premature ejaculation?

[cryforme1v]

I'm new here so if i make a mistake in where to post this, my appologies.
First off, i'm 24, and he's 23. I've ruled out age in this.
My boyfriend and i have been dating about a month or so now. The night before Thanksgiving we were at his house and things got hot n heavy - a good 2-3 hours of constant teasing eachother. Clothes came off and that was the end of it- quite literally even.
He got himself inside, and that was it. Was sort of my fault considering i do kegals and decided to tease him a little and as soon as he got the entire shaft inside my pussy, i started doing the same muscle excercises.
According to him i'm just that tight and tightening my pussy when he got in was more than he could handle. Then thanksgiving night, we went at it again this time with a condom to kind of work as a cockring - he got 2 minutes in.
He is really bummed about it, which i understand, but i find it a major turn on that i can make him come like this and yes i would love to do it again, but not at his expense.
How do i make him feel better about it and reassure him that i find it hot?
And since he's so self concious about it, how do i help prevent it?
Cockrings? Numbing lube? <Not wild about that one. Condoms?
Condoms used with a cockring maybe? or owuld that make him lose most of the sensations?
I care about this guy as a person, who he is and how he is to me - so something like this is definately not going to make me leave <even if the premature ejaculation turns out to be a long term thing. I'm completely satisfied knowing i was able to please him.

 

[wild-thing]

cryforme1v, forget the creams and gimmicks. Your bf needs to learn how to work his pc muscles to control his earlier than desired climaxing. These are the same muscles you kegel, and the same that control his urine flow. Once he's mastered control of this muscle set he can drive all night! Plenty of info on the web with exercises for him to practice. Good Luck!

 

[Eeyore007]

Practice makes perfect

 

[cryforme1v]

how do i reassure him that i like it?
I know - sounds stupid that its a major turn on, but it is.

 

[kimbernee]

You need to get over yourself a little. The speed a guy ejaculates at has a lot more to do with how much stimulation he needs to come than with your actions or tightness or whatever. Some guys have a premature ejaculation problem. Those guys have the same problem with every woman. Some guys, it takes them 30 minutes of focused stimulation to make them come. Same deal, the woman doesn't make much difference. I've experienced both extremes. It's the guy, not the pussy.

He needs to do exercises (mental, physical). There's plenty of info on it online. If you really think it's your amazing kegels, then just stop doing them, but I don't think you're as much a factor as you think you are.

 

[cryforme1v]

You need to get over yourself a little. The speed a guy ejaculates at has a lot more to do with how much stimulation he needs to come than with your actions or tightness or whatever. Some guys have a premature ejaculation problem. Those guys have the same problem with every woman. Some guys, it takes them 30 minutes of focused stimulation to make them come. Same deal, the woman doesn't make much difference. I've experienced both extremes. It's the guy, not the pussy.

He needs to do exercises (mental, physical). There's plenty of info on it online. If you really think it's your amazing kegels, then just stop doing them, but I don't think you're as much a factor as you think you are.

wow really?
Someone comes up, obviously oblivious about the situation trying to figure out a way to make HIM feel better, and you are telling me to get over myself?
MY MISTAKE almighty bitch.
if you want to give advice, then give it. absolutally no need to be a bitch and come off the way you just did. now KINDLY, get lost.

 

[Experiencedguy]

I have had this problem only one time, with one girl, and it was recurring. I was lasting about thirty seconds, and off I would go, huge orgasms and lots of cum, and I was wiped out. We both really liked each other, and after about the third time, I simply told her the truth: She was really fantastic and the best fuck I had ever had (still true today, after all these years). I told her that I would do whatever it took to work it out, because we had so much with each other. It took a few months, and a lot of mutually pleasing practice, but it did get to be okay. As an earlier answer said: Practice makes perfect. We had a great relationship until she moved out of state.
In the meantime, if the guy feels bad, perhaps he could go down on you after, to both make you feel better (and himself). This is what I did. Hope this helps

 

[CaRaMeLPoleDoll]

You need to get over yourself a little. The speed a guy ejaculates at has a lot more to do with how much stimulation he needs to come than with your actions or tightness or whatever. Some guys have a premature ejaculation problem. Those guys have the same problem with every woman. Some guys, it takes them 30 minutes of focused stimulation to make them come. Same deal, the woman doesn't make much difference. I've experienced both extremes. It's the guy, not the pussy.

