Question about Marriage

[biseattlegirl]

I don't even know where to post this and I'm sorry. I am just curious as to why so many men I talk to are in either sexless marriages or in a marriage that they have to hide who they are from their spouse and not tell her what they want sexually.

Why would you choose to stay with somebody that doesn't like to play or is not open to even discussing or hearing about your fantasies, kinks, etc.

I just could not do it and don't get how so many people can.

 

[alpharyan]

I don't even know where to post this and I'm sorry. I am just curious as to why so many men I talk to are in either sexless marriages or in a marriage that they have to hide who they are from their spouse and not tell her what they want sexually.

Why would you choose to stay with somebody that doesn't like to play or is not open to even discussing or hearing about your fantasies, kinks, etc.

I just could not do it and don't get how so many people can.

Most men these days are castrated beta males who don't know how to take what they want-- it's actually the inverse, they're ashamed of their masculinity.

Instead they take it out on here (fantasy, erotica, porn).

Not to mention the legal/financial implications of getting a divorce. Furthermore, if there are kids involved...things get messy.

 

[biseattlegirl]

Most men these days are castrated beta males who don't know how to take what they want-- it's actually the inverse, they're ashamed of their masculinity.

Instead they take it out on here (fantasy, erotica, porn).

Not to mention the legal/financial implications of getting a divorce. Furthermore, if there are kids involved...things get messy.

I totally get that and if there is kids I understand. I guess I just dont know why you wouldn't be the alpha and say what you want if your lady (or gent) says no then tell them you will go elsewhere for it.

I know it's not for me to judge since I'm only 24 and not married but it breaks my heart to talk to so many people that are that unhappy and sexless or going crazy with fantasies they can't live out.

 

[alpharyan]

I totally get that and if there is kids I understand. I guess I just dont know why you wouldn't be the alpha and say what you want if your lady (or gent) says no then tell them you will go elsewhere for it.

I know it's not for me to judge since I'm only 24 and not married but it breaks my heart to talk to so many people that are that unhappy and sexless or going crazy with fantasies they can't live out.

I'm 24 as well but most of the baby boomers and millennials are pussies. They are afraid that if they upset the woman they are with by disagreeing with them or doing something they wouldn't approve of, that their girls will close their legs for good.

If they only knew the opposite was true. Taking what you want and being a man will get you more pussy than kowtowing around women.

It's not as easy as telling a man to "be alpha"-- it's a whole psychological structure in terms of how you think and act. Some men have it, others don't.

Luckily they do have an outlet like Lit--- but we all know pleasure in real life is better than jacking off to pixels on a screen.

 

[chargergirl]

I'm 24 as well but most of the baby boomers and millennials are pussies. They are afraid that if they upset the woman they are with by disagreeing with them or doing something they wouldn't approve of, that their girls will close their legs for good.

If they only knew the opposite was true. Taking what you want and being a man will get you more pussy than kowtowing around women.

It's not as easy as telling a man to "be alpha"-- it's a whole psychological structure in terms of how you think and act. Some men have it, others don't.

Luckily they do have an outlet like Lit--- but we all know pleasure in real life is better than jacking off to pixels on a screen.

Define this, please. What exactly do you mean by "taking what you want?" What is it that you "want"?

Just curious!

 

[biseattlegirl]

Define this, please. What exactly do you mean by "taking what you want?" What is it that you "want"?

Just curious!

I would be curious about that too. I'm not suggesting you take what you want, just be open and honest about your kinks and desires. I know from my experience my guy was scared to bring it up but once he did our entire sex life got pushed to a higher level and we love it.

 

[alpharyan]

Define this, please. What exactly do you mean by "taking what you want?" What is it that you "want"?

Just curious!

Sure. It's that some men are very timid and if they see a woman that they are sexually attracted to-- they would rather snap a couple of mental pictures and masturbate to her later than approaching her and getting her number.

The vast majority of women will respect you for being aggressive...they will not; however, forgive you for being passive from the onset. Making your sexual intentions known will turn a woman on. This doesn't mean that she will immediately drop her panties and jump your bones, but she will at least see you for the sexual person that you are, instead of putting you in the friend zone.

Men are visual creatures... Seeing a beautiful women will get our blood rushing and make us hard. Women, on the other hand, are biologically programmed to respond. Therefore, if there is no sexual desire coming from the man, a woman doesn't have very much to work with. Women get turned on by knowing that men are craving them sexually. Why do you think there is so many rape fantasies? Why do you think 50 shade of Grey was a best seller? There is obviously a demand.

