Protestants

[KarenAM]

Quakers have very stubborn and powerful convictions; pacifism doesn't mean they have no fight in them.

And nobody parties like a Quaker!

 

[carsonshepherd]

I have this vision of columns of fire ants ...

devouring everything in their path... leaving nothing but a wasteland behind them....



Sorry Doc. Southern Baptists have a way of getting to me.

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

Doc,
You might look over What’s the Difference? A Comparison of the Faiths Men Live By, especially Chapters Five through Eight.

 

[cantdog]

Presbyterians tend to be more liberal. There are openly gay ministers. It's causing a rift within certain segments of the presbyterian community.

Baptists are hard to quantify. There are over 100 sub denominations within the Baptist church. The most widely known is the Southern Baptists. They get credit for being the most conservative of the different types of Baptist, but that's not true. The most conservative sect of Baptist is the independant fundamental baptists. They are hard core. Reagan was too liberal for most of them. I think Falwell is Ind. Fund Baptist.

They believe, among other things that it's a sin for a woman to wear pants because they show a womans figure and cause men to lust. Any music other than christian music is a sin. Dancing is a sin. The ONLY acceptable version of the Bible is the King James bible. Pre marital contact of any kind is a sin, including something as simple as holding hands.

The only thing that all Baptists share in common is their belief of the path to heaven is by being saved.

And that each man is his own church, and that full immersion is the preferred method for baptism. There's always, as Og says, the big Baptist bathtub behind the lectern. In my church, they floor it over with removable sections and it doubles as the front half of the choir loft.


There's a joke that Baptists do not drink alcohol... in front of other Baptists. This is just a joke, Latter-Day Saints, 7th-day Adventists, and Methodists are alcohol-free, but not Baptists, per se. Although with the autonomy of the congregations, any given Baptist church might have any set of ideas, theoretically. My grandfather's church is not that way now, but he had to force himself to overcome an idea that playing cards were the devil's symbolic tools. He learned to play and ultimately to enjoy canasta, and he was quite proud of the independence of mind this exhibited.

Why to Baptist's never fuck standing up?




People might think they were dancing.

My grandfather's church was agin dances where the partners touched each other, too. He went out with a flapper, though, and was always stunned when he considered that she had chosen him. He was a dear man, and I miss his quiet bureaucratic good sense even yet.

The Baptists say that it's plain as a pikestaff their sect began before Christianity, in the person of John, whose head on a platter Salome danced to see.

Historically, the whole Anabaptist story is actually more like it.

 

[impressive]

Why to Baptist's never fuck standing up?




People might think they were dancing.

 

[shereads]

The southern Bible Belt is the Galapagos Islands of protestant churches.

Our Baptists and Methodists have more in common with each other than our Methodists have with your yankee Methodists. Our Baptists socialize with our Methodists but pity the dire state of their souls. So you can only imagine what they'd think of your Methodists.

Your Presbyterians are irrelevent. No offense; so are ours.

Unitarianism exists in the South the way grits exist in the Adirondacks. A few people will try it, but once the novelty wears off it will be dropped from the menu. (Think "McRib Sandwich.") All that mingling is just wierd. We suspect they are Jews, agnostics and yoga instructors sent here to stir up trouble.

On both sides of the Mason-Dixon line, the Episcople Church was Satan's handmaiden even before they let lesbians preach God's word. Now they're sitting in Satan's lap sucking his tongue.

In defense of our Southern Episcopalians, lesbians are a Hollywood phenomenon that hasn't really caught on in the South. A few hysterics claim to have seen lesbians in Atlanta, but we give as much credence to Bigfoot sightings and the Loch Ness Monster. We aren't fooled by that grainy videotape of alledged lesbians infiltrating the Sunday buffet at the Ramada Inn. We weren't born yesterday.

The keystone of Southern religion is the Southern Baptist Conference. If your Baptist church is not a member, you might be a Christian but you aren't a God-fearing Christian. Fear is key. Cotton Mather summed it up for the Puritans, but when he was gone, his people dropped the ball. (We've all seen what happened to Massachusetts.)

To hear a Southern Baptist minister preach the Gospel is to be afraid. Very afraid, but not as afraid as you ought to be. The basic theme is simple: God isn't just disappointed in us, He's mad as hell. We are sinners from the cradle, and our sins make us so loathesome and corrupt in the sight of God that it takes every ounce of His divine restraint not to smite us with His wrath. Jesus has his hands full trying to convince God that we're worth all the bother. If we can't be bothered to help Jesus make His case, we deserve our fate.

