PMS and BDSM

[catalina_francisco]

I have done a search on this topic and have found no threads dealing with it and even on the internet I have found almost no information except for the usual fetishes dealing with period sex etc.

Does anyone have PMS and how did they deal with it?
My question is how do you deal with PMS in your realtionship?
Does it influence it?
Does anyone have PMS and how did they deal with it?

Here are two links about PMS so we all know what we are talking about.

http://www.obgyn.upenn.edu/pms/pms.html
http://alt.com/magazine/articles/health/16800.html?show_erotic=

I am very interested in receiving as much feedback as possible.

Francisco

 

[MissTaken]

I do cope with PMS in teh clinical sense. Combined with that is what they are referring to as "pre" menopause.

There are pros and cons to PMS for me. PMS makes me easily aroused and very energetic. We have many of our best and most intense times when I am awaiting that none so gentle reminder that I am not pregnant.

However, I become very sensitive, don't feel well and can be a bit irritable. I may amplify small problems or overreact to things said, done or not said or done.

It works best for me to know myself, my body and my PMS psyche and to be open about it. I try to keep in mind that it is that part of my cycle and try to clarify little things to determine is the intensity of my response warranted?

It can be a trying time and scooter is heroic in his patience and efforts to help me do the same. He is gentle and follows my lead. He may wait for the "crying jag" to finish and for me to find my sense of humor. Then, we may laugh at how upset I was over the crack over the door frame! (True story!)

I do feel that some women use PMS as a free license to be bitchy. I find that sort of behavior intolerable. Knowing yourself well, knowing your body and knowing your partner can help to alleviate some of the war wounds of PMS.

Then, I also feel that some men do not give PMS the credibility it deserves. While it isn't necessary to use an "egg shell" approach, it is a good time to be considerate, caring and allow your sub or help your Domnant female some quiet time, some pampering and a bit of extra special care.

For us, when all else fails...scene!!!!! *smirks*

 

[angela146]

Thank you for the *perfect* topic for me!

I think I've talked my "mood swings" on one or more of the various boards but as a summary, I have exaggerated mood swings that vary predictably based on my cycle.

During my PMS phase, I try not to schedule client appointments (I'm self-employed) and I yell at my husband and cry all over my him for no good reason.

I've tried hormones, anti-depresants etc. but they tend to level me out "too much". The truth is, I like the highs and lows.

I'm actually working on a story that deals with this exact topic. I'm not ready to post, but here is an series of excerpts from the first draft. Actually, it isn't even a draft yet. It's a bunch of raw writing strung together.

The [??] sections are disjointed but that's because I haven't decided how to sequence the narrative.

[During my PMS Phase]...Sometimes I scream at my husband about something really stupid. Other times, I cry about the smallest thing. At some point, one of three things happens. Either I get over it and I’m all better, or I crash hard and go to him or, when I’m completely out of control, he takes over.

This is about the times when I crash hard and go to him.

Sometimes I’m already crying. I’m definitely wallowing in sadness or frustration or anger or whatever. I can’t stand it anymore. I tell him I need it. Sometimes I actually say, “I need it,” but usually I tell him I need to cry or I need my spanking.

We go into the living room or the “other room” depending on which floor of the house we’re on. I turn myself over to him. From that moment on, I can’t get out of it. I don’t want choices or decisions.

He decides if I take off my clothes or leave them on or start in my panties and then take them down. He decides if he’s going to use a paddle or his hand or “that other thing”. It’s entirely up to him. All of that is for his enjoyment. I want him to have that. I want to know that he’s enjoying it and I want him to feel like he’s taking advantage of me and loving it. I want to know that I’m not making him do something totally stupid. I want to know that he’s getting off on it and not disgusted with me.

That part of it is his reward for being my husband and for putting up with an idiot wife who goes ballistic 'cuz she’s a girl.

So, whatever he wants to do... I just need to get over his lap as soon as possible so I can “let go”.

