Question about being a nice guy

[zeropaxx]

I am a nice guy and have little or no girlfriends. the nice girls that I go for only seem to be my friends and the come to me with there problems and always complain about not being able to find a nice guy. Yet they always go for the asshole type.

So, I want to know how to be an asshole so I can get the nice girl. Please help.

 

[bigjacknyc]

don't become an asshole, that's weak dude. better to be rejected for who you really are than rejected when you were being someone you're really not.

i suspect you're a little timid around girls and lacking in confidence - most people were at one stage so it's nothing to feel bad about. some never get over it - you don't want to become one of those.

don't wait for girls to hit on you (taint gonna happen)

be pleased with you are, not apologetic (that alone breeds confidence and women find confidence attractive. confidence does not equal arrogance or cockiness)

take a few more chances, don't wrap up your whole self-esteem in whether a girl rejects you. you can't expect to get every girl you hit on (that only happens to me ) - you gotta get rejected.

this frustration you've endured should make you more sensitive to the feelings of others. remember that, so that once you get the hang of it you don't treat women badly.

don't be self-conscious and don't make a big fuss over it.

enjoy yourself. you'll be fine.

 

[crowned_pixie]

Most girls prefer the nice guys. It's just that the a-holes have more confidence, so they hit on chics more often, so girls go for them. If a nice guy were to hit on them, they'd probably jump at the chance...so long as he isn't butt ugly (and I'm sure you're not one of 'em). Most nice guys think that girls want the a-hole. They don't. They complain to the nice guy about wanting a nice guy in the hopes that the nice guy will get the clue and hit on them. A girl isn't gonna come right out and hit on you...sorry, the fact is that the guy still does the asking 98% of the time. Send some signals to these girls that are your friends that you may be interested in them. If they don't chew you out, get more and more flirty with them...until one night...score! But if they get weirded out over you flirting with them, then leave it alone.

Just trust me on this: Girls REALLY DO want the nice guy. It just sometimes takes them a while to figure out who the nice guys are.

Keep your chin up, boy. Don't be an asshole. Flirt with lots of girls. Stay a sweetie!

 

[SpankMyMonkey]

zeropaxx

Both bigjacknyc and crowned_pixie are 100% correct. If fact I used to be like you. Tonnes of 'friends' no 'girl friend', till I took advise like these two gave you.

It all has to do with confidence. Be confident no arrogant.

Dude, you are going to get rejected. Not all chicks are going to dig you, but some will. Look at the possitive not the negative. It takes time, patients and understanding.

Crowned_pixie is right with this statement:
<snip>
They complain to the nice guy about wanting a nice guy in the hopes that the nice guy will get the clue and hit on them.
</snip>
THIS IS TRUE. I HAVE BEEN TOLD THIS FIRST HAND.

A good 'friend' of mine told me this a few years ago. She asked why I never hit on here. I was clueless.

My advise:
Be confident, not arrogant!
Take action! Ask her to dinner, a movie, what ever. The worst she will say is NO.
If at first you don't succeed , try, try, try and keep trying.

Bump
Bump
Lick

Spank

 

[glock800]

i was having a discussion on the whole nice guy thing on another thread.and one thing that you need to think about is if you are to nice.sound strange huh?but heres the deal every one that i talked to about this agreed that if you are a nice guy you have to find a balance in between nice/bad.the whole self confidence thing is also a big part of it since i used to be one of the really nice shy type guys i know the feelings to well lol.but now i think ive found my balance in life and im glad i changed for the better.

 

[PsychoMantis]

It's so true, Listen, I know what it's like. I talk to girls all the time and they always choose the bad guy.

For example:

#1 Aurora, chose the druggy which forces her to suck his "member" has no life, and the IQ of a cockroach.

Note: She hates sucking it, she admitted it to me....

What was the other choice?

#2 Mitch, clean, loving, loyal, never dumped anyone before, been dumped his whole life. Once he falls in love with you he will never lose it even when you cease to love him. will never force sex or anything you do not like but is also capable of forcing if that is what you are into. Enjoy's ALL OF THE THINGS I like. shows, BOOKS, games, everything everything everything!

guess who got the girl?

yup.... you guessed it.... #1

 

[lilpriss]

Attitude is EVERYTHING.

And something else, sometimes the nice guys are so BORING... always whining about "the nice guy finishing last" gets so OLD.

Think of better things to talk about, make her laugh, give her a reason to want to see you again. Make her wonder if you are a freak under your nice veneer and then when it gets to that point show her YOU ARE. And if you don't have anything interesting up your sleeve or down your pants then you may remain single.