For a description of what it will be like in the fire-and-brimstone realm of the damned, you can't do better than a Cotton Mather sermon. Dante's Inferno was a Key West tea dance compared to Rev. Mather's Hell. Only a full-immersion rebirth in the Lord can save any man, woman or child on earth from being skewered like shish-kabob and consigned by Lucifer to his eternal grill.

Bible Belt Methodists get the concept, too, but their good intentions fall by the wayside when they stop short of a real baptism. Come on, people. You're offered a hall pass to avoid eternal Hell, but you don't want to mess up your hair? You might as well be Unitarians.

 

[sweetnpetite]

Methodists are Liberal white collar?

Oh God no! I'm not sure about the collar, but Methodists/Weslyans are dang close to Puratans. Far from liberal.

No dancing, No playing cards-- some branches even dress the girls in long dresses and cover their hair.

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

Doc,

I believe that no one Protestant denomination is all-one-church, as all of the Catholic or Jewish faiths are not homogeneous, either.

Conservative & Liberal "Wings" in Protestant Christianity

 

[Weird Harold]

Methodists, who claim John Wesley as their main hero, again vary widely. They tend to have a teetotal rule, no alcohol at all, and use non-alcoholic communion wine (dreadful muck!). Some of them are very particular and exclusive with odd rites of their own.

Hey, I LIKE Welch's Grape Juice (whichis the "oficial" communion wine of the United Methodist Church.

Methodist's are "sprinklers" (as opposed to the "dunkers" like the Baptists) and end to be more ecumenical -- in the sense of they teach that Methodism is only one of many ways to worship God and that dogmatic and ritual differences between religions are the result of Man's choice rather than God's Will.

However, the character of any given church is largely determined by the individual pastors and the members of the congregation. The churches that are heavy on a standardized ritual service or the authority of a Church hierarchy -- like the Lutherans and CofE high church -- tend to be more uniform in the formal observances, and official positions, but every pastor puts his own spin on the priorities of any given part of the official creed.

 

[msboy8]

Dr.M How far back do you want to go? Remember the first Church was the Catholic Church, "Catholic" meaning Universal.

 

[sweetnpetite]

I had a friend who was Jehovah's Witness, and as I recall, they believe that only 240,000 people will get into heaven at the end.

I always found Calvinism fascinating because Calvin believed that everyone's spiritual fate was already known to God (predestination), and so there was no sense in trying to bribe your way into heaven by good works and all that. The old Free Will argument.

Oh wow. Here you go. Here's a list of Protestant Denominations. It lists 207!

http://www.encyclopedia.com/searchpool.asp?target=@DOCKEYWORDS+protdenom+&rc=10&fh=1&fr=1

Hog heaven for a theology junkie.

Anyone else feel a little odd about having 2 porn windows and 3 church windows open?

Seriously, thanks for asking because I was searching for *exactly this same information* last week! And thanks to everyone for the links.

Here's a link I have which may not exactly answer the question- but is about Protestant History-- and so might be of some value

http://www.historicist.com/protestant_history.htm

 

[sweetnpetite]

what church is it with the controversial 'jesus didn't turn people away, neither do we' comercial? what was there denomination?

 

[oggbashan]

One of my fellow bookdealers, (or at least he was my fellow before I retired, now I suppose I'm an ex-fellow), only bought and sold Protestant Polemic (against the Church of Rome, of course!).

He didn't consider himself a specialist bookdealer. He dealt with another dealer who only considered 17th century Protestant Polemic and another who specialised in The Levellers of the English Civil War.

Another dealer buys, sells and produces as text-only CDs, books about Plymouth and Exclusive Brethern. He is the only one of the four who actually believes in the books he sells. The other three just happen to sell the stuff.

Me? I sold anything except erotica. Why no erotica? Because if I had sold erotica it would have pissed off 95% of my customers and I was within 50 yards of two primary schools. I gave my erotica away. I also gave away Bibles if anyone asked for one. I sold antique Bibles but if someone just wanted a Bible for use they could have it free. (Ditto Koran)

Og

 

[sweetnpetite]

A really good site IMO-

DIVISIONS & CONFLICTS AMONG PROTESTANT DENOMINATIONS
http://www.religioustolerance.org/chr_divi1.htm

CHRISTIANITY: An introduction
http://www.religioustolerance.org/christ1.htm


CHRISTIANITY--FROM ALL POINTS OF VIEW. (THERE ARE MANY!)
http://www.religioustolerance.org/christ.htm

all links go to religious tollerance.org but the top one goes more directly to the exact question asked in the thread. The other links are interesting too though

 

[CrimsonMaiden]

Methodists are Liberal white collar?

Not around here.

