Power

[RJMasters]

I want to discuss a simple question.

What is power?

It is my hope that you will take a moment to think and contemplate this question before answering. It is my belief that at the core of this question lies some answers and truths, which many of us seek to know, seek to understand and seek to experience(on both sides of the whip).

It is my hope that you will offer a descriptive definition of what power is to you, and then show how this effects or finds expression in your D/s(BDSM) life.

Why? Because it is my belief that behind every act of domination lies power. Further I believe, that at the heart of submission, is an attraction to power. We use/say the terms "Power Exchange" (PE) or "Total Power Exchange" (TPE) so often in a generalized way, that often the understanding isn't grasped. "What" specifically is being exchanged and why?

I feel that a discussion like this can be helpful not only to both sides of the whip, but also help new people. Perhaps giving them a little less romanticized notion and more of where the rubber really meet the road in regards to what really is exchanged between a Dom/me and their submissive.

The goal is that we will know more about what power is, have a deeper understanding of its purpose and lead to expression and experience.

Thank you in advance for all who choose to particpate.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Welcome back RJ. I must apologise up front as I am pushed for time so have not the time to contemplate this question in depth right now, but will try and give an ample answer as to how power relates in my own life and D/s. I think in part the question is difficult in that power and what one thinks of as power varies according to context, life stage, and is not easily generalised across the board of life to apply it in every facet of life as well as your D/s.

For me power is not about money, nor about loud shouting and intimidating language and/or behaviour, nor arrogance and disregard for others, but comes from within and also is added to in a spiritual sense. I have little (especially automatic) time and respect for economic wealth, nor for loudness, showiness, or a person who feels the outer appearance makes up the inner self. Perhaps I should explain that last part.....what I mean is IME I have found many who are searching for, or giving the appearance of being the cut out D/s image as in the right clothes, the right look, the right words, right actions, right behaviour. I have nothing against people who indulge their fetish for appropriate type clothing, or those who like to play in that mode, but I do have a problem with the predominance that someone who fits that image on the surface is the ridgey didge D/s figure, and those who don't can't possibly be as submissive or Dominant. That is not what D/s is about for us, nor does it necessarily have anymore to do with submission and Dominance than a superficial show to cover an empty shell. Interestingly I find many who are devoted to this image as the proof of who or what they are, are not in a steady D/s relationship, though many of them are infatuated with an image or someone they feel fits their image of what is real and correct. Maybe it is conincidence, but perhaps it is a little bit of evidence that the image does not work in a real situation well enough to survive the ups and downs life throws us.

So where does my identification of power connect with my D/s? Simply put it connects in that I am with someone who is real, whether he is in black, red, or any colour of the rainbow; whether he is ill, well, or just relaxing[ whether he is well or ill; and whether he has a cane or whip close by or we are sitting in the living room of one of his family or friends. In all those situations he knows who he is, he accepts like me, he is not perfect. He also has my respect which enables power exchange to be a possibility because he is not afraid to show himself to me, is not afraid to meet a challenge head on, is not afraid to take responsibility for all he has and which is a daily challenge in many ways, and because he does not feel dominating requires appearing cold and aloof, domineering, loud, and abusive behaviour.

He also does not get lost in D/s to the extent it becomes a staged event. We live a life which incorporates D/s into our daily existence no matter where we are, what we are doing......it is interwoven to the extent we do not really have 'scenes' or 'sessions'......they are just part of our life as we like it and do not very often get the luxury of prepared planning and setting up....they just happen. We also do not live with the illusion it is simple, nor easy to achieve, but takes continuous communication, work, desire, and understanding to achieve the reality as opposed to the fantasy.

So how did I reach a point where I felt I could be part of a TPE relationship? I fought hard to survive my whole adult life, I lived with my 2 children below the poverty line for 14 years, I took charge of my own destiny by going back to complete my education in the high school system of schooling with teenagers in their environment and on their level, and went go on to University to get my degree despite single parenting, ill health, operations, and lack of money making it a continuous struggle....then went on to through my already highly respected professional reputation earned through hard work and determination to earn a position many took years to qualify for.

It was not an easy road, and my health has paid the price, but it showed me I could do anything I wanted if I just committed to doing it and drawing on my own inner strength to achieve the dream. That then gave me a power of my own to be able to surrender to one I trusted, respected, and loved. I think for me if I had not already met my challenges, overcome obstacles I am told most would crumble under, I would not have been able to accept handing over power to another.....the fear would have been too much simply because I would be risking all under a feeling of dependency, needing another to provide for me in all ways because I hadn't been able to do so for myself and thus did not know if I ever could. For me I could not exchange a power I did not have in the first place, nor could I entrust it to someone who did not have a spirituality and survival spark which fed his own power from within.

