PTSD and it effect on relationships

[CelticFrog]

I am wondering if anyone could shed some light for me on Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome's effect on sexual relationships. My husband and I recently went to marriage counseling and the guy told us that we didn't really need to see him so much as my husband needed to go 'downstairs' (to the mental health clinic where I am being seen for post partum depression) and get diagnosed and treated for PTSD. This revelation did not come as a surprise to either of us, but as the earliest he could get in is the 11th of July, I'm trying to a) learn more about it, and b) get advice and others' experiences regarding living with it as a family and couple.

Before anyone tells me that our marriage counselor was *WRONG* by saying we didn't really need him too bad, I want to point out that he explained to both of us that yes, there is a problem. It exists in both of us singly and as a couple. However, the solution to said problem is most likely WAY easier than we expected. We are hopeful that once Jason gets in and starts some treatment (or something) his symptoms will lessen and maybe he will be more open and honest with me, creating a better atmosphere for both of us.

Still, nobody has been able to tell me yet about the effect this disorder can have on a sexual relationship. Pamphlets don't touch on it, websites don't touch on it, it seems that experts believe that it affects all aspects of a relationship the same. I disagree, but can't explain because I know very little, even after days of extensive research, about the problem.

Long message, I know. But I'm worried. And I don't know what my life will be like WITHOUT a symptomatic husband. Advice on what to not so much expect, but possibly hope for is welcome too.

Ang

 

[Guest]

First just want to say that I love your name, CelticFrog .

Then on the topic of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder... you're wanting to know how having or not having this disorder could influence your sexual relationship? I think that it all depends on what the disorder stems from and on the individual's response to it. I suffered from PTSD and sometimes have something of a relapse but it never hurt my sex drive/life... emotionally my partner has had to put up with a lot from me but the sex is never a problem. Mental disorders and dysfunctions go different ways for different people... you just have to be understanding of each other and hope for the best.

 

[Weird Harold]

Still, nobody has been able to tell me yet about the effect this disorder can have on a sexual relationship. Pamphlets don't touch on it, websites don't touch on it, it seems that experts believe that it affects all aspects of a relationship the same. I disagree, but can't explain because I know very little, even after days of extensive research, about the problem.

I'm not sure there is any definitive answer because the effects of PTSD are closely connected to the traumatic event(s) that cause it.

For example, a Vietnam Vet might suffer flashbacks from certain sexual situations -- a particular position, a certain way you touch him, etc -- that result from association of something done with Vietnamese prostitute and the general stress level of being in a place where he couldn't know friend from enemy.

The same connections would probably not exist for someone PTSD gained through a natural disaster or other event without any sexual association.

Symptoms that include an aversion to contact with others in any context would carry over into sexual situations and control issues would make BDSM play ill-advised.

PTSD is kind of a catch-all diagnosis and the variations are simply too broad to pin down any one thing about sexual situations that differ from other situations.

The "Experts" are correct, in that PTSD is equally likely to affect any aspect of a relationship, but the effect isn't "equal" in all aspects by any means. As I understand it, PTSD is a condition that is largly dependent on "trigger situations" -- things that trigger a memory of the trauma and cause irrational responses.

 

[Native Alien]

As someone who suffers from PTSD, if you would like I can pm you with my yahoo and we can talk about it from my view point.

 

[CelticFrog]

The basics of our situation

For a quick background and summary of *our* situation, I have this to offer:

Jason was in the Army for six years. In 1995, he was in Bosnia, held his SF team leader as he died, then helped carry him back out of the area. That's about all I know about Bosnia. There's lots. I also know they dug about a pound of shrapnel out of him at some point shortly afterwards.
Jason has been in various parts of the world doing various things. Most of them I don't know. The rest I can't tell. It's good to have been in the Army myself if only to hear some of what he's done and understand him as best I can.
Now, Jason is in the Air Force and I have gotten out of the Army to stay with him and raise our son (1 year next Tuesday!). Lately, he's been sleeping less, and when he does he has incredibly violent nightmares. I don't know what about, I can't understand the monologue. Probably for the best. Still, he hasn't had nightmares like this in over a year and never for such a long streak.
We've always struggled with communication, openness, and honesty, among other things I'm sure. Not entirely unlike a normal marriage. However, there are underlying things that I've never been able to pinpoint. I've assumed for too long that Jason is fine with his past, even though he hasn't even told his parents the truth about where he was for so long. I've turned a blind eye to his hiding that part of his life from so many people and thereby managed to overlook several things he was hiding from me. Never has he cheated on me. That's not the problem. The problem we had, mostly, was in his tendency to create profiles on various sites (aff, alt, etc.) and initiate chats, email conversations, and whatnot with people. I don't know what they were about, but the fact remained that I was very nervous about what he was doing behind my back.
Finally, after my regular appointment with my very favorite psychobabble person (the only one I've ever liked), I confronted Jason and we made the decision to go to counseling. From there, we learned of Jason's likely PTSD (or shell shock, or whatever you feel like calling it) and that he should seek 'help'.
I have found that although I have always had issues with verbalizing wants, desires, fantasies, anything really involving sex, I have made the attempt to open up with Jason and feel like I am hitting a reinforced concrete wall. As a result, I struggle with thoughts that I am unattractive and undesirable.
So that's about where we are with that.
Ang