Protectors and Mentors
- Thread starter Richard49
- Start date
Richard49
The Gentleman Dom
- Joined
- Feb 27, 2002
- Posts
- 14,176
Recived the following on another list
There is one subject I would like to address if I may - that I have seen growing in the past three years - particularly online - and which a number of My sub friends have asked me about. That is the use of the title "Protector" by generally a male Dom, posing as a Friend to a newbie sub (usually female).
These "Protectors" appear online and in various rooms, scope out the newbie subs and offer to "protect" them in the Lifestyle and teach them "what they need to know to survive the cruel world of bdsm". (actual quote here from one sub who asked me about it last week).
I'd like to point out that the title Protector - in the old days of the Lifestyle - did exist, but not as a Dom who top'd you, or selected your friends for you, or said how or who you could play with, or were "there" (voyeur) to watch you play.
Generally a Protector then was Someone quite experienced and Known to Their Peers (i.e. other Known Masters/Mistresses) in the Lifestyle as safe, sane, and consentual -who had proveable r/l experience- and who could provide at least some r/l references of other Dom/Domme's and subs who knew them and how they played. THESE original Lifestyle Protectors let it be known from the beginning that you were "protected" so that abusive jerks would stay away from you. It worked for us mostly in those days because the Lifestyle was much smaller. In today's online meetings...one has be very much more careful.
Eight subs in the past six months have complained to me in channels where I am known (as a true R/L experienced Dom with ref's)- that these so-called Protectors are very abusive to them, tying up their time nearly 24/7, interfere with their family relationships, and in some cases tried to-- or succeeded in having the girls move in with them, some having to travel long distances to do so. Sometimes the girls also have to pay money to be "Protected". I want to point out that these are NOT Protectors, they are predators- just abusers, often married and keeping "a girl on the side", if not planning something worse.
Please be careful of male Dom's calling themselves Protectors who then pick up on you, and try to keep you from experiencing the Lifestyle for yourself or who try to put blinders on you. Run Away! These are not Masters, nor actual Protectors in the Lifestyle, just predators. You generally do not find these kind of Protectors" identifying themselves at Munches, Socials, etc. because they can't handle the Peer Reviews or the questions regarding their "experience".
If you do feel the need for a genuine Protector for some reason, (perhaps to keep these abusers or slimy jerks away from you) ask around, there are generally some pretty experienced well known Masters out there - - most of whom have subs of their own- porveable ref's, and/or who are well known in the r/l Lifestyle, who will gladly help you. If you are shy about meeting Someone too, they often can help you, and its certainly more fun -and safer- than sitting in a corner by yourself.
There is one subject I would like to address if I may - that I have seen growing in the past three years - particularly online - and which a number of My sub friends have asked me about. That is the use of the title "Protector" by generally a male Dom, posing as a Friend to a newbie sub (usually female).
These "Protectors" appear online and in various rooms, scope out the newbie subs and offer to "protect" them in the Lifestyle and teach them "what they need to know to survive the cruel world of bdsm". (actual quote here from one sub who asked me about it last week).
I'd like to point out that the title Protector - in the old days of the Lifestyle - did exist, but not as a Dom who top'd you, or selected your friends for you, or said how or who you could play with, or were "there" (voyeur) to watch you play.
Generally a Protector then was Someone quite experienced and Known to Their Peers (i.e. other Known Masters/Mistresses) in the Lifestyle as safe, sane, and consentual -who had proveable r/l experience- and who could provide at least some r/l references of other Dom/Domme's and subs who knew them and how they played. THESE original Lifestyle Protectors let it be known from the beginning that you were "protected" so that abusive jerks would stay away from you. It worked for us mostly in those days because the Lifestyle was much smaller. In today's online meetings...one has be very much more careful.
Eight subs in the past six months have complained to me in channels where I am known (as a true R/L experienced Dom with ref's)- that these so-called Protectors are very abusive to them, tying up their time nearly 24/7, interfere with their family relationships, and in some cases tried to-- or succeeded in having the girls move in with them, some having to travel long distances to do so. Sometimes the girls also have to pay money to be "Protected". I want to point out that these are NOT Protectors, they are predators- just abusers, often married and keeping "a girl on the side", if not planning something worse.