Catalina

 

[RJMasters]

Ty Catilina for your well written response. I too find myself getting ready to head out to work and do not have the time I would like to highlight a few of your points you posted. But I do thank you for participating and am looking forward to making some comments.

 

[catalina_francisco]

YW.

C

 

[RJMasters]

For me power is not about money, nor about loud shouting and intimidating language and/or behaviour, nor arrogance and disregard for others, but comes from within and also is added to in a spiritual sense. I have little (especially automatic) time and respect for economic wealth, nor for loudness, showiness, or a person who feels the outer appearance makes up the inner self.


When I read the first part of your post you seem to focus on "powers" that you refuse to give "ackowledgement/consent to" and because you refuse to acknowledge such, you also give no creedance to those Dom/mes who would use such displays of power in order to prove they are a Dom/me. As you stated this is more of trying to maintain an image rather than actually being a Dom/me.

I don't think you discount these things as "power" but that using money or brute-force to prove Dom/me-hood doesn't work.


Some important refrences you made to power:

I am with someone who is real

The authenticity and realness of the power is directly related to the realness of the person themself. As you mentioned that "this power" finds its source within the Dom/me.

I took charge of my own destiny by going back to complete my education

Knowledge is power/empowering.


"Taking charge" is another important thing you mentioned when you said I took charge of my own destiny....to me this is like what you said earlier in your post......not afraid to take responsibility

Assuming or taking on responsibility IMO is a critical aspect of understanding the nature of power and how it is used.

It was not an easy road, and my health has paid the price, but it showed me I could do anything I wanted if I just committed to doing it and drawing on my own inner strength to achieve the dream. That then gave me a power of my own to be able to surrender to one I trusted, respected, and loved.

In case anyone missed it, Cat provided a very good example of what it means to obtain power. The goal was - not to be dependant upon anyone or anything, which required her to overcoming defeceincies in her life. The path she took was to return to school and get a better education, "In order to be in a "position" of empowment". It required taking on responsibilities and facing challenges, which in the end "Earned" her freedom and power, to which I say well done Cat

To further highlight, I just want to list some words that were used....just for the sake of being able to put these words up next to the word "power" so that we see them in relation to power, and how they are interwoven or aspects of power. I have a feeling that we will see these same words used over and over throughout this discussion.

Power:
Realness
Knowledge
Responsibility
Earned
Inner-Strength
Position
Taking Charge - or another word is "Control"

(mentioned in a negative sense but still related to power was brute-force and money)

TY again Catilina.

 

[Marquis]

Wow, cool thread.

Please tell me the pervy poetry slam was the catalyst that made all this possible.

In any case, I think power is human will. As I see it, in power exchange relationships, it is the volition of the submissive that is transferred to the will of the dominant.

How all the rest breaks down is merely a matter of individuals.

 

[RJMasters]

Wow, cool thread.

Please tell me the pervy poetry slam was the catalyst that made all this possible.

In any case, I think power is human will. As I see it, in power exchange relationships, it is the volition of the submissive that is transferred to the will of the dominant.

How all the rest breaks down is merely a matter of individuals.

Nice post Marquis.

In a way what you said sounds very much like my thinking -

Because it is my belief that behind every act of domination lies power. Further I believe, that at the heart of submission, is an attraction to power.

Taking what you said and merging it with mine -

Because it is my belief that behind every act of domination lies a choice or action of the dominant's "will". Further I believe, that at the heart of submission, is an attraction to the expression of the dominant's will.

Off to eat....but have some questions for ya later...and I am working on another slam

 

[rosco rathbone]

Behind every act of power on the part of the dominant, I by nature search for the counteract on the part of the submissive. Dominants submit as often as they dominate, I have come to believe. Both are in any case constrained by bonds of mutual emotional need.

 

[Marquis]

Behind every act of power on the part of the dominant, I by nature search for the counteract on the part of the submissive. Dominants submit as often as they dominate, I have come to believe. Both are in any case constrained by bonds of mutual emotional need.

I suspect many shitty no dick, chili pimping dominants do get run from the bottom like a dirigible.

