Predator

[Ray Dario]

I do not usually come here plugging my own stories. However I would like to ask for a discussion on one of my latest.

"Predator" was written because I recieved a request I found repulsive. The more I thought about it the more disgusted I became. This feeling grew into an idea for a story and I wrote it.

I would like for a few hearty souls to read it and tell me what they felt reading it. I would like to know if what I did "worked" or if it just alienates the reader before they get to the end.

Here is the link to the story.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=17153


Thanks in advance to any who care to comment on it, either via email or in this thread.

Ray

 

[Ask For More]

you got mail Ray

 

[cymbidia]

These are strongly drawn, thoroughly disagreeable, eminently dislikeable characters, Ray, both of them. Maybe that's why this sordid little story works, and on such a powerfully emotional level?

Beautiful people don't get involved in stuff like this. It's the uglies of society, like your two, who end up with such mean lives of scrabbling for love and having it turn out so horribly wrong, who live every day on the crazy edge of desperate loneliness, and who are so relentlessly buffeted by the winds of anger and alienation. It's the nuts that find themselves in such situations, not us, right?

I could go into a discussion of these people and their actions as a metaphor for individual striving against a universe that seems, sometimes, malevolently intent on the grinding destruction of our small dreams of love and comfort, but i won't. Bet that's a relief.

Not a whack story, you're right about that, Ray, but definitely among the very best NC here. As a writer, you definitely came through on this one. Good job.

 

[Ask For More]

What she said

 

[Kymberley]

First of all, you have mail Ray!

Second of all, you captured the nonconsent issue like none other that I have seen on here. I loved it.

I could picture the diner without having it described in great detail. You could see the woman just from the bland description you gave of her. I could visulize the man sitting there thinking of how she was going to pay for making him look at her. The slut using her "looks" as though she had any.

Very nicely done.