PSA if you are leaving a control or at all abusive relationship

[pink]

I was involved with someone once, who drank a lot. I have never in my life, had head games played on me like I did when I was with her. She made me feel like I was the one who had problems.


I never went to al-anon but thought serious about it. Eventually, I got away from her but she never stopped drinking. We stayed friends, I know that sounds strange but I was never with her again.


I don't really think of it as abuse, maybe it was. I just learned a huge lesson from the whole situation.

 

[Noor]

I was involved with someone once, who drank a lot. I have never in my life, had head games played on me like I did when I was with her. She made me feel like I was the one who had problems.


I never went to al-anon but thought serious about it. Eventually, I got away from her but she never stopped drinking. We stayed friends, I know that sounds strange but I was never with her again.


I don't really think of it as abuse, maybe it was. I just learned a huge lesson from the whole situation.

Sounds like emotional abuse, not uncommon with alcoholics.
People don't always intend to be abusive, sometimes they are just doing what they know, or doing whatever they can to stay in control.

I am glad you got away.

 

[pink]

Sounds like emotional abuse, not uncommon with alcoholics.
People don't always intend to be abusive, sometimes they are just doing what they know, or doing whatever they can to stay in control.

I am glad you got away.

When I move back to Washington, she won't be there. She passed away late last year. I'll miss her, miss her friendship. We just weren't meant to be involved.

 

[Debbie]

But I lived in certain environments where men and women treated each other as equals, overall.
I haven't interacted, at a less superficial level with the more rough men. Although I came across a few men who worked in 'trade/ hands on jobs' (plummers, men who fixed my broken windows and such) who made me wonder how they treated their spouses.

Domestic abusers can come from all walks of life. CEOs, lawyers, trades people, preachers etc.

My second husband has worked hard all his life and as a young man in the work force was a tradie and works on cars as his hobby so he looks rough and ready. But he is one of the kindest men I have ever met. He's tough and can appear to others to be a bit gruff and a straight shooter but he has a heart of gold.

 

[Christobal]

Sounds like emotional abuse.
People don't always intend to be abusive, sometimes they are just doing what they know, or doing whatever they can to stay in control.

I am glad you got away.

I agree with that but that does't mean that just because you can understand the reason you should stay. Some people won't change no matter how much you love them.

BTW I didn't think you were implying that.

 

[Lancecastor]

I have been counselling maso-subs for many years.... It's fulfilling work.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

Abuse isn't about brute strength. It's about control and conditioning. It's about standing on quick stand and never knowing what is going to happen next despite the abused's attempts to walk on egg shells.

Houses of abuse are not safe spaces for the abused. Men maybe stronger but they are vulnerable if and when they sleep.

You don't get it.

For all intents and purposes its all over by the time we're 5 years old. And the rest of our lives are more of the same or rehab every day of our lives.

I'll die racist, misogynist, and fagophobe but I didn't want my kids to be like me that way. And they aren't. That's the rehab part. But I remain as racist etc as I am bald. I dont wear rugs or disguise myself, because I have a duty to alert people whazzup with me.

Abused girls will always want abusers they don't like. Its why they go back.

 

[Lancecastor]

Abused girls will always want abusers they don't like. Its why they go back.

There is some truth to this.

"A leopard can't change its spots"

We see it every day on the GB....men and women who obviously keep making the same mistakes, over and over, despite receiving good advice.

People who stay in bad relationships make that choice.

This stuff about being under someone's control or spell is a cheap, shoddy excuse.

Sure, there are some genuine victims...but for most "victims" it's not their first rodeo and they ought to know better.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

There is some truth to this.

"A leopard can't change its spots"

We see it every day on the GB....men and women who obviously keep making the same mistakes, over and over, despite receiving good advice.

People who stay in bad relationships make that choice.

This stuff about being under someone's control or spell is a cheap, shoddy excuse.

Sure, there are some genuine victims...but for most "victims" it's not their first rodeo and they ought to know better.

PSYCHOTHERAPY 101 Rule 1: But he's so sweet when he's sober (not beating me, not fucking my daughter, high, working and paying the bills, whatever).

