Puns

[done_got_old]

I recently took a pole and found out 100% of the occupants were angry with me when their tent collapsed.

 

[mnbreastluver]

Did you hear about the dog that had a sore throat?
He was a little husky.

 

[done_got_old]

https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/87478406_3076871468998347_9166469707367186432_n.jpg?_nc_cat=105&_nc_sid=8024bb&_nc_ohc=TMt5v7vuJpcAX_CeOTv&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-1.xx&oh=72ba0ac2329fed4beaadaa5df3fe995c&oe=5E942E66

 

[mnbreastluver]

If you want to set up a company and run it, then that's your own business.

 

[done_got_old]

https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/90027640_2750807795040235_8324749477055299584_n.jpg?_nc_cat=106&_nc_sid=8024bb&_nc_ohc=fspUkrZMZDEAX-hzIyK&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-1.xx&oh=71eac23a21e01bea4db44eb1ce8a021a&oe=5E946B6D

 

[Eisranac]

I had a coronavirus of sorts when I really wanted to see the total eclipse of the sun in the heat of the summer on August 21, 2017.

 

[done_got_old]

I had a coronavirus of sorts when I really wanted to see the total eclipse of the sun in the heat of the summer on August 21, 2017.

 

[done_got_old]

My son's school has stopped teaching multiplication. It's the end of times.

 

[Eisranac]

Pansexuality is a phenomenon caused by increased levels of hormones as the result of a pandemic, which leads to greater amounts of sexual activity — especially when everything is closed and there is nothing else to do.

My son's school has stopped teaching multiplication. It's the end of times.

That does not add up.

 

[done_got_old]

Me: I was mugged by a snake.
Cop: Was he armed?
Me: (long pause) No.

 

[done_got_old]

Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.

 

[done_got_old]

Odorless perfumes are non-scents.

 

[mnbreastluver]

People who buy sex dolls are fucking dummies.

 

[done_got_old]

https://scontent-ort2-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/90047188_2761490593971955_2472907693610762240_n.jpg?_nc_cat=100&_nc_sid=8024bb&_nc_ohc=YTYScoeDGBMAX-aBlkT&_nc_ht=scontent-ort2-1.xx&oh=f5748c6289c5da0a241983f535da37ca&oe=5E97BF6B

 

[bone251]

Used to be I would hide a fart with a cough.
Not it seems I need to hide a cough with a fart.

 

[done_got_old]

Last week, my mate asked me to pick his sister up from the ruler shop. I was centimeter.

 

[Ask For More]

In light of the current COVID outbreak, the World Pole Dancing Association is advising members to twerk from home.

 

[AlpineFresco]

In light of the current COVID outbreak, the World Pole Dancing Association is advising members to twerk from home.

Twerk from 'ome, lad? Sounds like another Yorkshire discovery.

Much like E. coli, which, had it been discovered anywhere else in the world, would just have been called 'coli'.

Anyway, I took my cat to a Yorkshire vet last year. He asked, "Is it a tom?" I held up the cat basket and said, "No, I brought it with me!"

 

[done_got_old]

I have a friend who tried to take a selfie in the shower, but the image was too blurry.

He has selfie steam issues.

 

[done_got_old]

Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

 

[mnbreastluver]

If a polar bear travels to the other pole, he becomes a bipolar bear.

 

[Yerkiddin]

As the billy goat said to his wife, "You're kidding!"

I like this one! ;-)

 

[done_got_old]

How did the hamburger introduce his wife?

Meat Patty​

 

[done_got_old]

I'M APPLYING TO GUILLOTINE SCHOOL TO GET AHEAD IN LIFE.

 

[done_got_old]

I had a disagreement with my dancing teacher at my first lesson. I said I had two left feet and she said too right.