He needs to do exercises (mental, physical). There's plenty of info on it online. If you really think it's your amazing kegels, then just stop doing them, but I don't think you're as much a factor as you think you are.

it's funny you say this... i've experienced different. my SO said he never had problems with coming too quickly with any other girl... until i came along. he has gotten much better and yes... practise makes perfect... he makes up for it by using his hands and tongue more... he has also used it as a teaser. He will build it up, let me have some until he gets close, takes it away leaving me begging for more. prolongs the session and keeps it interesting.

to the OP - i understand your feelings of finding it a turn on that you can please him so easily. But in my experience it made a huge dent in his ego because i'm one of the statistics that has to do a lot of manual work to get me to orgasm. and has never been able to orgasm from penetration alone. so combined with his early shooting it was hard for him... and still is to a point... but we just make sure there's plenty of foreplay for me and the finale for him

we find that condoms de sensitise him so much that he goes soft... so we didn't have much luck there...

it will take a lot of patience but he will get there... just reassure him that you are satisfied and that it's not a problem for you and he will eventually perk up and not worry so much.

 

[lizzyqte]

I had a boyfriend like that once. I just made him practice. I would suck him until he almost came, then I would stop. I keep going like this until he would beg to come, then I would do it again and again until I decided to make him come.

After a while he lasted longer and I benefited too as I became wicked with oral.

 

[The Gimp]

My first suggestion to him would be to make sure that the woman cums before he begins penetration. If she cums after he eats her out for twenty minutes, then he cums after two minutes of intercourse, then she isn't in much of a position to complain. At that point they could work on techniques to extend his performance, but it's still a win win proposition.
My second suggestion to him would be to use masturbation to extend his performance. If you have a date on Saturday evening, get off at least once on Saturday afternoon before leaving the house. It's damn near impossible to cum the second time as quickly as the first, even if you're trying to.

My suggestion to her would be to bring him to orgasm before penetration begins. He cums, you keep playing with him, he gets hard again, and then go for penetration. That's even more effective than the masturbation technique that I listed above. It'll take some extra effort on his part to get going a second time, but he'll have to man up and take one for the team

 

[kimbernee]

wow really?
Someone comes up, obviously oblivious about the situation trying to figure out a way to make HIM feel better, and you are telling me to get over myself?
MY MISTAKE almighty bitch.
if you want to give advice, then give it. absolutally no need to be a bitch and come off the way you just did. now KINDLY, get lost.

If you're trying to make him feel better, as opposed to trying to gloat about how great in bed you are, and you really think your kegels are what's doing the trick, then just stop. Why is that so hard?

 

[cryforme1v]

If you're trying to make him feel better, as opposed to trying to gloat about how great in bed you are, and you really think your kegels are what's doing the trick, then just stop. Why is that so hard?

i wasnt saying that was the entire reason, i said it was a possibility.
Take your cuntiness elsewhere, i dont want your attitude.

 

[rosco rathbone]

It can be caused by stress, anxiety, and tension.

 

[WriterDom]

Why not keep going? I have a very short recovery time. Once did it 5 times without getting out of bed.

 

[SweetErika]

If you're trying to make him feel better, as opposed to trying to gloat about how great in bed you are, and you really think your kegels are what's doing the trick, then just stop. Why is that so hard?

You seem to be the only one who's reading the OP's comments that way, Kimbernee. Therefore, the problem is likely to be your perception rather than the OP's communication. And that's fine, but your negative comments based on your misinterpretations don't appear to be helping anyone; they are very likely discouraging lurkers and newbies from joining in, however.