Every swinging tit or dick knows the way to San Jose, and few wanna make the trip. Because sane lives are boring as hell. Bored is why we drink get high fuck her mom etc.

I'm 67 years old and mired in psychotherapy since 1966. Its always the same story. I JUST WANNA FEEL BETTER ABOUT WHAT HE DOES. DONCHA GOT SOMETHING TO NUMB ME A LITTLE?

Not me. I mastered what we call ORDEAL THERAPY that launches serious change from the first appointment. I put a monkey on your back Tarzan cant remove. A guy named Jay Haley invented it, to defeat lazy people stuck in shit. People don't wanna get rid of him or her. That nice guy with the house and new car and good job is sooooo lame. Besides. I meet lotsa cool people in jail or at the hospital and at the shelter. Can I borrow 10 bucks for some cigarettes? That bastard wont gimme any money.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

There is some truth to this.

"A leopard can't change its spots"

We see it every day on the GB....men and women who obviously keep making the same mistakes, over and over, despite receiving good advice.

People who stay in bad relationships make that choice.

This stuff about being under someone's control or spell is a cheap, shoddy excuse.

Sure, there are some genuine victims...but for most "victims" it's not their first rodeo and they ought to know better.

Youre only a victim if youre a tourist in France.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jay_Haley
ORDEAL THERAPY

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

Look what they've done to your thread Noor,
Look what they've done to your thread,
They took the only thing that you could do half right,
And it's coming out all wrong,

Look what they've done to your thread...

 

[Noor]

Look what they've done to your thread Noor,
Look what they've done to your thread,
They took the only thing that you could do half right,
And it's coming out all wrong,

Look what they've done to your thread...

Ha ha. I am not concerned, look at the source.

I was tempted to tell them to get a room, but I decided not to

You could redirect things back on the subject if you wish.

 

[4est_4est_Gump]

Ha ha. I am not concerned, look at the source.

I was tempted to tell them to get a room, but I decided not to

You could redirect things back on the subject if you wish.

Is your friend okay, or still missing?

Is there an update?

 

[Noor]

Is your friend okay, or still missing?

Is there an update?

She is still missing and has been for 30 yrs, I am pretty sure she and the kids have been dead since they day they went missing.

I originally wrote 20 but it happened in the 1980's, so 30.

I will let you know when they find their bodies.

 

[LincolnDuncan]

A friend's daughter was at school to become a vet assistant.

She's pretty, with a good figure and big tits.

She found herself a boyfriend online, a young lawyer from a monied family.

A few months later she quit school.

A few months after that, she's preggers, on purpose, to get him to marry her.

He wants her to have an abortion, and he breaks up with her.

She keeps trying to keep him, including threats to report him for abuse.

Who's the victim?

How big are her tits?

 

[Debbie]

I think many go back because they don't want to be alone or the abuser does the whole spiel about it won't happen again, I love you blah blah blah or they're scared if they don't go back the abuser will kill them. Or maybe they'll change.


It's difficult getting away safely and it is hard to explain why some women go back. I think they're so beaten down physically and emotionally that they become like caged, mistreated animals. They don't know any different. Their spirit is broken. They feel worthless, ugly and shut down emotionally and try to survive each day.

But with time and support from family, friends, domestic abuse survivor and support groups, counseling or therapy and being kind to yourself you can heal and go on to be happy and remember the bad times but never return to your abuser or go on to another abusive relationship.


I also think those who are being abused and have children that your children are going to be physically abused or emotionally damaged too if you don't find a safe way out. You have to find the courage and do everything you can to protect your children and get them to safety.


If this is your life of fear and pain please know you are not alone, There is hope and help. Be safe. You have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. You are not weak or useless or responsible for someone who belittles you, beats you or treats you badly. You do have worth. You are stronger than you think you are. You are wonderful and you need to get out safely and never go back. You need to be a warrior for yourself and if you have children for them too.

 

[Noor]

I think many go back because they don't want to be alone or the abuser does the whole spiel about it won't happen again, I love you blah blah blah or they're scared if they don't go back the abuser will kill them. Or maybe they'll change.