Penecostal
Church of Jesus Christ (EXTREMELY religious... can't cut hair, wear long sleeves, etc... similar to Penecostal... often believe if you don't belong to THEIR church, you're going to hell)


Those are two I haven't seen mentioned as I skimmed the thread.

The Baptist and dancing thing is funny. I went to a Baptist college. The Dean of Student Affairs would actually send her minions to the local dance clubs to look for parking stickers from the college. My freshman year, my dorm room got mad at our Dorm mother for something and one of my room mates opened the blinds in our living room, blasted the stereo and got up on the coffee table in front of the window and danced.

 

[hmmnmm]

devouring everything in their path... leaving nothing but a wasteland behind them....

And would love to have a looksee at a few of those books you're working on.

 

[sweetnpetite]

There are also different types of categorizations of denominations besides lib/conservative or fundamentalist/-???

For example, there are charismatic denominations that believe in speaking in tongues, faith healing etc. There are other denomiations that believe in these historically or whatever but don't practice them, and still others that condemn these practices

I can't think of other categories, but I know they are there. (Just to 'fuse you up a bit more)

 

[EmeraldKitten]

Wow! It's interesting that this thread came up.
I've never been a religious person, so I don't know what I am, lol.
And I don't know enough about any religion. I'll admit that.

March 10th, my great-grandmother passed away. A cousin of mine is the secretary at a local church, and absolutely loves the Pastor. This man had actually went out to visit with my Greatma, and she made the comment, "Maybe one day I'll have that man bury me."
So we met with him, decided that he could do the job, so he performed the service for her funeral.
Last Sunday, which was Easter, my mom had decided we should all go to church, seeing as how the tradition was going to have to change. Neither of us could bear doing what we've always done without Greatma there.
So, in appriciation for what this Pastor we didn't know had done, we went to his church. It happens to be a Lutheran church.
I figure since last week was Easter, it was a little different than what a "normal" sermon would be. So we're going again tomorrow, just to see.

All I know is that the Lutheran church is a pretend Catholic church, lol. I am interested in the different religions and what they believe. I've been trying to hunt down information, just to educate myself. Thanks for the thread.

What I can offer is the link to the website: http://beliefnet.com/
And, as tacky as it may seem, the 'Belief-o-matic' (lol). It tells you, based on your answers, what religion you fit into best: http://beliefnet.com/story/76/story_7665_1.html

For example, I just took it again, and my top 4 were:
1. Neo-Pagan (100%)
2. Mahayana Buddhism (95%)
3. Jainism (91%)
4. New Age (84%)

Then once you get the answers, you can click on the different ones and read about them.
Of course, if ya dig around, you can just get the brief explainations of different religions.


I'm glad I took a peek over here!

 

[oggbashan]

On Friday one of my acquaintances was cremated. I attended the service because we belonged to the same retirement group and I had worked with him on the committee of management.

It was a Spiritualist service. I hadn't known he was a Spiritualist. The service seemed vaguely Protestant. The Bible readings were familiar. The Lord's Prayer was the same. The other prayers were slightly different. The only singing was the metrical version 23rd Psalm sung a capella by the congregation. I pitied the row standing in front of me!

I must admit to some passing amusement. He had been married five times. All five wives are still alive and three attended the service.

Whose spirit will he be united with when the wives pass on?

Og

 

[Virtual_Burlesque]

. . . He had been married five times. All five wives are still alive and three attended the service. Whose spirit will he be united with when the wives pass on? Og

Maybe in the next world Spiritualists can do fractions.

 

[jeanne_d_artois]

Message from the Minister

I suppose I ought to enter this thread because I am an ordained Minister.

I attach my credentials:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is to confirm that

JEANNE D'ARTOIS

has been ordained as a minister of the Universal Life Church, Modesto, California.

Date of Ordination: 6/6/2004

by Kevin Andrews, Pastor
www.ulc.net
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Your request for ordination has been processed, and you are now an
ordained minister of the Universal Life Church in Modesto, California! Please
record the above date of ordination for your records, as you may need this
information in the future to fill out the various forms of the clergy. If you
were ordained previously, the above date will constitute a valid date upon
which you were RE-ordained. Ordination is for life, without price, and without
question of your specific beliefs. You do NOT need to pay any tithe,
donation, or offering of any kind, now or in the future.


Ordinations are individually reviewed and forwarded to Universal Life
Church International Headquarters in Modesto, California, where it will be
recorded in the permanent church records.


As a minister, you are authorized by the church to perform the rites
and ceremonies of the church (except circumcision), including weddings,
funerals, baptisms and blessings, subject to the laws of your country, state, or
locality. Prior to conducting any civil ceremony (such as marriages),
you should know and comply with the laws pertaining to your area of
jurisdiction.