Maybe it's time to take a really good look at why you've started misinterpreting posts and shooting vitriol from the hip so much lately. Usually there are personal reasons for such changes/behaviors, and I do hope you find and resolve whatever is putting you on that path quickly because you have a lot of positive things to share.


Cryforme, I think you have a great attitude about this! It's one I wholeheartedly share because I figure as long as I'm satisfied and my guy enjoys himself as much as possible, his longevity is irrelevant. Besides, quicker can be a virtue in many situations. Also, I don't want to focus on it and end up having him last too long or not enjoy it so much.

Things like condoms and time may very well help, but your guy could also just be a quick comer due to years of trying to get off as fast as possible via masturbation. My husband mentioned that as one of the reasons he continues to be quicker, even after over a decade of sex with the same woman. You might ask your guy if his masturbatory habits could be playing a role and gently suggest he try taking his time and mixing it up IF this is something he'd like to experiment with [you can insert more of your genuine reassurance here] in the future.

But if your thoughts about this being a positive thing are genuine and you're not afraid to express them, he'll probably take them to heart over time. I don't think there's any one thing you can say to make him feel better, but honesty, caring and repetition should do the trick eventually. On the honesty front, you may want to recognize that different people have different opinions on this (e.g. clearly pop culture says lasting longer is always better) and it might be fun to experiment with things like male kegels and edging over time just to maximize your options and pleasure as a couple.

If he refuses to believe your genuine thoughts and support? Well, that's his issue, and nothing you do or say will likely change his views.

And definitely continue to do your kegels, if only because pelvic floor health is really important throughout our lives; even the very traditional sector of the medical establishment is finally starting to recognize that.

 

[CWatson]

How do i make him feel better about it and reassure him that i find it hot?

Why don't you, err, tell him that? Stamina (or lack thereof) is something of an insecurity for us cock-bearers, so your words aren't going to solve the problem in one swell foop. But at least they'll make him feel as though he isn't being judged--which will help alleviate performance anxiety. He will want to last longer, both as a pride thing and to increase your satisfaction, but at least he won't feel like a moron if he fires off all quick-like.

As to how he prevents it, that's up to him. wild-thing's Kegeling thing may help, but my own endurance is negligible and I haven't had much chance to fix it. In the meanwhile, encourage him to go down on you until he's back up and ready for more. (Well, unless his refractory period is too long to make that a practical measure. I'm told it can last up to a day.) As to how you can prevent it, not doing the Kegel thing while he's penetrating you may obviously help. Get him also to talk to you about how close he is, and work out ways for you to back off of him when he's nearing the edge. I have very little practical experience (one of the downsides of being a virgin) but I understand that switching tempo of thrust, depth of thrust, direction of motion or even sex position can help reset a man's stamina.

Hope some of this helps!

 

[Adakgirl]

It may be a great ego boost and turn-on to you now... but trust me sister, it won't be for long if you encourage this by assuring him that it turns you on and so it's perfectly ok. It won't remain ok with you. Pre-mature ejaculation can become a real problem for him, a sexual performance problem that can continue to worsen throughout his life. It's not a condition that you want to use as an empowerment tool for the validation of your female sexuality.

What I mean by that is, it doesn't matter who you are, how tight you are or if you are the queen of fucking Sheba, if you tease a sexually inexperienced man for 2/3 hours before penetration, then squeeze him when he enters you, he's going to cum right then, right there. Any woman can do this, you need to know that.

If you really care about him and your sexual future and satisfaction with him, then I suggest you work with him orally and manually but not vaginally for now, in order for him to learn control. There are good proven methods that explain exactly how to go about doing this available by doing a search on the internet.