It's difficult getting away safely and it is hard to explain why some women go back. I think they're so beaten down physically and emotionally that they become like caged, mistreated animals. They don't know any different. Their spirit is broken. They feel worthless, ugly and shut down emotionally and try to survive each day.

But with time and support from family, friends, domestic abuse survivor and support groups, counseling or therapy and being kind to yourself you can heal and go on to be happy and remember the bad times but never return to your abuser or go on to another abusive relationship.


I also think those who are being abused and have children that your children are going to be physically abused or emotionally damaged too if you don't find a safe way out. You have to find the courage and do everything you can to protect your children and get them to safety.


If this is your life of fear and pain please know you are not alone, There is hope and help. Be safe. You have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. You are not weak or useless or responsible for someone who belittles you, beats you or treats you badly. You do have worth. You are stronger than you think you are. You are wonderful and you need to get out safely and never go back. You need to be a warrior for yourself and if you have children for them too.

Sometimes people are missing basic skills needed to live alone or provide for their children. If they have been in the relationship since high school, they may not even kow how to write a check.
Sometimes the evil you know is better than the evil you don't.
Often their spirit is broken.

It is not as easy as it seems.

 

[NOIRTRASH]

I keep saying it, and Noor keeps ignoring it, if youre raised in Rome youll do as the Romans do, and feel at home around Romans. Until you go someplace new.

Back about 1990 I hadda client with 5 little girls and #5 in the oven. The husband left her and the baby daddy of #5 took off, too. No job, no education, a piece of shit car, and lived in a trailer.

She wanted drugs to make her feel better about her life.

Back then I wasn't nice like now, so I told her I'd cure her problem in one visit but she'd hate me forever and never return. She agreed to take the cure.

She then spent a full session with me, got so mad she couldn't talk, and left. Never saw her again until I saw her in the paper a few years later. The state or county or somebody had hired her to take charge of all its road building in our county. She had become a civil engineer since I last saw her.

She prolly still hates me for what I said to her. I pissed off judges worse. I piss off everyone. My ma said I pissed her off more than all her kids combined but I was the only kid she could trust.

 

[Lancecastor]

How big are her tits?

I would guess 32DD?

 

[NOIRTRASH]

I think many go back because they don't want to be alone or the abuser does the whole spiel about it won't happen again, I love you blah blah blah or they're scared if they don't go back the abuser will kill them. Or maybe they'll change.


It's difficult getting away safely and it is hard to explain why some women go back. I think they're so beaten down physically and emotionally that they become like caged, mistreated animals. They don't know any different. Their spirit is broken. They feel worthless, ugly and shut down emotionally and try to survive each day.

But with time and support from family, friends, domestic abuse survivor and support groups, counseling or therapy and being kind to yourself you can heal and go on to be happy and remember the bad times but never return to your abuser or go on to another abusive relationship.


I also think those who are being abused and have children that your children are going to be physically abused or emotionally damaged too if you don't find a safe way out. You have to find the courage and do everything you can to protect your children and get them to safety.


If this is your life of fear and pain please know you are not alone, There is hope and help. Be safe. You have nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. You are not weak or useless or responsible for someone who belittles you, beats you or treats you badly. You do have worth. You are stronger than you think you are. You are wonderful and you need to get out safely and never go back. You need to be a warrior for yourself and if you have children for them too.

Youre clueless.

 

[Debbie]

Youre clueless.

And blonde with big tits. But I'm always open to discussion to hear others opinions or experience.

 

[Lancecastor]

And blonde with big tits. But I'm always open to discussion to hear others opinions or experience.

White men over 35 are now victims of abuse and it's getting worse.

i was at an event just last nite where most of the men were white tenured university profs.

Talk about abuse victims... Or have they simply adapted to reduce the abuse?

 

[Disgustipated]

Quit whining
leave
move on

 

[Lancecastor]

She is still missing and has been for 30 yrs, I am pretty sure she and the kids have been dead since they day they went missing.

I originally wrote 20 but it happened in the 1980's, so 30.

I will let you know when they find their bodies.

So, for all you know, she met a nice dentist from Boise and started a new life.