I'm not advocating rape by any means, just look at the psychology behind it.

So to answer your question:

What I want: A sexy woman (or women)

How to take what I want: Chat her up, compliment her, tease her, get aggressive (but not in a creepy way), and make my intentions known.

This is why women tend to gravitate towards bad boys. Most of the time we don't care what other people think so long as we end up with what we want in the end.

Just my $.02

 

[gregy70]

Hi. I've always been open & honest to my fiancé about my kinks & cravings.
She has let me play online before but dosn't any longer . She rarely wants sex or even to discuss sexual things. I'm submissive in the bedroom & she likes to be in charge.
In 20 years I only ever refused to eat her pussy twice as I was really cranky with her.
I often wonder why I stay & for me it's the kids.
I can't seem to bring myself to actually get married because it dosn't seem right.

 

[rhod101]

I don't even know where to post this and I'm sorry. I am just curious as to why so many men I talk to are in either sexless marriages or in a marriage that they have to hide who they are from their spouse and not tell her what they want sexually.

Why would you choose to stay with somebody that doesn't like to play or is not open to even discussing or hearing about your fantasies, kinks, etc.

I just could not do it and don't get how so many people can.

Because they have genuine love or feelings for the person they're married to and don't want to lose that. At least in some cases. It could be that they fear the unknown. Being married for quite a while means they haven't dated or had to try to attract someone and don't want to risk being alone. It could also be for financial reasons.

I totally get that and if there is kids I understand. I guess I just dont know why you wouldn't be the alpha and say what you want if your lady (or gent) says no then tell them you will go elsewhere for it.

I know it's not for me to judge since I'm only 24 and not married but it breaks my heart to talk to so many people that are that unhappy and sexless or going crazy with fantasies they can't live out.

Forgive me for this, but I think you're showing a bit of immaturity there. Sex is very important. Certainly to those on here, otherwise we wouldn't be on here. But it's not THE most important thing. My wife isn't particularly sexual. I've told her about most of my kinks and she's trying with some of them, but just doesn't get it. And she probably never will. I love her though, so even though I'm frustrated and need to find an outlet somewhere, I'm not willing to risk my marriage to a woman I love, just because of that.

I'm 24 as well but most of the baby boomers and millennials are pussies. They are afraid that if they upset the woman they are with by disagreeing with them or doing something they wouldn't approve of, that their girls will close their legs for good.

If they only knew the opposite was true. Taking what you want and being a man will get you more pussy than kowtowing around women.

It's not as easy as telling a man to "be alpha"-- it's a whole psychological structure in terms of how you think and act. Some men have it, others don't.

Luckily they do have an outlet like Lit--- but we all know pleasure in real life is better than jacking off to pixels on a screen.

Again, immaturity. That might work for you at the moment, but it may not always. Many people might say that I'm an 'alpha'. I can be in certain situations certainly and I have the physical requirements. What happens if you love a woman who wants to be treated as an equal. Are you going to demand that she does what you say? Most relationships are collaborative. If you go through life trying to dominate everyone, you'll alienate a lot of people.

 

[chargergirl]

Sure. It's that some men are very timid and if they see a woman that they are sexually attracted to-- they would rather snap a couple of mental pictures and masturbate to her later than approaching her and getting her number.

The vast majority of women will respect you for being aggressive...they will not; however, forgive you for being passive from the onset. Making your sexual intentions known will turn a woman on. This doesn't mean that she will immediately drop her panties and jump your bones, but she will at least see you for the sexual person that you are, instead of putting you in the friend zone.

Men are visual creatures... Seeing a beautiful women will get our blood rushing and make us hard. Women, on the other hand, are biologically programmed to respond. Therefore, if there is no sexual desire coming from the man, a woman doesn't have very much to work with. Women get turned on by knowing that men are craving them sexually. Why do you think there is so many rape fantasies? Why do you think 50 shade of Grey was a best seller? There is obviously a demand.

I'm not advocating rape by any means, just look at the psychology behind it.

So to answer your question:

What I want: A sexy woman (or women)

How to take what I want: Chat her up, compliment her, tease her, get aggressive (but not in a creepy way), and make my intentions known.

This is why women tend to gravitate towards bad boys. Most of the time we don't care what other people think so long as we end up with what we want in the end.

Just my $.02

Thank you for clarifying, I like your answer!

 

[alpharyan]

The same goes for a woman you are already with--

I would say 99% of the time, they LOVE to be the object of your desire. Whether it be role play, hard fucking, choking, dirty talk, slow sex, anything-- as long as they are your sole focus.