Some things are always the same. He always sits in the middle of the couch or the futon. I always lay over his lap with my mound over his right leg. My head is always on the left. I always kneel next to him and kiss him before I lay down and I alwayssay “I love you” and “thank you” just before I go over his lap.

There’s a bond between us. I’m crying as I write this. I don’t think there is a time when we’re any closer than at that moment. We’re sharing something that is so uniquely “us” that it’s spiritual. We connect on a level that I can’t explain.

I lay down. [The description of the spanking itself will have to wait].

[??]I scream into the pillow. Some of it is because of the pain and some of it is emotional release from everything else.

[??]At some point along the way, I may resist and try to stop him. I depend on him to be able to hold me down and continue.

[??] It hurts like hell to be spanked that hard but it has a feeling like being on a roller-coaster. I have no control of the situation but I know that I’m probably safe. It’s a thrill similar to being held down and fucked hard. Having a strong man in control of me is a big turn-on.

[??] My husband has blanket permission to spank me against my will at times like this. Even if I fight. No safeword. Yes, there are times when I could theoretically have him charged with battery or spouse abuse… but… all of this would come out and we both know that I would rather die than have this on a court record or the evening news… Besides, it's what I want...

[??] we’ve joked about it that he should create a video of us during one of the spankings and the makeup sessions to use to prove the point. No, we haven’t done it. We don’t need it but oh, my God if I knew there was a tape out there… (That's why I really want him to make the tape).

So, yes, we use BDSM to deal with PMS symptoms sometimes. It gives me an intense emotional release that blocks out everything else and "resets" my emotional clock.

When I post the story, I will post a reply to this thread. Please don't expect that to happen too soon. I need another month or two to turn the feelings into words.

 

[NCShin]

I do feel that some women use PMS as a free license to be bitchy. I find that sort of behavior intolerable.

All too many do this. I can't even count the number of times I've heard women say, "i'm PMSing" after being irate about nothing.

Then, I also feel that some men do not give PMS the credibility it deserves.

See above statement. So many women do use this as an excuse that it becomes a boy who cried wolf situation.

I can see why women who really do have a problem such as this would get pissed about other women who just use it as an excuse.

 

[lark sparrow]

Everyone has hormones, people... cycles and fluxations in mood, being unreasonable, etc... but women have some solid clues to tip them off into what's going on from an early age. If men had no cycles, mood swings, or periods of highs/lows, needing to go to their cave, etc. I think menses and women would be more of an enigma. As it is, I think I simply have a head start in understanding and interpreting!

 

[angela146]

Everyone has hormones, people... cycles and fluxations in mood, being unreasonable, etc... but women have some solid clues to tip them off into what's going on from an early age. If men had no cycles, mood swings, or periods of highs/lows, needing to go to their cave, etc. I think menses and women would be more of an enigma. As it is, I think I simply have a head start in understanding and interpreting!

I wish men's mood swings *were* cyclical. It would make them easier to predict.

 

[catalina_francisco]

From personal observation, and reaching the grannie years, I have to say for some of us it is not playing on PMS as an excuse as much as a dramatic increase in symptoms in later years which can reach the levels of unbelieveable to the uninitiated.

Catalina

 

[lark sparrow]

lol and forget about PMS - if you want to see some bizarre and rash symptoms, try menopause! I have yet to go there but if my mother's experience is any indicator, it should be a wild ride... but at least I have a map, and probably won't be punching people out or buying a new sports car and eyeing highschool girls.

 

[catalina_francisco]

lol and forget about PMS - if you want to see some bizarre and rash symptoms, try menopause! I have yet to go there but if my mother's experience is any indicator, it should be a wild ride... but at least I have a map, and probably won't be punching people out or buying a new sports car and eyeing highschool girls.

You hope!! I do know Evening Primrose Oil works miracles but unfortunately I have not been taking them religiously of late.