Please be careful of male Dom's calling themselves Protectors who then pick up on you, and try to keep you from experiencing the Lifestyle for yourself or who try to put blinders on you. Run Away! These are not Masters, nor actual Protectors in the Lifestyle, just predators. You generally do not find these kind of Protectors" identifying themselves at Munches, Socials, etc. because they can't handle the Peer Reviews or the questions regarding their "experience".
If you do feel the need for a genuine Protector for some reason, (perhaps to keep these abusers or slimy jerks away from you) ask around, there are generally some pretty experienced well known Masters out there - - most of whom have subs of their own- porveable ref's, and/or who are well known in the r/l Lifestyle, who will gladly help you. If you are shy about meeting Someone too, they often can help you, and its certainly more fun -and safer- than sitting in a corner by yourself.
DiannaVesta
Experienced
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2003
- Posts
- 43
Re: Recived the following on another list
Hello Richard! Nice to meet you. Replies below with some snipping.
<snip>
>>>>>I'd like to point out that the title Protector - in the old days of the Lifestyle - did exist, but not as a Dom who top'd you, or selected your friends for you, or said how or who you could play with, or were "there" (voyeur) to watch you play. >>>>
DV: I too notice this and was a little taken back by it. There’s a bunch of terms and definitions I don’t understand and I’ve been in the lifestyle, quite active, for many moons. More below.
>>>>Generally a Protector then was Someone quite experienced and Known to Their Peers (i.e. other Known Masters/Mistresses) in the Lifestyle as safe, sane, and consentual -who had proveable r/l experience- and who could provide at least some r/l references of other Dom/Domme's and subs who knew them and how they played. THESE original Lifestyle Protectors let it be known from the beginning that you were "protected" so that abusive jerks would stay away from you. It worked for us mostly in those days because the Lifestyle was much smaller. In today's online meetings...one has be very much more careful.>>>>
DV: lol- It may have been a little different in the femdom scene, but we didn’t call then Protectors, but Mentors. Is it the same thing? You’re right that it was much smaller but not necessarily easier to avoid abuse.
I am rarely in a chat room and I visit very few boards. Mainly because I’m busy and I’ve just never been into online bdsm cyber scenes. I enjoy having conversation and discussion. I am pretty public and very experienced. People often IM or email me asking questions. I hear some of the craziest stories. I’m certain much of this was invented online and not r/l.
I’m not sure what you call it, these days, but I often take on a submissive as a teacher. In exchange they give me service and devotion. I take them through a step by step process that could last months or even as long as a year. According to your definition I would be wrong, as a Protector, to expect so much, but I do. When one of these people comes to me they basically become my property with the understanding that I am assuming responsibility for them until they have reached a level of training and or meet their new Owner. Rarely is the relationship sexual, however that all depends on what you consider sexual, right? <s>
I’ll give you a for instance…
I am training a fem slave now. She wears my collar and completely turns herself over to me. My commitment to her is to earn her trust and respect. I agree to teach her to be the best that she can be so she can be that for her chosen Owner. The training is very thorough. She too must earn my respect as a slave. Training to this degree requires great patience and still a strong disposition.
In this case she will begin looking for a dominant to serve. I will intervene until I feel that she is safe and well cared for. I remain her safety net for a lifetime. When the new dominant agrees to the relationship we discuss her training and I become somewhat of a mediator. I am also there to help train the dominant as far as technique and how best to make the girl perform.
Many moons ago there was a circle of people I knew that used this system and I thought it worked very well. I find it to be a spiritual process as well as a good system of respect and command. There aren’t any uncomfortable boundaries and all the people privy to the relationships stay in close contact.
The most bizarre story I ever heard was a woman who came to me via a friend I was training. She had wanted to be a slave for years. She voiced this to a few close friends and was sexually taken advantage of because in their mind they thought it’s what she wanted. She being a novice herself hadn’t a clue. She went on to explore in chat rooms on AOL. She met a man, moved almost across country, became his maid, slut and errand girl. Keep in mind these are all things I require from my slaves; HOWEVER there was no scene dynamic. He then began hitting her and mistreating her. It was the most bizarre story, because I’m listening to her and wondering why she was there for nearly 6 months. She told me that she didn’t understand and that there was apart of her that truly enjoyed serving him that way. The problem was that the relationship was not enhancing her spirit but throwing her into an emotional hell hole. She was scarred badly.
I believe that I order for a submissive to truly be ready to walk this path that they must be able to think sanely and able to make good choices. The bottom line is that you go slow and spend time really getting to know someone. If the relationship brings you joy and your life is enhanced by it, then you continue. If any red flags go up or something just doesn’t feel right, leave.
