Question about the nature of your identity

[ungenderless]

Please pardon me if this question is naive, I'm still pretty new to this culture.

Do you find that, when it somes to Dom or Sub, you are definitely one or the other, or do you switch between the two?

Thank you.

 

[O'Mac]

I think for many it's not a straight 100% one way or the other. Of course, now watch thirty people come on and say the exact opposite.

For me, I'd say I'm probably 90% Dominant and 10% submissive. I'm pretty much the guy in charge in the relationship, but I do have some flexibility and have a few submissive tendencies of my own.

I would hazard a guess that most people on the forums here have a large difference between their D/s personalites and I think that would be the standard trend. Some people are almost 50-50 in their relationships, and that's cool too.

Hope that all helps.

 

[SweetErika]

Until fairly recently, I was sure I was primarily a sub, but I've since realized that was just because I hadn't explored enough or found what struck my fancy Domme-wise yet. Now, while my fantasies still center around being submissive, I'm eagerly exploring and getting more and more involved in dominating; I feel like a whole new world has been opened to me.

FWIW, I seek equality/balance in almost every aspect of my life, and believe that has a strong connection to being a Switch for me. I am the more assertive one in my marriage most of the time, and pretty much not submissive in general, so I'm sure that plays a role in my tendency to both want to dominate more formally and submit.

 

[neonflux]

I don't know if it has anything to do with being a Gemini, but I seem to be almost smack dab in the middle of every scale I know of - am bi-queer 3 on the Kinsey scale, and while I'm very femme, do enjoy gender play.

I also think of myself as a 50/50 switch, although both my sister and kink partner keep insisting I'm definitely more Dominant than submissive. I'm pretty new in my formal exploration of BDSM, so perhaps they know something that I don't, LOL. However, I enjoy bottoming, so for now I'll maintain that I'm 50/50.

Neon

 

[Kailey_86]

i was about to say that i am 100% submissive but after reading O'Mac's response i must admit that i do have some Dominant in me too. i connect it with the fact that i am a strong woman and not a doormat. In addition to this, i am not submissive in all areas of my life. i often run the show when it comes to work and group activities in my college classes. Without that Dominant streak in me, i don't think i could do these things.

 

[Shankara20]

I am rather fluid in my sexual/BDSM identity to the point I make a little joke about it in my profile.

"I look like a white middle-age male, but am a bisexual ambidextrous multiracial agnostic crossdressing moderate temperate kinky switch (more or less)"

In practice I Top much more than I bottom.

 

[SpectreT]

I'm one of those "in the middle" types.

Not exactly dead center, but where I am depends on who I'm with. If they're more submissive than me, I get dominant. If they're more dominant than I feel, I start feeling submissive.

As to sexuality, since so many others weighed in, I'll throw that out here too. Heteroflexible. Mostly I'm drawn to the feminine, especially romantically, but there are some guys... (shrug). With guys, it's more about sex. While I don't do it that often anymore, I love the feel of wearing female clothing as well.

 

[ungenderless]

Wow, there's definitely a full spectrum of people. I'm surprised to find that there are those who are 50/50...maybe cos the only others whom I've talked to are either one way or the other. Thank you for answering.

 

[BiBunny]

I identify as bi and a switch, but I guess those descriptions are not entirely true. I used to say I was about 95% submissive and 5% dominant, but lately I've noticed that my dominant tendencies have gotten stronger. I'd put it around 85% submissive and 15% dominant nowadays. That's still weighted heavily to the submissive side, though. I'd also put myself at about a 2 on the Kinsey scale. I'm more heterosexual than homosexual, but the side of me that likes other girls is quite strong, too.

Master is a switch as well. I'd give him about 90% dominant and 10% submissive. He wants me to top him one day, and I admit to becoming more and more interested in doing so as time passes. He's mostly hetero, probably a 1 on the Kinsey scale (thanks, Neon, for mentioning the Kinsey scale!). He, like several people on this board I can think of, is an equal opportunity sadist, and I'd even venture to say he'd bottom for the right man.

Have I confused you enough?

 

[ownedsubgal]

well i identify as 100% submissive, and never even had a tiny question or inkling in my mind about going any other way. but as others have said, people who are 100% tend to be the minority, at least in public forums, lol.

 

[ungenderless]

Actually, it's not confusing at all, but rather very helpful. Thanks!

Now, I have another question for those who switch. Do you find that you can switch with the same person, or that you are Dom with one person, Sub with another? I don't necessarily mean having an open relationship, you can answer in reference to an Ex.

 

[FurryFury]

Please pardon me if this question is naive, I'm still pretty new to this culture.

Do you find that, when it somes to Dom or Sub, you are definitely one or the other, or do you switch between the two?

Thank you.

I do switch but I also feel I am definitely one or the other. I switch to please my mate. I don't think I do that great a job of it though. That may be why I bought The Topping Book to assist me and him.

Fury

 

[FurryFury]

Actually, it's not confusing at all, but rather very helpful. Thanks!

Now, I have another question for those who switch. Do you find that you can switch with the same person, or that you are Dom with one person, Sub with another? I don't necessarily mean having an open relationship, you can answer in reference to an Ex.

I am a very shy and private person. I only do things with my husband or online Dom. I only switch for my husband, as he does for me. I am never a Dom though I sometimes attempt to top. I am still only wishing to please though I do sometimes find my ego does get in the way of that, when I'm switching. I always consider myself a sub regardless.

Fury

 

[Netzach]

I consider myself Dominant, but not, like, totally inflexible. Part of my prerogative is to have whatever kind of sex I want to have.

 

[SpectreT]

Actually, it's not confusing at all, but rather very helpful. Thanks!

