Q & A and conversation for CDs, sissies, tomboys, and queers

[AlexBailey]

Hey CDs, sissies, tomboys - LGBTQIA+ folks,


Let's have some conversations. Spill your guts or ask each other those nagging questions - share those curiosities about crossing the lines of social constructs and traditions.

Share your thoughts - ask or answer any questions posted on this thread at anytime, we're all non-conformists of different persuasions, no need to stay with any particular format - just put it out there and see what comes back from this beautiful and creative community.

Lots of love to all of the in-betweeners!


(Feel free to PM me if you'd like to share anything more privately.)

 

[AlexBailey]

I'll go first.

I've always felt that I was somewhere between male and female, sometimes more toward one side than the other. My family and upbringing were very stifling toward these issues and I never felt comfortable talking about it with family. If I were born in this day and age and were raised by the kind of parents that my wife and I are, I very well may have been transgender.

* Are you happy as a you are? Would you want to pass full time if you could? Do you think you might have taken a different route if you were raised in a different family?

 

[BlackSatinKnight]

I'll go first.

I've always felt that I was somewhere between male and female, sometimes more toward one side than the other. My family and upbringing were very stifling toward these issues and I never felt comfortable talking about it with family. If I were born in this day and age and were raised by the kind of parents that my wife and I are, I very well may have been transgender.

Are you happy as a you are? Would you want to pass full time if you could? Do you think you would you have taken a different route if you were raised in a different situation?

Alex, no I’m not always happy with who I am. My career path was/is in a very homophobic environment and my family wouldn’t understand. I’m not passable as female so going out in public isn’t an option; however I’ve often wished I had a shopping partner who could help me pick out what looks good on me, and give me some encouragement. I purge and pray that I can go straight, but I keep getting drawn back into buying more panties and watching more porn.

If I had been raised in today’s acceptance I would probably be more open about being bi and into cross dressing, but that’s not going to happen so I deal with it myself, a occasionally one to lit to vent and look for acceptance.

 

[AlexBailey]

Hi BlackSatinKnight,

I'd love to have a CD shopping partner! I've met gurls briefly before while shopping and made suggestions for each other, but never on a date. Before covid there was a monthly CD/sissy night at a San Francisco coffee house: 'Wicked Grounds'. It was a perfect place to meet up and share. They had occasional CD clothes exchanges too but things closed down before I got a chance to attend.

I'll have to look into it again now that the shutdowns are lifting. The place was supported by patreon donations, so it may have survived.


I went out shopping dressed up several times with a mask on during covid and never had any bad experiences, but it was mostly a kind of a lonely experience, though I did get some compliments on various skirts or tops from friendly store clerks who undoubtedly knew I wasn't cis F.

Too bad you aren't in northern CA.

 

[AlexBailey]

A couple more questions:


* What was the first thing about yourself and your interests that made you realize you were ‘different’?

* Did your parents ever try to intervene?

* Have you ever come out? Or were you ever outed?

 

[dawndavis66]

Thanks for starting this thread and sharing.

I will add to the conversation.

My fascination with all things feminine started very early as a child. I am not sure I can point to any single event that made realize that I liked being a girl but there are a few things that stand out series of things...wearing my sister's dresses as a toddler. Hiding my penis between my legs while bathing and proclaiming "look I am a girl".

I was caught as a teenager with a stash of my mom's intimates hidden in the back of my closet. Nothing was said and nothing was discussed. I just returned it all to the laundry basket and that was the end of that.

I am quite comfortable as a male. I am not a female trapped in a male body. I am attracted to women. But, I must say that I am also attracted to sexy women with male parts, whether they are cds like me or are transgender.

As I get older, I want to find more time to be fully dolled up. Pre pandemic, I had a few weekends where I was able to be dressed up most of the weekend. I shopped, ate out, and met others socially. I hope to get that opportunity again soon.

My wife is somewhat understanding. But, she does not like seeing me dressed up and would not approve of me being out shopping and meeting socially with other cds.

BTW, I attended the Wicked Grounds night a few years ago but went on a slow night and have wanted to go back ever since.

Dawn

 

[AlexBailey]

* What does cross dressing do for you?

* Is it platonic and emotionally soothing?

* Is it sexually stimulating and fetishistic? Is it purely aesthetic?



I believe I have a physiological response when I get dressed up and when I look at myself, and especially when someone else admires me - dressed or not.


There are going to be lots of individual answers to the above questions, but whatever the answers, it may be that cross dressing produces a natural hormonal response in some people. Like so many differences in personalities, it makes me wonder if it's affected more by nature or nurture, which usually leads me to the answer: "it's probably both."

