polyamory/open relationships

[TwilightPrince]

I've been seeking out an open-relationship myself for some time but everytime I get close to the idea of being with a woman who would let me explore my bi-side I get scared. If I'm going to do it then she will be exploring with other people to... my jealousy is my undoing and I decide to not go with it. I suppose if I just sat down and talked to the person... laid down ground rules of how we would go about it... that would be ok, but I just don't know if this type of relationship could work for me.

 

[PredatorSmile]

Uh, polyamory seems like a good idea....until you see and experience its reality.


I'm bi, and have rarely been with women since I began seriously dating my boyfriend. He, on the other hand, continues to explore his bisexuality with men. Solo. We worked out an arrangement, since he told me that his desires for men were pretty strong. It sounds great, doesn't it ?
Two bisexuals, a male and a female, living together in a non-monogamous relationship....


Until you realize that you're a lonely woman spending MANY of your nights alone, and the man you love comes home with a sensual glow....and that glow is NOT because of you.


Be careful what you wish for....

 

[Kandi]

Uh, polyamory seems like a good idea....until you see and experience its reality.


I'm bi, and have rarely been with women since I began seriously dating my boyfriend. He, on the other hand, continues to explore his bisexuality with men. Solo. We worked out an arrangement, since he told me that his desires for men were pretty strong. It sounds great, doesn't it ?
Two bisexuals, a male and a female, living together in a non-monogamous relationship....


Until you realize that you're a lonely woman spending MANY of your nights alone, and the man you love comes home with a sensual glow....and that glow is NOT because of you.


Be careful what you wish for....

Are you being monogamous by choice? Lack of opportunity? Fear? Do you wish your partner was monogamous as well? Do you feel you can share in his excitement? Or are you just feeling left out?

If that is you in your profile I can't imagine your ever in your life spending a night alone except by choice. I hope the joy returns for you. Love is a beautiful thing, and polyamory with the right partners should be 'more' love.

 

[Etoile]

Uh, polyamory seems like a good idea....until you see and experience its reality.

I'm bi, and have rarely been with women since I began seriously dating my boyfriend. He, on the other hand, continues to explore his bisexuality with men. Solo. We worked out an arrangement, since he told me that his desires for men were pretty strong. It sounds great, doesn't it ?
Two bisexuals, a male and a female, living together in a non-monogamous relationship....

Until you realize that you're a lonely woman spending MANY of your nights alone, and the man you love comes home with a sensual glow....and that glow is NOT because of you.

Be careful what you wish for....

I have to disagree with you. I have had my share of problems because of being polyamorous, but it's also been a source of joy. I don't think it's fair to characterize all poly relationships as a bad idea...it depends a LOT on the people involved.

If you're upset because your boyfriend is seeing other men, you need to discuss it with him again. Polyamory only works if everybody can be happy with it. If you're not happy, something needs to be re-evaluated. If you have permission to see women but you're just not taking advantage of it, then first ask yourself if it's fair that you should ask him to stop seeing men given that the avenue is open to you as well. If you decide that yes, you really do feel uncomfortable with him dating guys since you're not dating girls - and I could certainly understand why you wouldn't be happy with that setup - then you should talk to him about how you feel. I know we always say communication is essential in every relationship, but where polyamory is involved it's 10 times more important. If you're not happy, talk to him. That's the bottom line.

 

[forestorgy]

im in a poly relationship with my two friends from college. It's a MMF relationship and we work together to seduce our friends share our love for eachother with them.

it works out really awesome and
its just sexier that way.

to be poly and enjoy it you need to get to the point where sharing your sexual energies and abilities is an expression on honest love regardless of the worries of an ordinary romantic relationship.

at first i was worried, but now i just love and let others love me.

its really makes a difference. its good to accept others into your life.

and care about them.

i've felt this way for a long time

and didn't feel comfortable loving just one person.

 

[alisonwunderlnd]

Uh, polyamory seems like a good idea....until you see and experience its reality.


