possession

[CrimsonDom]

Is it just me or do most Dom's tend to be possessive? This question was brought up by a conversation between myself and a person who's wife wants to be dominated. And instead of learning what she wants he feels he isn't right for her at this time and is learning. While letting her step out with another Dom in the area.

 

[DVS]

Is it just me or do most Dom's tend to be possessive? This question was brought up by a conversation between myself and a person who's wife wants to be dominated. And instead of learning what she wants he feels he isn't right for her at this time and is learning. While letting her step out with another Dom in the area.

In my opinion, if someone is possessive, they are in fear of losing their significant other to someone else, for whatever reason. Someone secure in their personality won't feel the need to be possessive. And there are some who can be possessive, but instead of calling them doms, they are abusive. Because of their needy personalities, they need to possess someone as totally as possible to compensate. They will go so far as to deny someone from communication with friends and family, leaving him as the only contact with the outside world.

Control is power and if they can gain that control over someone, they will feel that power. These people tend to act like doms, because this lifestyle allows them to live the way they prefer. Early in a relationship, a naive submissive who doesn't know any better will assume it's just his dominating style. But, by forcing total seclusion from friends and family, his mental abuse begins. This is a sure sign of the self serving ways of an abusive personality. Many of these people are actually sociopaths and have no feeling for others.

There are some submissives or slaves that like or even prefer this kind of dominant, but it can also be a form of brain washing to the point she feels cared for, even though she's being abused. There is a fine line and it can be difficult for friends and/or family to understand what is the reality and best for the submissive or slave.

Abuse is never good. A BDSM relationship can be abusive if it has aspects of this controlling dominant. Just be sure you understand it for what it is. Like I said, there are some relationships that are similar, but not abusive.

 

[CrimsonDom]

I

I did not mean possession in that way. Left me clarify I meant more as unwilling to share my pet with another Dom. If she wants to be collared by me then I expect to be the only Dom. Does that make more sense?

 

[CutieMouse]

Not everyone thinks in terms of being collared. Also, I would replace the word "possessive" with "monogamous", because what you described seems more an issue of monogamy ("stepping out", "unwilling to share", etc), than possession.

I would say it is less common in kink circles for someone to have multiple dominant partners, but not necessarily uncommon for there to be multiple partners.

 

[Loverskitten]

I did not mean possession in that way. Left me clarify I meant more as unwilling to share my pet with another Dom. If she wants to be collared by me then I expect to be the only Dom. Does that make more sense?

Do you expect to be able to have other pets/subs?

Monogamous relationships, while often looked down on by people in this lifestyle, are just fine. They may not be for everyone, of course.
If your friend is ok with another Dominating his wife, then that's fine for him. No two relationships are the same. What I do like is that everyone is in the know and on the same page.

 

[CrimsonDom]

Thanks for the input and no I do not expect to have multiple subs. I also agree that people and relationships are different that is why I came to a page where a lot of people frequent to ask my question.