My mother has always said how even as a newborn I loved to be tightly swaddled and held, while my sister didn't so much. Family stories also say that Mom liked to dress me up in the girl clothes she was given at showers because she had been convinced she was having another girl. Did my natural propensity toward swaddling and my mother's nurturing affection and wanting me to be female combine to create me? Lol. Who knows? One thing I am certain of is that I get high from feeling feminized. I also do from wearing tight things, but nothing is better to me than tight girls clothes.

Oxytocin has been called the 'love hormone' . It is released in a mother's breast milk and is soothing to a baby. If an infant is startled or hurt, just latch them onto mom's tit and watch them dissolve into a natural drug induced euphoria. Oxytocin is also produced in males and females during orgasm or even cuddling or other lesser degrees of arousal. It's even been found to be produced while listening to music or nurturing a pet - hence 'emotional support animals'. I am certain that oxytocin is part of my CD buzz.

As I sit here and write this I can get subtitle pleasures when I become aware of my silky thong, I can easily get more aroused when I think about slipping into a favorite skirt and top. Why? Oxytocin?

I found and interesting article about Oxytocin and cross dressing. It's interesting in spite of the fact that it's from a Christian perspective that is trying to encourage people to turn away from 'addictive' pleasure and toward religion. Don't worry though, it doesn't get too preachy as it talks about some of the physiological hormonal responses I mention above.

https://healingfromcrossdressing.org/crossdressing-hormone-release/

Check it out and let us know your thoughts!

 

[irishblade]

Great thread! Definitely going to subscribe!

 

[BlackSatinKnight]

A couple more questions:


* What was the first thing about yourself and your interests that made you realize you were ‘different’?

* Did your parents ever try to intervene?

* Have you ever come out? Or were you ever outed?

Many of my memories take place before I was 18, so I’ll try to keep it legal. Yes, I felt different, attracted to males as well as females, but I can’t point to any specific “thing” that clearly defined being different. During school and throughout my career I didn’t get many chances to explore by bi or cross dressing side.

My parents never knew, at least as far as I know.

I’ve come out here on LIT (but then again it’s anonymous), and to one good female friend, at least about the cross dressing - but not the full extent. That’s the only lasting relationship hat knows.

Need to edit here, I did approach my wife about it one time and she shot me down saying it did nothing for her.

My question, what is the extend of your cross dressing? Full time, only during sex play, only while alone, or just wearing something privately under your male street clothes?

 

[AlexBailey]

...

My question, what is the extend of your cross dressing? Full time, only during sex play, only while alone, or just wearing something privately under your male street clothes?

My CD history started early, I was in kids theater and had an older sister who liked to dress me up - my mom didn't think anything of it until I wanted to wear a girls swimsuit to the beach. My older sister was a competitive ice skater so I had a lot of hand-me-downs via the give-away box. My parents did what they could to redirect me when they found my stash of girls stuff in grade school. I was pretty crushed and confused over it. It's the first time I can think of when I felt gender dysphoria.

In high school I was slightly femme and in the closet until I somehow ended up going to the prom with the captain of the varsity cheer squad. She and some squad girls dressed me up in their uniform for a friday school event where the girls played football (American) and some of us guys were cheerleaders. I fucking loved it and no one gave me a hard time (it was thirty-some years ago ) - my girlfriend was one of the hottest girls in school - and she did look incredible in the football gear. We broke up before graduation but I've replayed that day in my memories ever since.

In college I had a punkish girlfriend who liked to girl me out. She would have me wear her lingerie in bed and occasionally I'd go out in her clothes. I don't think I really 'passed' but I got mistaken a lot. When I went to a rowdy new year concert in jeans and a girl's top I got my ass grabbed more times than I could count. Nearly got my ass kicked a few times too. It produced a lot of mixed emotions but it also allowed me to understand more about what predators can be like.

I ended up being partners for several years with a girl who has always identified as lesbian. It's funny but I only occasionally openly cross dressed then. I often got mistaken for a tomboy. Some of our friends were somewhat anti-trans - I often felt a strange tension from them if I was dressing overtly feminine. On the one hand I felt welcome within our community, on the other I was an outsider simply for how I was born and could never truly belong.

I was mostly in the closet when I married for the first time. She was straight and I told her about my CDing before we married, but when we broke up she got vindictive and outed me to everyone we knew - friends and extended family. It sucked but wasn't really all too bad. It didn't seem to matter to anyone who mattered.

I kept low key and fairly private as I got remarried and raised our family, though I have always had a lot of girl's stuff for the bedroom. My wife and I enjoy lots of my fetish interests, but I also often dress in a sort of hybrid style. I wear kilts a lot and now that our kids are adults I occasionally wear skirts over leggings or jeans. I often wear my hair in braided pig-tails. I'm still frequently mistaken for female from behind.