Of course, as a dominant it is necessary to take the temperature of your submissive. But not every day.

 

[RJMasters]

Dominants submit as often as they dominate, I have come to believe. Both are in any case constrained by bonds of mutual emotional need.

Not sure if I completely understand your meaning here RR. I don't want to mis-represent what you said.

For a very long time I held to the belief that Dominants should not have needs, as needs are an indication of being constrained by bonds of those needs...hence in a sense, a form of submission. Perhaps you are thinking along the same lines here with your statement that Dominants submit as often as they dominate.

I came to a place where I couldn't realistically support the position that a dominant should not have needs as this was unrealistic and not based in reality. The truth is that Dominants do have needs and those needs can often only be meet through the submission of another. That is not to say that a dominant is controlled by thier needs anymore than a submissive is controlled by their needs, I guess it all depends on the individual.

I guess that is where the thinking of 2 halves making one whole comes into play. Saying basically that Dominant provides that which the submissive needs and the submissive provides that which the Dominant needs, therefor completing each other. Though saying this is a very broad generalization and does not neccessarily apply the same to everyone. I know of some Dom/mes that would say that they do not "need" the submission of another to complete them. On some level I might agree with that, but in my opinion it comes down to how you define "completeness". I am sure there are many submissives that would say they do not "need" the dominance of another to complete them. Again, its all how you want to define completeness.

A King or Queen must submit to the responsibilities of their rule. I guess I will leave it at that.

 

[Marquis]

But I inferred an unwillful submission from the dominant in Rosco's example. A dom being a dom just to please his sub.

 

[Netzach]

I don't think that's a sound inference based on what RR said, though.

I don't see power as the magic pixie dust that the Dom has and the sub doesn't. Not at all. I don't think it gets "given" I don't think it gets "exchanged" at all.

I think the two parties manipulate and bend and utilize and make something out of the equation of power. 2 + 3 doesn't mean 2 - 2 necessarily, it just means 5.

Submitting, to me, means witholding your will or your desire to do something based solely on your own interests. I don't think it has anything to do with jettisoning "power."

As a Dominant, I would say that for every time I get to do something in gleeful I'm queen of the world abandon there are 10 in which I have to be realistic, prudent, and reposnsible.

 

[RJMasters]

I don't think that's a sound inference based on what RR said, though.

I don't see power as the magic pixie dust that the Dom has and the sub doesn't. Not at all. I don't think it gets "given" I don't think it gets "exchanged" at all.

I think the two parties manipulate and bend and utilize and make something out of the equation of power. 2 + 3 doesn't mean 2 - 2 necessarily, it just means 5.

Submitting, to me, means witholding your will or your desire to do something based solely on your own interests. I don't think it has anything to do with jettisoning "power."

As a Dominant, I would say that for every time I get to do something in gleeful I'm queen of the world abandon there are 10 in which I have to be realistic, prudent, and reposnsible.

What is power Netzach?

You mentioned "it" is not given nor exchanged...so back to the original question...what is "it"?

What is power?

I pretty much agree with what you posted, but I disagree that it is not given or exchanged. I think that is partly why I want to have this discussion on power. I think it will lead to discovery and through that discovery bring understanding about what it means or what is meant by power exchange.

As just one small example for your consideration. Consider the word "respect". Certainly this comes into play when we talk about power. From your last paragraph...you mention how you do take responsibility, you are realistic and prudent...and I put it to you that because of this you are respected or given respect by those close to you and see this. And it is not so much you sitting there and saying ..."I got the power" like heman of the universe...but the very fact you are being who you are, responsible realistic and purdent.

You see I think there is an unrealistic view or understanding....a disconnect if you will when it comes to knowing what power is and where it comes from. Perhaps I am chasing shadows here...but...I believe that our behaviors and attitudes are derived by how we think about certain things. Often we spend endless hours talking about behavior and such and maybe what we should really be talking about is what causes that behavior to form expression.

So again I am going to put out a list of words and add to it a few more...

Power:
Realness
Knowledge
Responsibility
Earned
Inner-Strength
Position
Taking Charge - or another word is "Control"
Respect
Accountability
Prudence "and/or" wisdom
The Human Will"

I believe the words of this list are elements and aspects of something tangible and what I think makes up power. I agree with you that these things are not "jettisoned" but they are more of a reflection of the individual. Who they are and how the act. This more than anything is truely the point of this discussion. To borrow from what Cat said earlier...The power of a Dom/me is not about money or treating people with disregard "but comes from within".