If they stay under unjust circumstances, feeling uneasy, they need to question if they are ready to walk this path.
Thank you for the topic.
Dianna
Hello Richard! Nice to meet you. Replies below with some snipping.
<snip>
>>>>>I'd like to point out that the title Protector - in the old days of the Lifestyle - did exist, but not as a Dom who top'd you, or selected your friends for you, or said how or who you could play with, or were "there" (voyeur) to watch you play. >>>>
DV: I too notice this and was a little taken back by it. There’s a bunch of terms and definitions I don’t understand and I’ve been in the lifestyle, quite active, for many moons. More below.
>>>>Generally a Protector then was Someone quite experienced and Known to Their Peers (i.e. other Known Masters/Mistresses) in the Lifestyle as safe, sane, and consentual -who had proveable r/l experience- and who could provide at least some r/l references of other Dom/Domme's and subs who knew them and how they played. THESE original Lifestyle Protectors let it be known from the beginning that you were "protected" so that abusive jerks would stay away from you. It worked for us mostly in those days because the Lifestyle was much smaller. In today's online meetings...one has be very much more careful.>>>>
DV: lol- It may have been a little different in the femdom scene, but we didn’t call then Protectors, but Mentors. Is it the same thing? You’re right that it was much smaller but not necessarily easier to avoid abuse.
I am rarely in a chat room and I visit very few boards. Mainly because I’m busy and I’ve just never been into online bdsm cyber scenes. I enjoy having conversation and discussion. I am pretty public and very experienced. People often IM or email me asking questions. I hear some of the craziest stories. I’m certain much of this was invented online and not r/l.
I’m not sure what you call it, these days, but I often take on a submissive as a teacher. In exchange they give me service and devotion. I take them through a step by step process that could last months or even as long as a year. According to your definition I would be wrong, as a Protector, to expect so much, but I do. When one of these people comes to me they basically become my property with the understanding that I am assuming responsibility for them until they have reached a level of training and or meet their new Owner. Rarely is the relationship sexual, however that all depends on what you consider sexual, right? <s>
I’ll give you a for instance…
I am training a fem slave now. She wears my collar and completely turns herself over to me. My commitment to her is to earn her trust and respect. I agree to teach her to be the best that she can be so she can be that for her chosen Owner. The training is very thorough. She too must earn my respect as a slave. Training to this degree requires great patience and still a strong disposition.
In this case she will begin looking for a dominant to serve. I will intervene until I feel that she is safe and well cared for. I remain her safety net for a lifetime. When the new dominant agrees to the relationship we discuss her training and I become somewhat of a mediator. I am also there to help train the dominant as far as technique and how best to make the girl perform.
Many moons ago there was a circle of people I knew that used this system and I thought it worked very well. I find it to be a spiritual process as well as a good system of respect and command. There aren’t any uncomfortable boundaries and all the people privy to the relationships stay in close contact.
The most bizarre story I ever heard was a woman who came to me via a friend I was training. She had wanted to be a slave for years. She voiced this to a few close friends and was sexually taken advantage of because in their mind they thought it’s what she wanted. She being a novice herself hadn’t a clue. She went on to explore in chat rooms on AOL. She met a man, moved almost across country, became his maid, slut and errand girl. Keep in mind these are all things I require from my slaves; HOWEVER there was no scene dynamic. He then began hitting her and mistreating her. It was the most bizarre story, because I’m listening to her and wondering why she was there for nearly 6 months. She told me that she didn’t understand and that there was apart of her that truly enjoyed serving him that way. The problem was that the relationship was not enhancing her spirit but throwing her into an emotional hell hole. She was scarred badly.
I believe that I order for a submissive to truly be ready to walk this path that they must be able to think sanely and able to make good choices. The bottom line is that you go slow and spend time really getting to know someone. If the relationship brings you joy and your life is enhanced by it, then you continue. If any red flags go up or something just doesn’t feel right, leave.
If they stay under unjust circumstances, feeling uneasy, they need to question if they are ready to walk this path.
Thank you for the topic.
Dianna
Justina123
Really Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jul 21, 2002
- Posts
- 311
I am sure that there is alot of abuse of the term "Protector."
On the other hand, it can work also. My Dominant has a former submissive (S) for whom he acts as Protector. He was S's first Dominant and they remain good and close friends, but basically just did not click as a couple. I know S well and count her as a very good friend.
