I'm new to the lifestyle and so is my sub. we also happen to be in in a ldr right now. so there is a lot of testing boundaries between the two of us. She enjoys pain quite a lot and i'm trying to think of ways to punish her when she misbehaves with out actually rewarding her with pain. so I'm trying to think of some ideas where i'm not ignoring her, but still punishing her. Any suggestions or ideas for me to think about?
punishment?
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kinkyknickers
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humiliation might be a good start. Maybe make her stand in the corner with her knickers around her ankles or something more hardcore if you think she can handle it.
kinkyknickers
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Glad I could help. 
Calabama
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Perhaps you could try deprivation as well. If she does something to displease you- cut all contact with her for a day or two. As a subbie, that would get me harder than any other form of punishment.
The entire time she'd be wondering what you're doing, whether you're thinking of her or not, whether you're spending time with someone else...etc...etc.
The entire time she'd be wondering what you're doing, whether you're thinking of her or not, whether you're spending time with someone else...etc...etc.
FFOTS4Life
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I don't know if I would cut all contact especially since the OP said he doesn't want ideas where he is ignoring her... but seriously the whole deprivation thing does work!
I hate it when I am all wound up and deprieved of the sense of touch! It is very powerful...especially after the PYL has orgasmed and I am unable too. Bringing me to the edge and denying it...wow that sucks more than anything!And even worse is when after everything I am told not to touch myself until X number of days... So you don't really have to ignore...just a matter of denying pleasure...and man does it make one horny sub
! Of course I say this not knowing what kind of relationship you have with your pyl...I am not a 24/7 sub...and don't know how well it would work in that sort of situation...
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myinnerslut
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be careful of how you use punishment in a ldr relationship.
let me repeat for the selectivly blind among us
BE CAREFUL OF HOW YOU USE PUNISHMENT IN A LDR RELATIONSHIP
i have been in two drastically different ldr's. the one im in now is functional ldr. the one i was in previously was not. punishments with denial that were extensive for no good reason actually temporarily damaged my ability to orgasm. periods of withdrawn contact, both for punishment and otherwise left emotional scars.
now i know my case was not the average experience, and im not saying you cant successfully make somebody regret thier actions and endevour to change in a ldr, im just saying be careful when and how you decide to punish. in my current relationship, currently ldr for school issues, his dissapointment is enough to make me rethink my actions and feel awful for letting him down.
if you are going to punish make sure if you are punishing it is for a good reason, not becuase you think its hot or she thinks its hot. make damn sure the punishment isnt something she enjoys. for that matter, make sure its not something you enjoy so you get tempted to use it for the hell of it. a punishment doesnt have to be sexual in nature or even related to sexuality. watch how often you punish. the last think you want is for her to get used to it becuase you do it so much forcing you to up the ante and make it more severe.
most importantly, pay attention to her. even in punishment, pay attention to her body, her responses. aftercare doesnt only apply to putting aloe on burns or cleaning up blood. aftercare is emotional too. make sure there is a resolution and your punishments dont leave unresolved questions or problems.
once again, i know that my experiences were not the normal ones, but i offer these ideas in hopes that nobody else has to go through them, even unintentionally.
let me repeat for the selectivly blind among us
BE CAREFUL OF HOW YOU USE PUNISHMENT IN A LDR RELATIONSHIP
i have been in two drastically different ldr's. the one im in now is functional ldr. the one i was in previously was not. punishments with denial that were extensive for no good reason actually temporarily damaged my ability to orgasm. periods of withdrawn contact, both for punishment and otherwise left emotional scars.
now i know my case was not the average experience, and im not saying you cant successfully make somebody regret thier actions and endevour to change in a ldr, im just saying be careful when and how you decide to punish. in my current relationship, currently ldr for school issues, his dissapointment is enough to make me rethink my actions and feel awful for letting him down.
if you are going to punish make sure if you are punishing it is for a good reason, not becuase you think its hot or she thinks its hot. make damn sure the punishment isnt something she enjoys. for that matter, make sure its not something you enjoy so you get tempted to use it for the hell of it. a punishment doesnt have to be sexual in nature or even related to sexuality. watch how often you punish. the last think you want is for her to get used to it becuase you do it so much forcing you to up the ante and make it more severe.
most importantly, pay attention to her. even in punishment, pay attention to her body, her responses. aftercare doesnt only apply to putting aloe on burns or cleaning up blood. aftercare is emotional too. make sure there is a resolution and your punishments dont leave unresolved questions or problems.
once again, i know that my experiences were not the normal ones, but i offer these ideas in hopes that nobody else has to go through them, even unintentionally.