 

[SassySheDevil]

It may be a great ego boost and turn-on to you now... but trust me sister, it won't be for long if you encourage this by assuring him that it turns you on and so it's perfectly ok. It won't remain ok with you. Pre-mature ejaculation can become a real problem for him, a sexual performance problem that can continue to worsen throughout his life. It's not a condition that you want to use as an empowerment tool for the validation of your female sexuality.

What I mean by that is, it doesn't matter who you are, how tight you are or if you are the queen of fucking Sheba, if you tease a sexually inexperienced man for 2/3 hours before penetration, then squeeze him when he enters you, he's going to cum right then, right there. Any woman can do this, you need to know that.

If you really care about him and your sexual future and satisfaction with him, then I suggest you work with him orally and manually but not vaginally for now, in order for him to learn control. There are good proven methods that explain exactly how to go about doing this available by doing a search on the internet.

I agree with this. After a while you will seriously crave, good long, hard sex. The quickies with no satisfaction for you lose their thrill real fast.

 

[Firebrain]

It may be a great ego boost and turn-on to you now... but trust me sister, it won't be for long if you encourage this by assuring him that it turns you on and so it's perfectly ok. It won't remain ok with you. Pre-mature ejaculation can become a real problem for him, a sexual performance problem that can continue to worsen throughout his life. It's not a condition that you want to use as an empowerment tool for the validation of your female sexuality.

What I mean by that is, it doesn't matter who you are, how tight you are or if you are the queen of fucking Sheba, if you tease a sexually inexperienced man for 2/3 hours before penetration, then squeeze him when he enters you, he's going to cum right then, right there. Any woman can do this, you need to know that.

If you really care about him and your sexual future and satisfaction with him, then I suggest you work with him orally and manually but not vaginally for now, in order for him to learn control. There are good proven methods that explain exactly how to go about doing this available by doing a search on the internet.

I also agree with that, I'm afraid.

I don't have much experience where premature ejaculation as such is concerned - I've had issues helping my husband to last longer but he always lasted longer than you're describing! - but different positions helped a lot (me on top, for example).

The other thing was, to be honest, actually making it clear I had a problem with the squirt-and-go approach (I didn't see why penetration had to be all for him - which it was when lasting such a short space of time). There are two sides to that coin in that if it's actually a biological issue for him, that's not going to be of much help - quite the opposite in fact. If it's a case of him being self indulgent (and it happens more than one might expect) then it works a treat. Mind you, I found this out by accident when he decided to snoop on the computer and read my thread. I'm fortunate that he was of the self indulgent variety

Have you talked to him about whether this has happened with previous girlfriends? It's not an easy thing to bring up but it sounds like he's doing that himself, so you may as well ask.

 

[amyforfun]

When I have had the problem with men in the past, it was usually the first orgasm. After that, the orgasms took longer to acheive. Maybe that helps?

And always use a condom. Too much crap around not too.

 

[cryforme1v]

Why not keep going? I have a very short recovery time. Once did it 5 times without getting out of bed.

going to have to try that tonight.
You can send me that whip too, i'm sure that might help keep him in bed

 

[cryforme1v]

Cryforme, I think you have a great attitude about this! It's one I wholeheartedly share because I figure as long as I'm satisfied and my guy enjoys himself as much as possible, his longevity is irrelevant. Besides, quicker can be a virtue in many situations. Also, I don't want to focus on it and end up having him last too long or not enjoy it so much.

Things like condoms and time may very well help, but your guy could also just be a quick comer due to years of trying to get off as fast as possible via masturbation. My husband mentioned that as one of the reasons he continues to be quicker, even after over a decade of sex with the same woman. You might ask your guy if his masturbatory habits could be playing a role and gently suggest he try taking his time and mixing it up IF this is something he'd like to experiment with [you can insert more of your genuine reassurance here] in the future.