I felt pretty comfortable going out dressed while wearing a covid mask. I've got a tomboyish look and rarely get a second glance. although I don't pass when I show my face, I've still gone out in skirts a few times recently.

https://forum.literotica.com/attachment.php?attachmentid=2120913&stc=1&d=1625702879

I've always liked the term 'tomboy' and relate to it somehow. I like 'tomgirl' but I know some girls who identify that way and I'm not really one of them. What I really like is 'tomgurl' but it's... I don't know. Maybe?


*Anyone else feel like they might be a "tomgirl" or a 'tomgurl'?

 

[AlexBailey]

(Thanks for all of the PMs. I've really enjoy hearing from all of you!)



* Aside from the internet, what are you favorite places to shop?

* What have been some of your best experiences? Any bad ones?

 

[dawndavis66]

(Thanks for all of the PMs. I've really enjoy hearing from all of you!)



* Aside from the internet, what are you favorite places to shop?

* What have been some of your best experiences? Any bad ones?

Favorites while dressed -- almost any small boutique, thrift or 2nd hand store. Plus Ross, Lane Bryant and Goodwill. Was readying for an actual mall and Macys when COVID hit.

Have had no bad experiences. Best experiences have involved staff who did bra fittings (Lane Bryant) and who compliment outfit, makeup, effort. (CVS, a small boutique)

 

[Bittersweet1215]

A couple more questions:


* What was the first thing about yourself and your interests that made you realize you were ‘different’?

* Did your parents ever try to intervene?

* Have you ever come out? Or were you ever outed?

*Realizing that I fantasized about cock and thought nothing of that. That it bothered any other boy I knew. I wasn't ignorant I knew everyone I knew back then thought that kind of thing was wrong or whatever they'd call it. But in my own private time I could be myself and fantasize about whatever I wanted. Its still that way in many ways.

*As close as my parents got to noticing any of it was catching me jerking off. My mother told me that kind of thing would turn me into a faggot. Then I was caught with a dildo I'd stolen. I was scolded and given the talk about why it was wrong. Never stopped me. I like what I like. They largely ignored it all and thought it ended there to never bring it up again.

*No. Couple people know I'm bi. That's it. Sadly its all still my dirty secret. Makes me kinda unhappy sometimes but I do like it oddly. Its like its something that belongs to me a no one else. Maybe do get outted someday. Right now I'm happy having my own little thrilling secrets. If I want to dress I do. If I wanna use my toys I do. For me no one needs to be in on it. Explore a little more each day but not in a hurry for anyone to accept me.

 

[AlexBailey]

* Do you have a different name for your cross-dressed self?

* Do you take on a different personality while dressed?

* Have you got more than one alt-ego?

 

[muycurioso]

I'll go first.

I've always felt that I was somewhere between male and female, sometimes more toward one side than the other. My family and upbringing were very stifling toward these issues and I never felt comfortable talking about it with family. If I were born in this day and age and were raised by the kind of parents that my wife and I are, I very well may have been transgender.




* Are you happy as a you are? Would you want to pass full time if you could? Do you think you might have taken a different route if you were raised in a different family?

well written, I would not be trans but openly bi for sure

 

[AlexBailey]

Thanks to everyone who has put in on this thread!

Don't be afraid to ask your own questions - ask for or offer any kind of advice, or you can just unload your thoughts. Don't worry about sticking with any particular format, all are welcome.

 

[AlexBailey]

* Other than various types of bras, what article of clothing is intrinsically gender specific?



Gender specific styles are social constructs - nearly arbitrary.

Over the centuries and across cultures everything has been worn by both sexes. Think of the United States founding fathers: powdery wigs (George Washington wore his own hair in a neat little pig tail), knickers (knee length pants) and pumps (black heeled shoes). Scottish Kilts, sarongs, various skirts, tunics, and dresses. Hoes, and tights - Jules 'Leotard' was a male acrobat for whom the tight fitting garment was named. One piece swimsuits were popular for men within the last hundred years.

I've read that short hair only became 'normal' for men when it was common uniform for military in WW1 and more recent wars.



* Do you psychologically 'transition' when you cross dress?

* Do you have a 'cross dressed' style that you would normally wear while presenting as your cis gender if society didn't have its head up it's ass about style expectations?

 

[BlackSatinKnight]

(Thanks for all of the PMs. I've really enjoy hearing from all of you!)



* Aside from the internet, what are you favorite places to shop?

* What have been some of your best experiences? Any bad ones?

I like shopping at Lane Bryant and Torrid. Unfortunately Lane Bryant changed their fit and style so I haven’t been there in a while. I guess I shop where I find something I like in my size.

I did stumble upon a very friendly clerk at an adult toy store that sells lingerie. She helped me with sizes and colors, and brought me a variety of outfits to try on. She also gave me advice on which ones she thought looked good on me. I’ve been back twice but she wasn’t working.