I know, I know--- feminists will say that women don't want to be objectified, and I agree, in terms of in public. But in my experience, many women love to be submissive in the bedroom and let me take the lead while they enjoy.

 

[rhod101]

Sure. It's that some men are very timid and if they see a woman that they are sexually attracted to-- they would rather snap a couple of mental pictures and masturbate to her later than approaching her and getting her number.

The vast majority of women will respect you for being aggressive...they will not; however, forgive you for being passive from the onset. Making your sexual intentions known will turn a woman on. This doesn't mean that she will immediately drop her panties and jump your bones, but she will at least see you for the sexual person that you are, instead of putting you in the friend zone.

Men are visual creatures... Seeing a beautiful women will get our blood rushing and make us hard. Women, on the other hand, are biologically programmed to respond. Therefore, if there is no sexual desire coming from the man, a woman doesn't have very much to work with. Women get turned on by knowing that men are craving them sexually. Why do you think there is so many rape fantasies? Why do you think 50 shade of Grey was a best seller? There is obviously a demand.

I'm not advocating rape by any means, just look at the psychology behind it.

So to answer your question:

What I want: A sexy woman (or women)

How to take what I want: Chat her up, compliment her, tease her, get aggressive (but not in a creepy way), and make my intentions known.

This is why women tend to gravitate towards bad boys. Most of the time we don't care what other people think so long as we end up with what we want in the end.

Just my $.02

There's an awful lot of women who want a bad boy and then realise that means they get a bad boy and don't like the reality. And then look to a nicer guy.

I agree that the friend zone is not a good place to be. I've been there myslef once or twice and learnt to avoid it when I wanted to.

 

[banes27]

One of the other things this assumes is that men and women don't change sexually. For example, I wasn't nearly as into gangbangs as I was before I got married. As someone above pointed out, maybe that change in sexual preference, for whatever reason, is thought of as something that might be rejected by someone else, i.e. shame of one' own sexual desires. Seems like a fairly typical feeling in our current culture, at least if the media is anything to go by as a source of potential ridicule. Like an orgy, better do it in private, because that politician who was seen at one was kicked out of office over that ort of thing.

Secondly, this assumes that nothing has changed in such a way that the relationship itself has been affected, e.g. if money problems become a frequent source of stress. These sorts of changed can cause sexual desire to drop, either to the point where each person in the marriage is most sexual aroused at a completely different time of day (or week, or month) to their partner, or that their sexual desires have dropped almost entirely.

Before my marriage ended, for example, I was usually most sexually aroused during the later afternoon while my now ex-wife was most sexually aroused while I was at work at around 8-9am, by the time I got home I was tired from work and by the time I'd bounced back she was on her way to work. Effectively, the stress of money combined with the jobs we took to keep ourselves afloat meant that we never wanted to have sex with each at the same time, despite wanted to have sex with each other generally.

I knew what I wanted, she knew what she wanted and we openly discussed that whenever we got the chance, but to say either of us was refusing to do anything because either one of us was some kind of "low status prude" is ridiculous, at least in our situation. At the end of the day, we were both exhausted and hardly saw each other. Hell, to even get a day off together meant that I had to switch three shifts since I often worked weekends while she mostly worked during the week.



Now, that's just one way of ending up in a "sexless" marriage. I haven't taken into account changes in sexual preference which can lead one partner to consider the other unattractive, or a change in either one partners physical appearance or personality which could equally cause that reaction. There's also room for gradual feelings of resentment to grow, especially in what one or both partners might consider an "unequal" marriage, e.g. the stereotypical "I work all day... Well I take care of the baby all the time..." dynamic which is so often seen on TV or in movies.



At the end of the day, I think any one cause can be attributed to the development of such marriages, and it really is down to the couple. And, yeah, maybe a marriage could becomes "sexless" because the wife refuses to take part in anal sex, or even refuses to talk about it, but I really doubt that either a) it's the sole reason for the lack of sex (or even the immediate cause, maybe a spark, but unless you're a complete tool, what the hell?) or b) sticking your dick hard into your wife's arse without her consent is the solution. Fair enough, try and get her to at least talk about it, but at the end of the day, if she doesn't want to do it, she's not going to do it (same goes for guys who don't want their cum spat back into their mouths, anyone who's not into furries or dogging, etc. etc.)

 

[biseattlegirl]

Sure. It's that some men are very timid and if they see a woman that they are sexually attracted to-- they would rather snap a couple of mental pictures and masturbate to her later than approaching her and getting her number.