Girls want someone who's not afraid of every little thing... one who's able to take charge and be creative. Why would she want to be with someone who MIGHT be dull when She's gauranteed drama with some asshole?

My last boyfriend was a "nice guy" and we had a pretty good relationship. But honestly I would have trilled at more excitement, more aggression, on his part and more general fun and experimentation.

 

[glock800]

very good points and advice lilpriss.i hope all the nice guys out there are taking notes lol whats been said in this thread could decide if your single or not.

 

[Lust Engine]

Attitude is EVERYTHING.

And something else, sometimes the nice guys are so BORING... always whining about "the nice guy finishing last" gets so OLD.

Think of better things to talk about, make her laugh, give her a reason to want to see you again. Make her wonder if you are a freak under your nice veneer and then when it gets to that point show her YOU ARE. And if you don't have anything interesting up your sleeve or down your pants then you may remain single.

Girls want someone who's not afraid of every little thing... one who's able to take charge and be creative. Why would she want to be with someone who MIGHT be dull when She's gauranteed drama with some asshole?

My last boyfriend was a "nice guy" and we had a pretty good relationship. But honestly I would have trilled at more excitement, more aggression, on his part and more general fun and experimentation.

All way too true! I think that's true of most relationships. We want someone to be proud about. We want to be able to quietly boast about them to our parents and yet behind closed doors, we want that person to be an absolute tiger in bed. So you've got to be able to toe that fine line between meek on the outside & yet savage beast underneath.

Great advice lilpriss!

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

I can relate to that gentleman in public and a tiger in bed thingy. I know that for myself, I try to be a lady whilst in the public eye, but once behind closed doors; I'm one helluva whore.
So chin up Zeropaxx, with a bit of self confidence and assertivenss, you will overcome this stage of your life.


-kym- I like being behind closed doors!

 

[Lust Engine]

I know that for myself, I try to be a lady whilst in the public eye, but once behind closed doors; I'm one helluva whore.

-kym- I like being behind closed doors!

Can't we crack your door a little bit & ogle??

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

Can't we crack your door a little bit & ogle??

Hell, just step right in!

 

[PinkOrchid]

 

[funwdi]

Don't start being an asshole just because you want to find a girl! If you're a gentleman, stay that way and eventually you will find the woman of your dreams. Be exciting in bed once you have her...it doesn't mean you have to be a jerk!
Be patient, grasshopper. What comes around goes around.

 

[Mindyvixen]

OK I don't think I'm speaking for all women here....but when it comes to me, and I'm out with a guy and he is saying shit about how he treats his girlfriends like gold, and he would never hurt them, or treat them bad, it is a big turn OFF! I feel like he has to say all this just to try and get a girlfriend, and he is trying to win me over way too much, and it doesn't work! I like a guy that is a little hard to get. You shouldn't become an asshole, but be a little wild sometimes. Be busy sometimes when the girls call, even don't answer and call them later and say you were out on a date. Make them think you are busy with your own life, and don't let them KNOW that they could have you if they wanted you.
EXAMPLE: There was a guy that wanted me really bad, he called me all the time and asked me out, said stuff like I'm the only one he wants....begging me to be his girlfriend. I wasn't interested whatsoever. I would tell him, "sorry, I'm dating a couple guys right now and thats enough for me." Actually I was single. Then all of a sudden he had a new girlfriend, he stopped calling me all together, and I seen him out with this new girl, and they were having so much fun together and looked so happy. I was really jealous! So, I went up to him at the bar and asked him how he had been, and told him he could call me sometime, maybe we could go out and do something sometime. His response was no. He told me "sorry but I'm dating Lisa now, and I am trying to get things more serious with her, us going out wouldn't be a good idea." I was devastated! I guess that phrase is true....you don't know what you got til it's gone. Needless to say, I went to my apartment that night alone. Good news is I just heard from a friend of mine that they are broke up now....I think I'll give him a call!!

 

[isshogai7]

well ,there's many good advices ;I've discovered that everytime i was at ease with myself,not tryng to look as "hot stuff" and showing my real feelings,that was very appreciated.Being sincere-that including showing interest in a NICE way,does pay off.Just think about it: do you like to go out with an introvert,mute person,or a girl who,shyness whìthstanding,likes to smile and have fun,and it's someone interesting to have a conversation with?
you can find some tips on getgirls.com.Yes , sometimes "bad boys" do get the girls,but so what?men are always interested in some real aggressive kind of girl,so does ladies.More often than not,after a while ,both sexes try someone more nice to have a relationship with.Just be yourself and you will see that you'll meet someone you will really like and viceversa.
Treating a person nice show more self esteem and confidence than being a complete prick.
Just my humble opinion,anyway.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

What we've got so far is:

Be confident and assertive, but not cocky and arrogant.