You are entitled to all privileges and courtesies normally offered to
members of the clergy.


Your commitment is to always do the right thing. It is your
responsibility to peacefully and sincerely determine the right course of action, and to avoid infringing on the rights of others. You alone are responsible for your actions as a minister.

...

Best wishes in your ministry!



With warm regards,

Kevin Andrews, Senior Pastor
Universal Life Church Online
www.ulc.net

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There is a small problem. Jeanne_d_Artois is a pseudonym for oggbashan who is himself a pseudonym.

So a fictional person, an alias for another fictional person, is an ordained Minister authorised to perform the rites and ceremonies of the Church!

The part Jeanne, Og, and the real life person find difficult is:

"Your commitment is to always do the right thing." That ain't easy!

Jeanne (and Og)

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Doc,

I'm not a student of comparitive religion, but here are a few items.

Protestant churchs can be grouped by either doctrinal or socio-economic differences. Status wise, the breakdown I'm most familiar with runs from Episcopalinas down to fundamentalists/Pentecostal groups. These latter are also the fastest growing religious segment in America.

Just a few thoughts about my fellow Baptists.

The first Baptist church in America was founded by an exile from the Puritans named Roger Williams in Providence Rhode Island. However, as others have mentioned, there is no "THE Baptist Church." Every congregation is independent.

That means, there is no church hierachy, which is one of the reasons it grew so quickly. A group of like-minded folks could start a church, ordain one of the members as minisiter, and be in business.

Harry Truman, Jimmy Carter, and Bill Clinton all were/are Baptists. You work out the connection.

In my experience, Baptists were/are USUALLY considered a cut below Methodist in the socio-economic pecking order. However, the two group's share many beliefs. It was a Methodist, a guy named Welch, who invented the non-alcoholic, sacramental wine (Welch's Grape Juice) Og loves so much.

In my experience, most people are what they are dur to socio-economic reasons, not doctrinal differences. Most people stay with whatever religion they were raised. Exceptions occur due to upward mobility (Rockerfeller was a Baptiest until he becam a billionaire), strong differences in beliefs, or marriage.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[sweetnpetite]

The Pentecostal family of denominations form one branch within conservative Christianity. A major defining feature of Pentecostalism is their belief in Glossolalia, or the ability to speak "in tongues". Another is the unusual freedom and spontaneity exhibited during their religious services. Otherwise, their beliefs, practices and social policies are similar to those of other conservative Christians.

Pentecostalism is a highly fragmented family within Christianity; one source lists 177 separate denominations.3

http://www.religioustolerance.org/chr_pent.htm

 

[sweetnpetite]

On Friday one of my acquaintances was cremated. I attended the service because we belonged to the same retirement group and I had worked with him on the committee of management.

It was a Spiritualist service. I hadn't known he was a Spiritualist. The service seemed vaguely Protestant. The Bible readings were familiar. The Lord's Prayer was the same. The other prayers were slightly different. The only singing was the metrical version 23rd Psalm sung a capella by the congregation. I pitied the row standing in front of me!

I must admit to some passing amusement. He had been married five times. All five wives are still alive and three attended the service.

Whose spirit will he be united with when the wives pass on?

Og

Jesus actually answered that question in the Gospels

Don't remember exactly what it was but I think it was that we are not married in the 'afterlife.'

 

[sweetnpetite]

Narowing things down a bit for a change

There are, apparently 3 main wings of Protostantism- Evangelical, Mainline and liberal--

The term "Evangelical" has a wide range of meanings within Christianity.

On this web site, we define it as: "the conservative wing of Protestant Christianity, comprising many denominations and faith groups that tightly hold to historical Christian creeds, beliefs and practices."

"Evangelical" is an umbrella term which Includes Christian Identity, Fundamentalist, Pentecostal and Reconstructionist, some Baptist and many other groups of denominations.

http://www.religioustolerance.org/chr_evan.htm

The Center for Progressive Christianity (TCPC) 1 was founded in 1996 by a retired Episcopalian priest, James Adams, in Cambridge, MA. It currently represents the most liberal established Christian group within Christianity. It is not a denomination. Rather it is a network of affiliated congregations, informal groups, and individuals.

http://www.religioustolerance.org/prog_chr.htm

Often, a third, mainline wing is added, composed of such denominations as: American Baptist Churches in the USA, Presbyterian Church (USA), United Methodist Church, Episcopal Church, etc.
http://www.religioustolerance.org/christ7.htm#wing