Political Wives and Sex Scandals

[3113]

Of all the hoopla over the Spitzer scandal, this particular article interests me the most...

Wife puts troubling face on the Spitzer scandal

Silda Wall Spitzer did not say a word as her husband, Gov. Eliot Spitzer, brusquely apologized to his family and the public after he was allegedly caught on a wiretap doing business with a high-priced prostitution ring. Her face was drawn. But she took her husband's hand as they left the room. This scandal has many salacious details, but it was the image of Silda Wall Spitzer at her man's side that dominated conversations across the country Tuesday. That moment of public humiliation stayed with people -- men and women, Democrats and Republicans. At a beauty salon in Brooklyn Heights, at the Mellow Mushroom pizzeria in midtown Atlanta, at a Denver office building, at a bar in the Seattle-Tacoma International Airport, the same questions came up:

How could she? Why did she? Haven't we seen this play one too many times? Why do we go through this ritual of public shame and repentance, with the political wife standing mutely before the TV cameras as her husband admits his sexual indiscretion? "I find it nauseating . . . phony and awful," said Leah Schanzer, 38, a doctoral student who stopped for coffee at a Starbucks in New York City. She gave an exaggerated shudder. "It makes it seem like she's Susie Homemaker," said her friend Leslie Heller, 47. "She shouldn't be standing there, next to him."

[Quotation of copyrighted material reduced per our forum guidelines.]

What do you think? Is this a case of the wife having made her bed and so bravely accepting the consequences? You marry a politician, you accept this role even if it means standing by him as he admits to cheating on you with hookers or gay prostitutes or interns? Even, for that matter, as he is implicated in financial scandals?

Or is it long past time political wives (and husbands for that matter) started standing up for themselves, and gave up on this public show that everyone pretty much knows is just for show? (I'm not, of course, including those wives/husbands who either honestly believe in their spouse's innocence or are equally guilty in the crime in some way or other).

 

[rgraham666]

I think it's a no win situation.

If they stand by their spouse, you get the blasts listed above.

If they don't they get blasted for 'making too much of a little thing' or 'destroying their family' or something.

Humans.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I think it's a no win situation.

If they stand by their spouse, you get the blasts listed above.

If they don't they get blasted for 'making too much of a little thing' or 'destroying their family' or something.

Humans.

And mostly by women humans.

But there have been political wives who take a hike, haven't there?

 

[jomar]

She's renegotiating the pre-nup. The hand-hold was a reminder.

 

[Varian P]

Maybe the stand-by-your-man routine was part of their "You're never touching me again, get it somewhere else," agreement.

Hopefully the pool boy's been going down on her every Tuesday and Friday for the last seven years.

 

[SensualCealy]

She is doing her damnedest to negotiate for the divorce.

By standing by him now, she can use that to her benefit, once the rat race is over, she can say " I stood by you at your worst moment, now you agree to my requests or I open up everything on Maury!"

lol
C

 

[Carnevil9]

Maybe she loves him, for better or for worse.

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

Maybe someone needs to hear Eliot Spitzer speak today. If his voice went up two octives we'll know what really happened last night.

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

Spitzer's not the only sleazy pol on this particular hotseat this week. There's a real potboiler on the boil involving the "hip-hop mayor" of Detroit that involves sex, corruption, abuse of power, raiding the (bankrupt) city's treasury to pay off whistleblowers, a murdered stripper, and more. The wife is doing the same "stand by your scum" thing - but she hasn't always been passive. The following from the Detroit Free Press involves the murdered stripper:

'A retired Detroit Police Department clerk came forward Monday to say she saw a police report in 2002 in which stripper Tamara Greene described being attacked by Carlita Kilpatrick, wife of Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick, during a party at the Manoogian Mansion.

'According to the report, the mayor's wife walked into a room and witnessed Ms. Greene touching Mayor Kilpatrick in a manner that upset the mayor's wife," Rogers, 65, said in the affidavit. "The report further states that the mayor's wife witnessed this, left the room and returned with a wooden object in her hand and began assaulting Ms. Greene."

'The report indicated Greene was taken to a hospital because she was injured, Rogers said.'

http://www.freep.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20080311/NEWS01/803110337/&imw=Y

 

[Chantilyvamp]

held his hand eh? You sure she wasn't holding on so she could knock the shit out of him without having to chase him down the hallway?

 

[ABSTRUSE]

This is kind of hard to saying since I've never been a wife of a politician. How does one really save face? and when you have children involved...yikes.
I mean, do you...as the wife of a governor also have an obligation to the people in your state?
He hurt his family and to me, that's their private pain and should be dealt with in private.
To the people he governed, he took away their trust and fucked around with money.
I'm just not sure who's money it was, anyone know??

Its a tough call for her, we don't know what went on in their lives. One can only hope she comes through this okay.

Really, what would you do if it was you in her place?

 

[3113]

This is kind of hard to saying since I've never been a wife of a politician. How does one really save face? and when you have children involved...yikes.
I mean, do you...as the wife of a governor also have an obligation to the people in your state?