So I am busting a cap and making a righteous noise here. I am calling attention and shifting the focus. I think its time to stop talking in vague concepts and start imparting clearing meaning to what it means to be a Dom or a Domme.

It has been said before and is worth repeating....being a dominant person is not the same as being a Dom or a Domme. I can garuntee that behind every wanna be Dom or Domme is a false sense or concept of power.

In the final analysis, the gage of a Dom or Domme has more to do with their character, their actions, they way they carry themselves and how they think and has less to do with how they swing a flogger and know how to make a person cum in 10 different ways. If we do not have the courage to say so, then we empower and foster the wrong perceptions of what it means to be a Dom or Domme.

So again I am asking, what is power?
(I will be sharing my own thoughts and views on this soon, I just wanted to give others a chance to speak first)

 

[Netzach]

I think it's what Marquis said, the will, perhaps.

I think it's the part of a person that doesn't get touched no matter how much torture or abuse you heap on them.

I think it's that same part of the psyche that allows a submissive to submit, to agree to obey. It's the same part of my psyche that made me sit up and say "vanilla - no."


It's the conscience, the individuality, the fact that however shitty your hand may be, you get to play it as you can.

 

[Guest]

What is power Netzach?

You mentioned "it" is not given nor exchanged...so back to the original question...what is "it"?

What is power?

I pretty much agree with what you posted, but I disagree that it is not given or exchanged. I think that is partly why I want to have this discussion on power. I think it will lead to discovery and through that discovery bring understanding about what it means or what is meant by power exchange.

As just one small example for your consideration. Consider the word "respect". Certainly this comes into play when we talk about power. From your last paragraph...you mention how you do take responsibility, you are realistic and prudent...and I put it to you that because of this you are respected or given respect by those close to you and see this. And it is not so much you sitting there and saying ..."I got the power" like heman of the universe...but the very fact you are being who you are, responsible realistic and purdent.

You see I think there is an unrealistic view or understanding....a disconnect if you will when it comes to knowing what power is and where it comes from. Perhaps I am chasing shadows here...but...I believe that our behaviors and attitudes are derived by how we think about certain things. Often we spend endless hours talking about behavior and such and maybe what we should really be talking about is what causes that behavior to form expression.

So again I am going to put out a list of words and add to it a few more...

Power:
Realness
Knowledge
Responsibility
Earned
Inner-Strength
Position
Taking Charge - or another word is "Control"
Respect
Accountability
Prudence "and/or" wisdom
The Human Will"

I believe the words of this list are elements and aspects of something tangible and what I think makes up power. I agree with you that these things are not "jettisoned" but they are more of a reflection of the individual. Who they are and how the act. This more than anything is truely the point of this discussion. To borrow from what Cat said earlier...The power of a Dom/me is not about money or treating people with disregard "but comes from within".

So I am busting a cap and making a righteous noise here. I am calling attention and shifting the focus. I think its time to stop talking in vague concepts and start imparting clearing meaning to what it means to be a Dom or a Domme.

It has been said before and is worth repeating....being a dominant person is not the same as being a Dom or a Domme. I can garuntee that behind every wanna be Dom or Domme is a false sense or concept of power.

In the final analysis, the gage of a Dom or Domme has more to do with their character, their actions, they way they carry themselves and how they think and has less to do with how they swing a flogger and know how to make a person cum in 10 different ways. If we do not have the courage to say so, then we empower and foster the wrong perceptions of what it means to be a Dom or Domme.

So again I am asking, what is power?
(I will be sharing my own thoughts and views on this soon, I just wanted to give others a chance to speak first)

Okee Dokee

Hmmm Like the list ..But no offense Hommes ..It's too long.
Think it was Heinlein (? might have been someone else) who said something about stating things in the simplest terms possible...

Hmmmm Try this.

Confidence (justified)
+
Ability (demonstrated)
+
Willingness (inherent)
+
Control (exercised)
=
Power

Four terms..To me at least..If you think about it, all the others are inherent within these four terms.
*grin* Of course, expounding on that would get you a short novel.

 

[RJMasters]

Okee Dokee

Hmmm Like the list ..But no offense Hommes ..It's too long.
Think it was Heinlein (? might have been someone else) who said something about stating things in the simplest terms possible...

Hmmmm Try this.