I'm bi, and have rarely been with women since I began seriously dating my boyfriend. He, on the other hand, continues to explore his bisexuality with men. Solo. We worked out an arrangement, since he told me that his desires for men were pretty strong. It sounds great, doesn't it ?
Two bisexuals, a male and a female, living together in a non-monogamous relationship....


Until you realize that you're a lonely woman spending MANY of your nights alone, and the man you love comes home with a sensual glow....and that glow is NOT because of you.


Be careful what you wish for....

That very well could be a problem.And could very hurtful.Which is why I think it can be so damn tricky.Love itself is tricky though,BUT anyway,LOL
I think with my experience,WE were so soooo damn crazy in love with each other that it just didn't matter.I loved seeing him feel good and have pleasure even if it was not from me.Granted.most everything we did that was not one on one with each other WAS shared between he and I( a 3 some)..we were allowed outside experiences.
Would I attempt this again?YESSS,,,BUT it would have to be with someone incredibly dear to me.

 

[fauconier]

sorry all. I think I had a beer too many before I made that post I still stand by what I said.

I think you're right. To me, having multiple partners doesn't expand one's circle of 'love'. It just means more people will be hurt --- if not in the short run, then in the future.

 

[Etoile]

I think you're right. To me, having multiple partners doesn't expand one's circle of 'love'. It just means more people will be hurt --- if not in the short run, then in the future.

I recognize that polyamory is not for everyone, and I would never try to encourage a monogamous person to try polyamory if they weren't already thinking about it. But it does make me sad to hear people condemn polyamory as doomed to fail. Why is it so hard to accept that it is a viable option for some people? I guess I could make a comparison to abortion - if you don't want one, that's your business, but I object to you telling other people they shouldn't have one. (Not you, fauconier - just anti-abortion people in general.)

For some people, polyamory works. It's not harming anyone who is on the outside of it. Why should it be a bad thing?

 

[neonflux]

I think you're right. To me, having multiple partners doesn't expand one's circle of 'love'. It just means more people will be hurt --- if not in the short run, then in the future.

Are you implying that all relationships are doomed to fail then? If so, and even though life has proven so far that you are more likely right than wrong, as a hopeless romantic, it still makes me sad.

that said, it also has been my experience that the heart is much roomier and our capacity for love much wider than most of us have been taught to believe

 

[PredatorSmile]

Are you implying that all relationships are doomed to fail then? If so, and even though life has proven so far that you are more likely right than wrong, as a hopeless romantic, it still makes me sad.

that said, it also has been my experience that the heart is much roomier and our capacity for love much wider than most of us have been taught to believe

Don't ever give up on love. Parental love, romantic love or filial love. Ever. It can happen between man and woman, man and man, or woman and woman. Love can find anyone who has a heart. It's one of the reasons why I bother getting up in the morning.

 

[Tough_Neocon]

See, homosexual relationships are experimental. Promiscuisity is rampant is rampant in the gay world, and there is reason why gays are depressed. Its not because of society, but the experiment has gone VERY wrong.

I know there are a few who will say I am baiting...WRONG. I just finished a human sexuality class and I'm putting my IDEAS out.

George

 

[FuckinRedneck]

See, homosexual relationships are experimental. Promiscuisity is rampant is rampant in the gay world, and there is reason why gays are depressed. Its not because of society, but the experiment has gone VERY wrong.

I know there are a few who will say I am baiting...WRONG. I just finished a human sexuality class and I'm putting my IDEAS out.

George

"trolling" would be a better description. I might have believed you had you not used the term "Confederate Train" in a previous thread...

 

[Tough_Neocon]

"trolling" would be a better description. I might have believed you had you not used the term "Confederate Train" in a previous thread...

That's because you need a lesson in MUSIC too

You must be confusing Confederate Railroad with Confederate Train. Great bands, but I prefer CT more.

George

 

[FuckinRedneck]

Well if that is the case I stand corrected. Google couldn't find anything on "Confederate Train"...

