Please help - am I wrong?

[funyoungguy]

This is a difficult question to pose.

I am guy in his 20's, and I have a thing for rough sex. I guess my fetish fits within the scheme of BDSM, I do like administering spankings, hair pulling, and some dirty talk in bed. The few times I have used handcuffs were lots of fun. However, I am not sure I would go so far as to label myself a "dom".

In my public life, I think that this would really shock a lot of people to learn about me. This is especially true at work (which has been a dominant force in my life), and it has caused me to question myself and my sexual life.

I should say, I would never condone violence against women. I find rape to be horrible as the next person. I would never hit a woman, or call her a slut outside of the bedroom, and only in the bedroom if it is agreeable to her. In fact, above all of my "fetishes", my favorite thing on earth is bringing a girl to orgasm. I do feel there must be mutual agreement in all of these activities.

What I am asking, I guess, is for a straight answer. My question is to ladies especially (though I would like any opinion on the matter); Is it ok that I like to call a girl a whore in bed and give her a spanking? I don't feel an ounce of misogyny, but to the outside world, I just don't know if they would understand. Are my sexual desires beyond the acceptable? Are my sexual activities within the realm of "normal"? Feel free to give it to me straight.

 

[satindesire]

What I am asking, I guess, is for a straight answer. My question is to ladies especially (though I would like any opinion on the matter); Is it ok that I like to call a girl a whore in bed and give her a spanking? I don't feel an ounce of misogyny, but to the outside world, I just don't know if they would understand. Are my sexual desires beyond the acceptable? Are my sexual activities within the realm of "normal"? Feel free to give it to me straight.

As long as she's consenting to it, and enjoys it, it's 100% fine.

 

[Netzach]

This is a difficult question to pose.

I am guy in his 20's, and I have a thing for rough sex. I guess my fetish fits within the scheme of BDSM, I do like administering spankings, hair pulling, and some dirty talk in bed. The few times I have used handcuffs were lots of fun. However, I am not sure I would go so far as to label myself a "dom".

In my public life, I think that this would really shock a lot of people to learn about me. This is especially true at work (which has been a dominant force in my life), and it has caused me to question myself and my sexual life.

I should say, I would never condone violence against women. I find rape to be horrible as the next person. I would never hit a woman, or call her a slut outside of the bedroom, and only in the bedroom if it is agreeable to her. In fact, above all of my "fetishes", my favorite thing on earth is bringing a girl to orgasm. I do feel there must be mutual agreement in all of these activities.

What I am asking, I guess, is for a straight answer. My question is to ladies especially (though I would like any opinion on the matter); Is it ok that I like to call a girl a whore in bed and give her a spanking? I don't feel an ounce of misogyny, but to the outside world, I just don't know if they would understand. Are my sexual desires beyond the acceptable? Are my sexual activities within the realm of "normal"? Feel free to give it to me straight.

Not every woman is into this. I personally am not - those are the kinds of things I like to do - but I absolutely think they're OK and support that you like them. I didn't get to pick what turns me on and neither did you.

Such a vast majority of women *are* into a degree of sexual aggressiveness from their partner that you'd simply be considered lively in bed, most likely. As long as you have *clear* consent, rock on. And don't let girls "hint" on this one, that could cause you serious pain.

There are always going to be people who will freak out that any of this is sexist, but I don't think that someone who has a "sex/public life are separate" sensibility as strong as yours is a reason to freak out. Sounds pretty healthy.

However it's not entirely normal and I'd be careful how and who I shared the info with.

 

[wicked woman]

I've lost track of what constitutes 'normal'. Is that the missionary position with the lights off or anal sex now?

Welcome to the world of kink. As satindesire said, as long as you've found someone who agrees, I don't see a thing wrong with your desires. Sounds good to me.

 

[FurryFury]

I love all that stuff and more but I agree, the right fit, and consent are the deciding factors on right and wrong.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I like to call a girl a whore and spank her, too-- in bed. But what Netzach said about not letting her hint-- really truly. I have turned down encounters because the girl wanted me to read her mind. unless she was willing to say specifically; "I want you to call me a whore and spank me, right here in this bar or when we get home," I just don't take that step. (And I sure do wish I, myself, had learned the trick of *not* hinting years and years ago...)

 

[marytoon]

As a woman, I do not see anything wrong with what you like. It all comes down to doing what you like with people who enjoy it. I love rough sex as a game ... even if it goes a little too far at times..

 

[YourCaptor]

Just ease into it. You know like for example

You’re my lover
“ sexpod
“ bitch
“ whore
“ cum guzzling gutter whore

Or if you know she can take it, hit her with everything you got.

And don't forget the power of teasing chicks. Little short mentioning, keeps it in her head, gets her use to the idea, and then when you get even the least bit of a maybe out of her, make her feel attractive for it.

 

[Etoile]

I just want to say that I voted "no" without even reading the first post. The reason is that unless you're fucking children, animals, or dead people, it's normal. There are plenty of other people into EXACTLY what you're into, and that goes for just about anything. Some things (brown/rainbow showers, etc) are a little more odd than others, but I'm sure there are over 1,000,000 people in the world who enjoy brown/rainbow showers, just as an example. You're never alone, and it is normal.

 

[ninser]

Its not weird

I used to think I was weird to want to be on the receiving end of that kinda stuff. But now i realise its very normal

 

[subish2009]

Within the range of "normal"? I'm not sure. I tend to think not. But acceptable? Of course! You're not hurting anyone! As long as you're doing all this with consenting partners, what could possibly be wrong with it? You know in your heart that it's all coming from a good place...it's societal training that's leaving you with hang-ups about it. I'd bet money that everyone on this board struggled with that at some point. I've known since adolescence that I was into BDSM, but it wasn't until my 30s that I've really, truly been ready to fully embrace that fact.

Dude, it all sounds hot to me. That's exactly what I like! Find a willing chick, have at it, and have fun!

 

[Bette_coquette]

I voted.

 

[BLoved]

What I am asking, I guess, is for a straight answer. My question is to ladies especially (though I would like any opinion on the matter); Is it ok that I like to call a girl a whore in bed and give her a spanking? I don't feel an ounce of misogyny, but to the outside world, I just don't know if they would understand. Are my sexual desires beyond the acceptable? Are my sexual activities within the realm of "normal"? Feel free to give it to me straight.

I would say you can answer your own question when you understand why you feel the way you do.

 

[where]

thirding what Netzach said. If she is explicit about it being ok, go for it. you could maybe try out 'slut' as an alternative as well. I loath being called a whore, but slut is fine.

 

[fuckmeat]

Think of it this way, for every guy like you who aches for rough sex, spankings and dirty talk, there is a girl who also yearns to be treated that way. Female submissives go through the same moral dilemma in reverse, asking themselves why they want to be treated that way and whether they can play with a guy like that and still be respected in the morning. When you find one of those girls and see first hand how treating her like that gets her off, you'll understand just how fine your urges are.

You've already said you have no desire to be abusive. You already know you need clear consent from a girl who wants this kind of play. Those are really the only caveats you need to stick to in order to remain a good guy.

 

[KinkStevens]

its fine

I have a woman who is my sub piglet and she loves and request i smack her and choke her and simply completely dominate her...find the right one(s) and enjoy!

 

[Black_Bunny]

my favorite thing on earth is bringing a girl to orgasm.

The fact that you say this seems to be screaming to me that you would make the perfect Dom You don't need to label yourself as such though, if that's what's making you unsure. I'm sure once you find the girl that 'fits' you, you won't be worried about if you're "normal" or not anymore. You will just be enjoying yourself and it will just seem right.