We live in a small city area with a small but fairly active D/s community. As S's protector, Sir does things like;
- provides advice on prospective play partners, at S's request, when she needs a reference
- is S's safe call person
- invites her to accompany us to D/s events and venues which she would like to attend and may feel uncomfortable going to alone
- S can talk to Sir about anything, ask questions about any aspect of D/s, etc.
And yes, Sir may occasionally spend some play time with S, though this does not happen very often, as she is a very busy lady with a very busy social calendar, lol.
So I think there is room for lots of variety within the lifestyle and the role of "protector" can work in some instances and be a blessing to all involved. But I think it goes without saying that a "protector" should NOT be someone you just met or hardly know, but to the contrary, a trusted and good well-known friend and confidant.
-justina
On the other hand, it can work also. My Dominant has a former submissive (S) for whom he acts as Protector. He was S's first Dominant and they remain good and close friends, but basically just did not click as a couple. I know S well and count her as a very good friend.
We live in a small city area with a small but fairly active D/s community. As S's protector, Sir does things like;
- provides advice on prospective play partners, at S's request, when she needs a reference
- is S's safe call person
- invites her to accompany us to D/s events and venues which she would like to attend and may feel uncomfortable going to alone
- S can talk to Sir about anything, ask questions about any aspect of D/s, etc.
And yes, Sir may occasionally spend some play time with S, though this does not happen very often, as she is a very busy lady with a very busy social calendar, lol.
So I think there is room for lots of variety within the lifestyle and the role of "protector" can work in some instances and be a blessing to all involved. But I think it goes without saying that a "protector" should NOT be someone you just met or hardly know, but to the contrary, a trusted and good well-known friend and confidant.
-justina
DiannaVesta
Experienced
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2003
- Posts
- 43
Justina123 said:
BINGO!
Thank You for this thread Richard Sir
When I first ventured into online BDSM i did hear that term. And i thought that it may be the safe way to be introduced into this wonderful, exciting, and scary lifestyle. I only heard it twice and both times the hair on the back of my neck stood up ... DANGER!
( i may over-exaggerate but i'd rather ignore the perfect Dom than fall into the hands of a predator ... and wind up abused)
i've only been lucky enough to know two Doms and i count myself extremely lucky. Mentors and Protectors yes, but that promise only came after some time to get to know one another.
respectfully,
emer
When I first ventured into online BDSM i did hear that term. And i thought that it may be the safe way to be introduced into this wonderful, exciting, and scary lifestyle. I only heard it twice and both times the hair on the back of my neck stood up ... DANGER!
( i may over-exaggerate but i'd rather ignore the perfect Dom than fall into the hands of a predator ... and wind up abused)
i've only been lucky enough to know two Doms and i count myself extremely lucky. Mentors and Protectors yes, but that promise only came after some time to get to know one another.
respectfully,
emer
Thanks also to
DiannaVesta and Justina for the thoughts and questions your posts started in my mind. Service and attention to others and being polite are such a new state of mind for me. Not that i'm a spoiled rotten bitch but this is all new and sometimes i don't know how or when to respond.
respectfully to you too,
emer
DiannaVesta and Justina for the thoughts and questions your posts started in my mind. Service and attention to others and being polite are such a new state of mind for me. Not that i'm a spoiled rotten bitch but this is all new and sometimes i don't know how or when to respond.
respectfully to you too,
emer
Netzach
>semiotics?
- Joined
- Mar 3, 2003
- Posts
- 21,732
Maybe I'm really new-agey-new guard, but I think that protection and mentorship is everybody's business and everybody's problem. I don't think of mentorship as a title, or an individual relationship only, but as a responsibility experienced community members (Dom OR sub) should be attuned to.
I have been blessed with a lot of mentors, from the guy who taught me to flog to the women who taught me to pierce, to the sub who taught me to enter a scene as a totally novice Dom (think of every right decision you ever made at once and look in the mirror) to the woman who told me to read the Ethical Slut and that people like me are OK and do find happily ever after!
Whenever I am approached by someone new to Leather or kink, I make an honest effort to spend time with that person, give information, ask questions, talk, recommend books, see what they know and don't. I try and talk about the most overarching issues of consent, and rights, and exploration without pressure. Often I am approached by msubs online in the hopes that I might Dom them, and instead I try and turn it around and be friendly, listen to them, slow them down a little bit. It's fairly easy to determine whether someone is looking for a physical experience only (which is FINE in my book!) and who might be in need of a subtler and more psychological dimension, who's actually submissive in orientation. I think that it's important to be real with each other, honest with each other, and prudent with each other when we negotiate and discuss.
