Please, I need computer help right now!

[Sillyman]

I seem to have downloaded some autodialer program. The thing isl, I can't get a dialtone on the phone. It keeps making the noise like someone is connected to the internet, even though I have a cable modem. It keeps doing it even when I have the computer off and the phonelines pulled out of it. Please, please, please, SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!

 

[Guest]

I don't know what to say, Sillyman. How can your 'puter been the problem if it's off and not connected to your phone?

I'd say call yer local phone company.

 

[Sillyman]

I don't know. I have no idea what that foul thing is doing. I'm afraid it's something in the cable.

 

[Spinaroonie]

Yeah, it sounds like either somebody hijacked your line (or that the wires are crossed somewhere at the phone compnay)

Try yelling alot into the phone. I mean a lot so that no signal could get through and hope that that would drop the connection.

 

[Un-registered]

It isn't your computer doing it. It is somebody else's computer dialling you. The 'phone company can cut it off, but you may need to change your number, at least temporarily.

 

[MechaBlade]

1. Connect phone to phone line
2. See if phone makes noise

if it doesn't

3. Make sure you can hear modem pick up line (sounds are on).
4. If you hear internet sounds, maybe your computer is sending them out before you can get the dial tone.
5. If not, your computer has broken some law of physics or something. Congrats.

 

[TWB]

If the phone line is disconnected, it is not someone else's computer dialing you.

If you don't need the dial up modem, uninstall it. Either physically remove it, or right click on My computer, go to PROPERTIES, device manager, and then find your internal modem. Don't delete the cable modem.

Click on the modem and either delete it, or see what drivers it uses and then find them on your computer and change their names to something beginning with XXX (so modem.drv would be xxxmodem.drv). The problem with deleting the modem is that your computer may try to just reinstall it.

Frankly, if you are not using it, just open your case, and remove the modem. Its driver is just hogging memory anyway.

 

[Sillyman]

I'm not sure how to uninstall the modem, or even if it's still in the computer.

 

[Guest]

If your phone lines are REALLY disconnected, all the above advice is bullshit.

unless you don't know what you are saying and lied to us, call the phone company.

 

[Guest]

I'm not sure how to uninstall the modem, or even if it's still in the computer.

Of course your computer is set up to use a modem. You can uninstall the modem, but that's not necessary. If the damn line isn't hooked up, It can't use it.

 

[Sillyman]

I have a dial tone now. But I have no fucking idea how.

I unhooked the phone lines to the other phones in the house. Only the one connected to the computer is still connected. So it's getting a dial tone, finally. I don't know what will happen if I reconnect the lines though, so I'm going to wait a few minutes.

 

[TWB]

I'm not sure how to uninstall the modem, or even if it's still in the computer.

The modem is what makes the funny noise and what the phone lines went into/out of.

Turn off your computer. Unplug it. Get a phillips head screwdriver. open the case. unscrew the little screw holding in the thing that the phone lines went into.
You then have to gently pull it out. It is held into a main board by friction. if you rock it gently back and forth long ways:

Modem: +================++ Rock this way: <------->

not this way:

^
]
]
]
]
]

It will pull out. then just close up your case again and compute noiselessly.

Or take it to someone.

 

[Guest]

I have a dial tone now. But I have no fucking idea how.

I unhooked the phone lines to the other phones in the house. Only the one connected to the computer is still connected. So it's getting a dial tone, finally. I don't know what will happen if I reconnect the lines though, so I'm going to wait a few minutes.

Perhaps one of your phones is fucked up.

Why do you have a phone line hooked up to your computer if you don't use it?

 

[Sillyman]

Perhaps one of your phones is fucked up.

Why do you have a phone line hooked up to your computer if you don't use it?

So we can fall back on the phone line should we need it for anything.

 

[TWB]

Frankly I do not think the phone company has anything to do with it. The guy will scratch his ass, tell you the bill for 79.99 will come in the mail, and tell you it is your computer's problem.

 

[TWB]

George bush wants you to buy a new computer.


The economy and all.

 

[Sillyman]

Anyone know what about an hour and a half of long distance to Germany costs?

 

[Sillyman]

George bush wants you to buy a new computer.


The economy and all.

He gives me health care, I'll buy as many damn computers as he wants.

 

[TWB]

Did you take the line out of the computer yet?

Do it.


Are you fucking with us, by the way, sillyboy?

 

[Sillyman]

I think I'll wait to recconnect the line in the morning where the shit can hit the fan in front of people.

 

[MechaBlade]

So we can fall back on the phone line should we need it for anything.

Smart. Reconnect your other phones and tell me what happens.

 

[Sillyman]

Did you take the line out of the computer yet?

Do it.


Are you fucking with us, by the way, sillyboy?

No, this would be life fucking with me this time.

And the lines are out of the computer, just in case it wants to try more hinky shit.

 

[Guest]

Looking over this again, the only think I can think of is, after you disconnected the lines from the computer, you picked up the phone too quickly, and the connection wasn't disconnected yet. In other words, the phone line still thought there was a computer trying to talk, and that's what you heard.

It takes a moment or two for the actually lines to be cleared. But if you really disconnected the line from your computer, it can't be using it.

 

[Sillyman]

Smart. Reconnect your other phones and tell me what happens.

Just reconnected. Dial Tone.

Fuck, I thought I was going to have a heart attack.

 

[Sillyman]

Looking over this again, the only think I can think of is, after you disconnected the lines from the computer, you picked up the phone too quickly, and the connection wasn't disconnected yet. In other words, the phone line still thought there was a computer trying to talk, and that's what you heard.

It takes a moment or two for the actually lines to be cleared. But if you really disconnected the line from your computer, it can't be using it.

THe only thing was it was doing this for several minutes, and that was highly disturbing.