Puns

[done_got_old]

The man put his name on the neck of his shirt so he would have collar ID.

 

[Eisranac]

The man put his name on the neck of his shirt so he would have collar ID.

I am calling it: that one is sew sew at best.

Weave got to come up with better puns or people will think we are full of shirt — but then again, I guess I am wearing my heart on my sleeve.

 

[_valkyrie_]

Instead of cow tipping, I tried pig tipping. That sow I roll.

 

[done_got_old]

Did you hear about the fight at a local Laundromat? A washing machine beat the crap out of a diaper.

 

[Eisranac]

Instead of cow tipping, I tried pig tipping. That sow I roll.

Hey! Quit hogging this thread!

By the way, at which restaurant do cows and pigs serve customers that they need to be tipped?

Did you hear about the fight at a local Laundromat? A washing machine beat the crap out of a diaper.

I will bet that it was a clean fight.

Did they go for a tumble afterwards in the dryer?

 

[done_got_old]

When the spammer's computer exploded, it blew him to kingdom.com.

 

[Eisranac]

When the spammer's computer exploded, it blew him to kingdom.com.

That must have been a royal pain.

 

[done_got_old]

My computer is so slow it hertz.

 

[Eisranac]

My computer is so slow it hertz.

Tell it to rent from Avis or National instead.

 

[done_got_old]

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/6f/24/72/6f2472b2236e272eed367b6fd975a0b8.jpg

 

[Eisranac]

Well, hello, Dali.

He should watch what he is eating. We would not want for him to become a surreal killer.

 

[done_got_old]

I got a deal on a new computer, and they threw in the operating system to boot.

 

[Eisranac]

I got a deal on a new computer, and they threw in the operating system to boot.

I will let the late Ronnie Corbett — if I am not mistaken — handle this one as a response:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lIaXSBSQ0W0

 

[done_got_old]

Over the years elevators have had their fair share of ups and downs in terms of popularity, but thankfully the idea has not been shafted.

 

[Eisranac]

Over the years elevators have had their fair share of ups and downs in terms of popularity, but thankfully the idea has not been shafted.

That one will lift the spirits of Literotica members who are based in the United Kingdom.

Everyone else will be floored.

 

[done_got_old]

My battery had an alkaline problem, so it went to AA meetings.

 

[Eisranac]

My battery had an alkaline problem, so it went to AA meetings.

That is the base issue for most batteries; but they must pass the Litmus test to ensure that they are not simply on a power trip.

 

[done_got_old]

I took a chance on a used food processor, but no dice.

 

[Eisranac]

I took a chance on a used food processor, but no dice.

...on what grounds?

 

[done_got_old]

My son asked me if I would leave him money after I died. I said, 'I probably will.

 

[Eisranac]

My son asked me if I would leave him money after I died. I said, 'I probably will.

When there is a will, there is away.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Bulls are just cow boys.

 

[Eisranac]

Bulls are just cow boys.

That was revealing...

...but even though we never communicated with each other, I am confident that you would not steer anyone wrong with that statement.

 

[done_got_old]

What do you call a melancholy robot? A sighborg.

 

[Eisranac]

What do you call a melancholy robot? A sighborg.

Homer Simpson has a different definition of melancholy:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJ2s-spsWNs