Puss's food- blurt thread

[the captians wench]

*huggles*

I have this problem when I work late shifts at work. I just want to eat all night long. Something about being tired makes me want to eat. And being I work at a Mcd's fries and nuggest are easily accessable.

I had to call in help to really nip that problem. I do better when I have to answer for myself, even if it is something like a private notebook there's someting about seeing what you've eaten that really puts things in perspective. In this case Jounar came up with a "minutes on tack board per fry/nugget" system. So every time I pulled a fry out of the hop, or nugget out of the cabnit I had to decide if it was worth x minutes on the tacks (at the time I really disliked that sharp pain) just to snack.

I also grew up snacking on chips infront of the tv. We did it with out even thinking. The way I curbed that was to eat carrot sticks instead of crisps. The carrot sticks actually filled my stomach, I felt the full feeling, and I stopped eating. Of course this took quite a few nights of sickly over full carrot feelings, but eventually I could eat more reasonably.

Good luck to you.

 

[Cattypuss]

Thanks Wenchie - and good luck to you too, with your healthy eating campaign!

 

[the captians wench]

Thanks Wenchie - and good luck to you too, with your healthy eating campaign!

Thanks.

I still wouldn't call it "healthy eating" so much as "heathier eating". I'm not denying myself sweets and fried foods and very rich foods as much as the "heathy" implies. It's more about forcing myself to eat at home, so I don't get the other nasty stuff that goes into fast food or even prepared foods.

Anyway, it's a step in the right direction.

 

[Cattypuss]

Well I've got my first therapy session this Sunday (day after tomorrow). Am nervous but hopeful

 

[Cattypuss]

Well I had an hour-and-a-half therapy session this morning and I'm exhausted (did some regression which was very tiring emotionally) but feel calmer and more self-accepting than I have in years.

She thinks I may not even need another session with her although she will be happy to see me if I think I do.

I should get an idea of how - if at all - this therapy has changed things for me within a week or so I'd think. I just need to live with myself for a few days, go about my business as usual and see if things feel better.


And lookee! 10 days binge-free!

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Well I had an hour-and-a-half therapy session this morning and I'm exhausted (did some regression which was very tiring emotionally) but feel calmer and more self-accepting than I have in years.

She thinks I may not even need another session with her although she will be happy to see me if I think I do.

I should get an idea of how - if at all - this therapy has changed things for me within a week or so I'd think. I just need to live with myself for a few days, go about my business as usual and see if things feel better.


And lookee! 10 days binge-free!

Go you good thing!

 

[Cattypuss]

Go you good thing!

Third night on the trot of not sleeping last night.

My body is crying out for sugar and fat.

Ho hum.

Resisting for now.

 

[Cattypuss]

Since my last post I have been living in an emotional maelstrom. The therapy felt like it just calmed me for the first 24 hours. But then all sorts of emotions came crawling out the woodwork, some of them very very hard to sit with. They're still slithering around inside me and I don't like it.

Anyhoo, I overate last night. It wasn't a full-blown binge in that it was probably around 600 calories instead of 5,000 - but it was the first time in nearly a week and a half that I ate for emotional reasons rather than because I was genuinely physically hungry.

I am trying not to beat myself up for this. I am trying to forgive myself - tell myself that it's still early days on my non-binge journey and that the habits of a lifetime don't disappear overnight - that I've been using food as an emotional crutch (in the same way that many people use alcohol) for over 30 years and occasional slip-ups are inevitable as I adapt to a new way of being. Also telling myself that last night was the smallest binge I can ever remember having.

OK. So I get back on the horse.

The main probem here is all the difficult emotions that the therapy session has set running. I mentioned all this to P last night (he works on the other side of the country - I usually only see him weekends) and he has said that we will sit down this coming weekend and talk though the stuff that the therapy has awakened.

So. One day since I last binged.

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

I think, rather than forgiving yourself, you should be pleased that even though you *did* eat more (I so dislike that word binge, negative!) you didn't eat as much as you could have, or have had.

That's a solid effort in of itself.

Perhaps you could consider some self reducting methods, rather than trying to stop completely?

 

[Cattypuss]

Perhaps you could consider some self reducting methods, rather than trying to stop completely?

Please explain?

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Please explain?

Well, as in accepting that for now, binges are going to happen, but trying to limit just how much they happen by.

You did it there already. From 5k down to 600 hundred or so. So instead of beating yourself up for falling off the wagon, and trying not to at all, how's about just trying to have less, and less, and then at the same time phase in other substitutes to fill the emotional gaps?

I guess I'm taking a 'quit smoking' type of thinking into this. Trying to stop bingeing is a bit like telling a pack a day smoker to quit cold turkey.

 

[Cattypuss]

I guess I'm taking a 'quit smoking' type of thinking into this. Trying to stop bingeing is a bit like telling a pack a day smoker to quit cold turkey.

LOL which is exactly how I eventually succeeded in giving up my 20-year, pack-a-day habit - after umpteen failed attempts over the years at cutting down!

But I think you may be onto something - nicotine is a physical addiction, whereas binge-eating is an emotional addiction, so trying to "cut down" may work here.

 

[satindesire]

LOL which is exactly how I eventually succeeded in giving up my 20-year, pack-a-day habit - after umpteen failed attempts over the years at cutting down!

But I think you may be onto something - nicotine is a physical addiction, whereas binge-eating is an emotional addiction, so trying to "cut down" may work here.

Addictions can be a bitch.

I've been pretty open here about being an addict myself, to narcotic drugs, and quitting isn't something that addicts often do 'overnight'. Slip ups are common, falling off the wagon for long periods of time are really common, and doing the "cutting back" thing combined with therapy is what works for some people.