The biggest mentorship red flag, to me, is someone who is reluctant to expose the other party to alternate methods or different mentors. If I don't know about something or don't like something, I feel that my role as a mentor is to match my mentee up with a better resource, not clutch controllingly at the situation or try and dissuade the other person. Unless it's honestly a situation I feel is bad or unhealthy for them.
I have been blessed with a lot of mentors, from the guy who taught me to flog to the women who taught me to pierce, to the sub who taught me to enter a scene as a totally novice Dom (think of every right decision you ever made at once and look in the mirror) to the woman who told me to read the Ethical Slut and that people like me are OK and do find happily ever after!
Whenever I am approached by someone new to Leather or kink, I make an honest effort to spend time with that person, give information, ask questions, talk, recommend books, see what they know and don't. I try and talk about the most overarching issues of consent, and rights, and exploration without pressure. Often I am approached by msubs online in the hopes that I might Dom them, and instead I try and turn it around and be friendly, listen to them, slow them down a little bit. It's fairly easy to determine whether someone is looking for a physical experience only (which is FINE in my book!) and who might be in need of a subtler and more psychological dimension, who's actually submissive in orientation. I think that it's important to be real with each other, honest with each other, and prudent with each other when we negotiate and discuss.
The biggest mentorship red flag, to me, is someone who is reluctant to expose the other party to alternate methods or different mentors. If I don't know about something or don't like something, I feel that my role as a mentor is to match my mentee up with a better resource, not clutch controllingly at the situation or try and dissuade the other person. Unless it's honestly a situation I feel is bad or unhealthy for them.
lancemanyon
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Mar 3, 2003
- Posts
- 122
Boy. Talk about the pot calling the kettle black. Does anyone really believe this BS?
lark sparrow
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Oct 11, 2002
- Posts
- 1,715
I've seen this before in some BDSM chat rooms. Being a "protector" to a submissive is used like an engagement ring, which leads to a "collar" within a week or less, and given another week or two, and it's usually all over. Protection as a trial possession. I've never really understood the need for a formal "Protector" unless someone is in imminent and tangible danger.
Most of my mentoring experiences have been left without the formal title. Sometimes I have approached them, sometimes they have approached me - each sensing a connection, and having a common interest. Within that common interest, they have experience and knowledge. They have an ability to inspire, guide and push, while still allowing, encouraging and insisting on my path remaining my own authentic and individual one. I think of two immediately when mentors come up - one in writing, one in BDSM - and these people I will never forget, and feel that powerful gratefulness and respect when I really think about it - they truly touched my life with their counsel, grace and inspiration. They helped uncover and nurture aspects of myself, and rather than hold them possessively as their own discovery, the intention was always to give them to me as my own, without reservation. Mentors like this simply leave me in deep appreciation, and even awe, at the exchange.
Most of my mentoring experiences have been left without the formal title. Sometimes I have approached them, sometimes they have approached me - each sensing a connection, and having a common interest. Within that common interest, they have experience and knowledge. They have an ability to inspire, guide and push, while still allowing, encouraging and insisting on my path remaining my own authentic and individual one. I think of two immediately when mentors come up - one in writing, one in BDSM - and these people I will never forget, and feel that powerful gratefulness and respect when I really think about it - they truly touched my life with their counsel, grace and inspiration. They helped uncover and nurture aspects of myself, and rather than hold them possessively as their own discovery, the intention was always to give them to me as my own, without reservation. Mentors like this simply leave me in deep appreciation, and even awe, at the exchange.
Last edited:
entitled
the quiet one
- Joined
- Aug 6, 2002
- Posts
- 17,813
Even though i am still fairly new to the lifestyle and all my brains sank to belly-button level a month or more ago, i'll try to make sense. No guarantees.
Mentors and protectors are two entirely different things, though one person can be both. It's just a rare occasion for them to be both at the same time.
Mentors are the people that coach and guide a person, no matter if they are Dom or sub, through any new or sticky areas they might wander into. They're the people that can give a person a general idea about another person, a possible place to go, a possible scene that might interest them, etc. Mentors are the people that are willing to share their stories and personal experiences and offer advice to whoever they might be teaching.
