Please grovel, bitch?

[pink_silk_glove]

That was my take too, when I read a couple of those stories when I first arrived here on Lit, checking out the various categories. Full blown misogyny, hostile anger. Anti-erotic in my book, serving another purpose altogether, definitely not mine.

I look at it more from the point of view of the victim character since so many people are turned on by being the victim of the abuse.

This is my theory, unscientific, just through observing people (online and in real world) and what drives them, especially many broken people that I've worked with in the community. Many people have a deep sense of self-lack in one area of their life or another. When you have such a deep sense of lack and you get sick of wallowing in it, you can either accept it (and it will stop being a lack) or embrace it and dive in.

People who have a thing for being subservient. It's like they feel that they have a lack of purpose in the world, and so if they serve someone else (even in some sort of slave situation) then they will have some purpose.

People who have been emotionally abused growing up, perhaps they just embrace that and seek more abuse in some effort to rule the abuse rather than have the abuse rule them.

Men who have no success with women and feel powerless, embrace that powerlessness and become a cuckold or seek a chastity cage. No power with women, just embrace it full force and give up all power, probably to have some control over their personal lack. I see this one in chat ALL THE TIME.

It's similar to women calling each other bitches or gays calling each other fags, and the obvious, black people and the n-word. Rather than cower under the term, they embrace it in an effort to take control of it.

 

[BlueZen]

Hmmm, but I'm exploreing why that fantasy exists.

You mean like why extreme fantasies exist? Because people are fucked up. I think some of us are born that way, and others are made that way. In any case, people find all sorts of crazy things sexually stimulating. If what they like is on the extreme end of things, then it's best they keep their fantasies to the realm of make believe. Or better yet, find like-minded consenting adults to play with.

But ultimately, if it doesn't hurt you (and it's not hurting anyone else either), then don't worry about it. Just exercise your right not to participate.

 

[Britva415]

it's rarely a conscious choice. Most people don't think, "Yeah, I want to be attracted to a dominatrix, so now I am." Same with sexuality, it's rarely a conscious choice for someone to go, "I want to be attracted to women. Poof, now I am."

And even more to the point, the people with different tastes and orientations don't/can't choose not to be attracted/turned on by whatever it is.

 

[Britva415]

I'm exploreing why that fantasy exists.

Welp

Good luck.

What difference would it make. Asking "why" really smells like there's a "gotcha" coming - as if explaining would cleverly maneuver the person into admitting something which justifies the asker's distaste.

I'm not saying this is your motivation, but it is one which I've seen. And it is only one of the reasons people don't answer "why" questions in a way which satisfies the asker.

The other main reason is that "why" really just isn't answerable, generally. Taste doesn't have to be explained. Nature? Nurture? What difference would it make. This is why when someone asks "why" they get "what" and "how" answers instead. People want to answer but they can't answer the question asked.

Sometimes people can put their finger on a "why." Oh, that's easy, it's because my father smelled of elderberries and my mother pushed my train set down the stairs. But more often, asking someone why they like something rightly just gets "Fuck if I know, it's just because I fuckin' do, all right? The fuck do you like, huh?" Yet people who don't like the thing can easily come up with reasons, and project them onto everyone else.

 

[BlueZen]

Sometimes people can put their finger on a "why." Oh, that's easy, it's because my father smelled of elderberries and my mother pushed my train set down the stairs. But more often, asking someone why they like something rightly just gets "Fuck if I know, it's just because I fuckin' do, all right? The fuck do you like, huh?" Yet people who don't like the thing can easily come up with reasons, and project them onto everyone else.

I'd make the argument that if it wasn't elderberries and toy trains, it would have been something else. Probably the person had the deck stacked for a fetish or a family of fetishes since they were in utero. Environment fine tuned it down to the specifics, but it was always in the cards.

 

[Britva415]

I'd make the argument that if it wasn't elderberries and toy trains, it would have been something else. Probably the person had the deck stacked for a fetish or a family of fetishes since they were in utero. Environment fine tuned it down to the specifics, but it was always in the cards.

We'll mostly never know. But I agree, that when someone does have a ready explanation, it's just their story and might not be a "real why" in any kind of objective way.

It can still be worth hearing them tell it: It can be authentic without necessarily being the psychological neurological biological sociological metaphysical tRuTh. And maybe that kind of authenticity is all OP is looking for. I still think it's going to be a tough ask, because most people don't want to try to explain why they have their taste and, if they don't just blow the question off, they will describe what their taste is and how they like it instead.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Okay, so part of it is about *intensity*. But the genre is about 'ruining' people. So I don't want to slide into the merits of BDSM here. This is basically about people being raped.

"People being raped" and "people fantasising about being raped" are different things though. I have had partners who were survivors of rape and who got off on CNC play; it doesn't mean they wanted to relive their assaults for real.