Be sensitive without being a pussy.

Don't SAY you're a nice guy, just BE a nice guy!

Don't beg?

 

[deliciously_naughty]

I love nice guys...but there is a difference between a nice guy and a guy who's too nice.

Too often guys who refer to themselves as "nice guys" have deepre character flaws, such as...

1. Clingy (thinks we're a couple after the first date, calls me a billion times before I have a chance to call him back)
2. Doormat (will do anything I say, never objects to anything I say, incredibly submissive)

which negate the nice guy they are underneath because those traits are so damn annoying.


I love a nice guy who rubs my back, has long conversations with me, brings flowers every once and awhile. But who also calls me on it when I act bitchy, will express his opinion (no babe, I really DON"T want to see Maid in Manhattan), and who can be sexually agressive.

 

[bigjacknyc]

EXAMPLE: There was a guy that wanted me really bad, he called me all the time and asked me out, said stuff like I'm the only one he wants....begging me to be his girlfriend. I wasn't interested whatsoever. I would tell him, "sorry, I'm dating a couple guys right now and thats enough for me." Actually I was single. Then all of a sudden he had a new girlfriend, he stopped calling me all together, and I seen him out with this new girl, and they were having so much fun together and looked so happy. I was really jealous! So, I went up to him at the bar and asked him how he had been, and told him he could call me sometime, maybe we could go out and do something sometime. His response was no. He told me "sorry but I'm dating Lisa now, and I am trying to get things more serious with her, us going out wouldn't be a good idea." I was devastated! I guess that phrase is true....you don't know what you got til it's gone. Needless to say, I went to my apartment that night alone. Good news is I just heard from a friend of mine that they are broke up now....I think I'll give him a call!!

I kinda see where you're comin from on this one but it still leaves me scratching my head. Out of curiosity, would you respond differently in a similar situation nowadays?

 

[~*sunkyssed_kym*~]

What we've got so far is:

Be confident and assertive, but not cocky and arrogant.

Be sensitive without being a pussy.

Don't SAY you're a nice guy, just BE a nice guy!

Don't beg?

Bravo Johnny M!! [may I call you that?? ]
Very good advice. Short and sweet and... to the point.


-kym- I LIKE nice men!

 

[zeropaxx]

Well, my Lit peeps, I would like to thank each and every one of you for your advice in the matter. To be honest I am a little overweight and a side effect is "Man breasts". Before I became overweight, me and my friends would joke sometimes about "If I had breasts I would never leave the house." Well Please be careful what you wish for, because you will get it. Thats part of my confidence problem I guess, the hole over weight thing.

There was a development today. I got a phone number. I about fainted. Seriously. I work in a n gas station-mini market and she is one of my ragular customers. we always talk and flirt back and forth. I figured "she's hot, I don't have a chance, so she must have a boyfriend."

Well we were talking today and I told her that we should go out for coffee sometime and hole bat flaps grandma, she asked for my number and then turned around and gave me hers. I am way above cloud nine at this point.

Thanks again for the advice though.

zeropaxx

 

[zeropaxx]

This bit cracks me up the most. All through highschool I would end up being friends with or date girls name sarah, guess what the chick's name is that I got her phone number. Ya sarah.

When should I call her?

(side note: Do girls mind being referred to as chicks? or does it vary from girl to girl?)

 

[Shingen]

This bit cracks me up the most. All through highschool I would end up being friends with or date girls name sarah, guess what the chick's name is that I got her phone number. Ya sarah.

When should I call her?

(side note: Do girls mind being referred to as chicks? or does it vary from girl to girl?)

Good job on getting the number!

There is some unwritten rule that you don't call before 24 hours and after 72 hours, or something like that. Whatever you do, don't sound like you're "desperate." If you're looking for a time to meet don't say..."Anytime is good to meet." Say something like..."Well, I have karate class till 7pm, so 7:30pm sounds good." Don't be so agreeable.

When you do order coffee, DO NOT order hot chocolate! Order a cappucino or something more exotic. Show that you have some worldly taste.

Anyway, I hope all works out for you and let us know how it goes!

Good luck!

 

[deliciously_naughty]

Call her 24 hours later

Ask for at least three days out...assume she has a life

 

[Master Brian]

Ah the old 'nice guys finish last' excuse.

Guys that are too chicken shit to ask a woman out finish last.

Now that that's been straightened out.