Please Read These

[davion2308]

Hi, everyone.

I have written some over the years and I submitted a few stories a while back. Because they are in different categories, letters, horror, and sci-fi, I don't think they got the full look I wanted. Other stories have 10s of 1,000s of views, these have many fewer.

Can people take a look and give me some feedback? I got almost nothing in comments from these.

Thanks!

http://www.literotica.com/s/a-haunted-house-2 - A woman is humiliated/forced in a haunted house.

http://www.literotica.com/s/basic-anatomy - My sci-fi work about various humans in the future.

http://www.literotica.com/s/casual-encounter-1 - A girl loses her virginity from an online meet.


Thanks for any responses. I appreciate it.

 

[PacoFear]

Hi Davion,

I read Haunted House and Basic Anatomy. I only skimmed Casual Encounter but that has more to do with me than with the piece; letter/transcripts just isn't my thing.

I think House and Anatomy were both solid reads. You've got the technicals right: grammar, dialogue, narrative, etc. And you managed to get in some good world-building, i.e., the environments you described read as well-formed.

So... the story concepts you exploit for both stories aren't bad, they're just not anything new either. Erotic haunted house stories are common. Likewise, alien-sex stories. To be clear, neither concept is bad, it's just that the concepts themselves aren't wowing your readers. Their interest is going to have to come from somewhere else like snappy dialogue or inventive sex scenes

For me it boils down to your characters. If I had to put a finger on what's holding these stories back, I'd say it's the characters' lack of emotional depth. A piece like House fairly begs for more development for the soon-to-be-victim, Tammy. She's your story-vehicle, a reader is living the narrative through her.

You could paint her as a fragile young thing in the beginning of the story. A delicate, shy, Tammy who lacks confidence (wishing she was smarter or prettier or had more money, whatever) would heighten her role as the victim. Her experience in the House would end up toughening her up by the end when she's exacting her revenge. On the flip side, it'd work out just as well if Tammy started out in the story as a brassy, confident chick whose tough exterior gets stripped away by the experience in the House. You'll no doubt think of something more clever.

I think Larsen in Basic Anatomy might benefit from a deeper psychology too. He's kind of "average Joe" in space at the moment.

Don't drive yourself crazy. If you're chasing views for your stories, keep in mind that whether someone clicks on a story depends largely on a snappy title and description and, to some extent, any reputation you've managed to build as an author. It has tragically little to do with the quality of the story; they can't see it before they click on it.

If you're chasing votes and comments, that's another matter. You're courting the small percentage of readers on Lit who vote and the even smaller percentage of readers who leave comments. They're a fickle bunch. My journeyman sense of them is that they want more than their naughty parts inspired. You need to get them to bond with your characters.

Just my $0.02. Good luck to you,

-PacoFear

 

[davion2308]

Thanks

Thanks. That was really insightful and helped me. I'm chasing the commentators a bit only because I want to hear what I'm doing welll, what I'm doing wrong, and how I can better develop my skills.

I appreciate the time and effort you put into your answer. I'll work on character development more.

Hi-5!