I wasn't able to cut back when I was using. I had to stop completely and detox, yeah that was fun, because I had absolutely no sense of self control. If I was going to do a little, then I was going to do a lot. Self control and accountability have a HUGE amount to do with the success rate for this. No one that knew me knew I was an addict (I was a functioning addict that was very good at hiding) so I had no one to be accountable to, and being accountable to a junkie wasn't the best plan of action in my case. :-D

Having something like this, this outlet that you've made here, will not only give you a safe place to freely express things like your inner dialog, but it will also give you a sense of accountability that many people need in order to conquer their addictions.

Coming here will be a good thing for you. I'm so glad you've managed to open up like this. I know I already said this once but you've got a friend in me, in case you ever need any kind of support.

 

[rida]

Since my last post I have been living in an emotional maelstrom. The therapy felt like it just calmed me for the first 24 hours. But then all sorts of emotions came crawling out the woodwork, some of them very very hard to sit with. They're still slithering around inside me and I don't like it.

Anyhoo, I overate last night. It wasn't a full-blown binge in that it was probably around 600 calories instead of 5,000 - but it was the first time in nearly a week and a half that I ate for emotional reasons rather than because I was genuinely physically hungry.

I am trying not to beat myself up for this. I am trying to forgive myself - tell myself that it's still early days on my non-binge journey and that the habits of a lifetime don't disappear overnight - that I've been using food as an emotional crutch (in the same way that many people use alcohol) for over 30 years and occasional slip-ups are inevitable as I adapt to a new way of being. Also telling myself that last night was the smallest binge I can ever remember having.

OK. So I get back on the horse.

The main probem here is all the difficult emotions that the therapy session has set running. I mentioned all this to P last night (he works on the other side of the country - I usually only see him weekends) and he has said that we will sit down this coming weekend and talk though the stuff that the therapy has awakened.

So. One day since I last binged.

As Lizzie said below, I would not count it as binging. Yes, it was "emotional eating", but you stopped at a very reasonable amount.
So I would only count it as a "little slipping" rather than a falling off the wagon.

I think, rather than forgiving yourself, you should be pleased that even though you *did* eat more (I so dislike that word binge, negative!) you didn't eat as much as you could have, or have had.

That's a solid effort in of itself.

Perhaps you could consider some self reducting methods, rather than trying to stop completely?

 

[Keroin]

Sounds like you're on the right path CP, hang in there. Be kind to yourself.

A little tip that might help...

If you feel a snack attack approaching, drink a large glass of water, fairly quickly. It sends a "full" signal to your brain. Also, a lot of times when we feel hungry what our body really needs is fluids. Weird, I know, but true. Of course, if it's purely emotional eating then that doesn't apply but the water will help you to feel full.

And keep some raw almonds to snack on if you just *need* to eat. They really do help to stave off over-snacking.

Good luck! We're all cheering for you.

 

[CutieMouse]

I just got a chance to check the thread, but as soon as I saw the therapist had you do some regression work I suspected you'd have a hiccup.

Regression (and psycho-drama) is HARD stuff. Because you're essentially stirring up body-memories with the intent of healing/changing them - which is good... but sometimes those body-memories fight the process. In your situation, the "fighting" leads to eating. But you did a fabulous job of controlling what you could.

Keep doing therapy. And next time when you feel the need to binge, call the therapist instead - even if it's 2am. If she's going to use regression/psycho-drama/bodywork, it's her JOB to help you through the ENTIRE process; even if that process takes 2-4 days post session to move to the next stage.

You're doing fabulously.



(Personally I find it irresponsible to do regression therapy with someone and even HINT that they might not need more than one 90 minute session.)

 

[Cattypuss]

Thank you all, for your kindness and for taking the time

My eating has not been brilliant since the last time I posted but it's not been anywhere near as bad as it could have been either.

I am craving P like you wouldn't believe - am feeling very hugless (I only see him weekends because he's a weekend commuter).

Keroin, it's purely emotional hunger (which is a bitch to resist and which makes resisting physical hunger seem like a walk in the park).

CM, what you say makes sense. I'm taking it on board.

Thanks all. It's been a bad week so far but I have just had an intuitive-eating breakfast and I'm gritting my teeth and resisting the urge to just keep on eating through the morning.

The therapist told me when I was in deep relaxation that overeating was "fool's gold", that it didn't solve my problems, that it did nothing to feed the emotional hunger. And all that's true but I realised last night (as I ate a muffin I didn't need on my volunteer work shift) that actually there's more to it than that.

I feel a sense of rising panic as the hurt and anger starts to rise in me and so I eat to squash down the panic. And - for as long as I'm chewing and swallowing - the panic, hurt and anger are numbed. But the INSTANT I swallow the last mouthful, it all returns - together with a dose of panic and self-loathing about my lack of control over what I put in my mouth.

Ping! This is why, I realise, it is so very very very hard to stop a binge once started - usually I have had to be full-to-bursting with food before I can bring myself to stop bingeing. The reason is that once the overeating starts I ADD to the bad feelings that make me binge (because of the additional panic etc about my lack of eating control). So every mouthful INCREASES the need for the next mouthful.

I know that knowledge is power, but at the moment I am rather overwhelmed by this knowledge.

 

[satindesire]

That makes a lot of sense, Cat, I've heard people talk about how binging exponentially increases the need to binge once it starts. I never understood it until you explained it just then.

 

[Cattypuss]

. I never understood it until you explained it just then.

Neither did I lol - it was a bit of a lightbulb moment for me!