Puns

[done_got_old]

I once lived just a stone's throw away from a family who all died of mysterious head injuries.

 

[done_got_old]

I used to go out drinking with my friends after work at the bicycle factory. But now that I'm older I've stopped......

I guess I just can't handle bars

 

[mnbreastluver]

When you open a bottle with a bottle opener, you become the bottle opener.

 

[done_got_old]

Guys too focused on their maleness are egotestical

 

[done_got_old]

Did you know taller people sleep longer in bed?

 

[done_got_old]

It was a love story based in Austria ... about a Venetian who was blinded by Jalousie.

 

[done_got_old]

https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/83569716_2699962123421028_6196199402105733120_n.jpg?_nc_cat=102&_nc_ohc=guFtkOLOxUgAX__woqG&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-1.xx&oh=dfc0f3d0342502dddcf082c8b2f6fb9c&oe=5ED1DEB9

 

[done_got_old]

We ran out of lettuce today. My sister said there was none romaining.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Hiding your Safe in a safe place is the safest thing you can do to keep your Safe safe.

 

[done_got_old]

A gang of beavers roamed main street last night, cutting down several trees along Main Street. Police are stumped.

 

[done_got_old]

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you’re working 2 shifts at McDonald’s, you are working a McDouble.

 

[done_got_old]

If flossing is a pain in the butt for you, then you're probably doing it wrong.

 

[done_got_old]

https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/83591485_10221544239025360_4263388690690080768_n.jpg?_nc_cat=102&_nc_eui2=AeFzPuxAxOvHY_VjLybjCq5s-sTgqHT4osbSWq7F9-1QcDKyOc_uAnCpK3_zai5xSPosE5Ok-bLG1dbxqHVYKMj3b9BTfDeQtFT4k1T67ujY_g&_nc_ohc=BFA0P2BzHAMAX-22bdW&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-1.xx&oh=3a4418ffaa52dfdd9172eaf907bc1c1b&oe=5ED5A748

 

[Ask For More]

I don't like the idea of going to a restaurant in space. There would be no atmosphere.

 

[done_got_old]

https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/83578783_1766362713493731_7434882959707996160_n.jpg?_nc_cat=103&_nc_eui2=AeFChrRNMdCOsjBw3QYeptwdCqsWpvW_gJQcFCmtjxaOQU-R_fl_AfGbWNjCzi_ruBzq1uzTual_gyqmeggPrR4PmsiupZ_SMGZIf56iuIpk3g&_nc_ohc=gB7BktB9LWAAX8wgZho&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-1.xx&oh=e9823506f1069368d1a7a3c70e26cfe4&oe=5E8E67A8

 

[done_got_old]

I want to start a business selling artificial leather. I just need to know what a nauga is and how do I get its hide?

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you have a gay best friend, they are your homie-sexual .

 

[done_got_old]

Where marijuana is still illegal, getting approval to plant it is not negrowtiable.

 

[done_got_old]

I was going to start a diet of nothing but almonds and pistachios, but that's just nuts.

 

[mnbreastluver]

The overuse of “literally” has figuratively made “literally” the new “figuratively”

 

[done_got_old]

One day a bear ate an entire goose. The next day he felt down in the dumps.

 

[done_got_old]

The decision to legalize marijuana was made by a high government official.

 

[done_got_old]

https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/84060720_1468412333332900_361410644576043008_n.jpg?_nc_cat=101&_nc_ohc=OgI3eGrby9oAX_BoDbr&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-1.xx&oh=b0c21a42748a394305f8899d50a2dafd&oe=5ECA1815

 

[done_got_old]

https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/84189863_3301375619877715_5029234913514094592_n.jpg?_nc_cat=106&_nc_ohc=BnIjB8gPLzcAX9RP6l4&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-1.xx&oh=a62d037925fee04a3b0bb3b83b4c58f0&oe=5ED4F34F