Post-coital tristesse / after-sex depression

[Michiro]

I used to have pretty bad depression, but it's well managed now most of the time. However, I still have a rather annoying problem - I get horribly depressed after sex, or more specifically, after an orgasm brought on by any sort of sexual activity with a woman.

The formal name for this condition is post-coital tristesse, which is known to occur in a small fraction of the population even without other depression. It's not associated with any sense of shame or guilt related to sexuality. There are no therapy interventions known to be helpful, as far as I know, and the most effective treatment is antidepressants.

I'm already on one of the antidepressants known to be most effective, and it doesn't help. Has anyone here had a similar problem? If so, did you find anything to be helpful?

 

[GorgeousGeekGirl]

If you find something that works, please let me know. After the annual event, my husband always picks a horrible screaming fight to the point where he's threatening to throw me out of the house.

 

[Michiro]

I'm not sure that that's the same thing, and even if it is, what you describe seems much more serious. I suggest reading "Gift of Fear" and finding professional help. Not necessarily in that order.

 

[sunandshadow]

Have anorgasmic sex? That's not a great solution, but it's sort of a compromise. If the orgasm itself causes the problem, stop before it happens, maybe use a cock ring or cock cage.

 

[Michiro]

I've tried that, and while it does mitigate the acute depression, it tends to aggravate my lover. She gets angry and depressed if I don't cum, because she thinks it means she's not being sexy enough. I've explained my problem and she expresses her annoyance about it much less often, but I can tell she still feels it's a failure on her part.

 

[DrHappy]

Are you male or female? I don’t really have depression after sex, but I’ve noticed that my mood is noticeably improved if I experience some gentle post-orgasm penile stimulation for at least a couple of minutes. It’s like the orgasm opens up a valve, and the continued stimulation lets the happy chemicals flow. It doesn’t require the intense kind of over-stimulation that can be unpleasant. Just some gentle fondling and squeezing. The shaft can handle more stimulation than the tip, but stimulation of both seems to be beneficial. Also, it seems to be better if my wife does it. If I try to do it myself, it’s like trying to tickle myself. There’s a sweet spot between under stimulation and over stimulation where I can experience short, but intense pulses of pleasure that are like mini-orgasms. This kind of post-orgasm stimulation leaves me with an afterglow that can last into the next day.

 

[Que]

That's an interestingly awful condition.

I experience almost exactly what you're describing but only with masturbation. I've often described as a hangover..

And in my case I believe that it's produced by repression in shame on the times when I'm more healthy about it I don't experience it.

One of the things that really surprised me when I became sexually active after my divorce, is that I don't experience that feeling when I'm having what according to my value system of origin, should be guilt-ridden illicit sex. Instead I feel connected and very much alive.

I hope you find something that works. Is it often accompanied by a headache?

 

[FGB]

Well.

It's not the same thing or not to that extent at least. My wife's personality, her attitude toward sex, her weight gain and her general don't give a damn about me on that level, caused me do decide ...You know what, it isn't worth it. i do not enjoy it and I don't need this abuse. I'm going to have to wait to the end of the year to file for divorce because of the tax situation. But I'm getting the hell away from her.

 

[Kubotaman]

That's an interestingly awful condition.

I experience almost exactly what you're describing but only with masturbation. I've often described as a hangover..

And in my case I believe that it's produced by repression in shame on the times when I'm more healthy about it I don't experience it.

One of the things that really surprised me when I became sexually active after my divorce, is that I don't experience that feeling when I'm having what according to my value system of origin, should be guilt-ridden illicit sex. Instead I feel connected and very much alive.

I hope you find something that works. Is it often accompanied by a headache?

the exact opposite occurred to me after my divorce - having sex with someone that i knew i was not really compatible with led to post-coital depression - not long or serious at all, just sort of a wishing that it could have been with someone that i was crazy about, not just someone that i simply fucked. the more compaitible my partner and the more i felt that something may work out long term, the more happy i was after sex.