Catalina

 

[lark sparrow]

laughs true, one never knows. I'll look into the Evening Primrose Oil. Hormone replacement therapy worked really well for her but now there is so much debate on it's other effects for those with a history of heart disease, etc in the family. I guess the latest pharmaceutical option is a small dose of Prozac.... welcome to the Prozac nation.

 

[catalina_francisco]

laughs true, one never knows. I'll look into the Evening Primrose Oil. Hormone replacement therapy worked really well for her but now there is so much debate on it's other effects for those with a history of heart disease, etc in the family. I guess the latest pharmaceutical option is a small dose of Prozac.... welcome to the Prozac nation.

Definately not an option I would choose.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Excellent topic, Francisco. Thanks for bringing it up. I have found that my PMS has gotten worse as I have hit my 40s. Over the last couple of years, the emotions that I feel are very rage focused, in a non-specific way. I am not raging at anyone, or anything in particular--just filled with rage in general. It can make me unsettled and absolutely nuts for that week or so prior to my cycle starting.

For a long time, I had a hard time putting my finger on what was even happening--I just knew I hated how I felt. I finally put two and two together after realizing there WAS a pattern, and straight out asking my Dom if I was raging every month, same time, same channel. LOL. Yep! Mystery solved. We can be so blind sometimes, even to our own bodies--at least *I* can.

So, what works for me? Well, If He were here--a long beating, plain and simple. Something about the sharp cut of pain, the violence of the whip, and my rage just bleeds away....I feel empty, and content, and serene.

But, since He hasn't been here for many of my rages...ranting takes some of the edge off. He graciously listens. Self-inflicted pain takes some more of the edge off as well. I've put clothespins to good use

I am always happy to finally get over the rage, and move on. I'll take the pain, anyday.

~anelize

 

[Desdemona]

Well, I have to say that untreated menopausal symptoms can be quite a wild ride. I'm personally in favor of hormone replacement therapy. Without my estrogen replacements, I'm a lunatic. I tried doing without it. It was a nightmare for everyone around me not to mention how bad I felt in my own skin. Each woman has to make her own choice.

 

[jhangel]

Everyone has hormones, people... cycles and fluxations in mood, being unreasonable, etc... but women have some solid clues to tip them off into what's going on from an early age.

I agree for me the day that i ovulate each month. I have a sharp pain either to the right or left of my stomach that last about 30min. to an hour. Then usually 7 to 10 days later i dont want to talk to any body or even get out of bed. All i want is to be held and cry. And the day that i start feeling this way i always start sometime that evening or night. I have been doing this ever since i was 13. So for me that is what PMS has always been. I do belive that some people have it worse and others do fake it.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I would like to thank everyone who has contributed and I hope we can make this thread become a place where we can talk about PMS and help each other to deal with the effects.

PMS affects about 90 % of all women in varying degrees some have it more then others and some have it to the extreme. About 3 to 8 % of the women have Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) which is PMS to the extreme. It is hard enough in a vanilla relationship to deal with PMS or PMDD and in a BDSM relationship it becomes even more difficult.

Of course the first thing that comes to mind is the female submissive and the male/female dominant, but that is of course not the only possibility. A Domme that has PMS or PMDD must be hell to live with for their partner. I would love to hear from Dommes and how they handle it, and also from their subs.

For me, being the Dom and husband of Catalina it is not easy at times, she has severe PMS or PMDD or must be very close to it. What do I do to deal with it? Very little I must admit. I try to remember and I try to take it into account but the fact is that I do not handle it as good as I would like to. This is also partly the reason I set up this thread, I could use some good advice.

For me what I find the hardest things to deal with is the mood swings, one minute she is happy and everything is perfectly fine and the other she is crying because she just read something, or thought something. Also extremely difficult I find that not every month is the same, some go extremely easy with hardly anything noticeable happening and sometimes I am afraid she is going to do something crazy.

