Promiscuity and intimacy

[freescorfr]

I've just had a very emotional reunion with a girl friend of 25 years ago. I was her first boyfriend. She said, "After you, I was really promiscuous for years, I wouldn't let anyone get close to me....."

Is sex sometimes a defence of our inner-selves?

 

[lilfrk]

Yes

 

[freescorfr]

So Bush should get fucked to defend the USA?

 

[Mr C]

In the ass, twelve times a day, for the remainder of his term...

 

[MissTaken]

I dont' know about George Bush

but this bush has been fucked to protect me from vulnerability and intimacy.

Not the best choices, but we all make mistakes!

 

[Mr C]

God bless the forumer with a mouth.

 

[tulip2lipservice]

I've just had a very emotional reunion with a girl friend of 25 years ago. I was her first boyfriend. She said, "After you, I was really promiscuous for years, I wouldn't let anyone get close to me....."

Is sex sometimes a defence of our inner-selves?

Within the last year I have found this to be true. It is a way to protect my heart. I know it sounds strange but it is true. Right now my mind travels to an army man I met here and we have meet in real life. I want to allow myself to fall in love with him but am holding back given the situation he is in.

After our meeting I found myself having one nighters. Perhaps to get him out of my mind. To push him away. A chance to feel alive with another. I cannot explain it and I am trying to figure it out myself. Only time will tell if he and I belong together, but as of now it will be a long time before he has "normalicy" in his life.

It is easy to have one nighters. I was always the type of woman to be a one on one relationship. When I reached 30 I had my first one night stand that lasted a couple of days. Then when I found myself single again at 34 I had one nighters. I made sure I did not give them my number even though they wanted to get together again. I was not ready for another relationship and choose men I knew I would not want anything more from them. It does sound cold hearted. It might be but it is what I found myself doing.

Now a good friend of mine tells me that I am simply exploring my sexuality. Basically I would love to explore my sexuality every day of my life with my soul mate. However, this heart of mine is protected so tight. I do not want to go through the aftermath of hurt again. OK I am really divulging a lot here but I am sure others can relate to what I wrote and by dangit it is cathartic for me.

Peace,
Tulip

 

[Mr C]

Well I suppose it could be worse, I did that without having a bd expirience in the first pace...

 

[freescorfr]

However, this heart of mine is protected so tight. I do not want to go through the aftermath of hurt again.

Well, that really speaks to me tulip2lipservice, and I'm glad it helps you to say it. I really understand that in the ache of the emptiness caused by the absence of your army man you need to fill the void, with substitutes, but you don't want to hang on to them because they won't meet your need for the person you might truly form a couple with. It's painful - not the one-nighters, but not having your chance to develop you relationship normally.


Yes, Miss Taken, hedgerows can be pretty protective.

 

[juicylips]

Is sex sometimes a defence of our inner-selves?

To most people sex is the ultimate pleasure. If you are in pain, you use sex as you would drugs or alcohol to block out the pain.

I'd say your g/f was in pain from your breakup and it took some time for her to heal, hence the promiscuity. IMHO


Cassidy

 

[riff]

Sex is not intimacy.

About a year ago I allowed myself to get picked up by a woman. We had great sex a few times and then I hauled ass because she wanted intimacy (even though she simply said she just wanted someone to scratch her back) and I did not want to be intimate with her, nor would I allow it.

The irony is that I crave intimacy. It takes chemistry, trust, and time.

It's so easy to get laid. So hard to be intimate because I still don't know how to "control" chemistry, trust, and time. I never will, I guess. So I take it where I can get it.

I used to be promiscuous. Now I jerk off.

 

[freescorfr]

Too true Juicylips, sex is better than paracetamol while it lasts, but it is Riff, a pretty intimate business.
It's quite difficult to keep your personality out of it, m or f.
Maybe that's why it doesn't work so well as self-defence.

 

[juicylips]

Sex dulls the pain, never takes it away. Gives you something to do, to think about, to experience.

But eventually, you have to face yourself.

You can't fuck forever.

Cassidy

 

[riff]

But eventually, you have to face yourself.

You can't fuck forever.

Cassidy

So true... so true....

 

[MissTaken]

Promiscuity is a defense against, not intimacy, but hurt.

If I can hide the feelings I have for someone by fucking their brains out, then I feel safer and still obtain intimacy.

Ahhhh the old war wounds just won't go away, some days!

There is no greater joy than love

and no greater pain..........

 

[riff]

but it is Riff, a pretty intimate business.
It's quite difficult to keep your personality out of it, m or f.
Maybe that's why it doesn't work so well as self-defence.

I know what you mean. Like with that slut (just to pick one) that I banged in the greek ampitheatre at LSU. It occurred to me that I was actually sticking my penis into her BODY. And I said to myself, "riff, just fuck her, would ya?"

Never saw her again.