 

[Tough_Neocon]

LMAO, you rely solely on GOOGLE for your information???

Confederate Train is an Illinois based unsigned band. They play around Buffalo Grove-Peoria-Schaumberg area. Just because you cannot find any information on GOOGLE you believe it doesnt exist? You probably cannot find your grandfather's name on Google...so he doesnt exist?

George

 

[FuckinRedneck]

LMAO, you rely solely on GOOGLE for your information???

Confederate Train is an Illinois based unsigned band. They play around Buffalo Grove-Peoria-Schaumberg area. Just because you cannot find any information on GOOGLE you believe it doesnt exist? You probably cannot find your grandfather's name on Google...so he doesnt exist?

George

How obtuse of me not to have known about an "unsigned" band from the Buffalo Grove-Peoria-Schaumberg area. Never said anything about beliefs. You're an idiot. Please go somewhere else so you don't give the intelligent conservatives on this board a bad name...

 

[Tough_Neocon]

you lose. im here to stay.

George

 

[Etoile]

you lose. im here to stay.

George

We'll see how long that lasts.

 

[TheOlderGuy]

What the hell happened here?

 

[Etoile]

What the hell happened here?

Eh, some people shouldn't be on the Internet, that's all.

 

[gargouille]

Eh, some people shouldn't be on the Internet, that's all.

Ehyeuh....

y'see, the world wide web is an infinitely large and varied space. Some minds are just too small to handle that.

 

[alisonwunderlnd]

And i found out too,the more I loved him,the deeper in love we got(and we got just crazy in love),The more I wanted to share more and more.Our love for each other and desire to please was just enormous.
As much as i loved him,I loved seeing him feel good even more.We loved fucking each other,but there was somehting so intimate and wonderful about me seeing him with someone else that gave him pleasure.I was secure enough with our love there was no jealousy.
The world lost a great person the day he was no longer a part of it.

 

[TheOlderGuy]

it CAN work.It depends on the ones involved,Its not just about getting off and being perveretd as some will accuse.I think if the first couple have a GREAT relationship and understand each other and what it all means,,,it can be beautiful......

i echo this. it takes true love to work, and great understanding of each others' strengths and weaknesses, but it can work.

 

[girlygirl_76]

I've always been open about everything with my partner and it's always worked out. There are certain "rules" I abide by out of respect though... The other half always knows, it's never without their permission, it's discreet, any cost involved is discussed prior to purchases being made, and he is my priority. I would never consider seeing another person without my partner being satisfied first. Just generally treat everyone as you would want to be treated.... a litle compasion goes along way.

 

[fauconier]

For some people, polyamory works. It's not harming anyone who is on the outside of it. Why should it be a bad thing?

Etoile, just saw your above post. I can't say that polyamory could NEVER work. How could I, when I don't know the vast majority of other human beings in the world? But I am skeptical in part because I don't personally know of cases where it has been successful and has made for happiness. It's not that I think that polyamory is 'bad' in the sense of judging its practitioners negatively. I do however truly believe that the practice of polyamory is much more *likely* to lead to disillusion than to lasting happiness. Human beings and our emotional needs and vulnerabilities are so complex ... To have an intertwined circle of mutual lovers, in which everyone treats everyone else with (relative) honor, caring, sensitivity, and compassion ... this is so hard to achieve with even one person. The potential for hurt seems IMHO as likely to manifest itself with a polyamorous arrangement as the potential for love --- or even more likely given human beings' fallibility and vulnerability. But even if all goes well for most folks within the circle, there are others to consider: children, for example, and people who thought they could 'handle it' but found themselves devastated and confused when they couldn't. Many of these concerns are just as valid for monogamous relationships, as well. But with true monogamy, the complexity of trying to balance everyone's needs is very much reduced. I don't believe that anyone can order others how to live their lives. It wouldn't work, anyway. People have to discover for themselves what leads to happiness and serenity, and what doesn't. All we have to do is to really pay attention to our behavior and its effects. And no one can do that but us.