Post Your Terrible Jokes Here...

[_Ritch_]

As the title says, this is a place for you to post a terrible/corny/shocking joke that you know or you've heard. Let's make people giggle...or groan!

I'll start.

What do you do if you come across an Elephant?

Wipe it off quickly before it gets angry.

Badoom Tshhh. Thank you, I'm here all week. Try the chicken!

 

[Mrtenant]

A woman is at her recently deceased husband's funeral.

A man leans into her and asks "Do you mind if I say a word?"

"No, go right ahead." the woman replies.

The man stands, clears his throat, and says "Plethora", and sits back down.

"Thanks" the woman says, "that means a lot."

 

[Jd192235]

Rectum??? Damn near killed him

 

[Deadbed1968]

My new thesaurus is terrible…not only that it’s also terrible!

 

[FranklyFrank]

The congregation was all settled in their pews when the organist began to play.

Just as there was a pause before the next song, a concealed voice could be heard loudly exclaiming, The organ player’s a mother fucker!

Stunned silence fell over the congregation before a man stood and claimed that he was not the person that called the organ player a mother fucker.

Upon taking his seat, another man quickly jumped up and announced that he was not the person, or the person next to the person that called the organ player a mother fucker.

This went on right down the line with the man now standing to proclaim that, “he was not the person, nor the person sitting next to the person sitting next to the person sitting next to the person that called the organ player a mother fucker!” Satisfied and guilt free, he sat back down as well.

Finally a man solemnly stood and professed that he too wasn’t that person but added, “what I really want to know is who called that mother fucker an organ player!

 

[Lady2020]

A long time ago, I made deliveries for a pharmacy. A customer had epilepsy. Her dog had it as well.

 

[Sinstories]

Dirty Johnny was asked to use the word disaster in a sentence:

My sister went to the airport last weekend, she got to close to a prop and it disaster.

 

[Deadbed1968]

Dirty Johnny was asked to use the word disaster in a sentence:

My sister went to the airport last weekend, she got to close to a prop and it disaster.

Took me a bit…

 

[_Ritch_]

There are three types of people in this world.

Those that can count and those that can't.

 

[AmberLGreen]

Someone asked the other day how you spell “scrotum”, I replied ” you should have asked me last night as it was on the tip of my tongue”

 

[AmberLGreen]

How is pubic hair like parsley? You push it to the side before you start eating.

 

[AmberLGreen]

What does tofu and a dildo have in common? They are both meat substitutes

 

[_Ritch_]

Why are men like nappies [diapers for our colonial cousins]?

They're full of shit but thankfully disposable.

 

[AmberLGreen]

How come there is a thread specifically for bad jokes but the two people that I know have the worst jokes ever have not posted here. @muddler35 and @ydahecnot @_Ritch_ has created the perfect space for you

 

[AmberLGreen]

What did the clitoris say to the vulva? It’s all good in the hood!

 

[AmberLGreen]

Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll? Ken came in another box.

 

[AmberLGreen]

I just found an origami porn channel, but it’s paper view only.

 

[AmberLGreen]

Which knight invented King Arthur's Round Table? Sir Cumference

 

[muddler35]

What did the bra say to the hat?

You go on ahead, I’ll hold these two up.

 

[ydahecnot]

What’s the difference between a prostitute and the CEO of the Smith Underwear Company?

One sucks head and the other heads SUC

 

[DrkSthrnGnt]

Heisenberg and Schrodinger were speeding along the highway, passing people left and right when suddenly they saw lights flashing. At first they only saw red lights, so they thought nothing of it until they were accompanied by blue. They pull over to the side of the road and an officer approaches their car.

As Schrodinger rolls down the window the officer asks "sir, do you know how fast you were going?" To which Heisenberg replies "no, but we do know where we are!"

The cop looks at him funny and says "I clocked you at around 120 miles per hour" to which Heisenberg responds "oh great! Now we're lost!"

Consfused, the cop shakes his head and asks "is there anything in the trunk I should know about?" Schrodinger responds, "yes, my cat is in there." The cop frowns, a concerned look on his face as he asks, "is it alive or dead?" To which Schrodinger responds "your guess is as good as mine!"

 

[Btq97]

A supply teach in Glasgow asked a student to use a word with centimeter in.
the kid replied
My Aunt arived by train and i was sent to meet her (needs Scottish accent)

 

[muddler35]

Heisenberg and Schrodinger were speeding along the highway, passing people left and right when suddenly they saw lights flashing. At first they only saw red lights, so they thought nothing of it until they were accompanied by blue. They pull over to the side of the road and an officer approaches their car.

As Schrodinger rolls down the window the officer asks "sir, do you know how fast you were going?" To which Heisenberg replies "no, but we do know where we are!"

The cop looks at him funny and says "I clocked you at around 120 miles per hour" to which Heisenberg responds "oh great! Now we're lost!"

Consfused, the cop shakes his head and asks "is there anything in the trunk I should know about?" Schrodinger responds, "yes, my cat is in there." The cop frowns, a concerned look on his face as he asks, "is it alive or dead?" To which Schrodinger responds "your guess is as good as mine!"

Pavlov was planning on joining them, but he heard a bell ring and rushed home to feed the dogs.

 

[muddler35]

Freud was too, but he slipped.

I’ll show myself out.

 

[Cymru9696]

A rabbi and a priest walk into a bar.
You would think one of them would have seen it.