Francisco.
Sources:
http://www.healingwithnutrition.com/pdisease/pms/pms.html
http://www.pmdd.factsforhealth.org/what/sameaspms.html
http://www.takingbackthemonth.com/PMSfacts.html

 

[Desdemona]

Fransisco, have you two thought about a visit to the gynecologist to get her hormone levels checked? It may not be the estrogen level that's giving her a fit (I noted the post about not wanting to go the route of estrogen replacement therapy). It could be another hormone causing problems.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Fransisco, have you two thought about a visit to the gynecologist to get her hormone levels checked? It may not be the estrogen level that's giving her a fit (I noted the post about not wanting to go the route of estrogen replacement therapy). It could be another hormone causing problems.

Hello Desdemona,

Thanks for the advice, we have done that and according to the gynecologist all of Catalina's hormone levels were acceptable.

But she is due for another check-up soon and we will ask him to check the levels again.

Francisco.

 

[Desdemona]

Hello Desdemona,

Thanks for the advice, we have done that and according to the gynecologist all of Catalina's hormone levels were acceptable.

But she is due for another check-up soon and we will ask him to check the levels again.

Francisco.

It's frustrating when you can't find the root of the problem to treat it. I wish you both luck.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I have to say I am gifted with a wonderful man, both as Master and husband who out of concern for me more so than his own preservation has gone into researching this issue. He has the most wonderful ways of reminding me why I love him so much and why he is so different to any other man I have known. He has a lot to deal with during these trying times and works with me to get me through them. I know for some Prozac might be a solution, but would only begin to possibly touch the surface, not address the whole problem.

I have a multitude of physical symptoms with PMS such as huge weight gain the week before (once gained 10 lb over 4 days and lost it all in 2 days), digestive problems, bleeding gums when cleaning teeth etc for 7 days each time (which I have been told is genetic linked to hormonal for which there is no medication), excessive bleeding, cravings, sleep disturbance, painful breasts, extreme pain which requires mass painkillers to make bearable, rashes and allergies at times, migraines/headaches, sometimes nausea, arthritic pain increased, and my tinnitus seems worse during PMS.

Then we get the emotional parts which range from breaking into tears for little or no reason, sometimes not realising tears are flowing down my face, my usual highly emotive nature heightened to a point where I find much of the world both good and bad unbearable to endure, extreme depression to the point of suicidal thoughts at times, and feelings I no longer am in control of my body. As Francisco says, I tend to implode not explode which I guess is reflective of my normal passive, peace loving personality. I find a good spanking or flogging can work wonders, but it is short lived and only addresses some of the emotional turmoil and depression. I am easily tipped back into the void, and as dominant as he is, he is human and can only dish up so much spanking/flogging to relieve the pressure.

It is annoying way past the physical/emotional disruptions in that it does mean we have to gear our D/s lifestyle to accomodate the PMS which we both hate. While pain is often a relief I beg for, it also can be unbearable where the lightest caning which normally I would not barely feel, can reduce me to a blubbering mess. This of course adds pressure to his role as Dominant as he does take responsibility for my welfare and does not want to cause anymore problems than already exist. Me turning into a whimpering mess does not tend to make him feel he is able to maintain the control he usually does from an informed POV, simply because he cannot be in my body and know what will be right and when. Even I am not always sure how I will react until we try.

Through all this he is there with all the love and reassurance a woman could dream of, trying valiantly to endure until we emerge out of the dark tunnel for another 3 weeks. It reminds me of why I fell in love with this exceptional man. After the last few months which have scared me, (not an easy thing to do) I have decided it is time to get back into my former intake of Evening Primrose Oil and try and track down some Soy and Linseed bread which has also been beneficial in the past. Hopefully it will releive some of the symptoms, but if anyone else has some tips I am more than willing to try them.

Catalina

 

[SexyChele]

I've never really suffered from PMS. My breasts get very tender about a week before and I cry more easily at sappy things like romantic movies, but that's about it. Maybe two or three times a year I have a slight depression that lasts maybe a day. I've been lucky.