Ah! Good point. On the one hand, we don't usually vote in the spouse, do we? On the other hand, once said politician is in office, we do expect said politician's spouse to act in a manner befitting the dignity of that office. And there is a "position" for them that they get just because they're married to this person. It comes with perks (like, say, a governor's mansion) and obligations (like hosting parties) and media attention.

So I think, unfair as it is (and it is unfair as she didn't run for office), the wife of a governor does have an obligation to the people in the state to uphold the dignity (if you will) of her position, and not abuse that position by taking unfair advantage of the governor's power or perks (we had a politician whose wife used a car that she wasn't supposed to use--tax-payer's dollar there--got drunk and smashed it. Husband then tried to cover it all up). That's her obligation and she needs to know it.

But being part of your spouse's campaign or media spin is not part of that obligation to the state, is it? That's between husband and wife. And I think the disgust that I have isn't with the wife standing by her man so much as the demand by said husband and/or those setting up the press conference that she do so. If these criminal (or just sordid) husbands are really, honestly pained and sorry about their sins here and not just trying to save their sorry asses, shouldn't they face the music on their own?

What I'm saying is, we argue that the wives are damned if they do, damned if they don't. They have to at least pretend to stand by their man. But wouldn't it do the man more credit if he said, "I'm standing here alone because I refuse to bring my wife into this. She wanted to stand with me and I wouldn't let her. I've caused her enough pain and I want her kept out of this."

If I'm going to forgive any politician for criminally fucking around, it'd be one who does that. Not one who has his wife willingly or otherwise by his side. She's there, we all know, to make us go easy on him. She's innocent and we aren't going to throw stones at him for fear of hitting her. Hence, this comes across to me as an attempt by him to lessen his criminality by absorbing some of her innocence by proxy. Also as a way of tricking us into thinking he might be more innocent than he is (if she sticks by him, maybe he wasn't so bad). That, I think, is what bothers me.

Of course, if he's protesting innocence and she believes him, that's different. But if he's apologizing for sins and resigning from office....

 

[Stella_Omega]

Maybe she loves him, for better or for worse.

Oh, look-- here's Carney, assuming the best of motives for a change!

I will say this; I think Hillary Clinton loves Bill, for better or worse.

What I'm saying is, we argue that the wives are damned if they do, damned if they don't. They have to at least pretend to stand by their man. But wouldn't it do the man more credit if he said, "I'm standing here alone because I refuse to bring my wife into this. She wanted to stand with me and I wouldn't let her. I've caused her enough pain and I want her kept out of this."

I would RESPECT that man.

 

[jomar]

What I'm saying is, we argue that the wives are damned if they do, damned if they don't. They have to at least pretend to stand by their man. But wouldn't it do the man more credit if he said, "I'm standing here alone because I refuse to bring my wife into this. She wanted to stand with me and I wouldn't let her. I've caused her enough pain and I want her kept out of this."

If I'm going to forgive any politician for criminally fucking around, it'd be one who does that. Not one who has his wife willingly or otherwise by his side. She's there, we all know, to make us go easy on him. She's innocent and we aren't going to throw stones at him for fear of hitting her. Hence, this comes across to me as an attempt by him to lessen his criminality by absorbing some of her innocence by proxy. Also as a way of tricking us into thinking he might be more innocent than he is (if she sticks by him, maybe he wasn't so bad). That, I think, is what bothers me.

It might. But if that helped we'd see more of it. New actors are in place here and the roles are being played out according to the standard script.

 

[ABSTRUSE]

What I'm saying is, we argue that the wives are damned if they do, damned if they don't. They have to at least pretend to stand by their man. But wouldn't it do the man more credit if he said, "I'm standing here alone because I refuse to bring my wife into this. She wanted to stand with me and I wouldn't let her. I've caused her enough pain and I want her kept out of this."

You would think so, right?

 

[3113]

You would think so, right?

Heh. Yeah, you would. I guess until some guy does that and gets positive responses for not hiding behind his innocent wive, no one will. Cowards!

 

[rgraham666]

Very few brave people will become politicians. They'd tell us what they think rather than what we want to hear.

And then they'd never get elected.

 

[angela146]

ETA: I am not complaining about anyone who has posted on this thread. I'm mostly just venting about reporters and bloviators who have been talking about this thing in the media.

I really have a problem with people criticizing wives like Silda Spitzer, especially when they suggest that she is doing wrong by standing by him.

(emphasis added in the following quotes)

"I find it nauseating . . . phony and awful," said Leah Schanzer, 38, a doctoral student who stopped for coffee at a Starbucks in New York City. She gave an exaggerated shudder. "It makes it seem like she's Susie Homemaker," said her friend Leslie Heller, 47. "She shouldn't be standing there, next to him."

So, because she is loyal to her husband, she is a fraud? "Seems like she's Susie Homemaker?"

Is the the suggestion that she's some kind of whore because she is loyal to her husband?

