Puns

[porkyrocket69]

A cookie went to the doctor.
He was feeling crummy.

 

[porkyrocket69]

The farmer looking over his crops is outstanding in his field.

 

[mickyp123]

The uk doesn't have a kidney bank but it has a liverpool

 

[mnbreastluver]

Do you pet your pet because it’s a pet or is it a pet because you pet it?

 

[HBergeron]

If I'd known the difference between a hijab and a handjob, there wouldn't be a Fatwa out on me.

I was thrilled at first, because I thought I was getting some kind of Italian Omelet, but no - that's a Frittata...

 

[done_got_old]

Children who fail their coloring exams always need a shoulder to crayon.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Why should you never throw away an old dolphin? Because they can easily be re-porpoised!

 

[done_got_old]

Have you ever tried to eat a clock? It's very time consuming.

 

[HBergeron]

I couldn't send an email to Israel's Prime Minister because he's Not On Yahoo.

 

[clistenovena]

"You can't have your cake and eat it, too!" said the angry baker.

 

[done_got_old]

The nudist was acquitted of indecent exposure because nobody could pin the wrap on her.

 

[mnbreastluver]

A cowboy without any cattle is a headless horseman

 

[done_got_old]

When the car failed the inspection due to faulty stopping ability, the cars' owner said: 'Give me a break.'

 

[done_got_old]

When I bought some fruit trees the nursery owner gave me some insects to help with pollination. They were free bees.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If a professional athlete goes to jail, is he a pro and a con?

 

[done_got_old]

I should have been sad when my flashlight batteries died, but I was delighted.

 

[done_got_old]

A taekwondo crime fighter needs a good sidekick.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If revenge is a dish best served cold.. and revenge is sweet. Is revenge ice cream?

 

[done_got_old]

A young hiker is traveling thru a heavily wooded area and comes upon a Monastery full of friars and monks. He knocks on the door for directions, however is invited inside for "Fish and Chips" for lunch.

After lunch he exclaimed that this was the most delicious fish and chips he had ever eaten. Seeing a chef emerge from the kitchen, he raced over and said, "Are you the Fish Friar?

To which the reply was, "No, I am the Chip Monk."

 

[mnbreastluver]

Someone who makes an allegation is an allegator

 

[done_got_old]

What do you call a herd of sheep tumbling down a hill?

A lambslide of course.

 

[mnbreastluver]

I slept like a log whilst on night duty and I was axed when I woke up.

 

[OldUncleJack]

I was in the market the other day, and this guy suddenly started throwing cheeses at me..I thought ..how dairy!

 

[mnbreastluver]

If your username has “cashier” in it, your username really does check out.

 

[Ask For More]

Why did the doctor accept a new patient? He figured he might as well give him a shot.