I had a bad experience at a Victoria’s Secret in Virginia. The clerk there made it quite clear that ”my type” wasn’t appreciated in their store. Now, this was before wide spread internet shopping and in the South so I wasn’t that surprised.

 

[BlackSatinKnight]

Here is my question, when you shop do you admit it’s for you, or do you say it’s for another person i.e. wife?

 

[AlexBailey]

...
I had a bad experience at a Victoria’s Secret in Virginia. The clerk there made it quite clear that ”my type” wasn’t appreciated in their store. Now, this was before wide spread internet shopping and in the South so I wasn’t that surprised.

hi BSK,

How long ago was that?

I'm sorry to hear that you had a bad experience at VS. I've bought a few of their overpriced items over the years but I never felt comfortable trying anything on. I've read recently that VS has been revamping, including having their first TG model. It sounds like they are coming around to more inclusive policy but it may be depend partly on the location. I found an interesting posting of a quote fro a 2005 NY Post article saying the store policy was officially open to men but confused within the company. I suspect it may be settled policy by now.



From this link:

https://freerepublic.com/focus/f-chat/1501865/posts

October 11, 2005 --

The company seemed a little confused as to its dressing room policy. A staffer at its Web site responded to Vera: "Victoria's Secret does allow men to use dressing rooms. However, because our primary target client is female and because of the sensitive nature of our product, there are specific guidelines for males in the dressing room areas.

"If a male client requests a dressing room at a busy time . . . or there are female clients in the area, we ask him to come back . . . when the shop is less busy. If there are one or two females in the dressing rooms and it is a shop where there are additional dressing rooms free from female use, we will allow him to use a room free of female traffic."

But less than an hour after Victoria's Secret e-mailed Vera, PAGE SIX received a call from the company's executive v.p., Monica Mitro, who shot down the statement.

"That is not our policy," she said. "We are a women's business and we cater to women. To my knowledge, we don't cater to men in our dressing rooms. But I need to check."

After checking, Mitro sent us another e-mail correcting herself. Men are allowed. "That is our policy," she admitted.

Told of the final decision, Vera said, "Hallelujah, our cups runneth over! They will find most men who want to try things on are very polite and very considerate of female customers. They just want to shop, and they value their privacy as much as the next girl."

(Excerpt) Read more at nypost.com

 

[dawndavis66]

Here is my question, when you shop do you admit it’s for you, or do you say it’s for another person i.e. wife?

If I am shopping in guy mode for myself, I always say so if asked. Much easier and the help becomes truly helpful.

 

[AlexBailey]

Here is my question, when you shop do you admit it’s for you, or do you say it’s for another person i.e. wife?

I don't think I ever did that at a store. I did it online all the time when the kids were young and at home so they would not see it in my Amazon account.

On the other hand, I've bought things at a store and had them gift wrapped for 'Raven' my femme-name. In fact I just finished a story where a guy buys lingerie for his femme-self then leaves it on the hotel bed as a gift for when he gets out of the shower in girl-mode. It's being edited now, I'll post it soon.

 

[BlackSatinKnight]

I don't think I ever did that at a store. I did it online all the time when the kids were young and at home so they would not see it in my Amazon account.

On the other hand, I've bought things at a store and had them gift wrapped for 'Raven' my femme-name. In fact I just finished a story where a guy buys lingerie for his femme-self then leaves it on the hotel bed as a gift for when he gets out of the shower in girl-mode. It's being edited now, I'll post it soon.

Can’t wait to read it.

 

[BlackSatinKnight]

hi BSK,

How long ago was that?

I'm sorry to hear that you had a bad experience at VS. I've bought a few of their overpriced items over the years but I never felt comfortable trying anything on. I've read recently that VS has been revamping, including having their first TG model. It sounds like they are coming around to more inclusive policy but it may be depend partly on the location. I found an interesting posting of a quote fro a 2005 NY Post article saying the store policy was officially open to men but confused within the company. I suspect it may be settled policy now.

It was a early 2000’s when this happened.

Interesting article. It doesn’t surprise me that cooperate America can’t get their story right.

 

[AlexBailey]

I was perusing YouTube today and a link popped up.

Cross dressing gymnast Paul Hunt

I remember seeing this guy on TV when I was a kid in the early eighties. I was equally impressed with his talent and that he would do it in a leotard. It was a comedy act but he had the talent to pull it off for a world-wide audience of millions.

I remember watching him doing his balance beam routine in a yellow leotard and pigtails with my parents rolling their eyes and giving me a look as if to say "don't get any ideas". He was my hero.

A compilation of his gymnastics comedy routines:
https://youtu.be/5L6XyndzUt8


https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paul_Hunt_(gymnast)