But to many -- especially women -- the tawdry details added up to more than another generic scandal. When they looked at Silda Wall Spitzer's weary face, it felt personal. "She should've said, 'This is your fight. This is your battle. You stand there and get yourself out of it,' " said Linda Walters, 61. The Denver resident said she divorced her own cheating spouse.

This really galls me. She "should" have abandoned him.

Um, no. She deserves to be praised for sticking with him and loving him despite his infidelity.

" 'I am woman. Hear me rage.' That's easy to write on a blog. . . . But if I'm in that situation, do I really want to add to my humiliation in that very public moment?" Jones asked. "What choice does she have?" Standing with a disgraced husband may be seen as "one last spousal duty" in a political marriage, said Tobe Berkovitz, of Boston University's College of Communication. After years of making compromises and sacrifices to advance a spouse's career, "people just sort of do it," Berkovitz said. They may want to put up a united front for the children. They may be so stunned they can't think through other options. "I don't think most people have the fortitude to do otherwise," Berkovitz said.

Again, loyalty is seen as a lack of "fortitude". Somehow she "has no other choice" or is "just sort of doing it" or is some kind of idiot and "can't think through other options".

How about maybe she loves her husband? How about maybe she is in pain for the fact that they found out about his extra curricular activities and humiliated both of them but she still loves him.

Just because your husband fucks other women doesn't mean you stop loving him. If you did, that would imply that the marriage is only about exclusive sex. In fact, in a good marriage, sex is one part of the equation.

"That's what politicians' wives do," said Sherman Smith, 53, an accountant in Atlanta. "It's about wealth and power. She loses too if she abandons him."

Ah, I see. She doesn't really love him. How could she. He's a politician after all. It's all about the power and money.

She had plenty of power and money of her own before she married the guy. Sure, not as much as he did, but a lot more than the average Jane.

For those who don't have a clue, let me give you one: powerful women sometimes like to marry powerful men because it's something they have in common and it's part of the attraction. But there's usually other stuff, like maybe his intellect (Spitzer had a perfect score on the LSAT, btw).

Huntley nodded. "Those wives know the show before they get into it."

Um, yes, they probably do. So what? Is that a bad thing?

If you're husband gets laid when he's on the road - or in his NYC office - what's the big deal?

The only big deal is when the press finds out about it and throws the whole thing in your face.

 

[angela146]

You know, it's possible that she already knew about the prostitutes.

Let me explain something: When you have to travel a lot (like if you're the governor of a state or something) you end up being on the road, alone. It is a very difficult thing for a married person to be alone. Trust me I know.

No, I'm not a politico, but I do travel a lot, alone, on business.

And since I'm not a politico, I have the luxury of going down to the hotel bar at night and having a drink with a fellow business traveler. In fact, if I've been on the road three weeks out of the last four, I might even consider inviting my fellow business traveler up to my room and spending the night with him. (Not exactly, but I'll explain in a moment).

You see, if you're married, you become accustomed to having someone in bed with you at night. You also get accustomed to getting laid on a regular basis. It's addictive. After years of very regular sex, going without for a couple of weeks - isn't easy.

And did I mention that being on the road is lonely?

Wives (and husbands) of frequent travelers know this. Frequent travelers also know that their spouses at home have the same challenges.

Some couples are open with each other about it. Others agree to "don't ask, don't tell".

In my case, I don't take strangers to bed with me when I'm on the road. It's too fucking dangerous. However, if I'm visiting a city where I know someone, I sometimes spend the evening (and night) with an old friend.

When I'm out of town, my husband sometimes invites a friend over and they sometimes spend the night together.

It's not just the travel thing. Doing high-power work - making lots of money - making huge, important, risky decisions is an aphrodisiac. It is major-league erotic.

At the end of a couple of days - especially days when I've been really successful and scored big points with my business clients - I really want to throw a guy down on the bed spend a couple of hours riding him. (OK, a couple of hours of him touching me, going down on me and five minutes of riding him).

But, as I said, I'm not a governor nor even a city council member. The rules are different for politicos. If you're the governor of a state, you can't just go down to the bar and chat up some cute chic and take her to bed. You can't go over to the house of an old friend and get laid.

You have to do something discrete so it doesn't end up in the news the next day.

That's why there is such a big business in high priced call-girls. The high price tends to help make sure that no one finds out about what's going on.

In my view, call-girl-type prostitution should be legal so men can get laid on the road. I have to admit that is is much easier being a woman in this regard. If I want to get laid, I don't have to pay for it.

None of this excuses Eliott Spitzer. He was a special case: He was an Attorney General who made a big deal of prosecuting people for hiring prostitutes. He ruined careers and lives and outed people.

And for the hypocrisy, I think he got what he deserved.

But, back to his wife. I applaud her for standing by her man. Even if she didn't have a clue about the prostitutes, she deserves credit and admiration for doing the right thing and honoring her marriage vows (assuming her marriage vows didn't have an automatic-out-for-infidelity clause).