Puns

[mnbreastluver]

I woke up this morning and forgot which side the sun rises from. Then it dawned on me.

 

[done_got_old]

I planned to find my watch today, but I didn't have the time.

 

[done_got_old]

Yesterday my fridge thought it was a microwave, so we got into a heated fight. But we're cool now.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you keep condoms in your pants, you are putting gene pockets in your jeans pockets.

 

[done_got_old]

I really regretted the inconsiderate comment I made. It was rued.

 

[Eisranac]

If paper could sing, would it sing in a quire?

I do not know because I do not subscribe to paper view television.

I planned to find my watch today, but I didn't have the time.

I have to hand it to you — some people might be tempted to clock you with comments such as that one.

Will anyone second my insignificantly minute comment? It will be hour little secret.

After he ate the duck, the alligator got a little down in the mouth.

You get a feather in your cap for that one.

 

[done_got_old]

Have you heard about the big snowstorm? It's flake news!

 

[Eisranac]

Have you heard about the big snowstorm? It's flake news!

...and what precipitated this comment?

I would warm up to you having full reign on this thread, but that might encourage you to flood it with even more puns. Hail, yes.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you get your leg amputated and bury it in a cemetery you are one foot in the grave.

 

[Eisranac]

If you get your leg amputated and bury it in a cemetery you are one foot in the grave.

Tomb many people who are dying to know, this could be the reason why cemetery plots cost an arm and a leg — but that is not necessarily set in stone.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Saying without further ado, is just furthering the ado.

 

[Eisranac]

Saying without further ado, is just furthering the ado.

Ado believe that you are correct.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Suction cups suck when they don’t suck. But when they do suck, they don’t suck.

 

[done_got_old]

I think I've been reusing the same kitchen puns too much, I might need to dish out new ones.

 

[Ask For More]

I think I've been reusing the same kitchen puns too much, I might need to dish out new ones.

Stick a fork in them, they're done.

 

[done_got_old]

Where do baby spoons come from? The spork delivers them.

 

[Eisranac]

I think I've been reusing the same kitchen puns too much, I might need to dish out new ones.

That can happen when your plate is full.

Sometimes it is a pane in the glass; but I am sure you saw right through that one.

 

[mnbreastluver]

When you're killing time, time is killing you.

 

[Eisranac]

When you're killing time, time is killing you.

I second that.

 

[done_got_old]

I used to be a lifeguard, but I couldn't keep my head above water.

 

[Eisranac]

I used to be a lifeguard, but I couldn't keep my head above water.

So I sea.

Water we talking about again?!?

In the meantime, I will just wave to you.

 

[done_got_old]

I was accused of stealing a house, but all charges were dropped as the claims were without foundation.

 

[Eisranac]

I was accused of stealing a house, but all charges were dropped as the claims were without foundation.

That usually happens to drug attics.

Besides, I wood be almost certain that they had no concrete evidence.

 

[done_got_old]

The man that pointed out the burning building was a fire distinguisher.

 

[Eisranac]

The man that pointed out the burning building was a fire distinguisher.

If I told that pun, someone would flame me and ask what I was smoking.