poly bdsm problems...need advice of experienced community member

[brokendoll80]

i am a submissive who is collared to a switch. i am madly in love and devoted to him, but there are problems between his mistress and i... i need advice and maybe a friend and confidant... please pm me for full details if you think you are able to help.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Don't be a submissive in love with a switch who is in love with a Mistress. If you are truly a submissive-- as in, you NEED to have your power subsumed into someone else's will-- find someone who respects your gift and treasures you.

It would take an extraordinary switch to be able to give you everything YOU need-- and give their dominant everything THEY want at the same time. I wouldn't be able to do that, personally.

 

[brokendoll80]

Thank you for your response but the matter has climaxed and unfortunately this submissive loses all. i appreciate your words.

 

[BiBunny]

Fact about poly: Most of the time, the people who most want to do it are the ones who least need to be doing it.

 

[His_pet_slut]

Thank you for your response but the matter has climaxed and unfortunately this submissive loses all. i appreciate your words.

I am so sorry you have experienced this. I hope you stick around here and become part of the community while you examine what parts of this relationship worked for you, what didn't and what you want from your next.

 

[brokendoll80]

I must agree with you bibunny. It is very difficult to pull off even in the vanilla realm adding bdsm to it makes it a huge responsibility.

 

[brokendoll80]

Thank you for your kind words his_pet_slut. Everything except his mistress' extreme jealousy and inability to be compassionate worked for me.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Jealousy is usually seated in fear and insecurity. If a Top is feeling jealous, they aren't feeling much in control of the relationship. If your Top's Mistress was feeling that insecure, he might need to re-think how much she is really going to work on meeting his needs.

Seriously.

I am the head of my household. My partner Tori is *my* slave, she serves and submits to me. To everyone else in the frikkin' world she's a Dominant and Top in her own right. I knew this when I met her, I understood this when we agreed to proceed with our relationship. IF I were to deny her the ability to Top others or have someone in service to her, I would be denying my responsibility as her owner to provide for her *needs*. In her the need to command and control is strong. I'm not a switch, I can't/won't let her boss me around, it would ruin our dynamic.

So, I have to allow her to have someone under her, to provide that outlet for her Dominant and sadistic needs. I am very secure in the knowledge that she is mine. I'm not going to "lose" her to a bottom. And for the most part, she's been pretty damn good finding compatible people to serve her. I make the effort to get to know them. They understand the hierarchy of the house, I'm The Boss, but I normally will not ask them to do things for me, they are in service to her. IF I need them to do something, I let her know so she can best handle it. If there is some kind of emergency or high-priority sudden event, they know I'm the boss and should follow my directions. But it's not been an issue for anyone in service to either of us so far.

I'm sorry that your Top's Mistress was not able to work through her jealousy. She may have him in the short term, but in the long term, if the Topping/sadistic/controlling/Dominant parts of him have a need that is not being met, she will lose him. In the meantime, take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. Learn and grow and experience what you can.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Thank you for your kind words his_pet_slut. Everything except his mistress' extreme jealousy and inability to be compassionate worked for me.

You're not blaming him for anything? it's his choice to enable her that way, you know.

A friend of mine just ended her title year, and among the things she said at the end were;

Dominants are codependent personalities:

Dommes tend to own any man they ever play with, and will get vicious about it:

We can't all just get along.

So far I can say that I've met a few individuals who don't follow her generalizations but they are rare and far between.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

A friend of mine just ended her title year, ...

Ooh, which friend?

 

[brokendoll80]

Geoff - your dynamic is what ours was supposed to be. It was how i approached the situation but she incrementally decided that she should be with me as well and then then thatshe should collar me as well and then she mad him choose between us. Unfortunately, she hashim believing he will die without her. Someday i am hoping he see the truths of his situation. Thank you so very much for taking the time to respond to my thread.

As for me blaming him... it is difficult to do knowing what i know of his situation... i blame him for asking me to have faith in him and then breaking that faith on her whim. Beyond that we have all been puppets on a string for her.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Ooh, which friend?

Serene-- SoCal leatherwoman 2011.

Hmm. I guess she's been emeritus longer than "recently" now. Time dies fly!

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Serene-- SoCal leatherwoman 2011.

I don't think I've had the pleasure of meeting her yet. Most of my title-holding friends are in the southeast, though I did get to met Mollena IMsL 2010 at SELF a couple of years ago. But my circle is ever growing!

 

[FleshyNuts]

As for me blaming him... it is difficult to do knowing what i know of his situation... i blame him for asking me to have faith in him and then breaking that faith on her whim. Beyond that we have all been puppets on a string for her.

Knowing what I know of the situation, it is very easy to blame him, and you (but I won't get into that), for what happened. Someone that won't stand up for you, doesn't deserve you.

</3

 

[FleshyNuts]

....and for the record....as much as I will always love you, it shouldn't have ended the way it did...