Protectors are just that - protectors. They're not necessarily there to keep a person on a proverbial leash, but they should be there to help get a person out of anything that might be too damaging. They should be there to help explain away mistakes made that upset other people. They should take on the role of bodyguard, if need be. Protectors should be much like the parent at the birthday party - there if a person should need them, but for the most part just letting that person play. Bad comparison, but it's what came to mind.
Both mentors and protectors should be well known and trusted. That trust should extend both ways. (If a person has a problem with either a mentor or protector, they should be told, and the mentor/protector should trust that they will be told.) They should also be experienced. If there is anything they don't know or will not share or do, for any reason, they should be comfortable with sending the person along to somebody else that is well known and trustworthy.
Mentors and protectors are two entirely different things, though one person can be both. It's just a rare occasion for them to be both at the same time.
Mentors are the people that coach and guide a person, no matter if they are Dom or sub, through any new or sticky areas they might wander into. They're the people that can give a person a general idea about another person, a possible place to go, a possible scene that might interest them, etc. Mentors are the people that are willing to share their stories and personal experiences and offer advice to whoever they might be teaching.
Protectors are just that - protectors. They're not necessarily there to keep a person on a proverbial leash, but they should be there to help get a person out of anything that might be too damaging. They should be there to help explain away mistakes made that upset other people. They should take on the role of bodyguard, if need be. Protectors should be much like the parent at the birthday party - there if a person should need them, but for the most part just letting that person play. Bad comparison, but it's what came to mind.
Both mentors and protectors should be well known and trusted. That trust should extend both ways. (If a person has a problem with either a mentor or protector, they should be told, and the mentor/protector should trust that they will be told.) They should also be experienced. If there is anything they don't know or will not share or do, for any reason, they should be comfortable with sending the person along to somebody else that is well known and trustworthy.
DiannaVesta
Experienced
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2003
- Posts
- 43
Netzach you sound very level headed and you can tell that you have a spiritual foundation, whatever that means to you.
I think that this is a key element in any power exchange. It doesn't matter what you call it, pagan, buddhist, christian, etc. People who have a solid spiritual foundation respect the qaulity of life. Their actions are always constructive.
DV
I think that this is a key element in any power exchange. It doesn't matter what you call it, pagan, buddhist, christian, etc. People who have a solid spiritual foundation respect the qaulity of life. Their actions are always constructive.
DV
DiannaVesta
Experienced
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2003
- Posts
- 43
Netzach said:Why thank you, Dianna Vesta. Nicest compliment I've had in weeks, outside some very personal ones from my boys.
DV: Any time lady! <kiss>
Johnny Mayberry
Golden Boy
- Joined
- Dec 23, 2002
- Posts
- 6,460
I've got myself a mentor right now...she's a very special lady, who is teaching me ALOT...
WillowPuss
serene in submission
- Joined
- May 25, 2002
- Posts
- 1,316
Richard49 said:
I have a very specail friend, a Domme I met through this very forum, as a Mentor.
I did not originally contach Her with the purpose of having a Mentor. I never even dreamed that W/we would become friends ... but, as W/we chatted, O/our relationship deepened. It developed into one in which I feel safe to speak of anything with Her; to ask any question - and know that the answer I get will be totally and brutally honest.
I just cannot imagine being without Her guidance, Her knowledge and ... Her friendship.
DiannaVesta
Experienced
- Joined
- Apr 8, 2003
- Posts
- 43
Johnny Mayberry said:I've got myself a mentor right now...she's a very special lady, who is teaching me ALOT...
Lucky boy!
psiberzerker
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Mar 12, 2003
- Posts
- 2,093
I am one of the mentors who likes to share my experience apart from the munches, and other mainstream BDSM events. This is an individualistic group, and there are many ways to enjoy it, but there are those out there who want to categorize, and codify it.
Go ahead, go to the munches, and get your information there. It's safe, and you'll probably find crusaders there who would take your side if something goes wrong. OTOH, you don't have to swallow their party line 100%. Listen to them, learn from them, but ultimately, make up your own mind about how to procede. Unless they're doing the scenes for you, they have no business telling you how to enjoy yourself.
Go ahead, go to the munches, and get your information there. It's safe, and you'll probably find crusaders there who would take your side if something goes wrong. OTOH, you don't have to swallow their party line 100%. Listen to them, learn from them, but ultimately, make up your own mind about how to procede. Unless they're doing the scenes for you, they have no business telling you how to enjoy yourself.
