mnbreastluver
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Whoever invented "Knock-Knock" jokes deserves a No-bell Prize.
Puns
- Thread starter Ask For More
- Start date
done_got_old
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I have a very old tire gauge. It is a family air-loom.
mnbreastluver
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The man who invented eyeglasses was a visionary.
cyberking001
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two more
1. They told Beethoven that he would never succeed because he was deaf.
But he just didn't listen.
2. When I visited the sofa factory, I fell into the upholstering machine.
But don't worry. I am now fully recovered.
1. They told Beethoven that he would never succeed because he was deaf.
But he just didn't listen.
2. When I visited the sofa factory, I fell into the upholstering machine.
But don't worry. I am now fully recovered.
done_got_old
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What do you call a masturbating bull?
Beef stroking off.
Beef stroking off.
done_got_old
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We have a giant squid to catch, so let's get kraken!
done_got_old
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I try to avoid making nun jokes, but it's a farce of habit.
done_got_old
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Today I saw an ad that
said, “radio for sale,
$1. Volume stuck on full.”
I thought, “I can’t turn
That down.”
said, “radio for sale,
$1. Volume stuck on full.”
I thought, “I can’t turn
That down.”
kurrginatorX
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If someone threw a live grenade into a flooring shop in France would the end result be Linoleum Blownapart?
cyberking001
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Thank You
There is just enough religion in the world to make people hate one another,
but not enough to make them love one another.
Well said!!! Thank you
Sam
I asked God for a new car, but I know that God doesn't work like that.
So I stole a new car and I asked God for forgiveness.
Going to a Christian church does not make you a Christian.
Just like going to Taco Bell does not make you a taco.
How is God like a horny man?
If you're not on your knees, He's not interested.
Last Sunday I accidentally walked into a gay church.
I knew it was a gay church because only every other man was kneeling.
If I talk to God, it is called praying.
If God talks to me, it is called delusional.
Moses led his people in the desert for 40 years.
Even back then, men didn't ask for directions.
How do we know that Jesus could not have been born in the USA?
Because we would never be able to find three wise men and a virgin.
Why did God make man before woman?
1. He didn't want someone giving him directions.
2. He wanted the poor guy to have a few minutes of peace and quiet.
3. You make a rough copy before you make the final draft.
Did you know that Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Hallowe'en?
I guess they don't appreciate random people knocking on their doors.
Have you ever noticed ... people who share their religious views with you ...
never seem to want you to share yours with them.
Please, keep me in your thoughts and your prayers every day.
Don't worry, there's nothing wrong. I'm just a narcissist.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
I remember as a child, lying in bed, waiting for Santa to come.
Then there was that awkward silence as he got dressed and left.
There is just enough religion in the world to make people hate one another,
but not enough to make them love one another.
Well said!!! Thank you
Sam
I asked God for a new car, but I know that God doesn't work like that.
So I stole a new car and I asked God for forgiveness.
Going to a Christian church does not make you a Christian.
Just like going to Taco Bell does not make you a taco.
How is God like a horny man?
If you're not on your knees, He's not interested.
Last Sunday I accidentally walked into a gay church.
I knew it was a gay church because only every other man was kneeling.
If I talk to God, it is called praying.
If God talks to me, it is called delusional.
Moses led his people in the desert for 40 years.
Even back then, men didn't ask for directions.
How do we know that Jesus could not have been born in the USA?
Because we would never be able to find three wise men and a virgin.
Why did God make man before woman?
1. He didn't want someone giving him directions.
2. He wanted the poor guy to have a few minutes of peace and quiet.
3. You make a rough copy before you make the final draft.
Did you know that Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Hallowe'en?
I guess they don't appreciate random people knocking on their doors.
Have you ever noticed ... people who share their religious views with you ...
never seem to want you to share yours with them.
Please, keep me in your thoughts and your prayers every day.
Don't worry, there's nothing wrong. I'm just a narcissist.
What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
Virgin Mobile.
I remember as a child, lying in bed, waiting for Santa to come.
