Putting the gods to rest

[Strangebuddy]

So one of my favorite game series (shin megami tensei) got a new entry last week and it got me thinking. See, one of my favorite parts of the series are all the little shout outs to mythology and the side quests where you help out gods and spirits (helping Cu chulainn meet his ailing mother, Finding Amaterasu when she gets seperated from her retainers, finding Osiris' body parts then fighting off Set so Isis can bring him back to life, putting together a fairy court, making peace between Barunga and Rangda, getting Odin reunited with Sleipner, Krishna fighting Kudlak, Finding an avatar for Lady Danu who has been hiding out as an alternative Mary as a result of Christian Imperati, etc.)

So my thought was, what if all the old gods started to show up and needed to be put to rest? For example, Dionysus shows up in Greece and starts demanding that everyone in the town he appears at to begin celebrations and orgies in his name. However, while he has some power he doesn't have much left to effect the world beyond Greece so in exchange for going back to sleep/leaving the mortal plane, volunteers from around the world will come to a remote location and have a massive week long celebration in his name. Now there won't be any tearing apart of old men and safety precautions will be taken but massive debauchery, cross dressing, and gluttony will encouraged.

 

[Hypoxia]

What comes to mind is Thorne Smith's NIGHT LIFE OF THE GODS, where all the statues of deities in the NY Museum of Natural History come alive one night and orgy-out. They've already been "put to rest" because they have no contemporary worshipers.

So let's revive a few pantheons for a time (a night? a week?) and see which deities attract the most followers. Will the sex-gods and -goddesses win? Or the hate gods? Or the gods of natural disasters (vulcanism, tsunamis, mega-fires, etc)? Everyone likes a spectacle, right? Or maybe the trickster gods who change humans into toads or whatever. Which gods will survive the challenge?

 

[Carnevil9]

This was done (not erotically, alas) by Roger Zelazny in his awesome novel "Lord of Light." Based on the Hindu pantheon, a real bunch of shitkickers and badasses!

 

[Strangebuddy]

That could be fun, with gods popping up all over the place doing recruitment drives. Especially would be fun to see what it does to modern religious persons. After all, you can keep praying to a being that works in mysterious ways or you can make offerings to a goddess that's right down the road. Also almost every old God is also a fertility God so sexual dysfunction is likely a thing of the past.

A more low-key variant could be the loa from Haitian voodoo. A priestess allows herself to be ridden by one (Baron Samedi for example) and instead of just staying put, the loa goes out on the town. There was a story I thought up back in the day where a bisexual priestess invites a female friend to watch her get ridden and once she is taken over, she dresses up in a fancy suit, top hat and cane, grabs a cigar and starts flirting with her skeptical friend.

The story then follows them on an impromptu date with the friend trying to disprove it all as an act and the story never being clear if she was truly ridden or at what point she stops being ridden.

 

[Hypoxia]

That could be fun, with gods popping up all over the place doing recruitment drives. Especially would be fun to see what it does to modern religious persons. After all, you can keep praying to a being that works in mysterious ways or you can make offerings to a goddess that's right down the road. Also almost every old God is also a fertility God so sexual dysfunction is likely a thing of the past.

Do fertility deities multitask? Can we have multiple instances of Aphrodite, Asase Ya, Aramazd, et al magically fucking many humans simultaneously? Or are they all one-on-one? Fortunately, there are many, many fertility deities available for our fun. If Xochiquetzal is occupied, you can always turn to Sowathara, Tanit, or Brigid. Enjoy!

 

[Strangebuddy]

Fertility just seems to come with achieving godhood. I swear I once read about a goddess who was the God of disease death, tragedy, and fertility. It's like how all superheroes have "look good in a skin tight outfit" as a power

 

[Hypoxia]

Fertility just seems to come with achieving godhood. I swear I once read about a goddess who was the God of disease death, tragedy, and fertility. It's like how all superheroes have "look good in a skin tight outfit" as a power

{JHWH} didn't do much at fertility, and being fucked by {JHWH} didn't turn out so well, so we'll discard that one. More than a few deities are life+death bipolar -- fertility, then destruction. Some gods are only rocks lying on a mountainside doing nothing but dreaming of long-ago potency. And some divine beings are pretty monstrous. Ya don't want to fuck with them.

So, godhood alone ain't enough. They need a divine spark, a willingness to sexily engage with humans. They need to look good enough to fuck -- although Zeus as a goose (okay, Leda and the swan) stretches that a bit. But we can expect them to have their own agendas. Fucking a deity may NOT be in your best interest. Tempting, though...

* Some deities want to see just how into bestiality people are, so they take the forms of talking animals. Now's your chance at a giant rabbit or two-tailed snake.
* Some deities want to test the limits of human whatever so they take the forms of fire, waterfall, whirlwind, obelisk, burrow, etc. What do you dare to fuck?
* Some gods are hot to create new godlings so they impregnate humans, female and male. What weird and powerful children emerge? Can you spank a godling?
* Some fertility goddesses compete as to who is the most fertile. Zowie, do they pump-em out! Think of the goddesses as clown cars with gremlins pouring forth.

Pantheons can be so much fun.