Proactive versus Reactive Decision-Making

[Alessia Brio]

How do you face your most difficult choices?

Do you tackle them head on ... or defer them until someone else decides for you?

 

[Zeb_Carter]

Gee, I don't know...what do you think?

 

[ABSTRUSE]

Oh god. All I can say is somethings I will jump right in on but most of the time I need to focus on the decision and not fuck it up.

 

[cloudy]

Oh god. All I can say is somethings I will jump right in on but most of the time I need to focus on the decision and not fuck it up.

I guess it really depends on what the decision involves....is it a personal life thing, or a professional life thing....

When I was traveling, doing all the recruiting and training of managers in the southeast, I made business decisions REALLY quickly. I suppose after close to 20 years in the same type of business, it didn't take a whole lot of thought to decide what to do.

In my personal life? I waffle - badly. I know what I want, that's never an issue, but I spend too much time agonizing over how any decision I make will effect those I love.

 

[Huckleman2000]

I talk to my therapist.

Seriously, this is a major issue for me (and, I imagine, most depressives) - I tend to be reactive about even the most life-changing decisions. Being pro-active involves such rumination, self-doubt, shame, and fear that I seem to prefer being immobilized in my bed over having to make a serious decision.

 

[damppanties]

This question is coming up a lot in my life and what I'm going through right now. And frankly, I don't know where I am.

I know what I want, that's never an issue, but I spend too much time agonizing over how any decision I make will effect those I love.

So true. My decision-making process was reactive earlier because of a lot of issues that relate to where I come from and what I choose to do affects my whole family in a major way, but now, I've been having a rethink about this whole thing and I'm trying to do what I want to do with my life. Trying. It is a huge change for me and I'm not sure how I'll fare.

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

If they involve a clear-cut either/or: Tackle, wrestle to the ground, and strangle. Over several days or a week - two at the most.

If they are more vague: Try to analyze what is at the root of the problem, which can take longer, but not forever. Once analyzed - Tackle, wrestle to the ground, and strangle.

For the first category, a few times I have used a technique Ben Franklin described, and found it helpful in clarifying the issues involved: Write down all the reasons pro and con in two facing columns. Then weigh each and "cancel out" ones on each side based on their weighting. Take a few days with this, thinking of new items and cogitating over ones you have already. My experience was that the exercise was very useful in clarifying the issues. Actually, just going through the exercise made the choices pretty clear cut.

I'm a pretty simple soul in many respects. My response is probably not very useful to deeper, more complex individuals.

 

[Boota]

I tackle every problem head-on. I don't trust anyone else to make decisions for me.

 

[ungenderless]

Roxanne, that's a really insightful post. Gave me a lot to think about. i might just adapt the Pro, Con Columns technique. '_'

 

[rgraham666]

I do best if I get a chance to stop and think about it, after I'm done panicking.

 

[Huckleman2000]

If they involve a clear-cut either/or: Tackle, wrestle to the ground, and strangle. Over several days or a week - two at the most.

If they are more vague: Try to analyze what is at the root of the problem, which can take longer, but not forever. Once analyzed - Tackle, wrestle to the ground, and strangle.

For the first category, a few times I have used a technique Ben Franklin described, and found it helpful in clarifying the issues involved: Write down all the reasons pro and con in two facing columns. Then weigh each and "cancel out" ones on each side based on their weighting. Take a few days with this, thinking of new items and cogitating over ones you have already. My experience was that the exercise was very useful in clarifying the issues. Actually, just going through the exercise made the choices pretty clear cut.

I'm a pretty simple soul in many respects. My response is probably not very useful to deeper, more complex individuals.

Whatever else I might think of you, Roxanne, "simple" probably isn't an adjective that springs to MY mind.

I'm replying to your post not to single you out, but to try to nip in the bud something that you didn't say, really, but might have implied in the eyes of some readers - that is, that the rumination and self-doubt that comes with Depression* somehow signifies some deeper understanding or complex thought. Whatever one considers Depression to be, let's not place some romanticized virtue of depth of thought to it. Some degree of self-examination is appropriate to decision-making, and is too often lacking in many people who are accustomed to successful results. It's easy to confuse elements of luck with one's own deliberative powers if you get lucky a few times.

In the past, diseases such as tuberculosis became romanticized as they seemed to have been concentrated within a certain type of individual with, perhaps, admirable (or at least fashionable) qualities.

Roxanne, your method of decision-making (via Franklin) is well-considered, thoughtful, clarifying, and leads to action in a reasonable time-frame. I would only add that, when applicable, it would be wise to add the input of others who are impacted by the results of the decision, and to share the process with them.

Decision-making behind the blind of Depression is problematic due to physical brain damage or abnormalities, or a combination thereof. As Depression recurs or remains untreated, these things get worse. Anguished self-reflection and doubt isn't particularly deep or admirable, it's just pain, like arthritis.

*I capitalized Depression to make clear that I am referring to a physical pathology, a disease that affects the brain, and not simply an emotional state with the same word.

 

[Guest]

 

[lucky-E-leven]

I tackle them head-on ... with my head. I think through all possible scenarioes (sp&) and then determine an appropriate time period for action. Okay, I know it sounds clinical, but it is mostly done internally and based on the moods of the moment. I reevaluate frequently within the time frames I set, and then ... if nothing really swaying happens, 1) I pick my course 2) enact the decision (changes) 3) and evaluate their effectiveness to determine the rightness or wrongness of my actions.

Sadly, I don't think this is helping.

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

Whatever else I might think of you, Roxanne, "simple" probably isn't an adjective that springs to MY mind.

I'm replying to your post not to single you out, but to try to nip in the bud something that you didn't say, really, but might have implied in the eyes of some readers - that is, that the rumination and self-doubt that comes with Depression* somehow signifies some deeper understanding or complex thought. Whatever one considers Depression to be, let's not place some romanticized virtue of depth of thought to it. Some degree of self-examination is appropriate to decision-making, and is too often lacking in many people who are accustomed to successful results. It's easy to confuse elements of luck with one's own deliberative powers if you get lucky a few times.

In the past, diseases such as tuberculosis became romanticized as they seemed to have been concentrated within a certain type of individual with, perhaps, admirable (or at least fashionable) qualities.

Roxanne, your method of decision-making (via Franklin) is well-considered, thoughtful, clarifying, and leads to action in a reasonable time-frame. I would only add that, when applicable, it would be wise to add the input of others who are impacted by the results of the decision, and to share the process with them.

Decision-making behind the blind of Depression is problematic due to physical brain damage or abnormalities, or a combination thereof. As Depression recurs or remains untreated, these things get worse. Anguished self-reflection and doubt isn't particularly deep or admirable, it's just pain, like arthritis.

*I capitalized Depression to make clear that I am referring to a physical pathology, a disease that affects the brain, and not simply an emotional state with the same word.

Thanks for your kind remark and for your bud-nipping. I can see how given the sequence of posts the thing you fear some might read into my response is possible, and is certainly not anything that I believe or meant to imply.

 

[elsol]

First, I decide whether this particular problem is the one where I say 'Fuck it! I've had enough... I'm going to go out, kill a statistically significant number of people, and force the cops to kill me!"

Unfortunately, the answer thus far has been 'Not worth it."

Then I decide whether this particular problem can be resolved by killing a single person and trying to get away with it.

The answer has been yes twice... the first time, he woke up (tough to explain to your stepdad why you're standing over him with a knife... but it helps that he was stooopid); the second time, I miscalculated and wasn't actually alone so I got pulled off... (Not to worry though... I'll definitely get it right next time).

If the problem isnt at either of those levels... I just flip a coin 'cause it's not really that important.