Pleasure problems

[Lions_12]

Me and my girlfriend have recently started having sex, which is great but..... While its pleasurable for her I feel nothing. Same goes for blowjobs. She can sometimes make me cum via handjob but her hand usually gets tired before it happens. I've had this problem with other girls in the past as well...

Is there anything I can do to make sex more pleasurable for myself?

 

[silverwhisper]

i don't understand what you mean when you say you don't feel anything.

are you talking clinically, as in you're experiencing numbness, a total or largely missing sense of touch? or do you mean less literally and more metaphorically? some combination? something else?

reduced/absent sense of touch:
are you masturbating often? by "often" i mean more than once/day. if so, it's possible your penis has gotten desensitized.

reduced/absent connectedness to what's going on:
this is something else entirely. do you find that your mind wanders during sex or that you have trouble staying "in the moment"? what kinds of thoughts or images do or don't turn you on?

to get useful answers to your questions, having answers to the ones i posed may be helpful.

ed

 

[Lions_12]

not numbness... I have to say i enjoy the feeling of being inside her its just that I dont come anywheres close to orgasm... and I don't masturbate that often

And my mind never wanders either, Im usually very focused on bringing pleasure to her, infact I think my lack of pleasure bothers her more than it does me. It makes her feel like she is doing a bad job.

 

[SweetErika]

My apologies in advance for the barrage of questions, and you certainly shouldn't feel obligated to answer them all (though the more info you provide here, the more targeted advice you'll get), but I hope they'll help you narrow down the potential causes some, or at least give you food for thought!

Do you have any similar problems when you're masturbating, or do you get off fairly quickly and easily then?

If masturbation isn't producing the same results, have you tried figuring out what's different when you masturbate vs. play with a partner? For instance, is it possible you're accustomed to having a certain kind of visual stimulation, you rely on techniques that a vagina or mouth can't replicate, or similar?

Is it possible you're too focused on your partner, and not fantasizing or thinking about the things that get you there when you're on your own?

How about related issues? Are you concerned about anything like an unplanned pregnancy, STIs, the emotions of you or your partner?

Have you tried adding other types of stimulation to your sexual activities? For instance, you might see if adding anal or prostate stimulation, using a cockring, vibrator, etc., could provide some extra sensation and a confidence boost.

Have you ever talked to a professional who specializes in male sexual issues about this? If not, are you willing to do so in an attempt to figure out whether the lack of pleasure is physiological and/or mental. Because this has been an issue with all of your partners, I'd suggest seeing a really good diagnostician to make sure there's no organic cause.

 

[subwannabe]

You say you've had the same problems with other girls in the past. Does this mean you have not had the same problem with some girls in the past? If you have had pleasure with women before that is the key to your problem. Think back and find out what worked when and what didn't. There must be a common thread one way or the other, unless you have always had the same problem. Don't ignore the possibility that you just don't have any pleasure when you are not with the right person. That's not a crime.