Confidence (justified)
+
Ability (demonstrated)
+
Willingness (inherent)
+
Control (exercised)
=
Power

Four terms..To me at least..If you think about it, all the others are inherent within these four terms.
*grin* Of course, expounding on that would get you a short novel.

See now this is great EKVITKAR and I like how it siplifies, but at the same time it is exactly the opposite of what I am shooting for.

I am not looking to simplfy this. I think there has been to much simplification of terms and concepts. For example....

A new person comes and says they are interested in being a Dom or a Domme...so we give them your simplified package

Confidence (justified)
+
Ability (demonstrated)
+
Willingness (inherent)
+
Control (exercised)
=
Power

They say to themselves...I got confidence...I have been practicing my knots and my flogging with ropes and a pumkin....and I sure got all the willingness....time to start exercise that control. Thus enters a self proclaimed Dom/Domme ready to go forth and command all to get on their knees.

This is the over simplification and generalization stuff I am talking about. Its not wrong in the sense that I am sure you are right on the money EKVITKAR with your summerization, but it does very little to help a person understand.

So I am making a list and checking it twice and wanting it to grow...for the purpose of getting someone to stop and ask what do these other words have to do with power, how are they connected and how do they fit?

So putting you in the hot seat EKVITKAR...(as an example)I am a young inexperienced new Dom, and I am asking you to teach me...mentor me if you will...I think I have confidence, and ability and know I have a degree of willingness, not completely sure what you mean by control....As my teacher or mentor how can you be sure the confidence the ability and the willingness is the kind your talking about?

It may be ok to say...."you either got it or your don't" when it comes to being or not being a Dominant person by nature, but this answer just does not cut it when we are talking about being a Dom or a Domme.

I know if I was asked to mentor someone or teach them, I would take some time and go down the list of words....and ask them what they thought about each one and how they apply to themselves.

I'd say "so you want to be a Dom/Domme eh? Well let's see how ready you are....

Why do you want to be a Dom/me?
What are your thoughts about respect? Do you respect yourself?
What are your thoughts about control? Are you self-controlled?
What does responsibility mean to you? Are you a responsible person?
Etc...etc...etc...

You see...I'd break it down, and the hope is to help them to form a realistic view of all these things, rather than some silly notions based I fantasy. So that when I am done teaching them or mentoring them...they know that being a Dom/Domme does not mean meeting a sub and the first thing they say is get on your knees and suck it.

So I am not about simplification. I am not disagreeing with your summerization, I am just saying if I was a new inexperienced Dom/Domme it really wouldn't help me all that much, and even could send the wrong message.

I know I am being a pain in the ass...I am like the kid who just keeps asking why...why...why... but when you consider how a person thinks about power, and how that effects so many aspects of what it means to be a Dom/Domme, and you also consider how it will impact those who become that person's future submissive(s), I think it is worth the effort. I mean after all were just talking about human beings here right?

I don't mean to come off like I am gunning for anybody here...I am just very passionate about this topic and the deeper implications.

 

[sunfox]

I'm not going to get all wordy and flashy here. I'm just going to say that just like it's possible to oversimplify something, it's equally possible to overthink something and make it into far more complicated an issue than it needs to be.

Some people fairly ooze power... not always Dominant people, either. I have been considered a forceful, certain, determined, powerful person all of my life, and it is what I am. My personally powerful mentality, however, has no bearing on who I am when I kneel to C.

It is my power.. it is my choice to bend that strength into submission... just as for some, it is their choice to bend that strength into Dominance.

I think you can hack it over fifty ways from Sunday, and still come back to the simple point that everyone views power differently, and always will.

 

[Marquis]

As a Dominant, I would say that for every time I get to do something in gleeful I'm queen of the world abandon there are 10 in which I have to be realistic, prudent, and reposnsible.

That is true, self control is essential to being a good dominant. I'll never forget what one of my professors told me in business school. He asked us, what is the point of business?

We said, to make money.

He said, "Wrong, everyone fucks up on that one. It's to make as much money as possible as long as possible. The two are not always the same."

In any longterm D/s relationship I would imagine that a LOT of self control is needed to get maximal control over the other partner.

However, in short term interactions...

 

[RJMasters]

I'm not going to get all wordy and flashy here. I'm just going to say that just like it's possible to oversimplify something, it's equally possible to overthink something and make it into far more complicated an issue than it needs to be.

Some people fairly ooze power... not always Dominant people, either. I have been considered a forceful, certain, determined, powerful person all of my life, and it is what I am. My personally powerful mentality, however, has no bearing on who I am when I kneel to C.