Homburg
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Quoted for truth, and added emphasis on a VERY important sentence.
I make sure that punishment is something we both can't stand. I don't want to do something I like and attach negative emotions to it.
Homburg
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Shit, I'd kill somebody for doing that to me. I can see how it would be an effective punishment.
myinnerslut
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in our first ever conversation about limits, still theoretical at that point, i jokingly said cold showers.
Homburg
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Yup, and my response was largely what I said above. Cold showers are something I utterly hate.
Homburg
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No kidding! I'm a big boy, yet I've been damned near knocked off my feet by someone half my weight that was pumping some serious adrenaline. Playing with adrenal respons eis part and parcel to what we do, but pushing someone too far is a great way to get wrecked if their adrenals are strong.
Yesterday, for the first time since I spent all those sweaty, aching hours learning self-defense, I got to use it. My girl friend Teri and I were enjoying a little loving beside her secluded swimming pool when Her abusive husband came home. He bellowed! He stormed toward us like a wild bull! His fist clenched! His eyes wild! He started to swing at Teri, but I stepped in front of him and grabbed his arm. A 5'2" slender woman grabbing the arm of a 6'3' or so ape of a man? A mismatch? No way! A twist of the arm and a quick trip! Then a foot to his groin and a stomp on his face! The ape-man rolling on the ground clutching his groin! Moaning! Face bloody! And two naked women grabbing their things and running to Teri's car. We were half way to my apartment before we stopped to dress and hour later, after Jack Daniels for me and vodka for Teri, before the shaking stopped and the full realization of what I had done hit me. GOD! IT FELT GOOD!
GhostManUK
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Now that's something I'll use some time!
i've had this done to me before and it actually makes you feel worthless, like your Dom doesn't want you or want to spend the time with you, especially if you're in an LDR and you are used to being together every day (by phone, IM etc) or certainly as often as possible because you can't physically be there. The one thing i really hate is coldness and lack of emotion. my ex-Master actually never did this again after i explained my total insecurities about being left like that, even if it is just for a really short amount of time. But He did find really, really affective ways to administer punishment (only when i truly deserved it) in other forms such as orgasm restriction, making me eat a certain type of food that He knew i hated, writing tasks etc etc
The other side of the proverbial coin: One day my minion Billy-boy did everything to be deserving of severe punishment. At breakfast....there was too much pulp in my oj, my coffee was weak and my toast burnt. When I went out for the morning, I told him what time I'd be home for lunch. It was not on the table when I arrived and that was after he was slow letting me into the apartment. I went out for the afternoon, and when I returned with three of my friends we found him in the recliner with his cock in his hand and a porn video on tv. We acted as if we hadn't seen him and went into the master bedroom for an all girl party. After my friends left, I continued to ignore him. we ae dinner. We watched tv. We went off to bed. I had intended to give him his daily six stripes when he pushed again in an attempt to irk me. He looked at me eye to eye and said one of the magic words: "Cunt!" I did not punish him. I chained him to the foot of the bed and went to bed, to sleep. The next day, throughout the day, Billy-boy received the punishment he had expected, but I think the lack of a physical reaction on my part had been a better far way of punishing him than any whipping could have been.
LunarKitten
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callinectes
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Daddy doesn't do punishments in the way most people think of them. He always gives me a chance to explain myself..were his instructions unclear, was there some external factor (work, child, etc) that caused me to miss a deadline or deviate in some other way? If he is satisfied that an honest effort was made then there is no punishment. Carelessness, etc. is met with a stern "talking to" and possibly a writing assignment. He likes to get in my head to find out why I did (or didn't) do something. Believe me, it can be waaay worse than any traditional punishment.
callinectes
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Make her turn the compost pile
LOL. awesome!
Netzach
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Most of the time, I find that the problem was with my delivery. Actually, all of the time. Or with perfectly understandable life obstacles which aren't anyone's fault. Sometimes there's a "come to jesus" moment which amounts to "what were you thinking?"
If I want to beat him up or be mean to him, I just do it.
callinectes
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Nods...Daddy would agree with you. From my perspective, it is wonderful to have a Dominant that has enough confidence in himself to embrace the fact that life happens and even Doms make mistakes. By the same token, he has no need for excuses to enable him to do whatever he wants to do.