 

[freescorfr]

Ahhhh the old war wounds just won't go away, some days!

There is no greater joy than love

and no greater pain..........

When I'm aching in love I want to be released from its grip which prevents me thinking of anything other than my lover
and when I'm not in love, I long for the intensity of the spell which makes everything extra-ordinary.

 

[GuyJD]

Is sex sometimes a defence of our inner-selves?

About a year ago, I posted a similiar thread. I find that most women use relationship breakups as a reason to become "cellabate". I had an ex-girlfriend who claimed to be cellabate after we broke up. This was only because she was not dating anyone at the time. But once she began dating again, cellabacy went out the window. And so did most of her clothes, in fact.

 

[freescorfr]

Riff, I've just read your chosen text

""An ideological bias can lead a critical reader to make a given text say more than it apparently says, that is, to find out what in the text is ideologically pre-supposed, untold."
-Umberto Eco, THE ROLE OF THE READER""


Does this mean that as you banged away in the greek amphitheatre, you were meta-fucking, discovering an ideological bias in what just seemed like a shag, realised there was more to it than that, and ended up unconvinced?

 

[riff]

Thank you.

How much do you charge by the hour? We need to talk.

~laughing~

I never looked at it that way, but your response is resonant.

Gotta go to work!

 

[SilverVeil]

I guess I am the only one who read this a different way.

I was not promiscuous (sp ?) in hopes of fending off being intimate, I was promiscuous because I was needing intimacy. I was not mature enough to understand that creating intimacy took time and patience to build with another person. I needed it right then and there.

I now understand that I was in such intense mental pain from needing someone to love me. I was so lost in hurt that I was not sure I would ever find a way out. I tried running away from home, I tried drugs, alcohol, even suicide.

I was such a ball of raw emotions screaming for help and no one seemed to understand. I was a kid. And in my town kids did not have sex because something was wrong. They were having sex because they had " loose morals " they were " bad people " and should be punished.
I did not need to be punished. I needed help. I needed to know someone cared about me.

From the time I was 12 till the time I was 16 I was in and out of the Dept of Child Corrections. I was not a criminal. The worst thing I did was run away. And back then .... running away from home was not against the law. It was considered a social offense. So why was I locked up ?

I found out what the system wanted to hear or see from me while I was there, and became an expert at giving it to them. The worst thing I have ever done in reference to law breaking was accidently bouncing a check after I became an adult. When I was a kid, other than running away I did not break the law.

The only form of love I knew was sex. And I set about getting as much love as I could. But it never made me feel good past the time the guy I was with was gone on his way. It took me many years to come to terms with what I have done and mistakes I have made.

I no longer equate sex as being love. In some relationships, sex is a very important part of love, but love is so much more than two people fucking.
There are times when me and man I love have sex every night. Then there are times that we might have sex one time during the week.


I have rambled enough.

 

[freescorfr]

I guess I am the only one who read this a different way.


I now understand that I was in such intense mental pain from needing someone to love me. I was so lost in hurt that I was not sure I would ever find a way out. I tried running away from home, I tried drugs, alcohol, even suicide.

I was such a ball of raw emotions screaming for help and no one seemed to understand. I was a kid. And in my town kids did not have sex because something was wrong. They were having sex because they had " loose morals " they were " bad people " and should be punished.
I did not need to be punished. I needed help. I needed to know someone cared about me.

From the time I was 12 till the time I was 16 I was in and out of the Dept of Child Corrections. I was not a criminal. The worst thing I did was run away. And back then .... running away from home was not against the law. It was considered a social offense. So why was I locked up ?

No rambling here SilverVeil. What strikes me is that another kid, treated like you were, would become criminal. You didn't. Why not?
It's my guess, and tell me if I'm wrong, that you're a very good "carer" for other people, probably still doing more caring than being cared for.
I think what you've written is a gem of self expression. I hear it giving a voice to many, many kids and to lots of people with really big hearts who contribute more than they receive.

 

[SilverVeil]

No rambling here SilverVeil. What strikes me is that another kid, treated like you were, would become criminal. You didn't. Why not?
It's my guess, and tell me if I'm wrong, that you're a very good "carer" for other people, probably still doing more caring than being cared for.
I think what you've written is a gem of self expression. I hear it giving a voice to many, many kids and to lots of people with really big hearts who contribute more than they receive.

Even though I say I am evil.... deep down inside I am inherently a good decent person. I constantly say I hate children. Yet in a gathering where children are present .... where will you find me ? Right in the center of them playing games to entertain them.

Oh yeah ... I did forget one thing I do break the law on ... I smoke pot. But IMHO pot should not be against the law to smoke.

 

[freescorfr]

Here in Scotland they smoke a lot of kippers. Most people get away with it, SilverVeil.
Seriously though, it shows how cretinous the legal system is.

I love riff's AV.