It is my power.. it is my choice to bend that strength into submission... just as for some, it is their choice to bend that strength into Dominance.

I think you can hack it over fifty ways from Sunday, and still come back to the simple point that everyone views power differently, and always will.

Fair enough Sunfox.

Let me ask you...what about trust?

I have heard it said over and over how important trust is. The reason given is often that it allows other things to then take place when trust is there.

So a simple question...does being trustworthy enable or empower cetain things to take place? If so, then isn't that something worth teaching a new Dom or Dommes?

I do not think I am over thinking this, nor am I complicating it. I think I am simply asking what really is exchanged between a Dom/me and their submissive and why do we call that power exchange. By discussing what power is, perhaps it will give a better understanding of what is meant.

So far I have proposed two examples for consideration..."respect"...and now "trust/trustworthiness" both of which I feel are earned on the part of Dom/me and given by the submissive, and I also think it goes the other way as well.

 

[Guest]

OY...You KNOW you are now going to force me to write all this out in Word ...Then post it..

(*Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...And the sound of a head impacting a desk surface repeatedly*)

 

[Marquis]

I really like where this is going. I am following this thread very intently and I want to thank RJ again for bringing up such a powerful (no pun intended) topic and thank all the respondents for taking it seriously.

Netzach, I was putting Rosco's post into the context of what I know about him and things he's been saying lately, could be I was mistaken though.

 

[sunfox]

Fair enough Sunfox.

Let me ask you...what about trust?

I have heard it said over and over how important trust is. The reason given is often that it allows other things to then take place when trust is there.

So a simple question...does being trustworthy enable or empower cetain things to take place? If so, then isn't that something worth teaching a new Dom or Dommes?

Firstly, I have to say that I don't think you can teach someone to be trustworthy. That's a character trait. You have it, or you don't. It's like the desire to cheat.. you may not always be cheating, but you're always thinking about it.

But does trust empower things to take place? Of course. So does desire. So does willingness. So does timing. So does any one of a thousand things that may or may not have any relationship with power.

I do not think I am over thinking this, nor am I complicating it. I think I am simply asking what really is exchanged between a Dom/me and their submissive and why do we call that power exchange. By discussing what power is, perhaps it will give a better understanding of what is meant.

I don't think that it can ever be simple to ask what really is exchanged between a Dom/me and their submissive. What is exchanged between myself and C is going to be different in fundamental ways from what is exchanged between Catalina and Francisco, or pick your pair from here or outside the board. Power exchange is just a general term, meant to include any and all levels of exchange of control between a Dominant and a submissive... it is not particular, nor does it in any way define what happens between us.

So far I have proposed two examples for consideration..."respect"...and now "trust/trustworthiness" both of which I feel are earned on the part of Dom/me and given by the submissive, and I also think it goes the other way as well.

This I can agree with.. though I don't necessarily feel that either respect or trust/trustworthiness go part and parcel with power.

Just my .02 cents. Interesting thread, thus far, RJ.

 

[Netzach]

I don't like where this is going.

I don't like the idea of making some magic woo woo litmus test for people, are you a Dom/me what is a Dom/me?

If you are certain you are one, you are. Whether you're any good or not is up to other factors.

You know, when I started this game I was 23, I had a flogger and a dress mannequin and some totally unearned bravado. I don't apologize for that girl one bit today. Fake it till you make it has a LOT of validity, a LOT. As long as you begin to break free of faking it. It is like being onstage, it *is* like learning to golf, it is like any of those things. You are going to improve.

I am a responsible, fair, kind person who believes in karma. Those fundamentals are not going to be obscured in my D/s baby steps, they are just not always going to be the main driving force.

What's power?

To me, as a woman, as the person I am, it was a decision to deserve. A decision to feel entitled, and not like the world's bitch out to make friends at any cost.

 

[Marquis]

Why can't we assign a meaning to the word Dom/me? I've never thought of Dom as an overarching term for all things kinky and toppish, what's wrong with narrowing it down from there?

 

[Netzach]

Ok.

I'll go for it.

Dom/me -- sexually/interpersonally Dominant in core relationships, the majority of the time.

Before lifestyle D/s people piss on my pantleg, I will offer up this -- when was the last time some stranger bowed their head to the floor in front of your SO on the street?

Assigning meaning is one thing, assigning characteristics percieved as mandatory is another -- especially if the relatedness is questionable.