Yourneighbor
Really Experienced
- Joined
- Jul 7, 2009
- Posts
- 167
OK, first a few remarks about what this thread is NOT:
This is NOT a thread about how to talk your partner into or about anal sex.
This is NOT a thread about how to mentally or emotionally prepare yourself or anyone else for anal sex.
There are plenty of links around here that discuss the above items at great length... so my aim isn't to repeat that information.
This thread assumes that you, or someone you know is going to get fucked up the ass and offers advice on how to deal with some of the shittier aspects of anal sex - literally.
Yes, for those who are squeamish or faint of heart or who prefer not to address with frankness, the "messier" aspects of anal sex, you should probably just bail now on this thread.
This thread is about poo... and how you can avoid having yourself or someone you know shitting the bed (or the kitchen floor, or the dungeon floor, or the bathtub, or the sex furniture).
I will offer another bit of qualification to this thread as well: this thread is about avoiding playing with shit, with deference and respect of course, to those among you who enjoy doing just that.
Anyway... so here we go:
First it's important to understand some of the issues at work here. For starters, a bit of anatomy discussion is in order. If you want a more in depth discussion of the anatomy at work here, please visit this thread and then google.
The anatomy I'm going to cover here is quite rudimentary. See that diagram in the second post of the linked thread? Yeah, well the part of us that shit comes out of is basically a tube - with some bendy parts and some constrictions and some other characteristics that really are amazing, but which aren't too terribly important to understand for the purposes of fucking or being fucked up the ass.
Waste material (feces/shit/poo) spends some hours or days moving through that tube. This means that when you get fucked in the ass, there's probably some shit somewhere along the tube.
Now, anal sex devotees will probably tell you their own shitty stories and hey, feel free to share, but in the end, I'm hoping to spare some of you folks who may be new to this the embarrassment and/or mood kill of learning about this "by experience"...
When you start shoving a penis or something into your or someone else's ass, the body basically closes in a nearly airtight seal around the penetrating object (toy, cock, fist, finger, model train, binoculars, lava lamp, whatever). As you move that object in and out of the anus and rectum, you can create suction that basically works the same way as a plunger works on a stopped up drain or toilet.
This can help to speed up the process of moving that fecal material through the colon towards the rectum. Oh, and one term that's important to know too - peristalsis. This is the name of the process by which the body moves things through internal tubular structures. It's the rhythmic contractions that move food from your mouth to your stomach via your esophagus and the same sort of rhythmic contractions that move food from your ascending colon to your anus. As far as I know, peristalsis in the colon only goes in one direction under normal conditions. That means that if you're "plunging" someone's asshole with an object, you will have a considerably more difficult time pushing that shit back UP there than you will have pulling it out...
Most of you are probably thinking:
'No shit Sherlock!' (see what I did there?)
'Just go and drop the kids off at the pool before you take it in the old browneye and it's all good for fuck's sake!'
So, why am I going through this discussion?
Well... because that's not the entirety of the issue, that's why.
For starters, voiding your bowels or 'dropping the kids off at the pool' isn't always enough to make sure you don't have a messy situation on your hands... or your Master's or Mistress' hands... or... yeah... you get the point.
Remember that bit about peristalsis above and how you can sort of help it along with prolonged "plunging" i.e. fucking? Yeah... so when you cop a squat, you might have some additional fecal material waiting "backstage" so to speak that doesn't make it out when you void normally. Now your Master/Mistress has been fucking you silly for the last 20 minutes and guess who just shit the bed? What do you think of that smartass?
Now, even if you don't actually get that fecal material to come OUT while you're being fucked, it can sort of get pulled down to the end of whatever is penetrating you and begin to be shoved around by that thing as it fucks you. From experience, I will tell you, this is not always comfortable. Also, it gets whatever is fucking you covered in shit.
Soo... how to avoid this?
Well one method that I have used with considerable success is douching.
Those bottles of disposable douche you may or may not be familiar with from the pharmacy - are outstanding in my experience for this purpose.
Generally speaking it will be kind of tough (impossible) to get a little douche squeeze bottle to flush your entire colon, but you can evacuate your rectum pretty handily, which will lead to "cleaner" anal pillaging.
For me personally, I squeeze two bottles full of water into my ass, then void it, and then two more bottles full to feel nice and tidy... if it’s the first time using the douche, I can get that April Morning Fresh™ feeling as well… I reuse these bottles after meticulously cleaning them after each use with antibacterial soap and hot water.
Now I know that some of you are thinking "Jeez, that totally takes the spontaneity out of it all, seriously am I supposed to wash out my ass for 10 minutes every time Master/Mistress wants to fuck it?"