Then there was that awkward silence as he got dressed and left.
done_got_old
Literotica Guru
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A cosmetics company had to recall its vanishing cream when many of the women using it were reported missing.
Ask For More
Mystery Man
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Truly a sight to behold.
kurrginatorX
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I thought I saw something weird and wonderful on my trip to Alaska, but it turned out to be an Aleutian.
mnbreastluver
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So if A cow doesn’t produce milk is it a Milk Dud or Udder Failure.
done_got_old
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cyberking001
Loves Spam
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still more
A radio antenna and a TV antenna got married.
The wedding was no big deal, but the reception was fantastic.
The invisible man married the invisible woman.
I never figured out what they saw in each other.
Two years later, they had twins.
They were really nothing to look at.
There was a guy who took Viagra every day for 30 years.
When he died, they couldn't get the lid onto his coffin.
A friend of mine had a heart attack while he was having sex.
For a while he didn't know whether he was cumming or going.
How do you get a bunch of old ladies to yell "FUCK!" ?
Get another old lady to yell "BINGO."
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn't really matter. He isn't going to come when you call him.
A little boy unzipped his pants, pointed, and said to a little girl,
"You should feel bad. You don't have one of these."
The little girl went home crying, but the next day she was back.
She lifted her dress, pointed, and said, "Mommy told me that
because I have one of these, I can get as many of those as I want."
Why is the Los Angeles Rams' (substitute any other team here)
football field covered with artificial turf?
So their cheerleaders won't graze.
How many houseflies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only two -- but damned if I know how they got in there.
Mommy, do vampires really drink blood?
Hush up, dear, and eat your soup before it clots.
A radio antenna and a TV antenna got married.
The wedding was no big deal, but the reception was fantastic.
The invisible man married the invisible woman.
I never figured out what they saw in each other.
Two years later, they had twins.
They were really nothing to look at.
There was a guy who took Viagra every day for 30 years.
When he died, they couldn't get the lid onto his coffin.
A friend of mine had a heart attack while he was having sex.
For a while he didn't know whether he was cumming or going.
How do you get a bunch of old ladies to yell "FUCK!" ?
Get another old lady to yell "BINGO."
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn't really matter. He isn't going to come when you call him.
A little boy unzipped his pants, pointed, and said to a little girl,
"You should feel bad. You don't have one of these."
The little girl went home crying, but the next day she was back.
She lifted her dress, pointed, and said, "Mommy told me that
because I have one of these, I can get as many of those as I want."
Why is the Los Angeles Rams' (substitute any other team here)
football field covered with artificial turf?
So their cheerleaders won't graze.
How many houseflies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only two -- but damned if I know how they got in there.
Mommy, do vampires really drink blood?
Hush up, dear, and eat your soup before it clots.
done_got_old
Literotica Guru
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- 269,162
kurrginatorX
Literotica Guru
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The algebra instructor's teaching methods proved to be weapons of math distraction
mnbreastluver
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A teacher's job is to retain attention to attain retention.
done_got_old
Literotica Guru
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I was told that I was allergic to cats, but I have two and I'm feline fine!
done_got_old
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Did you hear about the dog who ran two miles to bring back his master's stick? Personally, I think it's a bit far-fetched.
mnbreastluver
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If you die during an orgasm, you're coming and going at the same time.
done_got_old
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What a way to go!
done_got_old
Literotica Guru
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cyberking001
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not a pun, but ... funny
How fast can you guess these words?
1. F_ _K
2 PU_S_
3 S_X
4 P_N_S
5 BOO_S
6 _ _NDOM
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Answers:
1 FORK
2 PULSE
3 SIX
4 PANTS
5 BOOKS
6 RANDOM
You got all 6 wrong....didn't you?
Don't worry. You don't have Alzheimer's. You are just a pervert.
How fast can you guess these words?
1. F_ _K
2 PU_S_
3 S_X
4 P_N_S
5 BOO_S
6 _ _NDOM
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Answers:
1 FORK
2 PULSE
3 SIX
4 PANTS
5 BOOKS
6 RANDOM
You got all 6 wrong....didn't you?
Don't worry. You don't have Alzheimer's. You are just a pervert.
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