The vast majority of women will respect you for being aggressive...they will not; however, forgive you for being passive from the onset. Making your sexual intentions known will turn a woman on. This doesn't mean that she will immediately drop her panties and jump your bones, but she will at least see you for the sexual person that you are, instead of putting you in the friend zone.

Men are visual creatures... Seeing a beautiful women will get our blood rushing and make us hard. Women, on the other hand, are biologically programmed to respond. Therefore, if there is no sexual desire coming from the man, a woman doesn't have very much to work with. Women get turned on by knowing that men are craving them sexually. Why do you think there is so many rape fantasies? Why do you think 50 shade of Grey was a best seller? There is obviously a demand.

I'm not advocating rape by any means, just look at the psychology behind it.

So to answer your question:

What I want: A sexy woman (or women)

How to take what I want: Chat her up, compliment her, tease her, get aggressive (but not in a creepy way), and make my intentions known.

This is why women tend to gravitate towards bad boys. Most of the time we don't care what other people think so long as we end up with what we want in the end.

Just my $.02

Appreciate you .02, thanks for the input into this topic.

 

[quietlylooking]

Because they have genuine love or feelings for the person they're married to and don't want to lose that. At least in some cases. It could be that they fear the unknown. Being married for quite a while means they haven't dated or had to try to attract someone and don't want to risk being alone. It could also be for financial reasons.



Forgive me for this, but I think you're showing a bit of immaturity there. Sex is very important. Certainly to those on here, otherwise we wouldn't be on here. But it's not THE most important thing. My wife isn't particularly sexual. I've told her about most of my kinks and she's trying with some of them, but just doesn't get it. And she probably never will. I love her though, so even though I'm frustrated and need to find an outlet somewhere, I'm not willing to risk my marriage to a woman I love, just because of that.



Again, immaturity. That might work for you at the moment, but it may not always. Many people might say that I'm an 'alpha'. I can be in certain situations certainly and I have the physical requirements. What happens if you love a woman who wants to be treated as an equal. Are you going to demand that she does what you say? Most relationships are collaborative. If you go through life trying to dominate everyone, you'll alienate a lot of people.

Yes. You have made many of the points that I was going to make. Thank you.

 

[chargergirl]

The same goes for a woman you are already with--

I would 99% of the time, they LOVE to be the object of your desire. Whether it be role play, hard fucking, choking, dirty talk, slow sex, anything-- as long as they are your sole focus.

I know, I know--- feminists will say that women don't want to be objectified, and I agree, in terms of in public. But in my experience, many women love to be submissive in the bedroom and let me take the lead while they enjoy.

That's fine most of the time. We like to reverse it every once in a while, though.

 

[alpharyan]

There's an awful lot of women who want a bad boy and then realise that means they get a bad boy and don't like the reality. And then look to a nicer guy.

I agree that the friend zone is not a good place to be. I've been there myslef once or twice and learnt to avoid it when I wanted to.

There's a handful of bad boys who only want the women for one thing.

That's how it goes...Women want to have fun with us, and then settle with someone else and let them pick up the tab.

 

[magicalmoments]

I don't even know where to post this and I'm sorry. I am just curious as to why so many men I talk to are in either sexless marriages or in a marriage that they have to hide who they are from their spouse and not tell her what they want sexually.

Why would you choose to stay with somebody that doesn't like to play or is not open to even discussing or hearing about your fantasies, kinks, etc.

I just could not do it and don't get how so many people can.

IMO They stay in their unhappy marriages for the kids and financial reasons. For most ordinary people, blue and white collar workers the prospect of starting over in their mid 30's, 40's, 50's etc is more scary than staying with them.

Also they don't dicuss their fantasies for fear of rejection or ridicule. You're right, it is hard to understand but while people can be brave on the likes of Lit, real life is another story.

 

[rhod101]

One of the other things this assumes is that men and women don't change sexually. For example, I wasn't nearly as into gangbangs as I was before I got married.

Secondly, this assumes that nothing has changed in such a way that the relationship itself has been affected, e.g. if money problems become a frequent source of stress. These sorts of changed can cause sexual desire to drop, either to the point where each person in the marriage is most sexual aroused at a completely different time of day (or week, or month) to their partner, or that their sexual desires have dropped almost entirely.

Before my marriage ended, for example, I was usually most sexually aroused during the later afternoon while my now ex-wife was most sexually aroused while I was at work at around 8-9am, by the time I got home I was tired from work and by the time I'd bounced back she was on her way to work. Effectively, the stress of money combined with the jobs we took to keep ourselves afloat meant that we never wanted to have sex with each at the same time, despite wanted to have sex with each other generally.