But if your thoughts about this being a positive thing are genuine and you're not afraid to express them, he'll probably take them to heart over time. I don't think there's any one thing you can say to make him feel better, but honesty, caring and repetition should do the trick eventually. On the honesty front, you may want to recognize that different people have different opinions on this (e.g. clearly pop culture says lasting longer is always better) and it might be fun to experiment with things like male kegels and edging over time just to maximize your options and pleasure as a couple.

If he refuses to believe your genuine thoughts and support? Well, that's his issue, and nothing you do or say will likely change his views.

we have talked about it and he understands that its a turn on for me but he still feels guilty. Which i understand as well. We're going to be getting a cockring or 2 along with some condoms to see if that helps, and reguardless i'm not going to tease him nearly as much as i did last time and we're going to try different positions, like me on top, spooning and such. I love it that he comes so eagerly, but since it bothers him i am more than willing to help him last longer if that is what he wants, i'm sure reguardless of how long he lasts it will still be amazing with him.

 

[Womanluvr]

I
What I mean by that is, it doesn't matter who you are, how tight you are or if you are the queen of fucking Sheba, if you tease a sexually inexperienced man for 2/3 hours before penetration, then squeeze him when he enters you, he's going to cum right then, right there. Any woman can do this, you need to know that.
.

Amen! And it is only a bad thing if it becomes a regular thing. The fact that you are posting here suggests that there is problem.

First you need to put this into a scientific perspective. Kinsey's research found that 75% of men reach orgasm after 2 minutes of intercourse and that women, who could reach orgasm through intercourse, require 10 to 20 minutes. That is a big gap to close for any couple.

I would suggest the following:
* Communicate with each other. The fact your boyfriend is concerned that you are not having an orgasm and he is, is good thing. Show him other ways he can get there other than intercourse: fingers, tongue, toys...
* educate yourselves, there is tons of information available here and elsewhere online.
* Foreplay. Lots of foreplay. Based on Kinsey's numbers you need about 5 times more foreplay than he does. Guide him, show him what you need.
* He needs to work on prolonging his orgasm. For me, learning to control contractions of my prostate was huge. Lots of people focus on holding the contraction (kegel); however, with practice I found that I could prevent/delay any contraction, and without contraction I don't ejaculate/orgasm. Google or search lit for prostate stimulation for tips/suggestions.
*Positions - I last twice as long with my woman on top than I do missionary style.

Good luck and good sex to both of you.

 

[rosco rathbone]

Why not keep going? I have a very short recovery time. Once did it 5 times without getting out of bed.

So that's what, ten minutes all together?

 

[cryforme1v]

It may be a great ego boost and turn-on to you now... but trust me sister, it won't be for long if you encourage this by assuring him that it turns you on and so it's perfectly ok. It won't remain ok with you. Pre-mature ejaculation can become a real problem for him, a sexual performance problem that can continue to worsen throughout his life. It's not a condition that you want to use as an empowerment tool for the validation of your female sexuality.

What I mean by that is, it doesn't matter who you are, how tight you are or if you are the queen of fucking Sheba, if you tease a sexually inexperienced man for 2/3 hours before penetration, then squeeze him when he enters you, he's going to cum right then, right there. Any woman can do this, you need to know that.

If you really care about him and your sexual future and satisfaction with him, then I suggest you work with him orally and manually but not vaginally for now, in order for him to learn control. There are good proven methods that explain exactly how to go about doing this available by doing a search on the internet.

i understand you here, i wasnt meaning to make him come - i have done that several times before and never had this happen - i was just telling you guys that he had said its because i'm tight. I did discuss it with him and he's never had this problem before. He used the term "throwing a hot dog down a hallway" for his last girlfriend or 2. As i had said - yes i find it a major turn on, but i also want him to enjoy it and i mean really enjoy it and not have any regrets - that is why i'm here asking my questions. I'm going to do as you ladies n gents have suggested and search for techniques for him to help control himself.
I am a little weird tho - i dont really care for oral on myself. I love giving but i dont like recieving <not sure why but 'eh. SHould i just suck it up and let him have his fun on me so i know he's completely happy?