prison cell

[oralmick]

I look at my life and think why me
Is this really the way lifes meant to be
I hope at the end of the tunnel there'll be some light
Cause my body and mind dont want to fight

All i wanted to find was some love
like whats symbolised by a little white dove
My life has taken a very strange turn
And from this deviation there are lessons learned

This hospital bed is where I lay
I dont even know if its night or day
This room has become my prison cell
I feel like Im in my own living hell

My mind has been full of confusion
Love to me seems to be an illusion
sadness and hatered is all I feel
I cant believe these feelings are real.

Please dont shed any tears for me
This is the way it has to be
goodbye is a word thats hard to say
I guess this is my only way

 

[AChild]

half short, twice strong

my life, why me
is this meant to be
hope tunnel light
body and mind don't fight.

looking for white dove, love
strange turns
deviations lessons learned

hospital bed laid
can't see the moon, sun slay
room prison cell
bars of flame living hell

the love illusion breeds
brain confusion
Can't be!!! Sadness/Hate is all that's real
but these are the only things I feel

don't shed tears for me
for now this is how is has to be
goodbye is hard to say
yet, this is my only way
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Ok so what did I do? Clip some of the words out and add a little imagery. Poems are like high speed air crafts, you want them to be aerodynamic and cut a brilliant path across the sky. Read your poem if there are words that don't serve a purpose they don't deserve to be there. Try using different words to say the same things. The combinations that catch the readers brain, makes your poem stand out. It make your work quote worthy.

(Damn Achild may be you should take some of you own advise?
I will in the 30 day form, later.
Excuses, Excuses)