I knew what I wanted, she knew what she wanted and we openly discussed that whenever we got the chance, but to say either of us was refusing to do anything because either one of us was some kind of "low status prude" is ridiculous, at least in our situation. At the end of the day, we were both exhausted and hardly saw each other. Hell, to even get a day off together meant that I had to switch three shifts since I often worked weekends while she mostly worked during the week.



Now, that's just one way of ending up in a "sexless" marriage. I haven't taken into account changes in sexual preference which can lead one partner to consider the other unattractive, or a change in either one partners physical appearance or personality which could equally cause that reaction. There's also room for gradual feelings of resentment to grow, especially in what one or both partners might consider an "unequal" marriage, e.g. the stereotypical "I work all day... Well I take care of the baby all the time..." dynamic which is so often seen on TV or in movies.



At the end of the day, I think any one cause can be attributed to the development of such marriages, and it really is down to the couple. And, yeah, maybe a marriage could becomes "sexless" because the wife refuses to take part in anal sex, or even refuses to talk about it, but I really doubt that either a) it's the sole reason for the lack of sex (or even the immediate cause, maybe a spark, but unless you're a complete tool, what the hell?) or b) sticking your dick hard into your wife's arse without her consent is the solution. Fair enough, try and get her to at least talk about it, but at the end of the day, if she doesn't want to do it, she's not going to do it (same goes for guys who don't want their cum spat back into their mouths, anyone who's not into furries or dogging, etc. etc.)

Exactly this. My sex life with my wife wasn't particularly great when we got married. I hoped that she'd grow into it and that just hasn't happened. She's improved, no doubt, but still not to where I'd like her to be. Now, she wants kids and it's not really worked out so far, so sex to her has become a reproductive act. I've talked to her about this and told her from the start that I didn't want it to end up like that. But it has and there's not a lot I can do about that.

 

[alpharyan]

That's fine most of the time. We like to reverse it every once in a while, though.

Absolutely true-- and I like laying on my back with a rock hard erection and letting a woman do whatever she wants to do to me. This is about 5% of the time though and after the initial connection has been made. It's obvious that I'm the dominant one but it turns me on to let her explore.

To the man who posted above about his sex life running stale--- take the bull by the horns and be the man one night... It could turn it all around. I'm guessing that deep down somewhere is your wife's submissive side begging to come out. Blame biology.

 

[rhod101]

There's a handful of bad boys who only want the women for one thing.

That's how it goes...Women want to have fun with us, and then settle with someone else and let them pick up the tab.

Yeah, OK.

Alternatively, they realise that being in a loving relationship, where both partners grow together is far more rewarding.

It doesn't always work out like that. People are complicated, change, whatever. But constantly looking to be aggressive and control, aren't really ideal are they?

 

[alpharyan]

Yeah, OK.

Alternatively, they realise that being in a loving relationship, where both partners grow together is far more rewarding.

It doesn't always work out like that. People are complicated, change, whatever. But constantly looking to be aggressive and control, aren't really ideal are they?

Women want different things in their mind--- but when their pussy starts to tingle a lot of those wants go out the window.

 

[rhod101]

IMO They stay in there unhappy marriages for the kids and financial reasons. For most ordinary people, blue and white collar workers the prospect of starting over in their mid 30's, 40's, 50's etc is more scary than staying with them.

Also they don't dicuss their fantasies for fear of rejection or ridicule. You're right, it is hard to understand but while people can be brave on the likes of Lit, real life is another story.

I opened up to my wife and laid my soul bare. She reacted pretty well in hindsight. Not as well as I hoped, but certainly not in ridicule. But yeah, people know their partners usually. They probably know they wouldn't understand and don't want to deal with the consequences, particularly if other aspects of their life together are OK.

 

[rhod101]

Women want different things in their mind--- but when their pussy starts to tingle a lot of those wants go out the window.

OK. Look, at 24 I'd have probably said exactly the same things as you. I've been with my wife for 13 years. When you've done similar, then lets have this conversation.

 

[alpharyan]

Yeah, OK.

Alternatively, they realise that being in a loving relationship, where both partners grow together is far more rewarding.

It doesn't always work out like that. People are complicated, change, whatever. But constantly looking to be aggressive and control, aren't really ideal are they?

And my bad on not clarifying what I meant by taking control-- I don't mean to say that you should be domineering and an asshole to your S/O.

It's more to be assertive and say what you want/mean. Be a man about things and stop being so god damn timid. You'd be amazed at how many women will turn around and respond to this newfound confidence.