Well obviously that's not going to always be practical for everyone... sooo... I offer the following advice about toy selection:
Toys with "texture" are often simply overkill and not really worth it and they act like pipe cleaners...
Generally speaking after the first minute or two of penetration, most texture other than extreme texture isn't going to be felt at all. However, what that texture WILL do is collect shit. You've seen those dildos that are "realistic" and look like circumcised cocks with a nice ridge around the head, and/or... yeah... after about 30 seconds, unless that molded cock head and veins are REALLY pronounced, you're not feeling them. Mostly that's because they're collecting shit and said fecal material is filling in the little space around those "bumpy" parts with the net effect of smoothing them out... yep... good thing you sprung for the Realdoe and not just the Feeldoe eh?
Now again, this assumes you're being spontaneous and just fucking away without even a trip to the can to void, let alone douche out your ass...
Oh and as most of you who are reading this may know, a real penis doesn't have hard ridgy stuff on it. Sure it may have a bulbous head and a notable curve or bend or something similar, but you're not going to feel the veins on it as that dick is being pumped in and out of you, and the head of that cock is going to be even LESS likely to gather any poo if there's a condom wrapped around it... this always makes me wonder about "realistic" dildos... but I suppose that's a discussion for another time...
Consider the above, those of you trying to decide between toys like the Feeldoe, the Realdoe, the Nexus, or the Share double dildos or basically any other dildo or toy...
So it boils down to this:
If you want to avoid getting shit on your dick/toy/hand/backscratcher, you've got to choose between spontaneity and toy shape/texture.
Bending over at Mistress' command with no warning before I get my brains fucked out is... well... it's yummy.
Bending over after Mistress made the cleansing routine a bit of a mind game and vehicle for submission is also supremely delicious... and makes me personally more comfortable because then Mistress can fuck me with either her Feeldoe, OR the Buddha shaped dildo pretty much until she's exhausted, and I'm pretty sure I won't disappoint her by being a messy boy...
Health caveats:
If you have UC, Crohn’s, IBS, or some other issue with your colon, rectum, or anus, obviously this thread isn’t intended to make it all OK for you to get fucked up the ass. Indeed, douching with plain old water can sometimes create weird fluid balance issues too if you are less than colonically healthy. As always, safe, sane, and consensual behavior dictates that you check with your medical professional before engaging in any activities discussed in this thread.
This is NOT a thread about how to talk your partner into or about anal sex.
This is NOT a thread about how to mentally or emotionally prepare yourself or anyone else for anal sex.
There are plenty of links around here that discuss the above items at great length... so my aim isn't to repeat that information.
This thread assumes that you, or someone you know is going to get fucked up the ass and offers advice on how to deal with some of the shittier aspects of anal sex - literally.
Yes, for those who are squeamish or faint of heart or who prefer not to address with frankness, the "messier" aspects of anal sex, you should probably just bail now on this thread.
This thread is about poo... and how you can avoid having yourself or someone you know shitting the bed (or the kitchen floor, or the dungeon floor, or the bathtub, or the sex furniture).
I will offer another bit of qualification to this thread as well: this thread is about avoiding playing with shit, with deference and respect of course, to those among you who enjoy doing just that.
Anyway... so here we go:
First it's important to understand some of the issues at work here. For starters, a bit of anatomy discussion is in order. If you want a more in depth discussion of the anatomy at work here, please visit this thread and then google.
The anatomy I'm going to cover here is quite rudimentary. See that diagram in the second post of the linked thread? Yeah, well the part of us that shit comes out of is basically a tube - with some bendy parts and some constrictions and some other characteristics that really are amazing, but which aren't too terribly important to understand for the purposes of fucking or being fucked up the ass.
Waste material (feces/shit/poo) spends some hours or days moving through that tube. This means that when you get fucked in the ass, there's probably some shit somewhere along the tube.
Now, anal sex devotees will probably tell you their own shitty stories and hey, feel free to share, but in the end, I'm hoping to spare some of you folks who may be new to this the embarrassment and/or mood kill of learning about this "by experience"...
When you start shoving a penis or something into your or someone else's ass, the body basically closes in a nearly airtight seal around the penetrating object (toy, cock, fist, finger, model train, binoculars, lava lamp, whatever). As you move that object in and out of the anus and rectum, you can create suction that basically works the same way as a plunger works on a stopped up drain or toilet.