When I hit pre-menopause, that's when things really started getting rough. Horrible, horrible cramps that made me want to inflict a self-hysterectomy on myself. (I'm talking pain beyond all imagination!) That coupled with spotting for 3 weeks, and I was on one continuous period. Began taking birth control pills and I'm back to the way things were before.

Before taking birth control pills, I was a true bitch. But then, most people are when they are having intense pain. Now, I get a little weepy (Damn those Hallmark commercials!!!), but that's about it.

I don't blame you, Catalina, for not wanting the hormone replacement route. My mother had a terrible time with menopause and went on hormone replacement. 20 years later she was diagnosed with breast cancer and has had a bi-lateral masectomy. I'd rather deal with the hot flashes and mood swings for a couple of years and maintain all of my equipment!

 

[catalina_francisco]

I don't blame you, Catalina, for not wanting the hormone replacement route. My mother had a terrible time with menopause and went on hormone replacement. 20 years later she was diagnosed with breast cancer and has had a bi-lateral masectomy. I'd rather deal with the hot flashes and mood swings for a couple of years and maintain all of my equipment!

Thanks SC, I daresay a lot of this is pre menopausal as I'm 45. As you say HRT has it's downside and latest research is not making it seem a prettier picture. Add that to I am always ready to try natural methods before traditional methods and I seem willing to endure most things. Had bad experiences from being placed on birth control too early in life and as a first, not last option, for controlling early problems with hormone balance....and that I was also prescribed 2 other drugs early in life which were later found to cause possible permanent damage (one was later removed permanently from the market) and I have a little aversion to believing in the safety of medications just because they say they have been tested. LOL. Oh but we are lucky to be women.

Catalina

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

You know Catalina, have you looked into adding a significant amount of soy products into your diet? If you are indeed pre-menopausal, you may get some relief from the phytoestrogens (plant-based estrogens) found in soy products. It's one of the big reasons that you see soy products touted for peri-menopausal women.

Just a thought. *hugs*



~anelize

 

[niteshade]

I don't think I have ever really experianced pms on the levels spoken of here, but I was beginning to devolpe the nasty mood swings and crying jags last year before I started taking Depoprovera (sp?) It is a birthcontrol shot you take once every three months and then you cease to have a period all together.

The bad thing about PMS and cramping, or even having a cycle at all, was that for me, I might have a period at the beginning of January, then not have another until April. Or I might have one in the middle of April, one in the beggining of May, and one at the end of June. There was just no way to predict when it would strike, so when my emotions started going wacky (which also didn't happen every month) it seemed even worse, because I didn't know why until a week later.

Since I started taking the depo about 11 months ago, I have not had any symptoms that I could identify as pms, and I also have stopped having a cycle all together, which is great because not only was it irregular, but it was so painful I couldn't walk for several days during it.

 

[angela146]

I don't think I have ever really experianced pms on the levels spoken of here, but I was beginning to devolpe the nasty mood swings and crying jags last year before I started taking Depoprovera (sp?) It is a birthcontrol shot you take once every three months and then you cease to have a period all together.

The bad thing about PMS and cramping, or even having a cycle at all, was that for me, I might have a period at the beginning of January, then not have another until April. Or I might have one in the middle of April, one in the beggining of May, and one at the end of June. There was just no way to predict when it would strike, so when my emotions started going wacky (which also didn't happen every month) it seemed even worse, because I didn't know why until a week later.

Since I started taking the depo about 11 months ago, I have not had any symptoms that I could identify as pms, and I also have stopped having a cycle all together, which is great because not only was it irregular, but it was so painful I couldn't walk for several days during it.

I'm not a doctor, but what you describe sounds a lot like polycystic ovarian syndrome. Have you heard of it? Have you been checked for it?

 

[niteshade]

I'm not a doctor, but what you describe sounds a lot like polycystic ovarian syndrome. Have you heard of it? Have you been checked for it?

No, I have never heard of it. I have had the problem since I started having cycles at the age of 10, but first was told it was because I was so young, and then that they simply didn't know what was wrong.