Last edited:
Richard49
The Gentleman Dom
- Joined
- Feb 27, 2002
- Posts
- 14,176
psiberzerker said:
1) my name is not Rich
it is Richard
2) I have taken NO stand on anythign in this thread
if you look at the header of the second post is says it came from another group
3) there is only one code that I know of
safe,sane and consensual
From your posts today
it looks like you are trying to pick a fight
maybe you are having a bad day
we all have them
for some of us this is not about "scenes" about it is a way of life
and has been for a long time
and this lifestyle existed long before the internet
The internet has offerd a number of pros and cons
for th lifestyle ... one of the cons is that a preditor can exist
here for a much longer time without being know
In RL such as munches they can not last long
psiberzerker
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Mar 12, 2003
- Posts
- 2,093
"my name is not Rich it is Richard " I appologise, Rich was easier to type. Some people are more forgiving of that than others.
2) "I have taken NO stand on anythign in this thread" Yes I have, it started with a query as to what "Protectors, and Mentors" means to me. THe seccond post, which I read, I did not respond to BECAUSE it was from another place, and I cannot speak to the authors on it here.
3) "there is only one code that I know of safe,sane and consensual" Damn skippy, and you've seen me use it. Unfortuantely, there are som e that would expand apon that.
I wasn't picking a fight, but I guess you could say I'm having a bad morning. Maybe I should keep it to myself.
2) "I have taken NO stand on anythign in this thread" Yes I have, it started with a query as to what "Protectors, and Mentors" means to me. THe seccond post, which I read, I did not respond to BECAUSE it was from another place, and I cannot speak to the authors on it here.
3) "there is only one code that I know of safe,sane and consensual" Damn skippy, and you've seen me use it. Unfortuantely, there are som e that would expand apon that.
I wasn't picking a fight, but I guess you could say I'm having a bad morning. Maybe I should keep it to myself.
Richard49
The Gentleman Dom
- Joined
- Feb 27, 2002
- Posts
- 14,176
One of the main reasons I started back posting and reading on lit
is to answer th question(s) for myself .......
1) Do I want/need to continue in the lifestyle
2) Do I even want to continue to try and have relationships
Most of you who have been here for a while like Miss T
or have communicatesd with me personally know that I am very mild person as a rule ... that and stress does my health no good
This specific thread is interesting to me. I have been abused by submisives ...... I have seen "submissives" attempt to manpulate for money and other "gifts".
Now in respect to Doms making demands on submissives and those that they touch ... that opens a another can of worms ... there are aspects of this lifestyle that "require" that the female have no identy nor opinion. Gor comes to mind.
I have also had Doms contact me about somethign I had posted to a submissive they had some kind of control of and the submissve not respond ..... that to me is abusive. I sort of owe a Dom on this list an ammends because of the way I reacted to his PM to me. However in my world one does not contact some body over a post they made to a third party.
However many would say they are just a protector or mentor.
I know of one "dom" from lit that moved in with a female submissive with lots of lies and promises. She is deeply wounded. She kicked him out but......
Point is there are no rules here except safe, sane and consentual.
So things can get pretty muddy
I do know that in RL ..... the local communites provide a degree of protection and mentoring that one can NOT find online.
is to answer th question(s) for myself .......
1) Do I want/need to continue in the lifestyle
2) Do I even want to continue to try and have relationships
Most of you who have been here for a while like Miss T
or have communicatesd with me personally know that I am very mild person as a rule ... that and stress does my health no good
This specific thread is interesting to me. I have been abused by submisives ...... I have seen "submissives" attempt to manpulate for money and other "gifts".
Now in respect to Doms making demands on submissives and those that they touch ... that opens a another can of worms ... there are aspects of this lifestyle that "require" that the female have no identy nor opinion. Gor comes to mind.
I have also had Doms contact me about somethign I had posted to a submissive they had some kind of control of and the submissve not respond ..... that to me is abusive. I sort of owe a Dom on this list an ammends because of the way I reacted to his PM to me. However in my world one does not contact some body over a post they made to a third party.
However many would say they are just a protector or mentor.
I know of one "dom" from lit that moved in with a female submissive with lots of lies and promises. She is deeply wounded. She kicked him out but......
Point is there are no rules here except safe, sane and consentual.
So things can get pretty muddy
I do know that in RL ..... the local communites provide a degree of protection and mentoring that one can NOT find online.
Similar threads
