouldn't even be able to keep up with me because of the compounded issue of their lower sex drive and also being drained on the side. It always seemed weird that someone would want to be unfaithful when they don't even have the drive to satisfy their chosen partner -- let a lone the guys on the side...)

There are things I have learned over my lifetime that just didn't seem to work out well. I prefer fuck right when I wake up . I have a morning erection, and it seems like the perfect condition to go for it. Unfortunately, that is probably the worst time for the guy going to get fucked. (I'm sure you can figure out what I'm talking about without more detail.) I also liked fucking in the middle of the night. One long term f-buddy I had would actually (or else he fooled me well) sleep through the first part. He wouldn't wake up until I was well into the act. It wasn't rape because he would always tell me that I had to finish what I started. I'm not a banging top, so I'm not talking about mattress shaking sex.

Do keep in mind that love should be a higher priority than sex -- no matter how high your sex drive is. The one f-buddy I mentioned before (during my 30's) was SO sexually compatible with me. We'd go out to eat and all I could think about was when we would be done and could go back home and get it on again. My cock and his ass seemed like they were designed for each other. That all sounds great, but it meant that outside of sex there wasn't a whole lot in common. Where as with guys I have loved deeper, I loved eating with them, loved actually SLEEPING with them, loved travel with them, loved doing all sorts of normal things with them. For instance, with my current partner, I just love hanging around him. I also love talking with him even if it is silly BS. Though I mentioned the sex isn't that often with us, I love laying next to him at night and snuggling. It isn't sexual, but it gives me a sense of serenity.

 

[Etoile]

I would love to give and recieve a blowjob in the morning before leaving for work

Damn...kudos to anybody who can do that. I usually prefer to sleep as late as I can and then run around trying to get dressed.

none2, that was an absolutely fantastic post, thank you for taking the time to write something so thoughtful.