This can help to speed up the process of moving that fecal material through the colon towards the rectum. Oh, and one term that's important to know too - peristalsis. This is the name of the process by which the body moves things through internal tubular structures. It's the rhythmic contractions that move food from your mouth to your stomach via your esophagus and the same sort of rhythmic contractions that move food from your ascending colon to your anus. As far as I know, peristalsis in the colon only goes in one direction under normal conditions. That means that if you're "plunging" someone's asshole with an object, you will have a considerably more difficult time pushing that shit back UP there than you will have pulling it out...
Most of you are probably thinking:
'No shit Sherlock!' (see what I did there?)
'Just go and drop the kids off at the pool before you take it in the old browneye and it's all good for fuck's sake!'
So, why am I going through this discussion?
Well... because that's not the entirety of the issue, that's why.
For starters, voiding your bowels or 'dropping the kids off at the pool' isn't always enough to make sure you don't have a messy situation on your hands... or your Master's or Mistress' hands... or... yeah... you get the point.
Remember that bit about peristalsis above and how you can sort of help it along with prolonged "plunging" i.e. fucking? Yeah... so when you cop a squat, you might have some additional fecal material waiting "backstage" so to speak that doesn't make it out when you void normally. Now your Master/Mistress has been fucking you silly for the last 20 minutes and guess who just shit the bed? What do you think of that smartass?
Now, even if you don't actually get that fecal material to come OUT while you're being fucked, it can sort of get pulled down to the end of whatever is penetrating you and begin to be shoved around by that thing as it fucks you. From experience, I will tell you, this is not always comfortable. Also, it gets whatever is fucking you covered in shit.
Soo... how to avoid this?
Well one method that I have used with considerable success is douching.
Those bottles of disposable douche you may or may not be familiar with from the pharmacy - are outstanding in my experience for this purpose.
Generally speaking it will be kind of tough (impossible) to get a little douche squeeze bottle to flush your entire colon, but you can evacuate your rectum pretty handily, which will lead to "cleaner" anal pillaging.
For me personally, I squeeze two bottles full of water into my ass, then void it, and then two more bottles full to feel nice and tidy... if it’s the first time using the douche, I can get that April Morning Fresh™ feeling as well… I reuse these bottles after meticulously cleaning them after each use with antibacterial soap and hot water.
Now I know that some of you are thinking "Jeez, that totally takes the spontaneity out of it all, seriously am I supposed to wash out my ass for 10 minutes every time Master/Mistress wants to fuck it?"
Well obviously that's not going to always be practical for everyone... sooo... I offer the following advice about toy selection:
Toys with "texture" are often simply overkill and not really worth it and they act like pipe cleaners...
Generally speaking after the first minute or two of penetration, most texture other than extreme texture isn't going to be felt at all. However, what that texture WILL do is collect shit. You've seen those dildos that are "realistic" and look like circumcised cocks with a nice ridge around the head, and/or... yeah... after about 30 seconds, unless that molded cock head and veins are REALLY pronounced, you're not feeling them. Mostly that's because they're collecting shit and said fecal material is filling in the little space around those "bumpy" parts with the net effect of smoothing them out... yep... good thing you sprung for the Realdoe and not just the Feeldoe eh?
Now again, this assumes you're being spontaneous and just fucking away without even a trip to the can to void, let alone douche out your ass...
Oh and as most of you who are reading this may know, a real penis doesn't have hard ridgy stuff on it. Sure it may have a bulbous head and a notable curve or bend or something similar, but you're not going to feel the veins on it as that dick is being pumped in and out of you, and the head of that cock is going to be even LESS likely to gather any poo if there's a condom wrapped around it... this always makes me wonder about "realistic" dildos... but I suppose that's a discussion for another time...
Consider the above, those of you trying to decide between toys like the Feeldoe, the Realdoe, the Nexus, or the Share double dildos or basically any other dildo or toy...
So it boils down to this:
If you want to avoid getting shit on your dick/toy/hand/backscratcher, you've got to choose between spontaneity and toy shape/texture.
Bending over at Mistress' command with no warning before I get my brains fucked out is... well... it's yummy.
Bending over after Mistress made the cleansing routine a bit of a mind game and vehicle for submission is also supremely delicious... and makes me personally more comfortable because then Mistress can fuck me with either her Feeldoe, OR the Buddha shaped dildo pretty much until she's exhausted, and I'm pretty sure I won't disappoint her by being a messy boy...
Health caveats:
If you have UC, Crohn’s, IBS, or some other issue with your colon, rectum, or anus, obviously this thread isn’t intended to make it all OK for you to get fucked up the ass. Indeed, douching with plain old water can sometimes create weird fluid balance issues too if you are less than colonically healthy. As always, safe, sane, and consensual behavior dictates that you check with your medical professional before engaging in any activities discussed in this thread.
