Poem feedback

[Charlus]

I wrote a poem about the War called "20 Marines to the gallon."

I'd like to hear your feedback.

You can read the poem here:

http://www.literotica.com:81/storie...ry.php?id=86723

Thanks,

Charlus

 

[The_Fool]

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=86723

Your link is broke...

You've got a lot of different messages going here. In my opinion, too many. Obviously your main theme is an anti-war sentiment, but you toss in censorship, Iran-Contra, former presidential faux paus, the economy. I think you would get more mileage if you streamlined your message a bit. Just a thought.....

 

[Charlus]

Thanks for the reply and the re-post.

It's hard to be streamlined when the rage is so palpable.

Charlus