Now, I have another question for those who switch. Do you find that you can switch with the same person, or that you are Dom with one person, Sub with another? I don't necessarily mean having an open relationship, you can answer in reference to an Ex.

I believe I answered this in my first post, but I'll try to expand a little, as I did switch back and forth a couple of times with one partner - we were discovering ourselves, so neither of us knew where our "home" was, so to speak. She had a spanking fetish (probably still does; I just haven't seen her in a long time, is all), I had my crosdressing and bondage fetishes, and we played around in everything that turned us on, a little bit. She definitely settled in as the submissive.

After that relationship went south, I spent a lot of time examining myself, and my actions and reactions. Socially, I discovered I have a lifelong trait of adaptation to the person I'm interacting with, in other words, I feel submissive to dominant personalities (though certain styles flat out piss me off), and feel the need to guide/guard/nurture/command ("dominate", in other words) submissive types, at least when I consciously or subconsciously recognize those traits.

Essentially, I'm just not an Alpha. I'm sure as hell not an Omega, either. I'm somewhere in the middle of the scale, reacting to those I'm with based on where they fall on the scale in relation to me, if that makes any sense.

 

[Bredon]

while I'm somewhere in the middle on the gender scaleand prefer people who are in the middle too (femmy boys, butch girls), I am totally inflexible when it comes to BDSM. The joke is that I seem to be very sub to everybody, but I have had solely dom fantasies since childhood. I have *moments* of submission, like, with one dom friend, who has wonderful boots... but these are only moments that are often bound to fetishism.
With my X sub, I would have subb'd perhaps to give hir the chance to try it out, but generally -- Naaaww!! :-D

 

[neonflux]

Part of my prerogative is to have whatever kind of sex I want to have.

Absolutely couldn't pass this comment up without giving you a

...Now, I have another question for those who switch. Do you find that you can switch with the same person, or that you are Dom with one person, Sub with another? I don't necessarily mean having an open relationship, you can answer in reference to an Ex.

I am too new to have a strong sense of this yet for myself. However, I suspect that I will end up responding to people very much as SpectreT has described - responding to the personality and desires of individual partners. Right now, my kink partner (a good, good friend) is also switch and so we trade roles regularly. Inspired by a trio who regularly plays at the community-run play space in San Francisco, we have talked about getting to the point where we can switch in the middle of a scene, even in public.

However, I am beginning to explore establishing a play relationship (no sex) with a trans bi man who is exclusively sub - and in a very radical way with few limits. I cannot imagine being anything but Dominant with hir if it turns out that we are compatable...

Hope that I answered your question.
Neon

 

[myinnerslut]

im submissive. i couldnt see myself as a Domme. in my excperience, i would cower instead of being able to strike someone. mabye one day in the future once i have had years more experience with this, i would consider topping (never say never), but for now, i am content to say that i am definitly a sub.


on a side note, Sir has mentioned wanting to switch for a night so he could understand my posititon better. personally, i really really dont want to, as i dont know if id be able to treat him, or anyone else, the way i would like to be treated.

 

[insertcutename]

I think i'm pretty damn near 100% submissive. I don't have it in me to dominate, and no inclination to try really.

 

[Etoile]

I would say that I am 98.5% submissive. That 1.5% is what comes out when my Daddy, who is 93% dominant, decides e's in a submissive mood. It usually only happens for a couple of hours once or twice a year, but I consider it part of my service to em when I am asked to do that. Even then I don't think I do a very good job!

Oh, and in terms of sexuality - I am a queer dyke. I am femme and so is my wife, but my Daddy is more male-identified. I use the alternative pronouns for em because if I used male ones, people might assume that e's a normal man...which e's not.

 

[Dragonteeth]

Personally I identify as Dominant...

I really don't belive I have a submissive bone in my body.

Which does not mean I don't take a submissive role on occasion. With a partner I REALLY trust and respect I will explore the feelings and experiences of the things I inflict on my subs. It is more about understanding what I'm doing to them rather than getting anything out of it personally.

To anyone else I say "Have fun exploring your own sexuallity, and draw your own conclusions."

 

[vibes]

I would say that I am 98.5% submissive. That 1.5% is what comes out when my Daddy, who is 93% dominant, decides e's in a submissive mood.

I wonder how your Daddy satisfies eir remaining 5.5% that you can't allegedly cover

as far as I'm concerned, I am a dom though I may enjoy switching to a sub role at times, but ... I guess there is no sub side in me deep down in any way in such circumstances, as I always feel more or less as the dom playing a little game, ready to take control back whenever it suits me

 

[neonflux]

Personally I identify as Dominant...

I really don't belive I have a submissive bone in my body.

Which does not mean I don't take a submissive role on occasion. With a partner I REALLY trust and respect I will explore the feelings and experiences of the things I inflict on my subs. It is more about understanding what I'm doing to them rather than getting anything out of it personally.

To anyone else I say "Have fun exploring your own sexuallity, and draw your own conclusions."

A Pro Domme for whom I have a great deal of respect has said that she would never trust a Dominant who hadn't ever subbed. I think your partners are very, very lucky... Neon

 

[Daddyslilpet]

I don't know what the percentage breakdown would be, but I identify as submissive but not a doormat. I can still get things done that need to be done when Daddy isn't available to take care of things, which is a good thing since he's military and gone a good bit.

As long as I keep him in the loop and totally informed all is well. This is what works for us right now with the way our lives are at the moment. Things may change after he retires from the military and moves into the civilian work force, time will tell.

 

[Dragonteeth]

A Pro Domme for whom I have a great deal of respect has said that she would never trust a Dominant who hadn't ever subbed. I think your partners are very, very lucky... Neon

LOL...

Thanks.

Actually my partners are primarily noted for their ABSENCE at the moment.