Please help me become a better writer.

[_JP_]

Story feedback for Lit author. (Please?)

Hi all, I am new to this site and have posted one of my stories to “Loving Wives.” I have had a few comments from our readers, thank you, but I would also like to have some constructive criticism. I have read “Writers: Please Read” by Laurel and I promise to return the favor.

The story: http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=282039

Title: “The Glory of the Hole”

My user name: _JP_

I can receive PM, e-mail or respond to this forum.

Thanks.

 

[SweetErika]

Excellent work! I was very impressed; LW strokers are often mundane, full of cliches, lack plot and character development, and are poorly written. This was none of those things, so it gets a 5 from me.

I really don't have much to give you in terms of constructive criticism. The two things that distracted me were the rather long paragraph toward the end and the reality of unprotected sex. Yes, stories are fantasy and require suspension of disbelief, but in many cases the characters know each other or there's a possibility condoms were used and the author just didn't mention it, so it's a little easier to not think about the danger. Because of that, I had a hard time this "loving" wife would go home and expose her husband to a stranger's cum, or he would go for it - that just doesn't seem like an action consistent with love to me because even if we expose ourselves, we usually want to keep those we love safe.

It would not have taken anything away for me had she slipped a condom on Justin; in fact, it would have only added to the realism and given the story more credibility, IMO.

Other than that, there might be a few very minor tweaks in wording and such, but you did a wonderful job, and I look forward to seeing more from you! Are you planning on continuing with these characters?

If you want to reciprocate, here's my story, in case you have sigs turned off: http://english.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=281708

 

[_JP_]

Hi Erica, thank you for taking the time to read and comment on my work. I see you’re a volunteer editor and that deserves another thank you from us neophytes in the world of spelling, grammar and all things written. My editor, PeeJ, was extremely helpful.

Okay, my view on the “danger” aspect of my story. If you recall, the husband wanted her to do a gangbang and was the sole reason for her going. She on the other hand was unsure of what she would really do, how far she would go? In my stories, at this point, I like to set a line and then cross it. The tension of that is what drives the plot.

This particular story is an experiment in style for me. Very short, to the point and hopefully not giving up the virtues that you so graciously mention in your first par. I will be posting two more stories soon that I wrote prior to this one. It would be interesting to see what you think of those.

I have thought of a follow-up to this story and you’re not the first to ask. I love my characters and will probably continue them.

Beware; my people do not always play it safe! (Sorry, couldn’t resist the pun.) ;-)

PS: I will read your story and comment.

 

[Diamondbarrow]

It's a smidge difficult to give you tips on being a better writer when you've already had someone edit the story for you. However, from a content point of view, I enjoyed it. You don't often find good stories about glory holes; impressive. 5 it is.

If you'd be so kind as to read and rate my newest story, or any of my other work, I'd be greateful

 

[_JP_]

Thanks Diamondbarrow, but just because it has been edited doesn't mean its perfect.

That’s why I had to write it, I felt there was a hole to fill…sort of. lol

I will check out and comment at your story. Thanks for voting too!

JP